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1.9k · Apr 2016
Rainbow After Rain
Soph T Apr 2016
The time will come,
When with hardship,
You will prevail.
At your lowest point,
you'll stand up.
And each will look at you,
And admire you.

You will not give up.
Try harder, be stronger, act tougher.
Whatever happens to you,
Know
In your heart,
Things will get better.
Who knows,
Maybe it will be as if it never happened.

Take down the fear,
The pain,
The strife.
Show your true self.
You'll make it through.
There's always a rainbow after rain.
1.6k · May 2017
Suicide
Soph T May 2017
Why is everyone so afraid to say suicide?
When it happens,
everyone is afraid to talk about it.
People fabricate the word "suicide" because they're afraid.
They're afraid of admitting that they couldn't save them.
They couldn't save them so they call them a victim.
They deserved better,
They deserved someone who cared.
They needed someone who listened.
Now it's too late.
986 · Apr 2016
Opposites
Soph T Apr 2016
Sunshine,
Rain.
Moon,
Sun.
Black,
White.
What do all of these have in common?
They're opposites.
Just like you and me.
686 · Sep 2016
Wishlist
Soph T Sep 2016
I wish I could be happy,
But I can't.
I wish I didn't have to fake smile,
But I can't.
I wish things were different,
That I was different,
That we were different
But we're not.
Nothing ever changes,
And nothing ever will.
663 · Jun 2016
Please Don't Forget Me
Soph T Jun 2016
I was so happy,
I got to spend time with you.
I was ecstatic when I found out you wanted to spend time with me.
I had so much fun,
We had so much fun.
But that was then,
And this is now.
Please don't forget me,
Please don't forget the memories we shared.
I never want to forget you,
And all of the fun we had.
I wouldn't trade that for the world.
643 · Jul 2016
Soul-devouring thoughts
Soph T Jul 2016
I'm being eaten alive by my own thoughts.
I can't run,
I can't hide.
Each one kills me more and more.
The darker they get,
The more deadly they become.
I wish I could escape them,
But you can't escape your own thoughts.
570 · May 2017
Easy
Soph T May 2017
Do I mean nothing to you?
Did you find it easy to throw me away?
I stood there waiting,
Hoping for you to show up.
You left me there,
All by myself.
It must've been easy,
But it was hard for me.
I didn't want to let you go,
I didn't want to say goodbye.
But you forced me,
Because you were selfish.
You might've stopped loving me,
But I never stopped loving you.
I never left you,
And I don't think I ever will.
551 · May 2017
I'm slowly losing my mind
Soph T May 2017
I'm unraveling,
I'm a mess.
I can't pull myself back together.
I'm all ripped up,
Broken even.
I can't make myself calm down.
Everything just comes at me,
All at once,
I can't handle it anymore.
I can't pull it together,
I'm losing myself.
538 · Jun 2018
Broken Person
Soph T Jun 2018
I found a broken person
And thought I could fix him
I was wrong.
He only got worse,
He spun out of control.
I was always there,
But he didn’t always want me.
He pushed me away,
And that was his downfall.
He grew increasingly distant,
Until he didn’t talk to me at all.
It took some time but I figured out why,
He was gone.
492 · Aug 2016
Never asked Question
Soph T Aug 2016
You don't know what's going on in my head.
I could be plotting my suicide,
Or dancing on rainbows.
I could be running away from myself,
Or playing with a fuzzy dog.
I could be crying in the pooring rain,
Or singing under warm sunshine.
You'll never know what's going on in my head,
You never even ask.
Even if you did ask,
I wouldn't know how to answer you.
Some days are better than others,
Some days are worse.
Some days I feel nothing,
Some days I feel love and happiness.
No matter what day it is,
I'll never be able to answer your never asked question,
Even if you decide to ask it one day.
412 · May 2017
A poem to myself
Soph T May 2017
Calm down,
Everything is okay
Stop crying,
You have no reason to be sad.
Be happy,
Your family loves you.
Don't be angry,
He didn't do anything.
No one is hurting you but yourself,
You're killing yourself.
Stop,
Please.
I know you can't control it,
But try.
You're losing yourself.
Eventually,
There will be nothing left to lose.
And that's what I worry about,
I don't want to lose you too.
Don't do it,
Please.
Look around you,
See all the people who care about you.
If you need to go,
Then go.
But stay alive for them,
Stay alive
401 · Jun 2016
Silence is Deadly
Soph T Jun 2016
Silence is deadly.
It forces conversations,
Conversations that were never meant to be.
It forces words out of the mouth,
Words that were never meant to be said.
Silence forces you to think,
Even when you don't want to think.
Those thoughts become deadly,
When you force them into that accidental conversation.
371 · May 2017
Stay
Soph T May 2017
I'll stay here,
For you.
I'll push my pain away,
For you.
You mean the world to me,
You mean everything to me.
I would do anything for you.
Even though I'm suffering,
I will stay here for you.
Just promise,
You'll stay here with me.
301 · Feb 2017
Tears
Soph T Feb 2017
One at a time,
Dripping down my  face,
Slowly falling to my chin
Then on to my shirt.
Then they came from both eyes,
Falling more rapidly,
But not rushed.
I felt my skin heat up
My face started turning red.
More started coming,
Faster,
Faster.
I want to yell,
I want to scream.
But I don’t.
I just let them fall down my face.
There is nothing I could do,
I can't control them anymore.
299 · Apr 2016
Unrepairable
Soph T Apr 2016
I wish I could smile,
but you took that from me.
You broke me,
and shattered me into a million pieces.
You can never put me back together.
I'l never be the same,
because now I'm broken,
and I'll never be fixed.
295 · Jun 2016
People
Soph T Jun 2016
Angry and dejected,
That's how they see me.
So what.
I like being by myself.
I just don't like people.
It's not my fault,
They're selfish.
People need to shut up sometimes,
Listen instead of talk.
If they listened then they would be able to see.
They'd be able to see how selfish they are.
They'd be able to see how much pain they put me through.
It's like people are programmed to disappoint the ones the love.
People are selfish machines.
Selfish machines who don't care about who they hurt.
Since they don't feel anything,
It makes it so much easier for them.
295 · Apr 2016
Home
Soph T Apr 2016
It was a usual night,
chicken for dinner,
I'm late.
But something was different.
I felt the ground rumble like a drag race.
It was like our house was at war with itself.
All went black.
I was still in a stupor.
I was dizzy from a headache.
I see a house,
It's lousy now.
I feel sick,
knowing nobody would be there this time.
294 · Jun 2016
Mental Bomb
Soph T Jun 2016
Tick,
Tick,
Boom.
It happens like a light switch.
I freak out,
Shut down,
And shut up.
It happens so many times,
Even when I'm around you.
I hide because I don't want you to judge me,
To laugh at me,
To hate me.
288 · May 2016
Darkness
Soph T May 2016
I have this dark thought,
Deep,
Down inside.
I tell no one,
Hoping it will get better,
But it doesn't,
It only gets worse.
The more I push it away,
The darker it gets,
The more realistic it becomes.
I made it one of my options,
A very possible option.
I think about it every day,
But I can never actually do it,
No matter how bad I want to.
I promised myself,
I would stay here for you.
287 · Apr 2016
All My Fault
Soph T Apr 2016
I'm sorry,
I should've treated you better.
I didn't need to be so mean,
I didn't have to kick you out.
I knew I was harsh,
But that didn't stop me,
That didn't make me shut up.
It tears me apart,
That you're not here anymore.
But what makes that even worse,
Is that it was
All,
My,
Fault.
279 · Nov 2017
False Hope
Soph T Nov 2017
What am I hoping for?
Nothing will ever come.
You will never come home,
I will never get better.
We drift further apart everyday.
I still remember the day you didn't come back.
You told me not to worry,
You told you would be okay,
You lied.
261 · Apr 2016
Deserted
Soph T Apr 2016
Deserted here,
The old house.
I wish nothing ever changed.
I look toward my home,
once,
happier people lived here.
I wish it didn't happen so fast.
Why did they tear me away?
I remember their bright smiles,
how dignified they are.
I wish i could smile,
but you were too lovely,
perhaps,
to stay.
252 · May 2016
Unknown Conversation
Soph T May 2016
I want to tell you,
But I know you won't listen.
Or maybe you will,
I'll never know.
No matter how many times I plan out the scenario in my head,
I know it will never go as I plan.
You will probably laugh at me,
Call me crazy.
But that's why I won't tell you.
No matter how bad I want to.
242 · May 2016
Before
Soph T May 2016
Two friends sit in a field side by side,
One has cuts and scars on her arms.
They both stare up at the beautiful night sky.
The girl with cuts wants to leave this earth,
and be up with the stars.
The girl with cuts asks,
“Why won't you let me leave?”
Her friend replies,
“Because I'll miss you too much.”
So the girl with cuts says,
“But I don't want to be here anymore.”
Her friend looks into her eyes and says,
“Wrap that piece of grass around your finger.”
The girl does as she's told.
“Now you have something keeping you to this earth.
Please don't go.”
The girl with cuts holds the grass around her finger as if it means her life.
The girl takes two pieces of grass and ties one around her finger and then ties the other one around her friend's finger.
“I'll stay, as long as you stay with me.”
230 · Jun 2016
Self Doubt
Soph T Jun 2016
They expect me to stand up,
Be strong,
But I don't know if I can.
I can't be the perfect girl they want me to be.
I can't live up to their expectations.
I can't be their perfect child,
I'm too afraid to even try.
228 · Apr 2016
Her.
Soph T Apr 2016
I see you smile,
Oh how much that hurts.
You used to smile for me,
Only me.
Now you're with her.
You don't smile for me anymore.
I didn't deserve you,
But that's what made it all worth while.
227 · Jun 2016
Indecisiveness
Soph T Jun 2016
Why is this so hard?
Why can't I decide?
I hate you,
I love you.
It's a little bit of both.
I want to forgive you,
But I can't.
You hurt me,
You brutally murdered me.
I hate the person you've become,
But I love the person you were.
I don't want to let you go,
But I don't want to stay with you either,
I can't decide.
I love you,
But I still hate you.
226 · May 2016
Feelings.
Soph T May 2016
Wait,
no.
don't go.
I still love you.
I know you have to go,
but please come back.
What you did was stupid,
but you know that now.
It's okay.
Right?
You can come back.
I'll be waiting because,
I forgive you.
224 · Jun 2016
Apology
Soph T Jun 2016
I'm sorry,
I'm not perfect.
I'm sorry,
I'm not skinny.
I'm sorry,
I'm depressed all the time.
I'm sorry,
I can't be there for you.
I'm sorry,
I cry a lot.
I'm sorry,
I like to be alone.
I'm sorry,
I'm not like other girls.
I'm sorry,
I don't style my hair.
I'm sorry,
I don't paint my nails.
I'm sorry,
I can't be your perfect, beautiful daughter.
I'm sorry,
I ever thought so.
223 · Aug 2016
Heartbreak
Soph T Aug 2016
How can someone break your heart without even having it?
I think it hurts more,
When they weren't even yours to begin with.
It's heart-wrenching to see them with someone else,
Especially when you know you belong with them.
You know you're so much better than that other person.
You convince yourself of this,
And it makes your situation so much worse.
Every time you see them,
You cringe.
It gets to the point when you can't hide it anymore.
When will you realize you just have to let go?
Let go of them,
And be free of their everlasting grip.
223 · May 2017
After
Soph T May 2017
One friend sits alone in a field,
She used to have someone with her.
That someone left,
And took both hearts with her.
Her friend broke her promise.
Now all that's left is the wind beside her.
The wind is not enough to hold her down.
The girl with cuts and scars on her arms lets go,
And drifts away with her new friend the wind.
She closes her eyes and smiles,
There's nothing holding her here.
223 · Feb 2017
Stars
Soph T Feb 2017
Sometimes I like to compare myself to the stars.
I shine so brightly,
But no one knows how far away I am.
I could be millions of galaxies away,
Or I could be the next one over.
People think stars last forever,
But even they have a tipping point.
Even they explode.
But no one knows,
Until it's too late.
Just like me.
219 · May 2017
Opposite Stories
Soph T May 2017
All it takes is one step,
off that clif,
to end it all,
I have given up,
And I'm falling,
To my death.

All it takes is one step,
To walk in that door,
to talk it out,
To feel better.
I'm taking my medicine,
I'm still alive,
I'm helping myself.
219 · Jan 2019
Publicity
Soph T Jan 2019
I’m finally admitting it,
I’m not over you.
I see you in the halls,
I try not to look;
Not to make eye contact.
Every now and then
I’ll look you up,
Just to see how you’re doing.
So many things pop up.
I think it’s great,
You’re doing something that you love,
Even if I’m not a part of it.
I love seeing you so happy.
216 · May 2017
I suppose
Soph T May 2017
You were supposed to take care of me.
You were supposed to be kind to me.
You were supposed to be the one who would never call me names,
Who would never abandon me.
The person who I could count on,
Who would always be there for me.
I thought we were inseparable,
I thought we weren't like everyone else.
We had something special,
Why'd you do what you weren't supposed to?
212 · Jun 2016
Memories
Soph T Jun 2016
We were both on that edge.
We were about to jump.
You grabbed my wrist.
You held me close,
and told me everything would be okay.
You pulled me away from the edge.
I will never forget that,
I will never forget you.
Even if you forget me.
212 · May 2016
Falling Deeper
Soph T May 2016
My hands are shaking,
My feet are wobbly.
I'm on the edge,
Inches away from death.
All it takes is one step,
One last step to end it all.
All the suffering,
All the pain.
As I look over,
I'm ready to face it.
I take that step,
And down I go,
deeper into the abyss.
210 · May 2017
How
Soph T May 2017
How
How can someone hate themselves so much they want to die?
How can the world push them so far?
I can tell you.
They became a hollow shell of who they used to be,
They became empty.
The world was unkind to them,
Constantly pushed them down.
When they would cry in their room,
No one would hear them.
When they were dying inside,
They were smiling outside.
Slowly,they started losing them self.
Slowly, they started giving in to the darkness.
Over time, the darkness consumed them,
there was nothing left.
209 · Dec 2016
Leaving
Soph T Dec 2016
I put the suitcase down.
she pleaded with me:
"can't i go with you?"
i think she already knew the answer.
"Not this time."
i started to tear up.
i couldn't bear knowing this was the last time we would see each other.
it was impossible to look her in the face as she asked,
"you'll be back soon right?"
no i wont and i'm never coming back.
"I'll try to be back as soon as i can."
i pull her into a tight hug,
knowing this is the last memory we will share.
as i slowly pull away,
tears start to pour from both of our faces.
i open the door and leave the house.
i know if i turn around i'll run right back to her.
so i don't.
206 · Jun 2016
Courage
Soph T Jun 2016
I wish I was braver,
I wish I was courageous.
I wish I had the guts to tell you,
But I can't.
I tried that before,
It didn't go so well for me.
I was laughed at,
Made fun of,
And I don't want to go through that again.
I hope you will never do that to me,
I hope you will never be that mean.
Wait for me,
Please,
Because that day will come,
When I can tell you what I really wanted to say this whole time.
204 · May 2016
Masquerade
Soph T May 2016
I need your help,
But I don't know how to ask.
You can't see me cry,
You only see me smile.
You have no idea.
I wear a mask,
No one can see what's underneath.
201 · Jul 2016
Traitor
Soph T Jul 2016
You were there for me,
But now you aren't.
You're not there to hold me when I cry,
You're not there to whisper,
Everything will be okay.
You left me,
You left us.
Was it worth it?
Did you find what you were looking for?
I hope you found someone new,
Because if you come back,
I won't be waiting,
No one will be waiting.
197 · May 2017
I'm fine.
Soph T May 2017
I'm fine
I'm just a broken person,
Trying to collect the pieces.
Trying to put myself back together.

I'm fine
But I'm really not
I'm dying on the inside
But I won't tell you that

I'm not fine,
But you'll never hear me say that
189 · Nov 2018
I wish you were here
Soph T Nov 2018
In my darkest hours
I want to talk to you
I want to reach out to you
Even though I know I can’t
I want you to tell me it’s alright
To tell me everything’s gonna be okay
I wish I still could
I wish you didn’t go away
Because now
Everything’s not okay
186 · May 2016
Impossible
Soph T May 2016
I want to tell you,
But I can't.
Every time I try,
Every time I open my mouth,
Nothing comes out.
No sound,
No breath.
Just,
Nothingness.
180 · Feb 2017
Clarity
Soph T Feb 2017
Our mistakes make us who we are
We can't change them
We can't forget them
There is no utopia
There's no paradise
There's just people
And their ***** ups
But that's life
And life is unfair
Once you realize that
Everything makes a lot more sense
174 · Feb 2017
Somewhere only we know
Soph T Feb 2017
Don't you wish there was a place we could go
A place where only we know about
A paradise
A utopia
All our mistakes,
Forgotten
All our ***** ups
Out of mind
Everything we did
Everything we regret,
Gone
There's only the present,
you and me,
And the new memories we create.
172 · May 2016
You
Soph T May 2016
You
I love the way you walk.
I love the way you talk.
Your eyes,
they're so blue,
I can get lost in them.
I try not to stare,
but it's so hard,
I see you all the time.
Maybe,
Just once,
I'll get the courage to say,
Hi.
171 · Jan 2019
I give up
Soph T Jan 2019
Everytime I think I’m doing better,
I’m not.
I have a good day,
Then a terrible week,
An empty and depressing week.
I have a good month,
Then I forget what happiness even feels like.
No matter how hard I fight it,
The darkness always comes back.
Maybe it’s time I succumb to it...
170 · Jun 2016
Tight Grip
Soph T Jun 2016
I'm holding on,
I don't want to let you go.
But maybe that's what I need to do,
Even though I miss you.
I need to let you go.
Letting go is not forgetting the past, it's remembering the future.
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