After all of my stressing,
It's really quite simple.
All of my time guessing,
And I know what I'm in for.

There are two circles
on one plane,
And where they intersect
Is for what I pray

In circle one are many souls
For whom I feel bad, for their pain I know.
I label them as people whose goals
Do not match mine, and so it goes.

They want from me what I do offer,
But not to them, for it is such
That qualities that fulfill my needs
Are lost in them; they're not enough.

It's so abrupt, I write them off!
And for this, I feel sort of bad.
However, I've been treated as such
By many people, it makes me sad.

But I don't hate! I'm not furious,
I forget people and they forget me.
There is one other circle, curious
How it is not one or three, but two!

Yes, it's two, and it's much smaller
Not in size, but in perspective.
I see people in circle one often,
But circle two people evade my presence!

Very often, they don't like me.
Very often, I'm treated with disdain.
I feel like they can set me free,
But they often cause me so much pain!

I see in them what I really want,
Their presence enlightens my life.
I often face them, fully front,
And their response causes me strife.

Oftentimes, they remain there,
Because to do so, they reject.
However, on special occasions,
One person meets the intersect!

There are people who like me,
And miraculously, I like them back!
It's really quiere a wonderful thing,
Two souls on an equal path.

Far and few between you are,
People who meet me in the center,
If you are in circle two,
The intersect, feel free to enter!

In return, I always try
To move people from one to mid,
I give chances and hope I change,
But I know what my feeling is.

Try and try to center folks,
I will keep going and not give up!
I'll keep manipulating variables,
And someday, there will be enough.

Laps around the track
Snap me back into reality
Will I wear a snapback
Or a button down t?

Will my poems turn to raps
Or is this just adolescent crap?
Is 20 adolescent
Or is that a dumb question.

If I'm an adult,
When will I start to grow up?
Do I start to grow numb
And confuse that for love?

And then when I die
And I'm having a big flashback
Then I'll remember that lie
And think ****, I almost had it.

I'm right on the edge,
Should I go ahead and do it?
My life's planned out, now,
Is it time to lose it?

Van to Los Angles
Twenty dollar fallback.
Abandoned the scholarship
Waiting for a callback

Record companies,
Tv show producers.
Do I have talent?
I can't see myself through her.

I've lost sight of my ways,
Distractions torture me daily
So I go find more distractions
To make the bad ones go away,

All the times I ****** up,
Like when I needed people so badly
That I drove them all away
So I could twist more, madly.

Tweaking, walking around
All alone at night.
The moonlight shows the way
To nowhere, so I'm running.

I'm going nowhere,
And I'm trying to go fast.
It's not about the destination,
I'm just escaping my past.

But I can dream, and
When all those dreams turn to nightmares
I wake up numb and think
About what's right there.

Blessings, I can walk
And by myself, use the toilet.
I've got so much to be grateful for,
You'd think that I'd enjoy it,

But it's really hard when
My mind gets off track daily
The grass is so green
In the lives of all those ladies

And gentlemen who have fun
On my snapchat stories.
What's different about me?
I'm so ******* boring.

Forget them, cool off,
Take some more laps.
If I find somewhere I'm welcome,
Then I'll stop writing these raps.

I'm tired of the same thing
Over and over again,
But as long as I'm inspired,
This flow won't end.

My skin reflects my insides
Because it is not quite perfect.
I've attempted cosmetic solutions,
But is it really worth it?

Would clearer skin help me
Sell myself and make me a better man?
Or are is my red acne
Just part of who I am?

The redness is a stop sign
That alerts to not come closer,
If you try to stick around,
You'll experience no hurt,

But you'll get bored and
I'll be confused about why you stayed,
So just stop, look, listen,
And go away.

My stop sign says stop and stare
And glance on over here,
My imperfections will satisfying
Stimulate your fear,

You'll think "what if I looked like that!
I need to take a shower,
Take some soap and wash my
Skin every third hour."

The stop sign is a warning
Of what happens when you're careless
If you don't give a ****,
Then you'll be really embarrassed

You'll be ugly just like me
And then you'll stop and wonder why
People speak, and acknowledge
But don't look in your eye.

People acknowledge
But won't look in your eye.

It's red and stuff and
Shameful because I am embarrassed
There are people who I want
And people who I cherish

And some of them see right past me
And look into my soul,
But many of them
Fail to relinquish control.

They are scared and they
Won't relinquish control.

Please see the warning signs
And respect my skin.
It's not just red but hairy,
And if you even begin

To touch me, or look at me
In a way that freaks me out,
I'll be unclear about
What life's all about.

Yeah, I'll be unclear
About what life's all about.

My head is filled with doubt
Although my heart is filled with love,
You can have some if you want,
But there's a condition I trust.

After a couple years of skating
All around this icy rink
I've found that love slips
And falls and craves another drink.

Love slips and falls
And craves another drink.

Some people I love
A lot, I don't love at all
Because they seem to think I'm ugly,
And they treat me like I'm small

And they put their hand on their neck
And turn the other way,
This sort of treatment
Really makes my skin quite great

This sort of treatment
Makes me feel really quite great!

Give up. Surrender.
Time to learn to hate.
While you're on a ******,
Make many mistakes.

What's love gotten you so far?
Who needs it?
You've got so much love in your heart,
Who feeds it?

Isolated loser,
Hated servant.
Take a chance, chooser,
Hate deserves it.

It works for many others,
Look at the president.
Hate as a platform,
That's magnificent.

Rather than calming,
Hate floods your system
All your love's forgotten
Nobody will miss 'em.

Do you want power,
Instead of powerless?
Is this the final hour
Of my cowardice?

Instead of shaking
And stuttering out of fear
Do you want to lash out
And make your love disappear?

Instead of being pushed,
Want to push people away?
Instead of tomorrow,
Want to start hating today?

Do you want revenge,
Is that what'll work?
Hating's easier when you
Let yourself be a ****.

Spiteful.
Unleash those thoughts, that's delightful.
Rightful,
Who's loved you back since high school?

It's futile, take an eight lap walk
Around a track, two miles.
And tell me you won't punch back
One of those dumb laughs
You hear when your dignity is zero
And you can't stop hearing laughter
At your existential fear

And know, hating is really hot
You'll get more girls that you had
Loving people who you got
To listen to you for a second
Even though it was pathetic
How you complimented them and
Let them drink all of your beverage.

Hate is leverage,
Hate wins you items.
Hate wins you respect,
You'll be set with the right ones.

Who loves you for love?
Aren't they all nieve?
Aren't you never enough
When you're clawing and piping
Up foolish words
Trying to buck the system
Get people to like you
Who never want to listen
But they're giving you a chance
Because you're innocent and charming
But they're just leading you on
And then it's you they'll be harming
When they don't ever reply
Even though they read your message
And you'll never be a guy
Who gets love and a wet kiss
Unless you hate the person you love
In order to complete the balance
So you better learn to hate
And start stacking up that allowance

Set aside the hate,
Remember every occurrence
Where you learn to feel the hate
As it slowly becomes worth it

Do a one-eighty
And switch up all your behavior
That your heart thought you wanted
Cuz now hate can be your savior

And all you have to do
Is make one promise, and be honest,
Can you really hurt someone?

I love you so so much
It's ok that you let me go
Regardless of my own true love,
I don't except yours to grow

Don't worry about me, I don't want
To be a burden any longer
This removal you desire
Will hurt a lot, but I'll grow stronger.

You have someone who will love you
For the rest of my own life
It's ok to go far away
And never have me in your sight.

Do whatever makes you happy
And I'll just keep on living on.
I love you a lot, not that it matters.
Keep being amazing and begone

I look like I'm sixteen but I am twenty
I'm really lustful, now that is funny.
Lonely loser with an appetite,
Doesn't matter, can't get it right

No social groups to fit in
No little angels here to console
I feel emptiness from within
All I feel I have is control

Control over nothing that matters
I can't control my love for other people
I can't control who loves me
I can't control my thoughts, they're evil

I think I have it so ******* bad
My life so far's been a piece of cake
I've got a loving Mom and Dad
I feel like I am barely awake

I wish I could see my blessings,
But I'm blind to them deep inside
All I want is love where it's not
And a dark quiet place to hide

Loneliness needs a brand new name
There's a ton of people around
But people who make me feel like I'm seen
Are still rare and here, yet to be found

I take steps towards a great life
Where I'd have a career and goals
Where do I step to make my heart right?
What can I do to console?

How can I make myself feel loved?
Can I love myself any more?
Don't I love myself way too much?
Does that not even affect the score?

Do I need to put on this mask,
And bend over every single day
Open my heart, look into their eyes
And cry every time they look away?

Is my empty heart repulsive?
Is that what all these people see?
I wish I knew what drove them away
Because it ***** and it's beyond me.

I've been talking, looking for answers
Writing poems and going to counseling.
I think about this every day
And I haven't found a single thing.

Isn't it insane to keep trying?
Do the same and want different results?
Do I have to change who I am?
Wouldn't that just be really false?

Can I be true and also be happy?
Is that the cake and eating it too?
Do I have to say goodbye
To myself just to get closer to you?

Will that look in your eyes ever change?
Can someone see me and not feel bad?
Is there any hope for a change
Or am I really deep down that sad?

Am I a pity case in a box
Full of love and amazement for
People, life, music, and what's good?
Do I seem like a worthless chore?

Is that why people seem so dismayed?
Should I just not talk and not try?
"Keep trying to talk to people, Nick."
I can't look in their eyes and lie.

I can't sell a busted up product
Talk about being high maintenance
I am alone and you'd be one
You'd be my savior from isolation

I can't put that burden on someone
and I don't belong to any groups.
Will I find love in this lonely life?
I keep craving nothing but the truth

When I was younger and more desperate,
I hung on every word I heard
From those who I admired most
And those who thought I was absurd

Every new message was a blessing,
Every acknowledgement was a gift,
I'd instantly reply and then sit waiting
For another other-worldly gift

It was quite often I'd be dismayed
When someone wouldn't text me back
I'd pretend I wasn't thinking about it
And proceed with my normal life, sad.

It was just one wish I had back then
To be placed upon someone's list
To receive the love that I would give
And learn what an equal relationship is!

Often times I hear, "text slower!
Don't make yourself seem desperate!
If you reply right away,
You'll send the wrong kind of message!

You need to wait at least 5 minutes
Or if you want to win, 5 days.
Only if you really back off
Will you stand a chance of getting paid

In the attention and love of others.
You think you love, but love is this;
Abide by society's expectations
And fit real love into the slits

That society leaves for what love's worth
It's not a lot, so don't be greedy.
These expectations are absolute
And not made for the needy."

I'm soaking in these messages
And thinking how wrongly I've been being
There's so much that I do not do
Because I don't see what they're seeing.

So if I choose to wait 2 hours
Instead of texting in 2 minutes
Aren't I just wasting 1 hour
And 58 of my life's minutes?

Would it not be more foolish
To pretend I don't care at all
And text you two weeks later
And never hear from you at all?

Could I ever be so arrogant
As to assume my attention's a gift?
Would somebody desperately await my text?
Is that what love really is?

People play these faithless games
And I do not get it at all.
If you like someone, you like someone
If you don't, well, it's your call.

But in this dance, there's no romance.
You're just wasting your precious time.
How can people ignore opportunities
And dangle other people's lives?

You want to seem really important
You want to seem really busy
You want to seem like you don't care.
Is apathy really living?

Is apathy your best bet
To win over another's heart?
Is romance dead and love foolish
And honesty falling apart?

Use your hours and minutes wisely
Being genuine and direct is nice.
Although I started a desperate loser,
I still never have to think twice.

What was once a flailing grasp
Is now a calculated decision
I want the love I have to last
And pardon my derision

But I don't have the time, respect
Or patience for any of these games.
If I like you, I'll text you back
And I hope you do the same.

I have a love of directness
That is one of my favorite blessings.
I talk to people candidly
And never leave them guessing!

It's a lost art, I'm an old soul
It's really fun, despite these facts
I hope directness will live on
And our society texts it back!