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 May 2013 Sophie Herzing
Brycical
You want to be near me
but also have your space.
Fiercely independent spending days in bed
gives way to the shisha hangout.

                              In one moment, an ecstatic smile
                              is murdered by your melancholy eyes.  

You're confidence surges when you're straddling me;
a tiger ready for the passionate bite
yet you cry like a sick kitten at your own reflection.

                              You don't mind holding hands, kissing my forehead  
                              but then tell me you've just been pretending.

You tell me "I love you,"
but then "I don't know what love means."

                               You feel something is missing
                               yet are most comfortable laying next to me.

And yet I don't mind all of these contradictions...
for some reason I still want to be in your presence
because I have faith and hope that one day
you will see how much mental anguish
emotional confusion yet pure white-hot
right from the sun warmth you've given to me.
And I hope and have faith that one day
you will see what I mean when I speak
I LOVE YOU
into your heart and soul.
Pride fills your chest and you feel anthemic
Your thoughts are contagious
Pervasive, pandemic
Phrases like lasers
Searing gazes
At empty stages

But in the background
A playwright bleeds out on paper
Everyone told him fear is not real
But the lie burns acrid
Tastes like acid
What idiot would back this?
Grappling with ghosts
Only gets your *** kicked

Ignore it, and
It becomes a rope around your throat
Choking love
Choking hope
It’s a gag dipped in vinegar
Tightened over tongue
Wafting in your nostrils
Water in your lungs

Embrace it? It is sound and fury
And makes you question
That you have any questions left to ask
Or any words left to say
Any poems meant to write
Any battles worth the fight
Any gifts left to give
Any life left to live

Poet, Fear has a body
With a thousand different heads
This is what it looks like
This slimy source of all your dread
It's your mother when she told you to get a "real" job
It's your bills, it's your rejection slips
It's the "Sorry, not the right fit"s
It's the superstars
Without your scars
Whose work reads like ****

Fear is real
Don’t ever let them tell you differently
It’s real and it’s homicidal
it's maniacal and it's wild
it grips a butcher knife
and it comes to carve out your heart
cut away the playwright's smile

So, poet, posture cat-like
Beckon the foaming dog to bite
But bite you on your ground tonight
"I won’t pretend you aren’t there
so you can shadow my back
dagger between my ribs
**** my dreams in their crib"

Come get me, Fear
I smell you
I feel you
I’m ready for you
Let me be the razor blade
you glide across your wrist
let me be the bottle
when you long to get ******
let me be the cigarette
you smoke through trembling lips
let me be the calories
You fear upon your hips
let me be the mirror dear
that lies when you undress
let me be the meds you take
when your minds a mess
let me be the phone call
unanswered by a friend
let me be the tear drops
you shed at each days end
let me be whatever
it is you feel you need
coz I will NEVER let you be...

I'll always intercede
Whatever whenever remember you've always got friends on hp.
I wouldn't call it a fear
of falling in love

But how this feels is like
A child's drawing of infinity
But he tells you
Actually it is two people kissing

And I want to cut the image in half
so I can talk in circles
and filibuster the time
I should be using to kiss you

Kissing does not mean you are falling in love
But it is a start

In the same way I sleep best with a body against me
But I have a twin bed

*** is not falling in love
But it often ends
with you falling asleep  
against me

And from there
what do we fall into?
and
Who does the catching?
 May 2013 Sophie Herzing
JM
If I
 May 2013 Sophie Herzing
JM
am not kissing you
within five seconds
of seeing your eyes
in shared sunlight,
then the earthworms
will swarm to our
feet and by seven seconds
our tongues will touch
and the universe will
stop holding it’s breath,
knowing our time has begun.
 May 2013 Sophie Herzing
JM
I'm sick of writing *******
angst fueled piles of
**** poems about how much
I think about stupid *******
and how I sickly miss their sadistic
tendencies exercised upon my
unsuspecting psyche.

I write of greys and nothings
and try to create murky landscapes
because I'm ******* bored and high
and I know that kind of ****
resonates with some of you creepy *******.

I wrote so many ******* poems for her,
for you, dearest.
So many poems I thought you would see
how much I love you, how much I would give all of myself.
For nothing.
I told you no the other day,
after not hearing from you for months.
That twisted my guts but I asked
my sister what to do and she is
one of the few creatures with a ******
I trust.

I'm sick of reading other peoples
**** of lost love and broken hearts
and **** gone wrong and he loves
her but she likes ***** and *******
empty heads smashing empty hearts
and abuse and neglect and so many
******* gut wrenching tales of woe
it makes me sad to be a part of this..
pathetic conglomeration of fools, humans.

Sure, there is some positive **** out there,
but even that makes me want to puke.
I'm envious and doubtful, cynical and jaded.

I want to believe my one is out there,
but I'm not getting any prettier
or any smarter
and I have grown weary of
even trying to try.

I'm tired and ******
and I just want a soft
sweet smelling pile of flesh
next to me rubbing my
temples and whispering in my ear
stories of bugs and latex body paint
and what dress she is going to wear
for me.

****.

I'm tired of writing poems like this
and I'm tired of reading poems like this
and I only want a sweet dripping ***** on my face.
I never claimed to be a poet.
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