Sometimes I'm good
But now I'm even better
I can't control my feelings
When I break out into sweaters

And colors stand out so much
And then also I wear some collars
People think I have it made
But I feel jealous of ballers

And people who live with others
And people who live with brothers
And sisters and then their covers
Hide all of their different lovers

But hiding is not one way
They take them and then here's what hurts
There's one thing and then another
And I might just be a pervert

But I can't avert my thoughts
I would love to be in a circle
Spinning a bottle hotly
And making my face turn purple

It turns red! And white
But I want more social pressure
Not the keep-me-up-at-night one
But the one that seems much better

But it can't be fabricated
And it can't quite be sought out
And it won't happen to me
Because I have too many doubts

And shrouded beneath my mouth
Is a superego completely
Controlling my every move
So how could someone ever read me

And be comfortable or open
When my mind is like the ocean?
I go with the flow but know this
I can take you on a gross trip

And by that I mean a lame one
Where your boat is somewhat closed in
And you're trapped with me and feel some
Unappetizing emotions

That's the mood that people's faces
Take on when my mouth is open
And then I go out and chase them
But my heart just feels quite broken

And I used to think it was them
which is odd since I often blame me
But then my new realization
Made me wake up to the new key

See part of me loves all people
And part of me holds myself back
So if I could just now solve that
Could I live how I want real bad?

Walking alone through the rain
My feel were calm, my heart strained
It never comes a day too late
My endless healer, loving faith

Faith keeps me grounded when my heart flies
Faith gives me life when my spirit dies
Faith narrows my sights when they're too broad
Faith makes me want to beat the odds

But actually, the odds are my faith
Odds are I'll do well and graduate
And get a job, and have some kids
And try to teach them how to live

Faith feels so deep, spiritual, and real
From where it's derived, here's the deal
It feels the deepest part of me
It feels like what only my heart sees

It feels like faith is the love in my mind
It feels like faith helps me unwind
Faith makes me want another day
Faith drives all of the fear away

But faith stems from logic and reason
Math and odds about my life
Every season, I move forward
But faith keeps me away from the knife

It's origins make it contradict
And they are all that makes me sick
So thank you faith, you ever patient
Love-flight-dream simulation

Short circuits in my brain strain my mind to keep me alive
Music that flows through daily skipping, less meaning is derived
Less meaning derived, anxiety comes alive
Face to face with reality with no place to hide

No place to hide since music is the shelter
I want to hide away but my community swelters
If you're integrated, then you soon become needed
So that you can have an excuse to keep out of the deep end

The barrier that separates the best from the sad
Is a melody driven by emotion and cultural fads
It's a fine line with a really strong cadence
That I march to, resulting in a semblance of patience

I wade through the water, and it's crystal clear
As I go in deeper, less people are near
When it's up to my neck, that's when I hear my songs
Lovers of music would even say I'm using it wrong

When I hear the songs, they make me turn around
No, you're not alone, yeah, we're all that down
Hypnotizing music forces me out of the deep end
Heading back to community, trying to make amends

In the water, expectations regulate what you see
Like it says on the schedule, this is where I should be
When I look in your eyes, you look at me the same
We both signed up, but are we pawns of the game?

Either way it's secure, swimming with all the fish
But opening up my mind causes aquatic drift
So how can I feel while staying on the inside?
Is it easier to just be blind?

Where this all leads to is hard to say
So I survive by sensations I enjoy day to day
It's fairly methodical and it feels so clean
Which is logical for musical media machine

Like me

Hold on to the mixing bowl
Let the spoon change your place
Forfeit all control
Before you're stuck in place

Exist here and there
Let your guard down
Exist everywhere
Go another round

When you're with the A's
Don't forget the Q's
Learn from everyone
Let them affect you

There's a whole world out there for you
you've gotta unfurl before you're blue

Following the lines
Living the lies
Doing what you're told
Makes the mold

Dip your body in
Different swimming pools
Keep one social group
Is an awful rule

Moldy barriers
Oppress vividness
All these different folks
Combat my emptiness

I don't really care
About how it sounds
I love everyone
Never lets me down

There's a whole world out there for you
you've gotta unfurl before you're blue

Following the lines
Living the lies
Doing what you're told
Makes the mold

I ran up on a trash can
Deposited my best clothes
Withdrew my new wardrobe
Interesting info
Generic attire
That's my heart's desire
Nobody to hide from
Indicates my income
Walk up to my best friend
Laying back in class
With these special provisions
I can access the masses
Appearance is my key card
Greeting is the scanner
Response gives me feedback
Green light for the answer
Different people different things
That's what I want to do
Mindset differences
Make my dreams come true
I love to be around
People who are not like me
then I live a different life
Vicariously
Not through the tv
Interactivity
I might ask how do you be
Now I'm free to see the keys
Every one is unique
Musically
And the unique keys I see
Are all music to me

Following the lines
Living the lies
Doing what your told
Makes the mold

What does it mean?

Here it is, after the tumble
Where the cycles stopped spinning
It's held tightly to avoid fumble
But who is really winning?

Lies placate the biggest drives
And then there's sort of ease
Try to restart by complaining
Though this used to be release

This used to be the real place
The end goal that was shining brightly
Was it the thrill of the race?
That stimulated nightly

Mattresses are on my face
Weighing into my throat like some cake
Though my sadness is erased
Why do I want what's fake?

The real things I have make me smile
But then they just upset me
I've come so far, mile after mile
But I really wasn't ready

It's too soon to feel ok
Because I need some just turmoil
I'm acting well inside this play
But I want the snake to coil

Come attack me if you please
To save me from this heaven
Take my love and make it freeze
And make me how I had been

Why'd I crawl out from the dark
To be blinded by the light?
I want to run into the dark
And just say goodnight

If I fell and couldn't move
I would stay and get attention
Then I'd make you happy too
And resume the low suspension

The feeling is already gone
And I've created a plateau
Nobody ever told me
That I'd want to go back down below

Feelings drive me fast at night
Crashing more, now than ever
When I wake up and lose sight
I'll roll back and say whatever

Everything is the opposite
I want to go back down to feeling badly
I am not a hypocrite
But a master of duality

It means I don't know how to accept

I woke rattling and rocking
Gentle but still alarming
Curtains to my left and right
And black was the starry night

But within the place where I was born
Light shines about so be forewarned
Within my mind, the light did shine
But all around, no light was found

The light was in my private room
A carriage steadily rolling through
A starlit night, without any haste
Going at a perfect pace

A perfect pace that did not change
Such consistency felt awfully strange
Would that I'd stop and step outside
But I could not, I was made to hide

The driver, yes, she may be there
But truthfully, I do not care
My horses draw me forth and I
Don't know why, but they're my guide

Every inch I move forth
Is in the context of my horse
So is that all that my life is about?
Or might I take an alternate route?

Might I drift off to sleep once more
Or should I lie on the carriage floor?
And wait for death, for I know this ride
Is just my life, and it's about time

Stains on my face let you know what I mean
Warding off friends and foes since I was fifteen
When you hit the wall, take your walk away from me
Saying it's nothing, it's social biology

Really look at me and you'll see my doubts
Let it freak you out then seek the higher route
See what I'm about, but once your insides shout
You'll break out before you break through, no doubt

Break down the wall and when you break through
I'll express my passion by questioning you
Everything you want to be, everything you do
I'm really into spirits, thought you already knew

Question me back, now that's a conversation
Question me back, there's full explanations
Hold yourself back, I'll feel the sensation
All your judgments will stunt the degradation

Degrade these walls to climb on in
It's not so bad once you look past my skin
100 thoughts a day make me want to fade away
And you'll be another one if you can't look my way

Because of the stains on my face