When I told you I love you it was not an ok to destroy me.
Love is not a synonym for "please **** me " it is uncoded it is pure and unhidden.
When I told you I love you I didn't mean I wanted to burn.
Because being with you only brought me hell.
When I told you I love you I simply meant that you are everything I think about when im daydreaming
You were  the reason I woke up in the morning
You were the reason my life had meaning.
But not anymore
You are the reason I can't get out of bed
You are what I think of in nightmares
You are the reason my life seems so  meaningless.

I am literally so concerned for your well being that i cannot sleep at night.
I lay awake for the 10 hours i would usually sleep.
My body trembles at the thought of you being unhappy with life.
I want nothing more than to spend my life with you,
except to see you happy, i want that more than anything.
I would give you all the oxygen that has flowed through my lungs in the 16 years of my life, just to see you smile and oh dear god i know i want to see you smile.
Your smile makes me feel like there actually is a god and i am an atheist.
The way my hands fit yours makes me want to believe that the stars shine just for us.
I cant even begin to think of a world where you don't exist
because it would be a world where my happiness doesn't exist

The leaves turn from green to red as your face turns from pale to amber in two seconds
my hands go to greet yours as if to say " its ok the danger is gone"
the earthquakes in your palms seem to be the cause of the continental drift
but even though the land under our feet have rapidly parted i still find it hard to not fight  your battles for you
remind you that your loss of a friend to suicide does not represent a decrease in your value

I was sitting in my now hollowed out room
emptied for the transition to our new house.
There were memories.
Countless jokes, tears, fascinations, and obsessions.
To leave them all behind would be a crime,
so i sat there trying to remember  every second, letter,
music note that ever existed in that room.
Surprisingly i came up with only one word.
You
You were the only thing i could remember about myself.
As if you created  my entire being.
Maybe you did.
Maybe all there is to me is you.
*Maybe thats why i feel so empty now that you're gone.

Poem: you are the sunlight that seeps into the ballroom that I call life. Because with out you life would be dark and hazardous, and I wouldn't be able to see the beauty of the room its self. So stay a while, because I need you like sunlight needs something to shine on.

Wow, I'm alone. Maybe not physically but I am alone.  The most alone that anyone can possibly be I'm surrounded by breathing bodies but Im not sure if they're even real.  Now that I think about it, I'm not even sure if I'm real. Maybe none of this is real. Maybe it's a nightmare.