I saw that flash.
It lit up the whole sky.
And it looked like

God himself had stepped down
From his selfish throne.

But when I closed my eyes
My cabin was empty

All except for you and I.
The Devil in disguise.

What do I expect to find?
When my ship cannot sail any longer.
When my bones turn to dust.
When I reach the end.

What do I expect to find?

I gave up on finding a way back to you
Many many moons ago.

Every time I visited
Nothing had changed
But the look on your face

No longer showed the pain.

The pain I had caused for years.

And our children smile just the same.

I gave up on the end.
I threw myself over and under
Every violent wave
And I tried to drown myself
In every brown bottle.
I gave up on god.

He never answered me anyways.
If He was ever there,
He must’ve taken the same route as me.
And drowned himself in a bottle too deep to survive.
What do I expect to find?

When I write to no one.

When I scream at the moon,
Even though it was I
Who caused the monsoon.

And I can’t stop.
You’re always there.
In every word I speak.
In every breath I breathe.

In every line
In every poem

In everything.
And I’ve tried to cleanse myself of you.

Maybe it’s not what I’ll find.

Maybe it’s what I’ve found.

I swore I saw you last night
Standing over my bed.

The ghost of your presence
Haunts my every move.

With the bottles of ***
Empty around my bed
I try to forget.
Every vision a nightmare.

And every nightmare closer to the truth.

I was trying to be better.
A better man,
A better lover,
A better husband,
A better father.

All for you.

But it was much too late for that.

The only family I’ve got left
Are empty bottles and journals

Telling stories of what happens
When a man has nothing left to lose.

With the rock of the ship
On the waves, sweet and solemn.

I hum a song, of my own creation
It rises and falls with every wave

And in its melody
I am saved.

Your body was but thorns
That dug into my side
Every night we lay together
Every night you lied.

I swear I’ll forgive you
I’ll forget all the past.
Just tell me you need me
I swear we can last.