*******

I want it gone. All of it.
I start to clean.

I remove all the dust
that makes me sneeze,
I remove the smudges
on the mirror
that have been bothering me.

It's still
too
messy,

I walk around.
Picking up clothes,
arranging books.

I'm suffocating,
I need some air.

I open my window,
light a candle
that smells
of happiness.

Vaccuum the floor,
throw away nonsense
that has been laying on my desk
for a while.
I want all of it gone.


I calm down,
I recognize it again.
I can be again.

And there I was.
The hot stream of water, pouring down my back.
I start to think, while I feel my skin burning, numbing.
My head hurts. My thoughts start to overflow. My emotions follow the stream, away to a place I don’t really know.

Whilst I close my eyes, I try to feel again. Is it too much?
All of a sudden, I feel every individual drop of water. Burning, numbing me. I turn off the water, I need to go. This isn’t what I should do.

I grab a towel and wipe away the water. Maybe next time I’ll enjoy it and sing, as I usually do.

I hate the you who wants to be the better you,
the you that everyone must like, because that’s the cool one right?

I hate the cool one who thinks it’s fun to be offensive and rude.
That’s the you I don’t want to be with.

or it doesn’t work

And when I have to advice my friends on love, I always involve you.

because you should only stay in a relationship when you have a ‘you’. I’m never giving up on you and you’re worth every **** second of my life.