I’ve been thinking about death a lot.
Particularly suicide,
And I don’t want you to think it’s in that dark drab way;
It’s not.


It’s much more romantic than that.
Yes, I’ve been seducing death.
Or rather, she’s been seducing me.


How much easier it’d be
If I jumped in the water
Held my head under
And tried to breathe.


That liberating moment
When the water fills my lungs


And I don’t have to be confined
To this life of songs sung
To gods of death.
Whose followers wear death on chains
That the dangle around their neck.



I don’t want to be confined
To this life, where those whose piety is determined
By how loud they can tell you
How awful you are.



I don’t want to be confined
To this life of always waiting for what’s coming next
Never experiencing.
Nothing’s ever good enough.



I don’t want to be confined
To this life without you.
And eternity in hell
Is what you condemned me to.



I take solace in the fact
That once my lungs are filled
With that salty ocean brew,
I’ll no longer have to
Think of you.

I still hear your voice,
But it’s not the same as it once was.
No longer do you sing me to sleep.

Now it’s more of an echo,

Still lingering in my mind.

In another world
You still loved me.

The priests were all liars
And the nuns were all fools

There is no salvation
Not for true sin.

Not for me.

God doesn’t answer me anymore.
I’m starting to think he never did.

I still cry out sometimes,
Into the dark of night.

Into the blackened deep.
Hoping something changes
But, it’s been ten years,
And he refuses to speak.

God is dead

Or he never was.