Star Girl

Star Girl Dec 2013

Me.

Me.
Just...
Me.
But
I'm lost.
Loosing myself every second that I breathe in this life.
Loosing.
Control,
Self worth,
Even...
Self identity.

I...
I am a coward,
I hide secrets from even myself,
I act a role,
Master the performance,
And then...

I've lost myself.
I've lost me.

Star Girl Dec 2013

U.

Unmotivated,
to leave the sheets that invite me in to protect me from this world.
Unfiltered,
from the concept of right and wrong and stop and go.
Unloved,
by this cruel world that continues to throw curve ***** in all directions.
Unwanted,
because of these odd quirks and habits.
Uncomfortable,
is all you will ever be around me.

Star Girl Dec 2013

Drugs

You are my drug
No.
No I'm not your drug.
A drug is...
additive.
A drug is...
an escape.

I am no ones escape,
I am not a savior nor a queen.
I am not intoxicating.
Nor a
drug.

So take your sorrows and throw them to someone else.
Someone who can stand.

I may be fire,
but I shan't burn you.
I may be independent,
but I'll never be strong.

So please,
don't take me like you would a drug.
I am not one to be a substance,
used in your self medicated life.

Please...

Please...

Star Girl Nov 2013

That's the Thing

So,
Here it all is.
Laid out all on this table.
This metaphorical table.
I'm clingy,
but somedays I'm no where to be found.
I'm emotional,
but somedays you'll think I absolutely have no soul.
I'm real,
but somedays my head is so far in the heavens even God can't push me down.
I love,
but I hold back so much.
I smile,
but my eyes can always cry.

See.
That's the thing.
You haven't even met me yet,
and I know you'll turn and run away.

That's the thing.
It's the little things.
The little,
flaws.
Imperfects...
I'm full of them.

See.
That's the thing.
The little things,
are the big things.

So in the end,
you won't even give me a chance.
That's the thing.

Star Girl Nov 2013

A Moment of Silence.

I want to take a moment.
Just one.
To sit in silence for those we've lost.
For those we've lost and now let down.

Today, is not a holiday.
But a reminder.
My year is almost up,
And what have I done to make you proud?
Nothing.

Sure.
I've became the shiny new toy for many.
"Magical"
"Beautiful"
"Adventitious"
"Intreaguing"

Let me think about this.
If I'm all of these things,
Why have I done nothing magical?
Why have I not created beauty?
Why have I not been on an adventure?
Why have I not kept interest?
Why have I not faced my fears?
Why am I not bold?
Daring?

So let us take a moment of silence.
To apologize.
Frankly because,
I have not been living my life.
If my world is growing larger,
Why do I imagine it getting so much smaller?

So this is for you Paw.
This ones for you.
This next year,
In honor of you.

A moment of life, for you.

Star Girl Nov 2013

Gun Shots.

I'm tired of the gun shots.
You heard me.
I'm tired of the...
Gun shots.

I'm tired of finding someone,
Whose pleasant and kind,
Then...
Bam.
Gun shot.

I'm tired of a friend whose always there,
But then you turn around,
Then...
Bam.
Gun shot.

I'm tired of going through life,
Wishing I had something more,
Because I don't want it to end in a...
Bam.
Gun shot.

I just want to be free,
From all these bullets.
I want to be free,
From all these words.
I want to be free from the fear,
From the hurt,
Pain,
Heartache.

I want to be free,
From the gunshots.

Star Girl Nov 2013

Popular.

Look at me.
So popular.
Everyone loves me now.
People stop to listen.
My voice travels the room to everyone's ears.

They were right.
Get out of high school.
Move on to real life.
They will notice you.
The girls will be nicer,
The guys will like you more.
Just make it out alive,
And the world opens up.

Oh I'm so popular.
Yet...
I'm alone.

Alone,
Without you.
All these people mean nothing.
I'm tired of being the loud one.
At the end of the day.
I just want to sit in silence,
With you.

I don't want to be popular.
I want to be alone...
With you.