" I see my altoids box where i used to keep my razor blades and pins . I see the empty space where my door used to hang . I see my empty wall that used to be full of vibrant possibilities . I see my broken mirror . I see my self inflicted wounds "
" I can touch my chest and feel my heart beating rapidly beneath it . I can touch my collar bone that is jutting out of my body . I can touch the pens that write my words when I cannot speak them . I can touch my tears that are falling down my face . "
" I can hear voices that are telling me to commit ***** crimes . I can hear mice scurrying through my walls . i can hear my brothers sound asleep . "
" I can smell my mixture of perfumes . I can smell blood from my arms . "
" I can taste salt water leaking from my eyes "

Im fine
Wait come back
Im so very far from fine
These contacts hold back my tears
These long sleeves hide my scars
This filter keeps my sadness on a leash
And these needles keep my heart from falling apart
These thoughs , this mind always so dismal
“ Happiness is a hero “ but my pain is ever so abysmal
Nobody feels what i feel
But at the same time nobody seems to reveal
Whats going on inside
So how are we going to know when your horrors decide to collide ?
My monsters seem to be my only companion
They relieve the pain of feeling abandoned
But they hide the purpose that attemps to surface
Trying to delay what my heart seems to portray
But i am a cold soul and i continue to replenish
My basket of bad vibes that never seems to perish
Listen to the sentiments i repeatatly blare
“ I will disown you at once before i decide that i care “
Saying that statment makes me feel manic
I want to let go but there is comfort in the panic
Just like that i have lost everyone i hold dear
Just when i noticed that my happiness was beginning to appear
But when the moons goes away the sun comes out to play
So i will continue to try for the happiness
That my mind keeps trying to betray

There are times at the eve of dawn
When im ripped from sleep
To add clues to what i'm pondering upon
Why does my heart always seem to strain ?
Drowning in guilt and isolated pain
Singing myself odes to soothe my fears
Fears of dying as death creeps near
I feel a smile beginning to form
But its at the deep depths of my soul
Made this way because my subconscious took a toll
Im standing atop of a trapdoor
With the lever in my hand
Given to me because my demons knew i had a plan
I find myself debating to flip the switch
That will send me plummeting into a dark and filthy ditch
I've been struggling for awhile now , why make it worse ?
Why cause my parents pain as they stare at my casket through an X-Ray hearse
Do i truly want to be a potential casualty
Or do i just want to live a life away from personal tragedies?

Nothing kills man faster than his own head
Am i alive or is this just living dead ?
Convoluted discussions with the strangers in attendance
Im trying to tell you whats wrong but my mental is just bleeding lead

My soles hurt from walking , im a forsaken nomad
Im not the only only grieving here , even my shoes look sad
Im back in control of my mind
But my words are still mixed up (NOT)
Im thinking what i mean
But im saying lies that will probaly get me caught
I will most likely never be what you see on the inside
My body , this system is good at telling lies
Are you aware that we bleed the same ?
We both struggle with semiternal pain
And looks of disdain ….

To be continued ….

There is no point in living
When we are all going to die anyway
That is the statement I'm choosing to live by
Remember what I'm about to say
"Lying is all I've learned¨
Mr.Credulous, if I said I would live for you
With nothing in return
You should be concerned