I always knew
We’d be fine
When we’d scream
And we’d fight

And if that’s the case
What am I doing out here
Sailing as far away as I can


From you?

I always knew
What a star
You’d eventually
Turn into.

With a face like
Aphrodite’s
And thoughts
Like the moon.

I always knew
I was wrong
Before you knew
That you were right

Can’t you see
You never loved me
Not like you thought
That you did?

I always knew
I’d never amount
To half of what you
Thought that I was

Or perhaps
What you thought
That I could be.

And the glass in the window frame
Starts to shake
Violently
Letting the sound of the storm
That was forming in the darkened sky
Be known
All but silently.
I tried to leave
But by then it was too late.
Your beauty: The lightning,
Your gaze: The thunder that follows.
I fell in love with a storm.
And it tore me apart.

Children, forgive me
I did not mean to take away
The man you grew up calling father.
I know what it’s like to lose a Captain.
But don’t you know,
This man killed your father
Years ago.

I was just returning the favor.

I replay that moment
Every night in my head
Try and find out
Where it all went wrong

But why?

I remember you staring off the balcony
Looking out at the ocean
And I’d tell you
Someday we’d sail the seven seas together

I remember each morning
We’d share that cup of coffee
And I’d roll tobacco
And tell another joke
And you would smile
And tell me you loved me
In your own little way.

In a way that no one else had done
And you had me fooled.
I believed you actually meant it.
You may have meant it then,
But you didn’t always mean it.

And I held you close.
Asked you if you loved me or him.
And you said me.
And you fooled me again.

I told you I loved you.

I meant it then,
And I will always mean it.

Remember that,

The next time you see me.

I slammed my fist
Through the cheap, hollow door.
You’ve left me broken,
I hope your children know
That you killed a man,
So that you wouldn’t feel bad
About breaking a home.

When you saw her,
Did you look at her hand?
Realize what you’ve done.
Did it mean nothing, the gold band?
You swore you’d always be here.
You swore you’d always be mine
I’m trying to survive.
You swore.

But You lied.

I used to ask you
To sing me to sleep
Your voice so soft
It feels like the clouds
In my dreams.

Now you are miles away
In a direction
I couldn’t tell where

And you won’t stop singing
Your voice is so haunting
Why won’t you let me sleep?

They say the night is darkest
Just before the dawn.

Well tell me
******* it.

How long is the night?

These past five years
Have been one long night.
And I see no light
Coming up over the horizon.

So tell me
******* it

How long before I’m alright?

I came home early
And saw you in bed
With a man
I’m supposed to call friend
That’s when you murdered me.
That’s the moment
That you killed the good in me
My eyes turned black
And I spoke to God
I screamed
“God, why would you do this
To me?”
And he never replied
So, I never tried to speak
with him again.
He was never really there.

I spent three years
Planning out everything
That I would say
When I looked you in the eyes.
But when I found you
Hidden in the crowd
I fell in love with you again
And I walked away.
Because right next to you
I saw the man
Who took away my sunshine
And killed my faith.
I got back on my ship
For what felt like
The millionth time
Because I knew
If I came any closer
You’d both be dead.

I’ve been following a Leviathan
For the past 3 years.
I sometimes lose it
Among the deep, dark blue.
It leads me into waters
Much to dangerous for me.
It dives below for weeks at a time,
Only to resurface,
It shows me the way.
It always knows where to find me.
And I will always follow it,
If I do not change my ways.

You were just a storm
Who wanted people to stop and gaze
At the way you light up the sky
With your outbursts of anger and fear
You wanted us to forget the fact
That you sank ships in the wake
Of your anger
And you wanted us to continue to love you
No matter how bad you hurt us.
From a distance your beauty is known
And inside your eye
The light can be shone
But you destroy what’s around you.

I’ve heard tales from the deck
About the Captain on high
His hands bleed from hoisting
The main sail to the sky.
He keeps this ship moving,
leading the way.
we all get our fill
before he makes his plate.
He stays up all night,
alone in his cabin
Plotting the course
for the next day’s journey.
I wish I could say
that they were right
But this captain’s sailing
His last voyage.
It’s a race to see what will drown me first.

There’s much worse things
That I could do
Than smoke this cigarette
And think of you.

I am not a savior.
I didn’t come for you.
I came to end this.
Once and for all.

Your head is full of hopes
And dreams of another man.
I can see straight through those darting eyes
When you look at me and tell me you love me.

I can see straight through that wicked soul.

You dream all night, and I don’t sleep a wink.
You’ve turned every waking second into a nightmare.

When I return.

Oh I’ll return.

Roll the last days cigarette,
Smoke to quell the hunger.
I once drank to forget the days.

But I dare you to try to forget being murdered,
By the one who whispered ‘Forever’ in your ear every night.

The Sun rises
And the Sun sets
Over the ocean.
Which is more beautiful?

The rising reminds me I haven’t slept,
And the setting is the prelude to your ghost.

Haunt me for years
I couldn’t care less
At least the old you
Wanted what was best.

Or at least you were better
At lying through your teeth
Than I am
At handling the grief.

Is he really a good man,
Like I was and hope to be,
Again?
If he is,
I hope he stays that way
And I pray
That you
Don’t turn him
Into me.

My eyes are red
And I claim it’s from
The salty waves
Mixed with the rain

But the truth is
I only cry
When it rains.

And it’s been raining
For the past five years

I’m a demon,
Lost out at sea.
A devil, whose love
turned to rage, immediately.

And I swear,
You’ll be up in flames
Before this is all over.
You’re the one to blame.

I’d die again
To see your face
And that’s the point
That I’ve been trying to prove
It’s the only reason
I’ve been killing myself
Out here on the Devil Blue

My captain taught me
That when the bottom of the sun
Rests on the edge of the horizon
The sun has already gone below

And the Darkness just takes a moment
To arrive.

Maybe that’s the way it was
With you.

I’ve spent too many nights
Staying awake,
And downing every last drop
Of alcohol, this ship had to offer.
I was just trying to find something,
That made me feel okay.


That gave me the warmth that you once did.

The room was dark,
And the air,
You could feel it,
You could feel it pushing down
On your soul.

But you,
You were burning bright.
A red-hot soul.
It went so well,
With your wet, blue eyes.

My hands rested on your hips
And I looked as deep as I could
Into those stormy blue eyes,
To see if I could see the truth.

I blinked,

And now my hands are resting on this ship
And I looked as deep as I could
Into the stormy blue ocean
To see if I could find you.


To see if I could be as empty as you.

I’m on my way home
But I’m lost out at sea
I meant to be back
Months ago.
At least that’s what
I tell myself.

A sailor like me
Knows the stars
Like the back of his hand,
But I know, for me
Yeah, A sailor like me
Knows the stars
Like I knew your scars.

And *******
I knew you so well.
Tell me,
Who knew you so well.
Yeah tell me,
Did he know you so well?

I’m sorry I don’t know
How to write about love
I’m sorry I don’t know
How to write about you.
How to write about the moments
We spend watching movies
Curled up
On your bed.

I’m sorry I don’t know
How to write about falling asleep
With your head on my chest.
And your legs intertwined
With mine

I’m sorry I don’t know
How to write about you
When your beauty surpasses words

I’m sorry I don’t know
How to tell the paper
That you are my everything
That when I can sleep my mind wanders
To you and you alone

I’m sorry my poems
Are broken and dark
Strung out across the floor

I’m sorry I don’t know
How to write about love
No one ever taught me how

But I think I did okay.

This house was my heart,
And you pulled out the bricks
As fast as I could put them in.
But I got it done.
I finished the house.
And we slept in the same bed.

And I looked you in the eyes,
And spoke.
“My dear, my love, I’d give you anything”
And you closed your eyes
And drifted away.

Yeah, you drifted away.

And you tried to say, “I’m sorry.”
It didn’t make it all the way out.

My fingers shook,
And when I opened my eyes
I saw, laying before me
The man who was laying with you.

And I looked him in the eyes
And spoke
“Oh, hear me, I didn’t mean to”
So, I closed his eyes.
But he had already drifted away.

Yeah, he had already drifted away.

And I tried to say, “I’m sorry.”
But, it didn’t make it all the way out.

And I threw my **** in the bag
And left you behind
In my crumbling home.
I barely made it out the door.

I turned around, and looked you in the eyes
And whispered
“Goodbye.”
And I dropped the matchstick
And the house burst into flames.

And I tried to say, “I’m sorry.”
But I didn’t make it all the way out.

No, I didn’t make it all the way out.

When I walk through the door,
Will you recognize me?
Do you remember the way
My beard felt against your cheek?

When I walk through the door,
Will you see the same man?
The one who did everything he could
The one who still loves you.

Because, I know
I’ll still see the same woman.
The one I want to believe has no soul.
The one who took a lion upstairs.

Yeah, I know.
Even though you were lyin’.
I could see, you knew the lion.

If you haven’t noticed
I still feel the pain
And the fruit of the lotus
Can’t bring me around

But I won’t let you down.
No. I won’t.
I swear I won’t let you down.

I’ve got a choice
I can either spend my life
On my ship, out at sea.

Or I can come back
And spend an eternal winter
Trying to live without you.

If you could see my soul
The one the writhes
The one that feels like winter
And speaks to those
Lost and Unknown.

Would you try and keep my warm?

Or would you light the flames beneath me?

I’m sorry it’s been so long
Since I wrote you a song
I just haven’t figured out how
Since you’ve been gone.

I’ve been stumbling around
With a glass in my hand
And the drinks that I’ll down
Would rather have me drown

So… Maybe all I need
Is to learn to swim again.

I’ve spent too much time
out at sea, searching for truth
Or love
Or happiness.
Or something like that.

It was so long ago,
I almost can’t remember what I’m searching for.

And I’ll sit on the railing
And wish for the deep
And I’ll jump, while we’re sailing
And oh how I’ll sink.
Straight to the bottom.
Where I swore I would never go.

And I open my eyes,
Looking down at the bottle

It’s empty, it looks like I’ve reached the bottom.

Now I realize, I’ve reached the bottom.

And when the ship
Pulled into port
I expected to see your face
But I couldn’t find you

So I searched and found you up the stairs
Sleeping around with someone
I’m supposed to call friend
I wasn’t gone for that long.

And you replaced me.

So now I’ll replace you.


With a cigarette and a gallon

Of gasoline.

I’ve boarded a ship
I’m sailing away
But I’ve been seasick
For the last 14 days


Or am I homesick?

I know that I’m not done
Sailing on the ocean blue.
I know that I’m not done
Killing myself for you.

Our voyage brought us
To an island
That our maps didn’t show.

I stepped off the ship
And I saw your face
Among the merchants
And the public

I felt the rage

Boiling beneath my skin

And I tried to hold my tongue
And realized it wasn’t you
And I realized I still loved you.
And I realized I wasn’t ready.

Tell me, darling,

Are you the goddess of the ocean?
Are you the goddess of the sea?

I’m sailing on your waters.

I’m trying to be free.

It’s been eight years since I’ve been home.
I’ve made myself a demon

So I couldn’t come back

But now there’s no good left
To stop the attack.

It’s not my job to fill people up
When the alcohol
Is no longer enough.

Today, the ocean is calm.
No waves, no storms.
To shipwreck my heart

Tonight I found you
Crushed under the weight
Of the ocean of broken promises
That you made for yourself.
And while I lay there
I realized that I could come home
Face every last one of my fears
And it wouldn’t matter.

I see the faint glimmer of hope
When I look across the empty blue,
The sky and ocean, meeting in the middle
Like the first time I met you.

Nothing until the horizon,
Where we would figure it all out
Because it didn’t matter in the moment,
It didn’t matter right then.
All that mattered was that we had each other
And nothing could take that away
‘Til it did.

Bought our first house
And I didn’t know why the bricks
Kept falling to the floor
Every time I tried to put them back
Another eight would fall out

I couldn’t see what was happening
As you and your new lover
Pulled the foundation out from under me
And left me drowning.

It’s been so long
That nothing makes sense
But the swells and breaks
Of the waves
On the ocean.

The ocean sings to me of
Every night we spent together.

I hear the rhythm of the sea
Build me up on a wave
And crash on the beach
And the time between the two
Determines how hard it’ll hurt.

So how did you raise me up so quickly
And make the crash hurt for so long?

Night fell on my shoulders
And my fellow man
Took turns taking rests
Deep within the ship.

And for the first night in weeks,
I stood at the front of the ship.
Your pipe in my pocket,
My writings in my coat.

I reminisce of the days
Where it was just me and you,
My Captain.

I’d roll a cigarette with old tobacco
And you’d pack your pipe.
And pour me a glass,
Of the alcohol you kept in your cabin.

I’d tell you my stories,
And you’d laugh and cry with me.

And every time you spoke
Wisdom poured out.

And now that you’re gone
I’m losing myself out here.

No wisdom comes from my mouth,
I salivate anger,
I spit rage,
Yet I am silent.

I cannot fill your shoes.
I cannot be you.