In some parallel universe,
I hope when you broke up,
I invited you over and said,
listen to my voice, pretty girl,
and listen to my eyes
You gave it your best
and he tossed you to the wind
Here I am for you;
I never left
It's up to you, of course,
but I won't take you for granted
Won't you be mine, pretty girl?
And in this universe,
you said yes

It's late at night
and I open the door
The warm glow
of a someday-illegal
incandescent light
gently fills my living room
I plug my phone
into the receiver
and set it to full volume
techno
it's time to vibe

I get down like this
every night
til it's later than what's right
because I love it,
but I can't lie
I'm also missing something;
I don't have your love
to carry me to bed
so I can sleep peacefully
and calm my restless head

How can I show
more of myself to you?
What can I show you
to scare you off?
Pervert,
**** at work,
****** addiction rehab,
12-step drop-out,
faith-lost
skeptical mind,
more like cynical
say one thing,
do another;
as confused about me
as you are

And I'm almost out there
first step,
bare all in anonymous groups
second step,
peel back the layers among friends
third step (two forward, one back),
mostly anonymous pouring out the heart
through my poetry in the dark
fourth step,
fully open among all?

I was laughed at the other day
upon sharing my experience with addiction
It didn't really offend me
am I almost ready?

Could you tell I'm insecure
by the way I dance?
Would it bother you
that I'm that way,
or could you love me in spite?
Given my emotional turmoil,
do I need to fix myself
before I can meet you?
And should I be looking for you,
or should I just wait?

I could dance
dance dance
all night long
night in and night out,
but when I come home,
I'm still alone
and it's taboo these days
to need anyone,
but I need you,
whoever you are
and wherever you are
I wish you would
show your face
so I could hold it
in my hands,
look into your eyes,
be known,
and know you

Your name
is more of a trigger
than your face

Everything but sadness
seems like an illusion;
sometimes I
can get
swept up into
the illusion, though.