Shadow girl takes the stage
Playing the role of
Open heart like the highway
Ready to bask in the spotlight
Behind the act, she’s more like a landslide
Rugged, full of secrets beyond her years
Her rendition revealing
A crack in the foundation -
The drama in a small child
Off script, forgetting her lines
While screaming to be heard
The audience throws pennies of pity
You did it to yourself, shadow girl
A wise soul in a young heart
No getting around the way you
Linger in the chaos
Smiling and nodding yes
Keeping screaming at bay
Remaining undetectable in the destruction
But living in the shadows is not the insanity
And this crawling under the rubble
Playing dead until the killer flees
Is no performance
She remains there until coaxed into spotlight again
Shadow girl, it's time for your remake
Scream until your throat is raw
The definition of insanity is repeating the suffocation
And expecting a different result
Curtain call:
When a wounded heart pours, it spills
A stage she was willing to die on
But if no one is in the shadows to hear the epilogue of her pain
Does it still make a sound?

growing up is realizing all of the moments you weren't acting anything comparable to grown
up from the ashes of your youth
the innocence remains in the form
of more sugar than spice
an elixir, no fountain can change
the way my smile lines begin
to crack like the valley once home
no empty nest syndrome
only learning how to fly before you fall
growing up is realizing all of the times you hadn’t
been taught how to be grown at all

Peel flesh away from bone
Spiders crawling in my skin
The Recluse takes over
Pulling me to darkness within

Cobwebs in the corner
Break me, sticks and stone
Like vermin, biting the hand that feeds
Tangled up in web til I’m alone

Dangling in the corner again
I’m not sure that I mind
I’m going invisible, although uncomfortable,
If I numb it, I’ll be fine

For sanity as currency
Giving away my time
I can pull on the mask
But my nerves begin to grind

The Recluse curls around me
Keeps me in an embrace
Comforts me like I’m a child
In the shadows I remain.

I used to talk to God about my problems
With no answer from the sky
I used to talk to friends about my problems
Maybe they think I’ve found God as I plead
I used to talk to the Devil about my problems
With no hope for any mercy
I used to talk

I used to have my voice.
I don’t know where it’s gone.

Like a sailor’s warning, a red sky in morning,
Ocean swell rolls like thunder from blue to black

The ebb and flow of the crashing tides plead,
“Turn the heat down. We have been trying to put out the flames for so long”.

How long did the fire have to burn
That not even the cries of Mother Earth could tame it?

Only the void of the moon
And the pain from the sun
Misaligned halo in harmony
Could save us from this tribulation

I stare at the wall for days
I can’t be clear when I last showered,
But I can tell you what I last ate
When mama says you can’t get up from the kitchen table
But never teaches you to bathe
The kids all laugh at you, teachers send you on your way
I learn eyeliner from grandma, big sister shows me drugs
Boys and fathers ***** my ******* when all I needed was a hug
All attention is good, and any voice I use is bad
Late night internet praying not to be caught by dad
I look over my shoulder,
Paranoid of being framed
A prisoner inside of her own home making straight A grades
Drinking on the weekend, committing petty crime
Smoking all your cigarettes, singing strawberry wine

I sit here in a haze
I can’t be clear what day it is,
But I can tell you when she passed away
Wind beneath my wings at the funeral home,
Where mama says they pray away the pain
But I can’t seem to reconcile any good Lord
Allowing innocence to be stolen on a rainy day
The party-goers all laugh at you, the host just walks away
I learn what a **** is from my cousin, little brother shoves
I’ve built up a wall of pain from all this lack of love

dont tell me to smile
I no longer bend
until you break me

the words ring in my ear
im
too loud
too emotional
too outspoken

and over time you
wore me down
stretched me thin
until you could
shape and mold me
pacify me
use me
abuse me


'im sorry'
was the melody
music to your ears
groveling at the need
for you to keep me in your collection

'but don't you love me?
but don't you need me?'
a record i hate on repeat
because you refuse to play
the one where i say no.
instead, you turned the volume down.

not anymore.
i am the screeching halt
to the lullaby you composed
interrupted by screaming, by clawing
by my refusal to let you ruin me

it's not that i no longer sing at all.
its just that i choose to wait
for someone capable of harmony.