I have begun to see myself
as someone who is labeled a burden
but I do not think that is reality
it is only how those around me
have made me feel
all I am really asking is be cared about.
I know I cannot lift myself up
or convince my mind that today
will be a good day,
and if I can’t do that for me it will be
impossible to do it for another
so I have learned that sick people
cannot take care of sick people
because no matter how hard we try
we are all just a little too tired

Most days feel like bad days,
and the only days that feel good
are for all the wrong reasons

My wounds have healed
and turned to scars
but I do not feel safe yet
I am not safe in this skin
and it is not safe from me
at any moment it can
so easily be opened
to again bleed red
when will I learn that it is here
to protect me from what is on the outside,
not what is on the inside

How can you sit here
and blame me for my pain?

I’ve given up on trying to save myself
I know I will not attempt to climb
from the depths I’ve become trapped in
and I have accepted that arms
will not be extended into a hole
as deep as this one
while already knowing
I’m just too far to reach

My hands cup gently
around the source of the heat
little flames lick at my skin
but they are not scalding,
only warm
this little flicker means very much to me
I provide it a barrier
to keep safe from harm,
it can easily be blown away
doused and smothered
my last little light is here in my palms
burning for my dear life