I miss the way it used to be
I can still see the places on the floor
Where you stepped,
In my mind.
I keep writing,
My catharsis.
But every piece
Turns into a letter
To you.
You were heaven.
You were the smell of freshly cut grass
And the taste of an ice cold lemonade.

I was just the poison in the wine.
The cancer, never benign.

Did the flame give up?
I’ve been spending years trying to find it.
But I guess it’s my fault
For believing it would make it
Through the storm.

When I came back,
You were a flood
And I wasn’t sure what to say.

I thought I could open the floodgates
But I just ended up drowning in the pain.

As the rain begins to fall,
And the waves begin to crash
Against the front of my ship.
I resign myself to my cabin
The small bed has but one sheet
And in the corner of the room, in the shelves
Sits a bottle full of ***.

Or at least it was full at some point.
I pour a glass

And then another.
And another.

The only way to fend off the cold
On this stormy night.

Since you do not know,
Let me teach you.
Take your hands
Wrap them around my throat
Now squeeze.
Do not look into my eyes.
Just keep at it.
Do not let go and start again later.
Finish the job.

I remember the way that you laid.
On your side, smiling at me.
I remember the way that you laughed.
Suddenly, an uproar of joy, quickly ending.
I remember the way that you breathed.
Deeply. Fully. Taking in everything I had to offer.

I remember the way that you left.
On your side, smiling at him,
Suddenly, quickly ending,
Taking everything I had.
And giving it to him.

Oh, Love.
I don’t believe there’s a heart in my chest.
And you say you disagree.
But, have you noticed how I breathe in,
All the things that shouldn’t be.
I know where this leads,
I’m headed straight for a watery grave.

Eventually it’ll just be
The Devil,

And me.