:: you know ::


five men


those men who desire

who speak in three voices


is all i will say here, you know who you are

*

time is upon us as he writes

the old way


dust from the fire

he weaves

remembering the beginning

of it all


ash escapes his brain

into solitude


days left

three voices

rise until just one

is heard

it all starts here today
and will take a long time

there are so many many of us
lots upon lots

though early the lanes are clear
he sees no one
only the ice and frost

goes tentatively in the wrong boots

imagines the slipping so moves
the phone to a front pocket in

case

his imagination runs riot
as before and remembering

not to use the first word
that comes in his mind

or too many recognizable
cliches james

so we talked about dna alterations
those tracking devices they say are
inserted

and laughed over the silliness
of our conversation and then

i drew the tidy face and then

the scaffolders came

or any day. do not wish to hide

do not wish to run

to take the boat and steer

to take the hiatus i fear


it crossed so many times

each time delivering

some time sinking

while we are shouting that

we do not wish to die


my son



wrote of it before

the last crossing

having paid the price we hope to be delivered

knowing that in depth we drown



the island blessed

sandy tracks to wander

in memory


like birds we flew


now it comes commercial

no crossing

so it was yet no one did anything

here

drew on experience

kept quiet

for no one

hears

they are dead

as deaf as a dodo

*

deaf as the man upstairs

dead as the designer now

the virus got them

they came with moustaches

all curly waxed

but it still got them

the day of the dead

want to draw that image

to keep it in my brain
to come out some other way

take on all the things on our arms
our shoulders

the coat hanger effect

i noted his oversized coat
and was admonished for

assuming judgement on
appearance

no no no it is about remembrance
and the drawing out later
when all is quiet james

it is that time of year for memorials
eighteen days yet

perhaps someone will come to measure the depth

calculate the timeline

yes

using phrases like the enemy
it don’t go unnoticed here either

a negative use of language
instead of facts as you say

incitement and riot talking
found not guilty when tried

it is the modern way
to use adjectives that don’t apply

descriptions that come unnecessary
with double letters

and meanings

they talk in metaphors like me

they have a differing task, are not
magicians with a comma

moving on

i hope she will like a bike
and ride along with you

it came four legged

trouncing down the dark


no one was distressed here nor

frightened


one finds more fear in the doings

of men, their counterparts


fear of too much punctuation haunts

us

unlike the four leggeds

*

there are stars

there are no stars


so what is the true meaning

here


running in the dark

sorting in the rain things get wet


puddles form

wordsjointogether


a long dark road

two legged

all so very space age or those films
about disasters and meteors
smashing into our crust
making holes
called craters

bam
splat

enough to give anyone
a nose bleed

we have his here in a jar labelled

sometimes it is anxiety
all that is going on around
us

it came so very cold
the bags were wet
and my hands hurt
like billy oh

did not drop off though
cos I huffed and puffed them

stay by the fire james
for now it is winter

day five brought two voices

one day

same segregation

a night of stars



sickly child and predetermined words

flicker from page to

flicking the power fails

while some follow the mass

others raise fist protest



nothing was ever promised

nothing ever came fair, an invented entitlement

where no one is entitled

we have one pause

a tadpole before the jumping frog

comes wet and creaking

we forget the punctuation

we look at the pictures

only

your time will come

i will wait politely here until the time
and hope predicted don’t change
nothing

no more

we wonder for the phone is like a
little tablet
the tablet just a big phone
with no phone and a torch

so an half an hour spent
on ebay looking at those

to light the way

you see
we think we have a future here

do you
too?

the days come darker still

considering the night


white they peer

sadly into empathy


faces cloud

shoulders bowed


not so the beginning

look at it

look at it


no stars here no separation

the two become one

again


you see that your perception of things

is different from the others


hold it

hold it and you will find after time

some no longer see


today there is vacant parking at the church

it was one of those books

you know the sort you read over

something about a house

i seem to remember

one of the favourites

have the set up until then

and i expect she has written more

since

there is a boat house up cregennan

another down bontddu

making good photographs

good dreams



drama change to night terrors

when you cannot shift

the weight bearing down from hell or somewhere

else

hell is a story for control

for controversy

they come here spouting the belief yet

never ask for mine



fairies.

have a nice star symbol on the forecast
six sided
and while I hear rain now
on the cat slide
know there will be no walk early
again

have tear drop symbols too
which is correct so a good
job done here yesterday

it would be no good today

cat howled as i put her out
she slept on the dining room
table again

all the telling that the uncut moquette
is most comfy
goes unheard

preferring dark wood

each day I wash and polish
hoping for a change in attitude

i have stories on the shelf
may write them one by one
some day

as

yesterday I verbalised some

the job sounds fine
out and about

he liked that
the freedom

all came interesting yesterday
not the day before that just yesterday
morning mostly

friends since 65 perhaps
number of the year ago

then to dispel gathered energies
attacked the borders with a saw
and mallet

and the neighbour assisted
he a slight fellow too who brews
beer when the weather keeps him

indoors

enough done
the clearing

up

starts today

the phases planned ahead

i don’t go to town much now
we don’t need nothing that

cannot be delivered

good to hear that all are delivered safely
all are back home
again

interior days
come as comfort

rain soaking the neighbourhood about

ash left as reminder

then I think of him tidying
forgetting time in the
action

down the lane the wild wood
comes naked
a world of it’s own
the rocks show hollow

and no one comes no more

i think this must be winter
again

we ate cake, chocolate cake
with thick chocolate icing on

top
plus the usual buns
with one left ready
for today with coffee

there were four candles
each a different colour
bright

which I have saved
&
washed the little white
holders

all stashed in the proper place
in that dish on the kitchen shelf
above the table

i tidied it all a few weeks back

yesterday I won a writing challenge
&
did not mean to
I just wanted to tell it
how it is
really

later I attempted to trim
the hazel tree and succeeded

is there a hub bub
voices chattering more than usual

will there be large makings of coffee
there and fun?

we had fun yesterday with all the deliveries
opening boxes and moving water barrels
without the water

sploshed on the garden

today here james we shall
have a hub bub and chatter

you know

we shall have coffee and buns as
always
unless they ask for tea

you know

i never asked for earl grey
while staying at the hospital

not liking to make a fuss
under such circumstances

well you don’t
do you?

colder yesterday though possibly not as cold
as your experience over there

the greenhouse rearrangement came lovely
instigated by the accidental dropping of plants

growing from seeds gathered on walks
the wildlife garden

today the tiny things will be salvaged
nurtured in the warm

meanwhile i am constantly on leaf duty
while the terraces are cleared
the lower lawn is deep in golden
layers

a little each day
is just the ticket

alongside household chores and drawing

feels like autumn now, cat is in, windows misted.

a challenge to describe   these trees as suggested

the gentle good,  dawel disgyn,  little time

left, nor funds for flying.


tiny things become intimate


you may put them in cases, or hang on pins

straight or safety, it becomes political

the choice is yours


bulldog clips


you are the curator.


maybe things are red with black

today

i gather leaves now that the sky is clear

see the stars when I put the cat out early

it is a stable door
i open the top

she hisses
though she has been in for hours

i gather leaves
now the rain has stopped a while

look out at the world beyond the garden

it is green
the mountain beyond

i gather leaves now that things have stopped

place them in bags
for the recycling centre

I used to gather leaves my friend
to keep in paper bags

maybe some folk enjoy being alone
my friend

Listen to .. gentle .. by sonja benskin mesher on #SoundCloud
https://soundcloud.com/sonja-benskin-mesher/gentle?ref=clipboard&p=a&c=1

poor birds

have it difficult the best of times
then comes the festivals
those traditions

that mean they must die

talking of which
now we know

with our present hidings and isolation
distancing

how they live at all times

the creatures burn and die
fly
away

i watch the squirrels down the back lane
each day
sometimes one will stop running and

we look at each other

a while

framed

the things were in the chubby

where he climbed and chucked them

down

sat in the doorway smiling

new trainers

i took his photograph

which went to exhibition

somewhere



now we are in isolation

so where is the difference?



a younger rock formation isolated among older rocks       

someone who moves differently to others.            

an exercise in the way to  view the world.

we are all

individual.

as much as this is said

this performance can do with quite an improvement.

we have our favourites

mine is old
have had it thirty years

from the charity

he touched it gently
said it felt warm to touch

&

it certainly is
felted a little with wear

misshapen

ill fitting
comforting

charcoal grey
it don’t show the dirt

i wore it gardening yesterday
raking leaves

the robin came down

we spell snow plough differently

is a tangled affair
too many people talking at once

it is a messy affair
paint smudges and runs

eventually all comes clear
one having the final say

predictions come and go

sometimes heard
not seen

days of our life

james

days of our lives

**

i feel some times that

the word unreasonable

is mine


though i react through

my reason

which comes clear

with my muddled

thinking


dare i laugh here?


who said that

&

what is it?


how will they know for thinking

comes silent inside our heads

unless we utter

which in my case is not often


who defines the different

level of thought


is there a manual

with charts and graphs

a litmus test to testify


that the thought got tangled


oh what is it like?

really

oh really!

met her at the forest by the hotel
we were volunteers
and seemed to get on well

agreed to visit the fabric store
at the coast
see the rusted ships together

be friends

just before the pandemic hit

we connect on social media now

there are others met at london

the exhibition

and akhenaten

there is a pause in proceedings
that can’t be helped

winter brings differing challenges

objects fall and are mended

it is

nearly the end of november

abakhan

it is a tangled affair
too many people talking at once

it is a messy affair
paint smudges and runs

eventually all comes clear
one having the final say on board

predictions come and disappear
quickly as the local planes

sometimes heard
not seen
here

there is a small airfield up along
the coast

once the airship came
we drove to watch

it go over

heavy

days of our life

james

days of our lives

do you see that it is not there?


having checked several times this end

find there is just the one with no problems therefore


note the rules down one side

hysteria the other


lists remain of all that is lost

no mention of gains or fortitude


some may look for the other one

some may find it


while the little people with their arms held high

dance in the sunlight with all that remains


we ask for the italian music this morning

wind blows ideas into our houses

messages bring connections

a busy day with folk talking

it was the weekend with time
to spare

yet so many came tiring
alongside the wind blowing

the leaves are ready
to be gathered today

unless the wind is blowing

the bird in hand is drawn
rules to guide us

with stars above that have no points
at all
yet each one has a story

each one an individual even when
the wind blows

seven in a row all dead
is a real disaster

i like the white ones on farms
that hiss if one approaches near

we are liking birds to stay alive yet
sadly this is not so

if I say I went away

some think that  this  means

prison

those in america

conversation moved on to

pumpkins, these days, and

noises made by porcupines.

there is a chattering nearby

listen

do you know the dark corner

behind damask

where music plays?


do you know why the tree died

why the paint smudged?


some know and remember the years

less for some than others


some paint tidy all realism while

others paint a different way


i know why the tree died . i do.

i know that the stove ticks when lit

the pound shops here have things that cost one pound

each

they sell glasses there for cloud and sun though

at present I do not shop in store
i shop online and while it is a

differing entity comes useful in these

times

she says the smaller stores will suffer
and while this is true I find it far more

convenient to have all the heavy stuff
brought to the door

rather than loading then later unloading
the car
to carry goods down the drive in various

weathers

a few leaves hang on like beaten rags
the branch hangs limp waiting for a

particular gust to fall

i do not have sugar in my tea
the saucer has cartoon animals
for decoration

he asked about the father
the answers came in language of that time
the terminology of the fifties

words that indicate dislike

not of choice

a mantra
remembered correctly

transfer of ideas

later unpicked to my delight
into another story
edges left bare

there is a box with papers
snippets and tickets

are these the codes and reasons
are these the stories of their lives?

some ask if the routine of working is missed

it is noted that another took it’s

place

moving lightly room to room in winter

from one hour to the next

differing activities

moving out into the landscape
differing thoughts with exercise

added

on hearing rain early
delay the start of it

did you know he asked me my materials

the list got long and

could have been longer

even boring for some

so I stopped

some times I feel I may get found out
&
james, sometimes I am

with a comma.

codes and reasons

some days come lovely
despite the weather

mornings come darker with
quiet walks in the lanes

contemplating

all that surrounds

one branch moves
creaking on the others

sheep stand quiet waiting
while we apologise

further down the water runs
where the straw was laid

the foot and mouth epidemic
those years back

on our way down south we

were diverted
a road block and all that

entailed

not crossing the line

never crossing the straw

we didn’t
not once

some are already sleeping
some stay gathering to be

ready

while I do much the same james

imagine all this in pictures
and get it wrong as I have

no idea really

and find it does not matter

the music came sadly on the film
at dusk and I felt it as I glanced at
the view at the window

i think it was an oboe though not entirely
sure
yet it sure did hit the mark

today I need to write ekphrastic
and have just finished my winter
shopping order

with winter pies and puddings
for december

i remember when only rich folk had
groceries delivered

we walked up to winton and went
shop to shop

those days

liptons, maypole and the home and
colonial

and quite a few more
i liked the coal merchant on peters hill
who also sold seed

to run your hands through with permissions

james

my father was seen up there with the other woman
she limped I was told

my brothers were told not to acknowledge him
I am told

i do that too
you know go back and look at it

at what i done
feel a sense if achievement sometimes

and sometimes

I stand to look at what is to be done

the next day

&

allow the brain to absorb the idea overnight

sometimes

the task is worked on over days as

there is no hurry no more

this way no one gets bored or fed up

of it

&

hopefully it gets done better

yes my mind is wandering already
back to the roundabout where the
van turned over

those years ago

this morning I had a refund
so that is another task achieved

ticked off in the diary

i like to observe the wood piles here

most are tidy and patternistic

while next door is more random

like chucking on the ground

storing in the wheelbarrow

the end result the same
warm homes this winter

i wrote about the making of quilts
back before
regarding the cost of blankets
so these were necessary items

stitched along the coast
to keep folk warm in winter

layers james
layers

her voice sounded brighter
and I hoped she was better

a little

she affirmed she was so we
chatted

about this and that and
honesty

i have mostly fallen oak

leaves in the garden
and am looking forward

to the clearance when it comes

three quarters of an acre

memories drift in and out
while writing
again

notice my neighbour is using coal 

as well as logs now


this is a new turn for him

a break in the routine


i use nugget things besides

the kiln dried things which

burn up bright for flame


during the day I let it glow softly

later

while relaxing let it flare nicely

for comfort 


it is not cold yet 

with so much time at home

is nice to have the stove lit


music

fruit

and a thriller or some more


sometimes we read

and sometimes  we just sit

to look out the window

out at the mountain

do you ever dream of a place
where you were so unhappy

that you have to go back
forcibly

do you ever wake up late
your neck hurting

like heck

do you console yourself that it
is winter

dark and to be expected
occasionally

do you still feel guilty
anyhow

some do

some are glad it was just a dream

tuesday bought eco firelighters
asked for two boxes to last a while

was asked to take them to the till
decided on three instead
fifty each box

to last one hundred and

fifty fires

liking multiples move to a new way of
buying
storing

for eventualities

looked at the boots after
and am giving it thought

i am imagining
blowing leaves

yesterday came the big drop
and the garden came golden

and what I will say to you today

james


is well done for staying
yesterday

you would not come back

except for visits

you came again in auto fill

last evening sat alone

we still cannot understand

there is no explanation for that

nor what you did

you are a ghost to us now

fading

we watched it on tv

you thought we were broken

yet we watch you solidly, bravely like joan

with just one comma throughout

we no longer come ragged

we watch you leave

i

tell you this

there are some do not believe


will not sleep while others will

and some


wish to be invited

*

some photos show nothing
while paintings can come

more personal

it means something if
you go to look

properly

it means more if you sit quietly

in the light and read

there were challenges

one was print and pattern

with reference and respect

i tell you this



mist rose along the edge

scrubbed out scrubbed out that feeling

erased all marks or iridescent gestures

drew it inward until

it became outward

play the games

until all rises into absent beings

the beetle crawls fondly across the floor and we leave it

white mouse feeds at the window

a small plane flies over



maybe the tiredness brought the apparition melting

yet his face remained perfect

to me

through those years

i remember him running

his dog behind

remaining thoughts

move forward

good to get out

good to have company 


i expect 


things will feel brighter now

especially these dark mornings


in the surgery  the colour of the day

was green with yellow dispensers 

around


she found it enlivening while focusing

on the map of the world 

thought she could have written

world map 

yet

the pattern went wrong


later  she helped him shove the leaves

in the neighbouring bins as he proclaimed

he would indeed take all the blame

it became an interesting

heartening day yesterday

and

the bear slept sound

nice to be excited
nice to ride the track

we have one here open from town down to the coast
quiet early, gets busy later though not bustling
as predicted here

a different creature then upon a bike
speedy with out no legs to stand just
two things buzzing around

no arms hanging
****** out and attached to
an iron bar

i never thought of it like that

james

is good they explained

i remember out riding the mountain
the leader shouting at the art

students making environmental pieces

near the route

the bear says hello

quietly

good and never grumbles at all

there is a bear here that I have not mentioned a while as someone copied so he went quiet yet

still here
told him yesterday what happened and

he sat still and constant as always and was pleased

is pleased

there are no moose here nor noise as predicted

if there were
we would also have conversations

spoke and she said she wished she could go somewhere i realised i had and arrived at last

we are on holiday long term to enjoy
with all the commodities and delights plus exceptional views about

it is not actually so yet who would complain at such a thing and make themselves miserable

no use moaning when there us no one to hear

he looks like a kinder man and I am told he had paid the price

wednesdays here is market day
half
an hour’s drive away

except this week in lockdown

a pretty town
clock tower
and a few things titled alternative
only we think they are usual

wednesday is half day closing
here

wednesday is the same as all

other days now
we stay home

mainly

other days still have some significance
like sunday
when we change the bed

clothes

are more for walking, working these
days

today being friday I may tidy those
other clothes

to allow them see the light of day

at present still dark

it is with regard that I visit here
each day

it is with care that I ask after his

health

some folk don’t say much
some folk manage
quite well

really

being independent

some make mistakes

i do and avoid the capitals

main thing is to weather the storms
and visit daily

i too lean slightly

two cakes sound better than my none

here then it is not my birthday yet

i had bread and butter pudding for after
to use up the bread
disliking waste
and liking dessert

I would of said pudding
yet it spoiled the line

break

two eggs and add the milk
to soak the bread with butter

and sultanas

some things are unavailable so
asda man brings substitutes

like rocket instead of rocket
we are to have a refund if

found unsuitable

imagine the log deposited with flood
water

a whale beached
i said and she agreed

imagine if I had cake
and it might be chocolate
with thick sticky sauce
and bits in it

i imagine I should like that
and eat it all