Would you save me?
Could you be so kind as
To berate me?
Can you put me in my place
And wash me of my feelings daily?

Is there a way you can come inside me
And remove what's rotten?
Take away all of what I love,
Yet should undoubtedly be forgotten?

Do you hurt?
Do you possess too much risk?
Could I put you down
Without insatiable itch?

Can you use me once
And then throw me away?
Would you need to stay?
Would you make my mind do stunts?

Are you crazy?
Are you the enzyme that would complete me?
Could you delete the weak me,
And bring me suavity?

Can you take my life quality
And overall boost it?
Would I reap your benefit,
Grow numb, and lose it?

Do you take losers like me
And turn them into winners?
Would you make me thinner?
Would you take me away
From too many family dinners?

Will somebody find out?
Will they judge me? Or worse,
Would they care about me
out of pity, out of concern?

Would they heal me up,
Just enough so I'll stick around?
Will you make sound?
Will you call someone who figures out where I'm bound?

Would you get me locked up?
Would you isolate me?
Would you hate me?
Would I court you and dance with you and then you date me?

Would it be me and you in the end?
Are you a friend?
Can you be just a trend?
Can you make a swift visit?

Can you come inside me and leave,
And make me grow stronger,
And give me a good story and experience
To give to others out of caution?

Would I be cautious enough?
Would I be too cautious?
Would you make me nauseous?
Would you make me have fits?

Are you too strong?
Do your effects last too long?
Can you help me function?
Can you help me hold my head up?

Are you enough?
Will I have you and want more?
Will it be like everything else,
Where you won't even the score?

Will you not give me as much as I give you?
What will you then do,
Make me find a stronger you?

Are you the start of a path?
Are you a grand finale?
Are you stigmatized so much
That they won't hold rallies?

Would you make me stupid?
Would it be the good kind?
Will you take me from a pathetic nerd
To a lowdown town king?

Are you hopeless?
Do you make me go with the flow?
Do you make me know what to do
When I'm feeling really low?

Are you the updraft?
Are you the placation?
Are you the one who'll fill the hole
So I can just go on and live?

Would you change me?
Would you exchange me for the better model?
Are you tolerable,
Or are you too much to handle?

Do you have a message for me
That I am too weak for you?
Will you shut me up?
Will you make me complacent for life?

Will you give me better rhymes?
Will you be my latest muse for poems?
Is all of the interest I've shown
Seducing you to want me?

Can you want me back?
Can you give me warmth?
Can you hold me close
And make everything alright like some did?

Is this part of being a kid?
Are you a right of passage?
Will you make me a savage?
Will you make me a lady killer?
Will you make me say phrases like "lady killer"?

Will you delete my filter
So I can overshare even more?
Will you help me score?
Will you give me lustful motivations?

Are you patient?
Or do you come into me all at once?
Are you a cooling ice water,
Or a thousand hot suns?

Will I ever know?
Will you ever pull the trigger?
Will you make me not miss her,
Or her, or her?

Will I forget my past?
Will I remember my future?
Are you a suture
For all of the pain I've endured?

Will I be yours?
Or would it just be that you'd be mine?
Would you be fine?
Or would you walk up to the fine line?

Do you have remorse?
Are you the best course?
Is there something I could do better?
Are you offering an adventure?

Are you timing me?
Are you working your way to find me?
Do you have lust, too?
Do you have trust issues?

Do you also not want to be abandoned?
Are you stranded and you need me?
Would you free me?
Or are you some kind of jail?

Do you ever fail?
Or do you always get the job done?
Are you fun?
Or are you more a means to an end?

Are you a black hole?
Do you have a soul?
Would you make me lose mine?
Will you teach me about control,

About how to lose it,
About how to choose to use it well?
Will you send me to hell?
Or will you punch my shoulder and laugh?

Do you live up to the facts?
Are you not worth it?
Are you sometimes perfect, though?
Or is that just hearsay?

Will you make me fade away?
Will you drag me down?
Could you and I drown?
Could you and I be partners?

Could you stop rhyming?
Could you stop seducing me?
Could you end me?
Could you really end me?
Would you end me?

All of life's seen through a lens
Provided by neurons and light beams
Upon my mental state, it depends,
And sometimes in my most radical dreams,

I control the lens and set it up
To permanently be able to embrace
All of the beauty, all of the love,
But this is tragically not the case

The lens is often out of focus
Obscured by forces mostly unknown
Beauty is gone, external locus.
My control is loosened, tables thrown.

On my best days, I see every leaf
And every drop, and every tone
I want this more, so can you please,
Negative perceptions, leave me alone.

It's like a storm, it's like roulette,
Who knows how my lens will work.
Whatever control I seem to get
Eventually fades and obscurity lurks.

Focus the lens when capable,
Fight obscurity often.
Beauty surrounds me every day,
There's so much to get lost in

Come to me! Twirl around
Without a sound, with infinite grace.
Lean into me, shatter my bounds,
And swallow up my love-starved face.

Take me in your arms so cool,
Let me unwind in our dance.
Give me that hollow tender feel
Take from me the thought of chance.

We will alternate the lead,
I know how you love control.
Whisk me away! Let me be free!
Free of all my other goals.

Sometimes, we just dance forever,
Nothing matters when we're dancing
Any day and any weather,
You have such a skill for romancing!

And bear witness! You have my heart!
Inside your hands, inside your blender
Perhaps inside your shopping cart.
Buy me whole! Return to sender.

Take all of me then give me back,
Right now you have me in little pieces.
A little this, a little sad,
And here I am, full of caprices.

Rumbling across the floor,
You and I make quite a pair
We move in a big empty room,
And nobody seems to care.

Others just don't understand
This private **** dancing affair
It's gone on for longer than I planned,
But leave? You wouldn't dare!

You lurk, seducing me with thoughts
And fantasies born anew
Would we be happy or distraught?
Calm times abundant or good times few?

When you look me in the eyes,
My mind freezes, you're all I see.
How are you so beautiful
When you're inside of ugly me?

The problem is I'm all you know,
And all I know, I come to love.
I enjoy your stimulating show,
And wait around for your rough shoves.

Shake me up and make me feel
So that my heart rate escalates
My feeling can be measured in numbers,
Give me sorrow, make me irate.

It's such a rush! We move in sync,
You make me want to dance all night.
Our dance is over in one blink,
You steal the hours from my life.

It's either you or nothing at all,
And frankly, I'm afraid to leave.
When returning, I always crawl
And bow down and beg at your feet.

"You give me treasure, you give me dance,
You are my poetic inspiration.
Although I let you wear my pants,
You're all I see in isolation!

I love you, I love you, Don't ever leave me,
Dance me wildly like you mean it,
You're a hurricane, I'm a tree,
Take me dancing with a twist

The dance will be a lifelong one,
Sometimes a prominent promenade,
But since we're dancing all life long,
Face my wrath and deescalate!

I'll drive you wild when we tango,
We can have fun for years to come,
But if you thought my endurance was infinite,
Engrossed you have become!

I might need you, but I'm all you've got
But despite that, leave me be.
You occupy my attention fully,
But close my eyes, and I must see!

I must move forward, and dancing with you
Depletes me of my loving hours
You might think you're all I have too,
But not when I have power!

Power gives me push and hunger
to fight and give my mind candy
You'll taunt me now and for much longer,
And that's all fine and dandy,

But respect my need to escape sometimes.
My need to have more than just you.
You make my life sometimes sublime,
But I don't really like you!

Compared to my other main drags
That manipulate my body as well.
You might be a main force in my life,
But usually nobody can tell.

Torture me more, be my partner,
Give me the fuel for these stupid rants,
I'm docking safely in your harbor
Dance! Dance! Dance!

I. Entrance
Rough and soft
I clear a space
Foot by foot
Your soft embrace

Quickly pulling
Yet gently easing
Giving me strength
Willingly teasing

I look around
And see a mess
But closing my eyes
Relieves this stress

Being adaptable
Disables structure
Being passive
Encourages lovers

To embrace this gentle layer
And children too, without a care
But beware! This passive part
Can become sharp when sunshine starts

It's so simple, yet so advanced
Far from the surface, without big plans
This is the entrance, this is the mask
To penetrate is often a simple task

They're here then gone when it is sunny,
Sand ridden showers or merchants and money,
There's some green life, some little creatures,
But beyond these, there are not many features.

People naturally want much more
People dig into the core
And so it goes! Goodbye, layer 1,
You weigh us down, but we must run.

II. Treasures
Course and dark,
Here lies the treasure!
Here are the products
Of life's endeavors.

The wrath of under
Crushes prizes
That sharpen up
And feed us dryness

This part by far is most extensive
And also, naturally, most defensive.
All our life's work, and it's for this
But there are more than a few twists.

When three and four are full of hearty
Lucky people who reside, hardly
The leftovers are in this lot
And deduce gain from this, we do not.

We truly don't want all these treasures
Fine expenses who're torn and weathered
A mix of one and three and rocks,
There's no substance but legs of docks.

More often piers, that need foundation.
Much like layer one, this is a station
When all folks must pass through
Before truly entering you.

We detect your gritty sincerity
And thank you for your biological charity
Creatures live here, but not us!
We long for the danger of trust.

III. Wetness
So calming
So very cool.
In this zone,
Smoothness rules.

It looks so flat,
It looks at ease.
Not adaptable,
But not quite free.

Some stop in two,
They are so patient.
They long for peace and isolation
From what lies beneath the layers.
The life of four does not live there.

But now in three! We start to wet.
The closeness reveals the danger.
We sink our heels and scan around.
Ocean, you're no longer a stranger.

At your crest is so much fun!
This is where we play some games.
From here, we may be rarely stricken.
But from this far, we know you're tame.

From this far, we get what we need.
We get a drop of what we live for.
We might love you, we might keep you.
Or we might begin to need more.

Setting up camp here is easy to do.
Some do it for all their lives.
If we never dive deep, however,
What lies beneath is left to derive.

Sometimes, when you're feeling most high,
You push yourself and greet us nicely.
But hidden away, when low and wise,
You make layer 3 more empty.

Either way, with some pushing,
We know we may come forth.
Here's where adventure lives,
And where journies may start their course.

IV. Drown
One was gentle,
Two was borning,
Three was an
Excellent warm up.

Show me power.
Show me strength.
Give to us
All of your love.

I dive deep, a little submergence.
I feel lighter. I feel free.
There's a struggle,
I can't change you,
But it is just you and me.

Being inside you,
Feeling so locked up,
You're all I can think about.
The more I get to know and love you,
The harder it is to get out.

My eyes tell me you offer much.
Infinite substance to find.
I am overwhelmed by your touch.
Yet all is true and none are lies.

Sometimes your embrace is so gentle,
But you can take me off my feet!
I try to anticipate every movement,
But you're so brutal and so sweet.

Yet here I am! Yet I have entered,
And I could not be more pleased.
You off danger, offer stimulation,
Lifting me off my shaking knees

The young and restless, they might think
Themselves invincible and strike.
Love these fools and please protect them,
Allow them to escape your strife.

Your addiciting terrors!
Your auditory illusions!
Your shallow entrance
That turns so deep!

You've lived so long,
You know our movements,
Calm down
And let us sleep.

Although we think you of no mind,
Your variation and beauty overpower
Disillusions of any kind,
You're offering at every hour.

And hours fly by when tangled in you,
You offer frequent wild rides,
I'd say we trust you, I'd be your friend,
But both of those would be just lies.

Savage! Heathen! Brutal trickster!
We're tumbling when you can't rest.
Layers one through three come from you, four.
Your infinite lovable aquatic stress.

When we leave you, you stay with us.
In the forms of rock, water, then memory.
One of nature's most complex metaphors,
You have taught us how to be.


.

Soft, easy to walk on
Pleasant, comfortable
Familial, forgettable
That's carpet.

Hateful, vengeful
Frustrated, ill-intentioned
Always mentioned, enfuriating
That's toxic.

Please love me.
Will you listen to me?
How are you doing?
That's carpet.

Please love me.
I'm empty.
I need you.
That's toxic.

I love you,
I'll do anything for you!
Please command me.
That's carpet.

I deal with your idiocies
I deal with your standards
I conform to fit inside your image.
That's toxic.

Can you hug me in front of
All of these people?
So that they know I'm worth something?
That's carpet.

After you listen to me,
I'll say I'm useless.
I'll say it's not your fault.
That's toxic.

I don't want to ***,
I don't want to talk,
I want you to trust me and tell me everything.
That's carpet.

All I want is ***,
All I need is some warm body.
Give me the fuel I've run out of.
That's toxic.

I'll give you everything
And do whatever you want
For whatever feigned love you can muster.
That's carpet.

I'm ready to conform.
Give me drugs and let me tighten up
While you let loose and accidentally love me.
That's toxic.

I'll text you back immediately.
And patiently await your response.
Rejoice in this moment you did for me.
That's carpet.

Give me advice.
So I can shoot you down.
So I can let you down.
So I can let you drown.
In my toxic civil war
Where I knew no solution would come
From my internal struggle.
But you took a side
And felt the wrath of one of my forces.
I can't help you.
Leave me alone.
That's toxic.

I walk around
By myself late at night.
I text you and say I need you.
Don't worry about where I am.
I needed to be alone,
But now I don't.
I just escaped misery and wanted to
Find you.
Find me,
Or I'll run away.
Block me,
So I can fester.
That's carpet.

Let me give you a million compliments.
Easily.
While you find one for me
And slip a shark a steak
Even though he'll always be hungry.
Sharks barely ever **** humans,
But they're so scary.
It's the hunger, it's the image.
It's not the behavior.
It's not.
The image is hunger.
Always give me more.
That's toxic.

I serve.
I help.
I pleasure, assist, provide
I care, then I care more.
Then I go home and rub off
The disappointment and fear of alone.
Then I care more.
And I wait for the love I give
To come to me.
And I think it will.
That's carpet.

Leave me alone.
Be honest.
That's what I need.
Let your honesty drown you
Because I'm honest too.
And I'll open up the floodgates,
Without remorse.
Sorry if you drown.
I overthink, bottle up, and overshare.
That's toxic.

Please love me.
Please act with me,
Act out the fantasies I have planned.
And re-enact the ones I did.
I'm toxic.
I'm carpet.
That's me.

Spoiled
Can't take the recoil
Of the life with no difficulty

Overthinking
Can't stop rapidly blinking
When my dreams haunt me

Logical
But ambiguous obstacles
Make nothing concrete

Incomplete
But the missing pieces
Supposedly walk around outside

According to me,
What I need is free
But it's not really free.
I just don't know the price

Lifeless
Monotone
Texts from my telephone
Outnumber those received

It's hard to breathe
When I think about dying.
When I think about flying
I can almost cry

But not quite.
Crying requires life
And I don't feel really alive
Unless I'm with people I love

Who love me back.

Should I retract?
Am I an addict?
Who wants to be loved this bad,
and how do they not show it,
or sometimes not even know it?

Forgo it
Let go of it
Let go of that dream
Take one for the team
And walk the line
Don't wine
Don't pine

It'll be alright.
But it won't be better than your dreams.
Life's a goddess on a cloud
And you can't get to her

But you can let her guide you
And let her ride you
Because you're in control

Just control your goals,
Or if you don't,
Try harder and fight barters
About what it's worth

It's worth a lot
Take a shot or rot

I don't know what this means
I think a lot and write sometimes
I'm frustrated.
I'm done.

I'm sorry family that I ran away from home,
Came to college, got stressed, and didn't make it my own.
I want to be successful, it'd be great to feel accomplished.
But I'm always disappointed and running out of options.

I want to sit in a quiet room and study for hours.
But my emotions storm around and deplete my cognitive power.
If I had some hormone pills, if i had a magic wand,
I could make my heart stop and make my mind be strong.

But I don't, and it's not, and I can't, and I won't,
And I love myself too much to hate my emotional storm,
But I disappoint myself whenever I take a test
And I can't think clearly and I make a huge mess.

It's sometimes hard to choose whether I should try to relax
In my isolated state with video games and rap tracks,
Or if I should submerge myself in my studies and eventually,
Let myself down once again and be isolated and empty.

Therein lies the rub, for when I'm just isolated
Coping with my emotions that are never evaded,
I look inside myself and see that there's love,
And I feel whole and at once. I feel control over one

Aspect of my life. They say control matters.
But when I perform my exams and achieve grades below average,
And it's all because I can't stop my emotions from turning,
Is this the hard work it takes? Is this the fire that's burning?

When I fail time after time, tumbling through emotional wreckage
Just to know these ideas on this study guide checklist,
Just to sit for an exam and forget what I processed
Did I fail this exam? Is this all a big test?

Is college meant to make me feel like I shouldn't be here at all
Until 10 years later when I'm a grown up adult,
And I don't have as many hormones affecting my motivation?
Or is this conditioning me to reach a new elevation

In my mind where I choose facts and logic over what I feel?
Study for tests, get good grades, and forget what's real.
When I sit down for a test, it doesn't matter what's happening
In my mind or my heart. It matters what's lacking.

"Do you lack the emotions that would make you burn out?
Well good! Study hard, graduate, get out.
Are you emotions making you feel like you're out of control?
Sit down. Let's talk about reaching your goals.

Life's all about balance. Study some each day,
Take time to relax too. Bad thoughts then go away.
Then wake up and study more, or if you had a bad dream,
Try to calm down. Study once you can see

More clearly. Yeah, just mix things up,
Focus on your classes. Focus on your love.
Don't fall behind too much or you might not pass.
Be happy, responsible, and smart; that's all I really ask."

That was a polite request that I'd be glad to consider,
If it wasn't for the fact that my mind is a twister
And running around trying to escape feels futile
And I run for miles and it feels so wild.

That's just a metaphor, but I want to be happy.
It's at the top of my priorities and I can't change that, see.
So once I'm ready to work hard, I'll let you know.
Please let me go. Please let me go.

I ran away from my home when I came to college,
And independence is great, I love gaining knowledge!
I love all the people! I love this new place
I love having my own space to let my thoughts erase.

That comes up a lot; chasing my feelings with an eraser,
To clear up my mind so I can earn the favor
Of all of my potential friends and all of my professors,
The difference is I always have class, but so many people left me here

To do all of this alone, I don't suffer for no reason,
The only things that I want are out of my grasp every season
And if I could want to do well and not want social tidings,
You wouldn't have to hear all of this stupid whining.

I'm not socially successful. I'm not a winner.
I can't live with that, I can't stretch myself thinner.
Until further notice, my emotions are wild
And my attempts to add more priorities to the mix are mild.

That includes grades. That includes calling you!
When I come home I'll try to love and be true to you.
When I'm at school, I'm out of balance and seeking patience
And it's harder in isolation and I can't even wait then.

I can't wait for life to come to me, gotta grab it.
I can't write poems and complain and not work, gotta stop it.
I'm sorry that I'm confused, I'm sorry I'm so lazy,
I'm sorry if this poem makes you think I'm going crazy,

Because I'm not. I love myself and that's it.
I'd like some connections in life and working is not it.
It's love, it's connection, it's people, it's music.
I'm not sure if i can do this.

I'm sorry family if that's hard to hear.
I'd say it's ok, but the past two years
Haven't stopped increasing in how much I'm being challenged
So I might not have the right allowance.

Of patience and energy to really get by.
I really wish I could cry more.
But I can't when I'm alone.
I'm not giving up.

I love you guys.