My hands cup gently
around the source of the heat
little flames lick at my skin
but they are not scalding,
only warm
this little flicker means very much to me
I provide it a barrier
to keep safe from harm,
it can easily be blown away
doused and smothered
my last little light is here in my palms
burning for my dear life

So many have a thing for roses
even my middle name
stems from the flower- Rose
deep red, never unnoticed
So strong with such vibrancy
yet so very opposite from myself
Still I grasped for it
wanting the strength and
attention it promised
And as the thorns
pricked my fingers
I only held tighter
bleeding red onto red

Yesterday I almost told you
how I was ready to die
I’ve been ready but
I haven’t said it out loud
then the conversation turned
to you away from me as it does
but that’s okay
I finally feel free

My life did not fall apart
all at once or so suddenly
small pieces and fragments
began to wear down and
be stripped away slowly
first the distance
between my family grew
I was alone before I knew it
no longer crossing their minds
my body became weary
and my thoughts ran slower
my love for reading and school faded
love for myself declined rapidly then
I shed weight and I shed tears
remaining tucked away in my home alone
locked away with this brain
unsure if I want to stay anymore
still my questions go unanswered
why did they leave
where did my mind go
where can I find myself again.

I’ve withered down to brittle bones
supporting a now hallowed shell,
begging the wind to take me.

...and I tuck myself away again.

I wish I would have held you longer
used a softer voice when I spoke to you
I wish I would have guided you
to nicer people on smoother paths
I wish I could have held your eyes shut
so you never had to see the evil around you
I wish I would’ve stopped you from seeking
comfort in all the wrong places
and convinced you to
seek peace in me instead
forgive me for cowering away in the past
forcing you to take the brunt of it all
I don’t blame you for the ways you chose
to cope and alleviate your pain
I promise to be here with you until the end
no matter how long you choose to stay or however you choose to go.