i swear you’ll find love
in the strangest place
and are going to feel out of the world
but don’t  worry
at least now what’s yours
have found you.

i think about angels
and what they think about you.

what were they thinking when God made you?

what did they feel?

what was the first word that they said when they first laid their eyes on you?

what were they doing?

when you were born, what did they think about you?

i wonder,

if they thought you were the prettiest of them all.

if they were angry.
or jealous.
or if they loved you.

was their first word-
nothing.
like absolute nothing because they were starstrucked by your existence.

maybe they were doing their jobs but
did they stop just to look at you?

I’d love to think that they thank God for making her as a human being because if she were to be angel, there would be the biggest war to ever existed.

And i thank God for making you, you.

I have a Sapphic longing

I want to feel your lips
so soft
pink and plump

stroak your hair
so long
dark brown and curly

caress your skin
so smooth
freckled and delicate

But you would never love me
you barely know I exist.

so I will continue to sit here
in the dark

with nothing but my Sapphic longing.

It’s the way our fingers interlock;
So smooth,
So,
Eager.
And it’s the feeling of our skins meeting that i could not quite decipher how it makes me feel.

so,
tell me about it.
tell me what makes your heart aches, mom.
is it dad’s word?
is it her behaviour?
is it his face when you are around?
is it her lies?
is it his stubbornness?
or is it me?
is it me, mom?
did you mean it when you said you wanted me out of this house?
did you mean it when you said i was ugly and stupid?
did you mean it when you said i was useless?
or that one time when you wished we never existed,
did you mean it, mom?
did you mean it?
did you ever just,
wish we weren’t here?
if so,
then tell me mom,
what makes you heart so happy, it speaks in languages you can’t understand?
tell me what makes you smile for eternity.
tell me what makes you dance like no one’s watching.
tell me what makes you happy, mom.
tell me, mom.
tell me!
i promise I’ll make it happen.
even if it means i have to be 6 foot under.

it was your words that i needed,
the thoughts of what it could be lingered on the walls of my mind,
like how the days and nights I’ve spent with you,
soared every time a thousand memories of you passed my mind,
it was what i needed the most,
and you refused to give me that,
instead you ran and vanished into thin air,
leaving a void no soul could fill.