I am often only able to be handled in small doses,
too much of me and you’ll OD,
                       get sick from me.
I come on too rapidly, too brutally to be managed by most,
                      Hardly by any.
I cause a pit to form in the depths of your stomach,
                       you feel queasy.
I am the lump that blocks your air passage,                    
                       you can’t breathe.
You choke on me and the only way to fix it is to spit me out,
                       rid yourself of me.

don’t tell me to keep my head up when you’re the one who forced it underwater.

How could you,
Allow me to think I could trust you, listen to your words.
Make me promise to follow your rules and I would end up okay.
How could you,
Take the small things I looked forward to from me, deny me even an ounce of that happiness.
Slowly destroy my body and my mind all at once.
How could you,
Push my family away from me, take away their trust.
Make them think I am selfish and cruel.
How ******* dare you,
Do this to yourself and refuse to get help.
You’re the creator of this disease and you’ve let it go too far for too long.

I fuel the fire that engulfs me,
pouring every ounce I have into it
I watch my flesh being peeled apart,
All that I hate destroyed before my eyes
It shouldn’t feel so good to watch this body crumble,
But I’ve been wishing it to happen for years now
My loved ones watch in horror from afar,
Yes in horror but never in shock
They have witnessed me slowly striking the match for years,
Only just now did it hit hard enough to flame.

Tired of always getting lost in my thoughts,
and always in thoughts that make me feel lost.

I know everyone says that misery loves company
But so do I.
Misery gives me something to think about,
no matter how terrible it may make me feel.
She keeps my mind occupied
While Making sure I’m never alone.
Misery takes my hand and leads me away from here,  
Sometimes we get lost,
Sometimes on purpose,
I don’t always know the way through my head like she does.
I know befriending misery is what keeps me from moving forward,
But honestly, having someone that feels like a friend is
enough

I am drowning in
an overfilled world.
The ceiling is the max,
there is no reaching for the clouds here.
Sometimes being dealt a bad hand
is enough to bring us down.
I am living proof of someone
whose demons were smarter than their maker.