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And wonder
What is it like to cut?
Why would anyone
Want to cut them self’s
I can understand the pain
I can understand the anguish
Quite a few times I wanted to end my life
But why for the life of me I cannot understand
Why why…would you want to cut yourself

This is a requiring question that seems to be ongoing
Just baffles me why you would want to even cut yourself with a knife
Sigh…I look at my wrists in dismay…it would be horrible to be disfigured
I would regret for the rest of my life what I have done out of remorse
I just don’t understand…really I don’t…shot me if you must…what ever you want
Just please I ask you from one human being to another stop your cuttings
It just kills your living soul

I have memories that I would like to gouge out of my soul
But I have to live with them for the rest of my life
So don’t tell me I don’t know what I am talking about
It’s an ongoing battle and **** it I’m still here
I will always be a part of me, pain…misery…fear
But hell at least I ****** faced it, accepted it, it’s just there
Sad to say it’s a part of fucken life…sigh

**Sorry excuse my profanity just then
Just so passionate about being human
And wanting to live my life
The way he talks reminds me
Of the Ocean
Because its so in
*Depth
I'm that girl that hides behind that fake smile,
I'm that girl that wears bracelets,
I'm that girl that wears jackets,
I'm that girl that is "Shy"
I'm that girl that has scars,
I'm that girl that has had a past that makes you want to cry hearing it,
I'm that girl you call strong,
I'm that girl..
Quick fix here..
I'm that girl that has too hid behind that fake smile,
I'm that girl the has too wear bracelets,
I'm that girl that  has too wear those jackets,
I'm that girl that is scared to be social because I've been hurt too many times,
I'm that girl that feels lost without her scars because the blade was the only thing there helping for awhile,
I'm that girl that has too move past her own past and never look back,
But most off all *where and the hell do you get strong from
#did #you #know
Lured by the hypnosis,
Of her exothermic beauty,
He loved close to her chest,
Wedded her to love his best.

She liked him liking her,
And locked him in her heart,
Looked at him for soul-mate,
And purge out from stalemate.

Later, his love lubricated most in lust,
His lust precipitated least in love,
Lasting lust overtook love at first sight,
Endothermic, she endured her plight.

Dreamed, dipped and delved deep,
To the crest in the crucible of lust,
He melted his life soon in its spring,
And left a frozen load of off-spring.

Looped in the friction of ***** life,
She craved to be out of cage of strife,  
And live with her loving children,
To explore and enjoy true love of life.
OCD
Nothing makes sense
this world is nothing but chaos
I need a way
to control something
to find order
wake up at 5am
jog
yoga
smoothie
shower
dress
meditate
school
(hell)
wash my hands
until they bleed
eat myself sick
wash my hands
wash my hands
shake my leg
twitch my hand
twitch
twitch
twitch
cry
no control
I have no control
I can't cope
I can't deal
so I'm going to do these things
wash my hands
wash my hands
so it feels like I can control something.
 Jan 2015 lost in thought
Hinata
There's music in my soul,
Only you can make it whole.
Your saxophone calloused fingers,
Tap me inside and out until I sing.
Oh baby, I can feel the notes threatening to pierce me,
Never have I felt so free.
Place your lips upon me like your saxophone,
I can feel it in my soul.
You love is so sweet,
I can feel you play me into a melody.
Hold me like your saxophone,
Hold me that close.
Even when we're fighting,
We make perfect harmony.
Move your fingers on me,
Play me.
Move me to your music, my love,
Take me to all the notes below and above.
You have my love, saxophone player,
You're the only one that can take me there.
Use your music on my soul,
And play me like your saxophone.
Thinking about making this a saga for different instruments, thoughts?
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