i noticed i loved you too much -
i abandoned those who deserved it well
but saw you,
i did.

i noticed my love for you was too much,
it consumed all of me.

i noticed i loved
but not them
you.

i know i am probably being overly dramatic but can you blame this needy and curious heart? probably. but today, i really wished we were nearer to each other. i wished we grew up together. i wished i knew you before you figured out about it all. i wished i was there to witness the moment you learned who you were going to be. i wished we were nearer because i want to be with you right now. i crave your presence like you have been here the whole time. spaces between us is nothing but torture. the absence of you leave me in torment. It truly is pathetic, really. you don’t even know a single thing about me. meanwhile me? i am dying to know every single **** thing about you if i were or if i were not given the chance to learn about it. i wish we were nearer because maybe it’d mean that the process of growing up and having to express what i truly feel won’t be this hard. maybe you’ll be the first person to ever call me beautiful or  the first person to ever be willing to hold my hand or tell all your secrets to or kiss me goodbye when you don’t really want to go. i wish we were nearer. as near as you are in my deserted heart. but you are as far as you are in my eyes. it’s such a sad story. the fact my truest form of love to ever be born belong to someone i can never, and i dont think i will ever, express it to. it’s 2:20 am and it is raining. i would like to think that even the sky is weeping over this non-fiction piece of heart-to-heart note but maybe it is the sky crying because i have developed this much affection for you. i wish you were never here. i wish i had learned it the other way around. i wish you weren’t the one i was dying for. i wish you weren’t the girl i had fallen deeply in love with.

too many emotions,
this life is driving her crazy,
i know.

she is probably holding back the tears,
but smiles nevertheless
when somebody makes a joke.

she smokes.
well, occasionally.
she doesn’t know i know,
can’t lie,
i hate it,
but maybe it calms her down,
so i try to let it go.

i know she’s in pain,
and she probably hates the guy she’s married to,
and the kids that they have together,
but that’s just my assumptions.

i feel like i know her
like i know the back of my hands,
but really,
who does?

a being,
too complex to be understood,
a soul,
that deserves to be showered with love and appreciation everyday,
a mother,
a wife,
a human,
that deserves a better life.

and as if I couldn’t get any dumber,
it was your face,
that I think about,
when the subject of love and affection came.