I wish I could go numb
And stop breathing for a little while
Maybe then the tears would
Just stop flowing down my face
And if I did
How would you feel?
Would you really even give a ****
Would I be something like the sunset
To you
Something you can't touch but feel
Or would I be the bump in the road
That blew your tire
To which you had a spare

Bad luck
What did I do
Did I break a mirror or maybe two
Did I step on a few too many cracks
Could it be something worse
Maybe I tricked fate and won
In a battle I didn't know was real

I don't understad why this is all
Happening to me
Break a leg they said
They also said I may have taken that
Too seriously

I need something to replace this
Empty feeling inside
I tried to pull you in
To keep you right here beside me
Where you could find my weakness
And I could find yours
You didn't care to
And your weakness was too easy
So now here I sit
Completely empty
And close to falling off the
Edge
Of this torment we call life

Why do we settle for less when we can have it all
We can push ourselves past
Recognition
Past rejection
With everything on the line
You still have something
Unless you sell your heart
Then all you have is a corpse
Of who you used to be
Don't push to hard
You may intend to find yourself
But
May indeed lose yourself
In the adventurous process

I will leave you breathless
And craving for more
Or afraid of everything you ever knew
Pulling away from those you love
I will make you aware of why
Hurricanes are named after women
And what it looks like after the storm
Your life may be a mystery to you
But I know what I do with mine
I break things
That don't deserve to be broken
Like your fragile heart
That I broke in two
After all this time I've tried to fix myself
Now I just accept my flawed existence
I find myself in what I break
It's wrong
I know
But it's me
Finally I'm me

I love it out here
In the middle of grasslands and
Old houses built on farms
The sky's the limit out here
The air is pure and just right
Giving me crazy ideas about flying and living too
Everything is clear
You may pass 2 cars on the way into town
Dilapidated houses and barns
Scattered all about
They may not be habitable
But they still look homely to me
I'd take this over the smog
And smoke of the cities
That make you choke
Over the people tons and thousands of them
That riddle you with claustrophobia And pretenses with hidden intentions
I'd take the quiet loneliness over the inability to sleep due to noise inflictions
Every. Single. Day. I would choose this breathtaking place

Your eyes land on mine
And I know I've broken something
I'm going to regret breaking
At some point
But right now
Just for right now
It's sweet relief in my veins
Singing happily
Beating through my ears

Your eyes tell me far more than your mouth ever could
You care and love  
Deeper than you say you can
You push me away to keep yourself sane
But what am I if I'm not crazy?
Everyone is
So why try and fight it
Let me in
This brick wall can't hide you forever

Breathing hot air on my skin
Sweat droplets race
Tangling legs splay across the white sheets
Searching hands grab for a hold
Nails sink into raised skin
Keeping your attention on where it needs to be
Eyelids flutter with in the intensity of a fleeting moment
Blushed faces and chests rising and falling chaotically

Body weight looming over me
Your eyes searching mine
And I know you burn for me

The first cut shallow and pained
Slicing the skin on my wrist in two
Deep red emerges in a thin line
The next cut, deeper with more emotion
The tears that started two hours before
Continue to ebb and flow
Leaving tracks of mascara smearing as I wipe the stain away
The next cut breaks deeper
The skin on my back and arms raise as gooseflesh
Maybe a moan maybe a cry seeps from my teeth
A hot trickle of blood rains from the cut
Pouring down into the empty hole of the sink
A sting of water wakes me from the trance as I stare at the razor which blemished my skin

I keep telling myself, one more, one more, one more...
And walking away from the bathroom and the blood
To find myself wandering in again to clutch the razor and bring it to my skin

Heart beating in my chest
I look at you
You aren't looking at me
You're looking at what I am
What I could give you
Your eyes may be distant and cold
But I can get you to warm up
One day

All we can think about is you
You are the only remnants that holds us all together
You're the glue that keeps this masterpiece standing
If you leave what do we have
I don't want to find out
But it's inevitable
These things are always unavoidable
It's crazy how much I know this is going to hurt
I want to focus on you as much as possible
Everything keeps me from you
You need help
And I can't fix you
If you go
I will too
Maybe not all of me but most
You're the only piece that can
Finish my puzzle

What is the price of love when
All you get is ***
You think it's right and worth it
And that you love them
But it's not right
He's not the one
Neither is she
Why do we 'make love'
When the love should already be there
We call it this in hopes of connecting love and ***
But love is not that, it is made over years not minutes

You took me for granted
When I was in need
You swore on a promise
You didn't really mean
So you took advantage
Of a person like me
And what did it do for a soul like yours?

I'm worse than a dog
When it comes to falling in love
A few minutes of talking
And that's it
I'm done and over
Completely into you

All the soap in the world couldn't wash your fingerprints from my skin

I hate being the strong one
The one everyone knows they can rely on
When I cry they're confused
I'm not the one who can do that
When I break they don't get it
I can't do that either
But I do
And I fix things before I give them to others
My smile
My laugh
Everything I say
I filter it into what they need
They need to hear it so I say it
Sometimes I forget
And I show them who I really am
I show them the person I am behind the strength
The fragile being I truly am inside
They get scared and confused
And run away from me
Or they stay and try to fix me
I don't appreciate that
I fix myself by helping you
And if you start helping me
I may just fall apart completely

I never knew that this was a bone until you got skinny enough for me to see it
You're a skeleton with a layer of skin
How many ribs do you have?
I could count them
And your vertebrae...
I could count those too
Your skin hangs from your body
Trying to leave while you're still alive
You drag yourself around
On your ****
Hoping no one sees
How are you still alive?
When I can't see your heart beat
But I can see all the rest of your insides
Squirming to get free

Why are you crying?
I know the answer as to my tears
I'm just not sure how to put it into words
I hurt
Everywhere
Both physically
And mentally
As I'm driving I gravitate to the edge
Getting closer and closer
Feeling the pull where the gravel meets dirt
I have the power
To do damage to everyone who loves me
I can end this pain
What is there to wake up to in the morning
What can keep the tires on the road
I don't want to know how
I need to know if something anything will
Make this horrid existence continue

I see you walking toward me
As I'm walking toward you
You lift your head a little higher
When you notice me
10 feet
I wriggle in my skin
5 feet
As you dip your head in my direction
2 feet
And ask how I'm doing
I stutter step to the beat of my heart
And tell you I'm good
We are passed one another now
And I can't help but look back
At the first, but could be only, time
I've ever seen you
I wonder if I'll meet you again one day
And I realize how hot my cheeks are

There are so many deadly things in this world
That could hurt me
But really I'm concvinced
You're the most toxic
Of them all

You used me and you know it
What are you doing about it
Ignoring me
The only person who's tried to care about you in some time
You muffle what I say
So you don't have to feel guilty anymore
I silently hope you still do

It happened all at once
Just like a sun rise;
It was dark then suddenly light filled the void
You left me with

I want to say you're adorable
Which means a lot for me
And that you are a freak
Which is okay
Cause I  am too
But you're afraid of heights and I'm afraid of flying
So if we fall it may be disastrous

You make me think there's a chance
One for love
Maybe
But then
You change your mind
I think
I hope you don't think we're a game
I don't
And I don't want to play

Depression is like quick sand
You don't know you've walked right into it
Until you start sinking
And you can't get out

I'm tired of living again
Don't want to get out of bed
Don't want to move
It's not lazy
its having no will to live

You're too skinny
I can't help you
You don't understand your own name
I do nothing
You're cramped and confused
I try
You look as fragile as a butterfly's wing
What can I do?
You can't hear the questions I ask
I talk louder
You limp when you walk
I wish I could save you
You don't want to eat
I know you're breaking
You can't leave me
I don't know how I'll go on without you
You bring tears to my eyes
I can't help you
The light in your eyes has been fading for moths now
I've been too worried about myself to notice
You're old but you're mine
I can't breathe
You leave, silently retreating into the night
I hear one final breath
One final heartbeat
I don't know what feeling is
I'm numb
You're beyond fixable
I crack under the weight of losing you
And shatter all across floor
Only pieces you could pick up
I may never be fixed

The sun shines
Even on rainy days
You just can't see it
But what happens when
Everyday is a rainy one
When you never actually get to see
the sun
You know it's there
It's still warm
But you lost it
And you can't seem to find it
And every night gets darker
And darker
You cover your head with blankets
And tuck your feet in
Hoping the night won't get dark enough
To consume you

You made me love the rain
and then you left me
to walk in it alone.

Why do we do this
Why am I so stupid
What can't you do that I need
I love you but I hate you more
The hate outweighs the love by much  I said that I needed you at one point
I may have been lying
Because I'm fine here
Without you and all of your crazy
But what was it really that forced us
To be friends in the first place
To create that bond I'm trying so hard to break
What is it about you that breaks me
Breaks me down into little pieces
Every syllable of Every word
And every feeling you make me feel
Maybe that's just it
I have a need to break things
So I build us up only
To break us down
Because I need that
Nothing else in this world can I break
More than everything we have
That's me
That's why

I'm breaking down
Just to lift you up
Up above the clouds
That drown you out
I just wish you would see
That you do need me
So when I leave
Your life may fall apart
But I'm not looking back
Not now
Not ever
Take my stuff
And all our memories
Throw them away
And burn them up

If only you loved me for who I am
If only you needed me for how I make you happy and comfortable
If only you wanted me for me
If only I had you as mine
If only life was fair to me and you
If only I could hold your hand
If only you wanted to hold mine too

Your absence is deafening
Bleeding through every empty space
We bumble around
Looking for you
In the places you used to occupy
Everything is gray
And lonely
Tears are inevitable
Every night spent curled up
Taking hot showers to forget
If I'm crying or if it's just the water
Streaking down my face

Your eyes hold continents
Bold and bursting with life
Holding promises
Just for me

We're destined to fall apart
If distance doesn't do it
We'll break and snap
Twisting out of each other's life
Causing tidal waves of pain
Crashing into your brain and waves reaching out toward the eyes
We won't be able to work this one out
We can't fix the desolate bridge
Fixing you to me
We fell out of love
There's nothing we can do now

I was willing to do anything for you
I wanted to love you more than
The moon loves the sun
I would've broke my heart a thousand times just to see you smile
I could've held your hand forever
I was meant for you
But you
Weren't meant for me
You wouldn't let yourself
Fall again
While I was throwing myself off cliffs for you

Blasting my music to drown the memories in my head
They repeat over and over
Taunting me with their bittersweet taste
I can still feel your fingerprints on my skin
Nothing will replace that feeling
When we were together it felt real
I felt alive
I guess you didn't feel the same way

I watch you
Your heart battered
Bruised and bandaged
You push yourself
Beyond who you truly are
For someone else's pleasure
You do it to yourself
Each and every time
You give more than you will ever
Get in return
You get your heart shattered
Many times In a years time
I see that
And realize
I do everything possible
To avoid such wreckage
I break others
Cast away feeling
When they get to close
Continually build walls
That will never be overtaken
Invincible walls build on
Your experiences with
Deceivers

Humans are such dangerous but
Fragile creatures
There's an easier way of doing everything
But we always choose the hard way
I guess I'm trying to say
I chose you
You were my hard way
I didn't make it out alive
You took all I could give
I know you won't give any back
Bad or good choice
I don't know
I won't know until I'm on my death bed
Breathing my final words
You will never know
Poor destructive humans

When I feel hopeless I look at you.
You break the void I create everyday.

Keep me safe, here, in your arms
Kiss my head and hold me tight.

The blood in my veins feels hot.
My heart beat drowns out everything but the image of your face.

I accept you for who you are and
I need you for the sake of sanity.

It's 12:08
I'm still awake
Thinking and thinking
Making me brave
Not brave enough, I don't think
To tell
My
Secret

Your madness works at me
Takes me apart
Deciphers my biggest secrets
I don't interfere
You understand me for a strange reason
I like it
It's been awhile since I've
Appreciated someone like you
You fuel me
As you put me back together
Don't walk away
You can't go

Life is about the edges
Where something stops
And another begins
Sharp or rounded they'll teach you
Many lessons
They may bruise you but
Never let them break you
You are stronger than those edges
Round or sharp
Doesn't matter
They can't keep you from breathing
From your heart beating alone in the silence
From your mind pricking at the edges
Just to see

Life's got me
No time to write
No time to think
So here I am begging to breathe
Taking a moment just for you
And me

If you want to go somewhere
I want to take you there
I want to be the one
To hold your hand
As we run
Not with a loaded gun
But with a silver tongue
A crisp walk and a happy life
To go with everything you may
Have lost along the way

Sometimes
I find it hard to breathe
I find it harder to live
But it's easy to quit
So why not quit
Take the easy way out
Is that really what I want
That will never be the answer
Never
Even though
When I think of what has happened
That's when my throat closes
When I go back to that day
That very second
Right before the pain
I know I was happy
And that happiness beckons me
With all the force I have
I attempt to fight it
But how can I when that's really all I want
I'm not there yet
That fact
Is the one that keeps me up at night
And ruins all of my dreams
That claws at the corners of my mind
Grasping the dark edges
And hanging on
Feeling like cold knuckles against warm skin
Bringing out cold thoughts
And brittle memories
The ones that break me down a size or five
That put me in a corner
And lock me up
Feelings only begin to sway around the room
Positive and negative collide
Making everything black and white
And unreadable
That's when I know
Exactly what I must do

Coming home to an empty house
Waking up to cold sheets and
A lonely life the one that I live
Continually I am alone

Dark ghosts under
Deep wild eyes
Make me wonder what you do at night
Instead of sleep
Crazy smiles tug on the lips I once loved too thoroughly
The jaw I once memorized shadowed with unhygienic ways
Where have you been?
You say you're no good anymore
The world ****** you up
And this is what crawled out of the abyss
Searching for light to live in