Blood stained hips
Trembling lips
I caress the edge
longing for its touch
I slowly sink its teeth into my skin
soft flesh parting once again
I promised myself last time
would be the last time
But how can there be a last time
when the pain is endless

It’s becoming easier and easier to say goodbye.

I was the person who jumped in the water first
while others stopped just at the shore
I was daring and willing to risk it all
people would watch from afar
and only wish for my courage
but during one of those leaps
I lost my footing,
I hit the ground hard,
now bruised and hurt
both legs appear broken
and I am only sinking
my attempt at recovery has been feeble
and I sit here wishing I never took the chance
I am fractured and lost at sea
promising to never leap again

You meet your knight in shining armor,
the healer of your pain,
one who promised to be there for you
through thick and thin-
for the first few months anyways.
Soon they’ll get tired of you
having your bad days more often
than what they expected,
the swords will be laid down
and you will be avoided
while at war with your brain.
You’ll be left to fend for yourself again,
fighting an army with your bare hands.
They will only come back when the coast is clear, just in time for the stronger you.
Your bruised knuckles will be kissed,
and you will be supported until it heats up again,
it is another bad day and you are all you have.

Why is it you who makes this suffering
taste that much sweeter?

I write and I spill my heart onto these pages
over and over almost daily
I cry and smudge the ink
wrinkling the paper as it dries
but no matter how many words
seep through my pores and my pen
it still does not feel like enough
enough to stop my tears or
lift this weight from my chest
Here I am, clenching my fists
knuckles white, around this pen
wishing I never had to write another sad poem

I have begun to see myself
as someone who is labeled a burden
but I do not think that is reality
it is only how those around me
have made me feel
all I am really asking is be cared about.
I know I cannot lift myself up
or convince my mind that today
will be a good day,
and if I can’t do that for me it will be
impossible to do it for another
so I have learned that sick people
cannot take care of sick people
because no matter how hard we try
we are all just a little too tired