Often, there’s a ship in the distance.
With black sails, and a fainted dark paint,
With trims in red.

And, late at night, when I close my eyes,
I can see the captain,
And as soon as I see his face,
It’s gone.

But always lurking
There in the back of my head.

And there is naught, no doubt in my bones

He is the Minister of Sin.

You were poison in the well
But I was dying of thirst.
Even a slow death was okay
If it meant I got to spend it with you.

Oh, the clouds overhead,
They cast a shadow,
A darkness.
It falls upon my path
I cannot stray
I made it this way.

And the worst part of it all
Was always knowing
That I would be the one to fall.

Someone asked me
‘Why don’t you go get help?
You know you don’t always have to be miserable.’
But I didn’t want help.
Things would be so much more bearable
If I didn’t know what I knew.
But I’d rather feel the pain
Than live without a thought of You.

The ocean has been changing
Ever since I started sailing
On it’s wondrous waves.
When I look out over the vast blackness
I no longer see the beauty in it.

No, no longer.

Now there is only terror.
Terror at my command.

I’m holding on tight to the past
That I knew wouldn’t last
While you’re pulled to the future
By his hands on your back.

Do you know what it’s like?
Stand on the beach,
And watch as one of our children
Gets pulled out to sea
By the fatal, and invisible undertow.

I saw you in the stars
And in their reflections
In the waves.

I saw the last sunset
The fires burned upon the water
And I knew my time was up.
I jumped in the sea
There was nothing left of me.

Sleep does not come to me tonight,
Its gentle kiss is as far away as yours.

My mind has been filled
With voices, and the faces of a woman
Who tried burned a man at the stake,
And so he went on a voyage.

Looking back, I can see that our future
Was doomed from the start.
I can see the waves that were destined to crash
I didn’t know I was resting on the crest.

I’ve written it all down,
I’ve spilled the ink across the page
I’ve spilled every thought
That crossed my mind
All these years I’ve been out at sea.

I ask you, whoever finds these.

Read them. Learn from them
That’s all I ask.
Learn from my mistakes.
Do not become me.

There’s no need to **** yourself
Out on the ocean blue.
There’s no need to harbor those feelings
Let them sail away,
Instead of you.

Alone I’ll die,
Your name imprinted on my soul
And memories of how it all went wrong
Burned forever into my mind.

I was never ready to be a captain.
I was only waiting for the end, like the coward I am.
My family was always better without me.
You were a better father,
Than I could’ve been.

And darling,

You were always better without me.
Oh, Great, Blue, Deep.
I’m ready to make
My final retreat.

Goodbye.

My days are numbered
And when it happens
When I return
You will regret
What it is that you’ve done.
You’ll regret ever meeting me.
I can no longer
Soothe my nerves
With alcohol
And a pipe.

I’ll make you wish
You were actually in the house
When I dumped the gasoline
And lit the match.

You’ve got your fingers
Firmly wrapped around my heart.
Your nails tore their way
Into my chest,
And just waited for us to fall apart.

I think it’s about time
You took your hands out of my chest.
I think it’s about time
You stop haunting me,
I just need some rest.

I lit the candle
The light to guide us.
Keep us on the path
In the dark.

But you blew out the candle
The light fled
And I lost the path.
I didn’t realize

I had already lost you.

Oh what do you do
When you’re the one
Who made the river flood?

What do you do
When you’re the one
Who brought pain to so many?
I cannot go back.

And like the glass against the wall
I shatter the silence
With a sound that’d make
A kinder man weep.

"What do you think it’s like,
Up there in the clouds?”
The sailor, tying off the ropes,
Asked me, one fall,
As the sun fell below the horizon.

What’s it like, Captain?
Does heaven exist?

Is it all the priests promised?

Are you happy?
Are you alright?

I ask you now, if you can hear,

Because like the great story

An angel fell

And if they’re right,
You will rise.

Listen to those waves.
Watch as they pull back.
Gathering their strength,
Curling in anger,
Collapsing.
Oh, a story I know far too well.

In another world
You still loved me.

I see you cloaked in darkness,
It suits you well.
I still remember looking at you
And seeing hell.

Wash the pain away.
Bathe yourself in your mistakes.
Raise a glass
Revel in the knowledge
That it’ll never be okay.

Sit on the edge of the pier.
Let your feet dangle,
Let the waves splash your feet.
Let the ocean blue swallow you whole.

For the last ten years
I’ve defined myself
By who I am
In relation to you.

And to you,
I’m just another *******.

Do you remember the nights spent together?
Do you remember anything before him?

The visions flash through my mind.
I cannot forget them.
They’re permanently burnt there.
I cannot stop think of you.

And how it all fell apart.
And how I fell apart.
I cannot see myself any differently, now.

What a wicked wind
Blows through the sails tonight
I can’t feel my fingers
And nothing is alright.

I think I’d rather be shipwrecked
Than banished to this life

So darling,
Why’d you leave me out here tonight?

I’ve tried to keep the enemies away
With words sharp enough
To slit a throat,
To ****, or at least delay
The inevitable.

But I think I missed.
I couldn’t tell the difference
Between an enemy
And a friend.

With the rock of the ship
On the waves, sweet and solemn.

I hum a song, of my own creation
It rises and falls with every wave

And in its melody
I am saved.

Light passes through
The translucent curtains
Fill the room
Splash against my face
Wake me up
From the unending nightmare
Like I knew you always could
My love.

I don’t know how to fix
What it is that I’ve done.
Just give me a sign.

Let me know it’s okay.
Or that it’s not.
Just tell me something.

I keep wishing the words to flow
But nothings working anymore.

I suppose I just was too eager,
Too ready to end the pain.

But people aren’t novocaine
I should’ve known better than this.

As the black fades to blue,
I feel my bones begin to ache for you.
Begging for that touch,
Begging for your love.

The sun rises on an ocean
And a *******

Writing to a ghost.

Love is a river
Flowing straight through
The heart.
You were my river.

And you flowed
Through my heart
But you didn’t stop there.

The sea is calling me home
But not on my ship, no.
The sea is calling me to its
Never ending deep


To the dark underneath
To the safe-haven
Of abyssal sleep.

She spoke in storms,
Telling stories about places
That never existed
Except in her head.

She was a hurricane, just waiting to happen.
And I was too eager,
To explore the ruins of her mind.

The stars are hidden from me tonight.
Clouds overtake the sky,
And the compass that is my heart
Cannot find it’s way home.

And what then? She asks me,
But I think she suspects
That it falls on deaf ears.
But I am silent, to reflect.

And so she asks again.
“And what then?
What will you do when there is nothing else to lose?
What will you do when you push away every single person who loves you?”
I down the last of my drink and get up to leave before sternly asserting the only thing that I know is true anymore.
“I’ll finish the job.”
I close the door and leave.

I tried.
I swear I tried.
And I always loved you.
Like the earth loves the sun.
And I tried to gaze upon your grace
But instead I lost my sight.
I lost sight of what was important.

I lost sight of you.
And I’m regaining my sight.
Oh, I’m back.
And you will see me soon.

How many times
Will I find a new way
To say the same thing;

I am not worth the pain.

I am coming back
Do not misunderstand
I’ve got a course set.
And I will hide in every shadow
I am a ghost.

No, I am the ghost.
I am the ghost of every mistake you made
And ever promise that you said.
I am the ghost of a life
That you tried your hardest to forget.

But don’t you forget about me.

No don’t you dare.

I’m battling ghosts
They’re crawling through
The cracks along the floor
And throughout it all
The only thing
Worth thinking of
Is you.

As I age,
I begin to realize
My own mortality.
And I realize,
I do not care.

I think it’s November
But I can never quite remember
All I know is that my bones
Are tired of praising an empty throne
And the light that’s never known
Will never illuminate my home.

Please tell me where I went wrong.

Not even a sailor
Was I when I left
Many moons ago.

But I am returning
The Master of the Wind,
The Lord of the Storm.

You shall not stop me.

Before you,
I always felt that I was sick
That I wasn’t quite right
Like a storm within
That needed to be quelled.


And when I first grabbed your hand
I felt okay
For the first time in my life.


And now that the ocean
Has swallowed me
I understand
How medicine and poison
Can be the same thing.

We’re all slowly drowning
In her oceans of misery
The Sea has taken me.
The storm will triumph my return.

And when I looked into your eyes
It was like looking straight into hell


And when I felt your trembling lips
Hell seemed more than bearable.

If I go back home
What will I find?
A happy family?
Children with both

A mother and father?
Is it better that way?

Will it help me handle this all?

Or will it make me worse?

My compass is broken,
It cannot tell me where to travel.

I cannot rely on it this time.

I feel like I’m paralyzed,
Unable to push myself in any direction.
For fear of what I’ll find.

Lock myself away
So I can down the bottle,
The brown liquid
Touches my tongue
And leaves an aftertaste,
A burning,

That can only be described

As you.

I don’t believe you.

Shadows are but ghosts.
But you are a soul.
And I know how the sun
Drives people like us away.

That does not make you a nobody.

I know you bloom in the night
But that does not mean
That you are gone at the sight of the sun.

What do you love?
Who do you love?
Why are you here?

Why waste your time
Talking to a drunkard
Without a home?

Why waste your time
With a *******
Who will die alone?

Staying awake
To the sound of your singing

So close,
Like the whispers of the wind
You softly breathe your words
Far more beautiful

Than any of my own.