I'm drifting.
Further,
And further,
Everyday.
I fear I'm losing control.
There are times when I don't even recognize myself.
I needed you to hold me down,
Maybe if you were still here,
I wouldn't be so far gone.

I know you’re angry at me
That you’re disappointed
I’m sorry
I can’t help it
It’s difficult to feel happy
I want to **** myself
But you only care that I don’t want to take a photo
I’m empty and hollow
But you yell that I should try to be part of the family
I’m suffering
But you don’t care

I wish I was a bird,
free to go wherever I want and get away from here.
I wish I had more time with you before I had to say goodbye,
I would’ve done so much more.
I wish you weren’t the reason I cried,
I wish you wouldn’t have left.
I wish I was stronger,
Maybe then I wouldn’t miss you so much.
I wish I was famous,
Would you finally pay attention to me?
I wish I could see you one last time,
Just to know you’re okay.
I wish I was hidden,
Tucked away from the world.
I wish I was your diamond,
Something you hold dear.
I wish you would come back, and never leave.

Is this really what I've become?
I am a pathetic,
Worthless,
human being.
I don't want to go out anymore,
I don't have the energy to do anything.
I just lay around,
Thinking about how much better it would be,
If I was gone.
I wouldn't upset anyone,
I wouldn't have to see how they look at me.
They think I don't know,
But I do.
It would be easier if I just do it already,
I don't know why I haven't.

I love the way you walk.
I love the way you talk.
Your eyes,
they're so blue,
I can get lost in them.
I try not to stare,
but it's so hard,
I see you all the time.
Maybe,
Just once,
I'll get the courage to say,
Hi.

I'm listening,
I'm here.
I won't ever leave you.
When you cry,
I'll help you.
When you simply need a hug,
I'll be there.
Things are hard right now,
I won't pretend I don't know,
But I'm here,
Even if you don't want me to be.
I'll love you,
Even if you can't love yourself.

As I head towards the building,
I am turned around by a crowd of people
Running,
Screaming.
We all funnel into a building
And hide in our classrooms under desks,
As if those will protect us.
I head loud noises through the door,
A painful combination of screams and loud
I think to myself,
Is this it?
Is this how I die?
I get so caught up in my thought,
I didn’t even realize that the commotion outside has stopped,
It’s silent
Except for a few hushed cries
I see a soldier through the door window,
He opens the door and is greeted by screams of relief and terror
He tells us to come with him
That we can leave.
I stand up,
My legs shaking
My heart pounding.
I turn and look at the calamity all around me.
Broken windows,
Blood and bullets on the floor.
It only gets worse as I walk down the hallway.
As I step outside,
I’m greeted by warm sunshine
But it doesn’t feel the same as it did before,
I don’t feel the same as I did before.

I have never felt more alone
Then when surrounded by people.
Everyone trying to be someone else
Someone they’re not.
It’s sickening.
I mean
I can’t really say I don’t do the same
I try to be this extroverted socialite
But really I’m an introverted anti-socialite
I try to take on this persona
that I actually want to be around people
But I really don’t

I get anxious
Ever since then
It’s been hard to forget
I might have ptsd
I don’t know
It was hard for me
I felt caged
Like an animal
I was stuck in a bad situation
I didn’t know how to get out
I still don’t
I’m trapped and I can’t get out

When I'm around you,
I feel special.
You make me feel happy,
You make me feel loved.
You can make me smile with one word.
You make me feel whole.
I love that feeling,
I love being with you.
I love you.

I have never felt more alone
Then when surrounded by people
Everyone trying to be someone else
Trying to be someone they’re not
I get it though
It’s hard
To be yourself
To expose the real you
That’s why I don’t even try

I want to be free.
I want to be free of this darkness that owns me.
It follows me around,
It won't leave me alone.
I'm constantly fighting it.
I can't take it anymore.
Eventually,
I'll lose the fight.
I'll just give up,
And the darkness will win.

Hey
Hey
How are you?
Not so good
Do you want to talk about it?
No.

You’re a liar
I think I’ve known this whole time
And I chose to ignore it
But you can’t ignore it when you’re staring at it with your own eyes
I think the not knowing was better
The maybe he is
Maybe he isn’t
I’m done
I’m done with you
I’m done with all of it