My parents wanted the perfect daughter in me,
they made all the plans and expected greatness from me,
When I could not live up to what they wanted me to be,
They made my life a living hell for me,

They called me all the most degrading names,
They thought I was lazy, but never said to the
same to their other daughters

No matter how hard I tried to please them,
It was not could enough nor the same,
I was still called lazy all the same,

When I married the first time,
They were happy and glad,
they got rid of a lazy daughter they thought they had,

When people tried to tell them I was not lazy, I was strong,
they did not believe this they said they were wrong,

Well when they both died, I did not go to  their funerals,
nor did I weep any tears, that would be bogus, because
because it was clear I was never the daughter I grew up to be,
so why should I cry any tears for either of them.

I am not perfect,
I was not meant to be,
that is what he expected me to be,
The Perfect Wife,
To do as he bid,
and
When I did not he would abuse me
when we went to our bed,
He beat me senseless black and blue,
I really did not know at the time what to do,
But finally it came to me,
I had to make my get way and leave him
just so I could be me

He tried to come back many years ago,
He asked for a second chance I told him NO!
If he couldn't love then how could he love me now,
There was no way he could do it now.

A second wife he took, I know little about her,
She lives in Ireland,
She must have found out about him as I did along ago,
He wanted the perfect wife to live with and do as she was
told.

I dare not tell anyone
about my suicidal thoughts
that are going through my
head,
They are there every day and night,
I think of them often when I am
alone and everyone I have loved is dead,
I don't confine to my psychiatrist,
He will start worrying to much,
He will try to put me into a hospital,
just makes me a lot worse.

I have to ask myself what the consequences there might be,
If I try suicide once again, will it be heaven or hell for me?

I know that Our Lord is rich is mercy and justice and forgiveness
I am taught, but surely he can see that I am over wrought.

Do I simply wait for my turn when I called up home into Heaven,
where all the ones I have loved and died are waiting to meet me.

Suicidal Thoughts, they run through my head,  but I know they are just
that, I would never try it once again because I am much braver than that.

I have been blessed three times in my life,
I had three wonderful soul-mates
that loved me and knew when I needed them.

Sometimes one only finds one soul-mate throughout their live,
but I had three that were there for me and I love each of them
with all my life.

Each were special to me, and different in his own way,
but they loved me for who and what I am and that
was important to me as a person.

One by one the Lord called each of them home,
When he did this I felt myself being all alone,

My tears flowed like rivers down my cheeks,
This is because I knew it would be a long time
before we would ever see each other again.

Each died a tragic death, and I saw put to rest,
but I haven't seen any rest since they have died
just endless tears and depression.

Sometimes when I still and I listen very hard,
I can hear each of them call out to me to please
go on.

I know in my heart that they are all watching over me
from up above and each of them are singing a celestial song.

In Loving Memory of:
Donald S. Martino
October 31, 1934- November 4, 1996
John Richard David Werdell
March 1, 1950- December 3, 2002
Frank A. Kratochvil
Septemeber 8, 1948- January 28, 2008

Gone but never forgotten but alway loved.

Once Upon A Time,
When I was very young,
I fell in love with the wrong young man
who I thought was very much a charm.
He promised to love me for the rest of his life,
we were married and we became husband and wife,

When I became sick he turned his back on me,
He had another side of him, he did in fact show to me,
He could not accept the way I am and tried to change
me into someone I could not be,

That fairy tale marriage ended up in tragedy.
He became violent and abuses towards me,
The only thing left to me was for me to leave him
and once again become who I am and to become me.

He gave me one thing that I will forget and that is
our son who lived a short life on this earth and died at
three months old, and with his death it left in my heart a
very deep hole.

There are no prince charming's out there,  no white horses either
I hate to say, just men who don't know how to treat women in
a respectable way.

Until this very day I regret in marrying him,
he and I can not even be friends.

Depression is like being cast into
the depth of the sea,
It makes you wonder if anyone
with ever rescue me,
It keeps me awake at night,
when I am alone,
I cry into my pillow,
so no one will know,

Depression kills the person,
the spirit, and the life,
It takes out it sharp siring knife
and tried to end my life,

I pray every day and every night,
to The Lord,
that it never does more than it ever did before.

Depression takes away all happy thoughts,
and with this comes unhappiness and sadness,
and melancholy thoughts.

I am determine to be the victor of such a dreaded diseases
if only depression would leave me and allow me to be
me.

Thinking of You Is All I Do,
When you were here with me,
Thinking of You  Is All I Do,
So Happy both of us were be

Now, the happiness is gone,
All I do is cry because I am lonely,
I think of you both day and night,
And wish you were here with me,
Thinking of you is all I do,
Oh tell me how do I stop,
When you died that January day,
I only thought of you not being me
and my heart broke and stopped.

My life is but an empty shell,
it means so little to me,
this is because you are not by my side
and my life means nothing to me.