my skin and muscle is melting off the bone

something is on my chest and it's making it hard to breathe

am I without a heart now? am I completely broken? am I un-fixable?

disintegration is my hobby

(everyone around me doesn't see the pain I'm in and it hurts that even those who know me so well don't see me fading away while being eaten by my own negative thoughts)

I dream of drowning in my own blood, it's more of a sound than anything.

I don't have enough blood to bleed, I don't have enough air to breathe

I can't speak as much as I used to
I'm constantly sick to my stomach

I'm struggling to not drive off the side of the rode
I'm struggling to not dig deep into my legs and arms searching for veins
I wonder if i pressed hard enough if they'd shoot blood out just for a second

I'm not enough, enough, enough
I've had enough, enough, enough...enough

I want to be cold and covered in dirt

I'm giving up too fast

I can't stop slipping, falling, tripping, drowning.

toxic girl in a toxic body.

I must be allergic to myself, the ones I love.

I have poison on my lips and fingertips.

venom runs through my cold thin veins, I'm nauseous with guilt.

my heart is unpure, spiteful, heavy and unprotected.

I'm no child of God, I'm a pure disaster, a childish imp.

“I miss you”* is an understatement
Because when I say “I miss you” what I’m really saying is that
Every day I go without your laughter
Without your smile
Without your voice
Without your intoxicating presence
Is a day wasted
It’s a day the sun is a bit duller
Food a bit blander
And oxygen less satisfying
Suffice it to say
“I miss you” is an understatement

Up until my insomnia meets me
I lied when I said I forgot
I was scared what you'd think
If I said that  I love you a lot

People have only cared for minutes
Leaving me to care for days
When I look at you all I can think
Is please don't go away

I can see me in your eyes
I dream of dreaming with you
I can trace your scars with mine
My thoughts are bleeding through:

My Talia, I know what it's like to not be seen;
what it's like to be alone in a crowded room.
For you, my star, I want you to know:
that no one shines as bright as you.

I can taste you moving on my skin.
My gasp is air you sustain.
hand in hand, under an umbrella
with you, I am safe.