to go

despite not going solo

despite all the reasons that you

spoke of

to plan an escape by bus for aviemore perhaps

by rail for inverness

the memory of you

we wait for a wild wind
for the apples to fall it

doesn’t happen yet

and those he clouted with the clothes prop
were already pecked severely

the birds come hungry

they talked about the difficulties that face
us this winter

realisation came that I would have chosen
this if I had seen an example
or followed a trend
bought
a trial period

however things occur
some parts are okay

he thinks I am a hill billy which amused me

yesterday they took a different route while

i followed at a distance

james

days off

tourists come more at weekends

some in their campers and park

down by the bridge here and other

places elsewhere

and I hope

i am not repeating myself?

it gets busy in the lanes unlike out of season

busier this year due to the situation
people not going abroad to other

countries now

there are real bad reports about some campers
and warnings on social media about places

that are messed up, not to go there

yesterday as I passed a van early
could hear the snoring see

the windows steamed

so I go out early while all are asleep
and it is quiet apart from birds and

animals

I saw a mole yesterday starting a burrow
by the path among the flowers

all my holidays got cancelled
and I do not mind for these

are covid days…..

you notice small things too
and record them slightly

those touches, nuances

do you see the way they
glance, look aside with

love and embarrassment

have you too overstepped
the mark, realised and later
apologised?

do you sometimes forget
the question mark then
wait endlessly for an answer?

i forgot my log in details
and wonder if there is any hope

will they miss me there or
merely carry on regardless

the pound shops here have things that cost one pound

each

they sell glasses there for cloud and sun though

at present I do not shop in store
i shop online and while it is a

differing entity comes useful in these

times

she says the smaller stores will suffer
and while this is true I find it far more

convenient to have all the heavy stuff
brought to the door

rather than loading then later unloading
the car
to carry goods down the drive in various

weathers

a few leaves hang on like beaten rags
the branch hangs limp waiting for a

particular gust to fall

i do not have sugar in my tea
the saucer has cartoon animals
for decoration

it is an agreement

we read the guidelines
then forget

in a hurry
to carry on with fortitude and carrier bags

each item creates barriers and difficulties
while some folk including me don’t have

a clue

as to what is really occurring over here
over there

he said it was his job and glad they won
on waking realised just what he had done

he had a mark on his face
just like I have

my wood is restacked more tidy
than before james though I think

I have less than you and no small
boys to help here

lately

did not draw yesterday. my mind did not wander in that world of marks of manifestations

i stayed up the house while the storm was outside with another name and watched a while

when it became too much and notices of fallen trees were all around I drew the curtain against the sky ; admired the fabric

that was the only thing I drew yesterday

i tidied a cupboard already done and thought about your birthday

packed all your gifts ready yet I did not draw anything properly yesterday

spoke and she said she wished she could go somewhere i realised i had and arrived at last

we are on holiday long term to enjoy
with all the commodities and delights plus exceptional views about

it is not actually so yet who would complain at such a thing and make themselves miserable

no use moaning when there us no one to hear

he looks like a kinder man and I am told he had paid the price

hoping all went well, that it was a good event

enjoyed by all

that you ate nice
enjoyed the day

ours are all late summer and autumn
in a row

one has an event
the others don’t really

there is a box here with all his stuff
the other life

i got it down yesterday and read
it all again

in the morning
in the afternoon

i did some painting

stopped a while as the lightness started

down the back lane by the abbey

round me they flew never touching
we laughed in delight
at this natural thing

come lightly

then the vehicle came
so I stepped back onto
the bank

and slipped

tuesday bought eco firelighters
asked for two boxes to last a while

was asked to take them to the till
decided on three instead
fifty each box

to last one hundred and

fifty fires

liking multiples move to a new way of
buying
storing

for eventualities

looked at the boots after
and am giving it thought

i am imagining
blowing leaves

yesterday came the big drop
and the garden came golden

and what I will say to you today

james


is well done for staying
yesterday

maybe it is easier to climb that way

bending toes to grip

then to feel the rain early

pad through the hallway

leaving wet

marks

it is raining early

the power restored
since four

no one is about yet
only one cat waiting

I used to leave my shoes on the
garden wall
and play

leybourne avenue

the window is open and the breeze

blows the door

squeaking and i like the sound

you would not come back

except for visits

you came again in auto fill

last evening sat alone

we still cannot understand

there is no explanation for that

nor what you did

you are a ghost to us now

fading

we watched it on tv

you thought we were broken

yet we watch you solidly, bravely like joan

with just one comma throughout

we no longer come ragged

we watch you leave

i

tell you this

there are some do not believe


will not sleep while others will

and some


wish to be invited

*

some photos show nothing
while paintings can come

more personal

it means something if
you go to look

properly

it means more if you sit quietly

in the light and read

there were challenges

one was print and pattern

her voice sounded brighter
and I hoped she was better

a little

she affirmed she was so we
chatted

about this and that and
honesty

i have mostly fallen oak

leaves in the garden
and am looking forward

to the clearance when it comes

three quarters of an acre

memories drift in and out
while writing
again

asking for the reminder in half an hour
was misheard from under the covers

it came after one hour

one must learn to be clear
to talk from above
no muddling

the day will shift along thirty
minutes awry

things will still get done
from the verb to do which

has been discussed previously

the research completed
the total cost calculated

we experimented

the block
worked
he held it bravely while I bashed it

thoroughly

the fence stands upright

now and it cost nothing

good to hear that all went well

and that all is ready

i miss my neighbours truck

parked out back

he is awaiting a part

so uses a tractor now

reverses it way back up the lane

dislodging stones in the wall and track

grooving the ground

i get more grip while walking up
tried running it yesterday

for fun

laughing

at the sight of me

stopped at the slow worm
cut short by the tail

quickly gone

googled running and found I did it right

and am in the thirty percent

he has a bike too in the cellar
and a motorbike kept over the way
at his cousins

there is a good family likeness

is not much use in the dark
so to say ok to google a small
light occurs

to see

listen we can only hear the weather
or ask her again

which can change each day

make plans in the diary
delete them on the day
or arrow forward

as things alter

remember and even now
making our clothes to fit

better or updating the style

somehow

making something from something

else

he mended his boots with glue from
the ironmongers then finished it off

with screws for strength

three in each and not even matching
well then who will see

some things don’t matter

do you remember how to do things

solo

on your own

no prompting


we have done it here for years now

mostly with paragraphs


then with your help sometimes

so I wondered if I can still fly solo

ultimately without your reply


and it seems maybe I can

with paragraphs

yesterday lunchtime time this wind blew in
across the mountain

i watched

stood barefoot
heard the thunder

others waited

it came and he saw the lightning hit

not too severe. elsewhere

there was flooding

we had talked about my cousin and
her dresses I was given, to be taken

away by mum who said they did not suit
me

he said I could have some now made for me especially

no

all that was bashed out of me
so I am not that girl no more

all new and unknowing

am not sure of the word innocent

nor like words elderly and the other one

james

i bought a second hand bike yesterday
via facebook marketplace . my hair is

grown

and I don’t care

mornings rise softly
darkling to the sound

of another sweet day

it seems I saw only him
in eight days and he speaks

ordinary

the track is softer now
moisture swells the way

and birds come quieter
scatter at my approach

autumn

stand alone more

to wonder and admire

to poke in moss to
find

tiny tiny things

james

the darkness of dreams is come

november

you would not come back

except for visits

you came again in auto fill

last evening sat alone

we still cannot understand

there is no explanation for that

nor what you did

you are a ghost to us now

fading

we watched it on tv

you thought we were broken

yet we watch you solidly, bravely like joan

with just one comma throughout

we no longer come ragged

we watch you leave

i

tell you this

there are some do not believe


will not sleep while others will

and some


wish to be invited

some photos show nothing
as does the work i produce

yet it means something if
you go to look

properly

the visits were a thing back then

no observing the window display
were the rules

of course we did
yet I saw nothing
of any offence

he placed a board on the arms
of the seat for us smaller folk

and cut it short
we had no choice

the barber pole outside
to advertise

sometimes the fringe
was trimmed at home
eyes shut
mine not hers

the sound cut through
the bits spit out

it has taken years to realise
taken a lockdown

no intervention

i will make bread today
plant the seed
maybe read the meter
unless I do it on monday

you answered the questions
the good soul you are

fed the cats early
as do I over here

i apologise easy
if allowed

though some do not permit a dialogue

at all

he asked me what he had done wrong again
i confirmed that there was nothing
amiss at all

wondered why he thought so

remember the early days
and understand a little

bit

my tongue
say nothing
is best sometimes

i too shall have a fire today
learning to be back indoors

autumn

second lockdown
lost count

nice to be excited
nice to ride the track

we have one here open from town down to the coast
quiet early, gets busy later though not bustling
as predicted here

a different creature then upon a bike
speedy with out no legs to stand just
two things buzzing around

no arms hanging
****** out and attached to
an iron bar

i never thought of it like that

james

is good they explained

i remember out riding the mountain
the leader shouting at the art

students making environmental pieces

near the route

the bear says hello

quietly

good and never grumbles at all

i guess you were working with it being monday
even though it felt like sunday
yesterday
here

it was day something of second lockdown
day something else of isolation living

though single living allows visits for our
mental health

i told him when he asked about dinner
with his sister

we laughed and the wind blew things
away

his wood is ready outside in wheelbarrow
mine in bags from the store

radiators in the bedrooms
and the other rooms too

best keep this factually
correct

instead of poetic

james

it feels cave like this time of year

while often we add grated apples

stood in the hall

door open

chatting across the road

one pair of pyjamas to the other

one mask to another

mid afternoon

up the road they build raised beds

steady

earth arrives by truck

with a crane to lift it off

two bags at a time

by the place where we did

a sponsored walk

you in your wellies

a quick run down on the day
yesterday

is that all are temporary measures
temporary structures
and collage

so we can move things about

change things as we like

it gives a freedom

you know about the bike
yet do you know about the perfect red?

i mentioned yours in relation to this
topic

the rose is propped against it’s dangling

the stones are placed ready

i have a plan that leaves me scared and thrilled
together

and even that I know
will fade

like a skin transfer

when we were kids we got those leaves
pressed to skin

when rubbed left a mark

a while

sometimes while walking i note the aroma

in the air

wednesdays here is market day
half
an hour’s drive away

except this week in lockdown

a pretty town
clock tower
and a few things titled alternative
only we think they are usual

wednesday is half day closing
here

wednesday is the same as all

other days now
we stay home

mainly

other days still have some significance
like sunday
when we change the bed

clothes

are more for walking, working these
days

today being friday I may tidy those
other clothes

to allow them see the light of day

at present still dark

sounds like a satisfactory arrangement
on the surface

as we know there is much below

the iceberg metaphor

thankyou for taking the time to tell me
to write of it and
i shall read it over
and imagine

a friend from portmeirion estate
asked after you
she knows we chat

she is keeping in touch
so I shall reply today

with words of my choice
not predicted

while yesterday a storm forecast
nothing came

while I drew the evil little toe rag

we have new bird boxes up
ready for the spring
meanwhile autumn comes gentle

one breath of leaves across the way

it is a tiny garden out back
overlooking the grave yard

where the men mowed the grass
stopping a while
leaning on rakes

watching the weather

discussing the news
for news came yesterday

local

news came yesterday

social media

so we carry on
feed the birds

gather the bracken
knit scarves for peace
james

cancel our holidays
&
stay home nicely
here

i did not know the rules
nor investigated

i needed the stuff gone so burned it
early morning. dead early.

no one complained and I smelled
smokey after

kenny remarked that it was the best way
in the circumstances

and I was impressed by the word
with all those bits to say over

a friend in town was reported
and the services called at night
to investigate the smouldering heap

she made them coffee

now the recycling place is back open
i dispose of it there nicely and politely

adhering to all the rules of numbers and distance

i go today despite the rain

i have an appointment between 9am and 10 am

the controller checks my registration
then lets me in
with instruction

next door’s truck is back

the suspension repaired
it now has a puncture.

how our lives have changed recently over

the last six months. we discussed it

over coffee at a distance

he said mine more than his

yet I disagreed

so we talked about our freezers

and the organisation there

while I seem fascinated with the sound of ice flows cracking although of course

this is the melting another cause for concern

the day went well with huge cheering from me when yesterday afternoon the old black bike is up and running

not my achievement only as I had help from a friend

who works nights.

with reference and respect

i tell you this



mist rose along the edge

scrubbed out scrubbed out that feeling

erased all marks or iridescent gestures

drew it inward until

it became outward

play the games

until all rises into absent beings

the beetle crawls fondly across the floor and we leave it

white mouse feeds at the window

a small plane flies over



maybe the tiredness brought the apparition melting

yet his face remained perfect

to me

through those years

i remember him running

his dog behind

remaining thoughts

move forward

courage to walk away
from objects that irritate
our eyes, to eat another way,
with snakes and camphor oil.

you know what i mean