Waiting for the day
I look back on my own words
With disdain
Instead of longing

Sometimes,

Every little thing

Gets

Under

My

Skin

I self destruct
5
4
3
2
1

I think it bothers me
That
She ever use to hold you
And brush the hair away from your face

I want to be the only one
Who made you fall in love

Don’t you miss me
Isn’t it unbearable
How are you happy
Can I be happy too
Please
Can I be happy too

Cascade down me,

The way clouds caress,

A mountains rough edges

His words were warm
Like a dollop of hot butter
Sliding down a stack of pancakes

I hate his stupid smile,
I hate his stupid face.

I hope you think about me
Every
Single
Day

We never have funerals for love
Love dies too

I keep your shirt on the back of the couch
It smells like your house
You’d think I’d have kissed you before
I don’t even know what you taste like
But I wish I did

Living this life
Without you
Everyday wondering
How how how
Do I go on

I still love you
Stupid

Forgive me
If I repeat the little details
I’m trying to cram in as much as I can
While I still have the time
I try to say everything but
How much I’m in love with you
How much I wish I could drive to you right now
Share some time with you

Things would never be the same as they had been
Not yesterday
Not today
Never again

But I think, I would love you forever
And when the wind blows past
I will remember the way you wrapped your arms around me

Rage burns inside me
It’s so easy to spit your own poison back at you
One way or another
It just hurts
Instead I sit here
Fire turns into hot tears
Rushing down my face
Burns ditches in lines
I wonder if karma is real
How do you continue to get away with this

If you could see how starving I am
You would love me

He does not care
If he makes you lay there
Say okay,
Until you can breathe again

Hey dear
I just came here to say
I still love you
And I don’t know if it’s ever gonna get better
But I’m so glad
You are happy without me

I wish I loved you less
And I loved
me
more
I wish I loved myself the way
I loved you
Or I loved anyone else
I wish I could
Do that

Don’t make me wait
Pick up the phone
Call me
I’ll answer
We can talk and talk
I just want to hear you

I wake up now and I forget
But sometimes, in the early hours
I wake up and I can’t understand how you are miles away laying next to her
I roll over and stare at the ceiling
The whir of the fan in the background
The popcorn of the ceiling being kissed by the dimmed lamp from the 90s that has a turn dial on it
I sigh and I think to myself
“Why do I have these miserable thoughts and he gets to be so happy”
And then I think
Maybe this is why I have these miserable thoughts
I cared far too much
And he never cared enough
It’s been a year now-
So it’s easier
The mornings and hours I spend on them now
Are few and far between

I don’t
Want to
Be close
To you
Anymore

I know things
I’m not stupid
I know that,
Two plus two is four,
The sky is blue,
I have two feet,
Ten fingers,
Ten toes,
I know that you,
You tell lies,
More than you tell the truth,
I know that about you,
So when you sit here and say,
It’s different this time,
Why would it change,
Something I know.
The sky is not purple.
I do not have fifteen fingers
And two toes
And you,
Hardly tell the truth,
I know that.

It’s 9 pm
The tide rolls in
The thoughts of you
You and me
Between these sheets
Hands against my hands

I miss the way you smell
I think of the last time
I buried my face in your chest
That’s when you left

I miss the way you taste
I think of the last time
My lips met your lips

Suddenly time seems like a
Long long hallway
Only extending more and more
The more I walk it

I ******* miss you
And I didn’t want to wait
I didn’t want to wait
To see you
To feel you
To taste you

I want to beg you
On my hands
And my knees
Please
Please

Almost 12 am
I am reminiscing over every conversation we had
I saved them all
Sometimes when I miss you enough
I read them over and over
From the beginning
Like a movie of time being played out
Between us
When I see them enough
I feel like I’m near you
In that space where we were once
So so close
Almost like a Time Machine
I can’t figure out how it all happened so fast
you are like grasping at steam as it floats away
I can feel the wet heat in my hands
How can I be near you again  
I’m waiting for steam to rise, turn into rain, and wash over me

Baby, I'm gone, gone
I am so gone from here.

I'm gonna spread out far to the edges and over,

I'm gonna spill out, just like that milk you always ******* cried over

I'm gonna cover the earth,
And baby I'm gone from here.

That’s it
Isn’t it
I’m here
You are there
And maybe in a few years I’ll see you again
But it’s unbearable to think of
It comes crashing down on me like a tidal wave
I could fall to my knees and
Beg god to hear your voice

Pick up the phone
Call me
Please

I miss you

A thousand other universes
Where your finger tips
Brush my finger tips

I wish I was there staring up at your ceiling
Breathing your air

Buy me one more day
Cant be anywhere other than there

You'd never recognize me now

I wish so badly,
To not know small things about you,
Give me something that makes me dislike you

So it goes
The same song
Repeating
Repeating
Repeating
In my head

I forget it
I forget you
White noise

I wonder why
Everytime you had a chance
You didn’t run home to me

I look for any way to speak to you
But there is nothing
Only what we have

Woman
Mother
Daughter
Wife

Pictures play
For each word
A box is created
Without hesitation

Jam yourself in it
Make them all smile

Tired of being used
For parts to fill
Yourself with
Use up until
You feel whole
Taking pieces of me
Taking pieces of me
Empty
Every time you leave me

Find me in every life,
And lay your sweet lips upon mine,
Steal my breath,
Touch my cheek,
Whisper those words I crave to hear
Dripping
Off your tongue

Memories moving
Like movies
Flipping fervently
Trying to
Find you

Oh,
How I miss being
Near you

One day you wake up
And you just are
For a moment
Suspended in your dreams

Will I ever
See you again?
I whispered in my dream
After death,
And another life
But not until then,
You sighed

Because I wake up in the morning
And start my day thinking about you
Somewhere between packing lunches
And taking Gabriel to school
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night too
I think you must be somewhere there
Me on your mind as well
I will never be able to love anyone else the way that I love you
The worst part is being able to move on, knowing nothing will ever be good enough
Nothing will ever be the same
Nothing will ever matter as much
I have moved on to focusing on my sons life
To get him to his happy place
I wonder when I will look up and see my own wrinkled hands
Even then, I know I will miss you
That’s what breaks me, knowing we will go from old to young
It makes no sense, you are my soulmate you know
Even after all this time, even after all these years
It’s all the same, how I feel inside about you
All the dust you kicked up, has settled
And I know now that you see me there too
It’s why you can’t help yourself
Please call me
Call me call me call me
We can talk and be full

I waited a whole year
Thinking maybe we would be together again
Maybe it was close to our time
Maybe you were just going through something
I kept looking for you everywhere
To tell you about Valentines
And then I told myself
Maybe you really did forget me
Maybe I was the only one here
I’m not sure of what I’m sure of anymore
But I do know how much I love you

I was ready to be done now
And I never wanted to be ready again
Ready to be ready
And not done
I’m tired of them
Putting their hands
And words all over me
I’d rather be alone
They take up my time
To be free

There isn’t at least one moment
Where I don’t think of you
On any day
Even when you are away

Was I light reading for the morning
Was I even that anymore
Or did you just erase me
Get rid of me

I am under your finger tips
Trembling for you
Your name escapes my lips

Is that you
Calling me from
Unknown numbers

Or am I dreaming

Tell me you love me
And then leave me
Don’t pretend
You’ll stick around
Cut right to the chase
Go away

I miss you
I love you
I wish I could see you
All the usual things

All I can
Think
About is you
And how I must see you