I loved him
I loved him
And I wished so badly
It was felt even in
The fibers in the leaves
Of all the trees

And Dear God
Please, ******* help me
Because it’s just so hard to be sober
When my choices
Cant be made over

Connection
Breeds
Creation

Bees
To
Flowers flaunting
pollen

Heavy is how you sit on my mind

Tearing through every notion

That I ever gave you up

I love you

I love you still

I can feel you
Thinking about me
I assume
This is the only place
You still see
Maybe not
Maybe I’m crazy

What’s it like
To be
Serene

Roses are red
Violets are blue
*******
I love you
I miss you
I hate you
You hate me too

Here you are
Standing in the mirror
Beside yourself
Inbetwix yourself
Don’t listen
Don’t listen to what they say

He made his bed
And he should lie in it
Without me

He can’t be in the middle
Me
Her
Me
Her

Why can I ever ******* be enough?

If he loves you he’d be here
If he loves you he’d of stayed
That is what they all say

I don’t want to be in anyone’s way
I don’t want to stay
Here
There
Anywhere

So I’ll crumple
And crawl underneath your feet
Step on me
Step on me

He’s lying next to her
While dreaming of me
And
My bed is cold

I am tired again
I am weary in my bones
Lay me down here
I will wrap my arms
Around myself

I miss you more
Than
The day before

Me and my love
We are lifetimes apart
And so we spend lifetimes alone
Until we find each other
Again
In one universe
In one moment

Are you a good person who does bad things?
Or are you a bad person who does good things?

You cant tiptoe the line.
You either are or are not.
But in the same aspect,
You cant always be one thing.

**** humanity.

I just wanted to know
Why

I definitely
Want
To
**** her

That’s what he said
We lie in bed together

And I pretend like it’s ok
Ok that you
Only
Want to
Be inside
Of her

Hey
What are you having for dinner today
How have your days been
How have your weeks been
The months?
I just called to talk to your voicemail
I miss you

Sadness usually consumes me
At some point
It’s like I’ve been running a marathon
Things are getting personal
But I can clear my mind
If I try hard enough
I only get sad
Sometimes
You can’t say that out loud though
People start to worry
It’s days like that I wish
We all just said what’s on our minds
I’m ******* miserable
How about you
Maybe miserable as well
I start thinking
Why aren’t people more honest
Why does honesty terrify them
So much

Rage burns inside me
It’s so easy to spit your own poison back at you
One way or another
It just hurts
Instead I sit here
Fire turns into hot tears
Rushing down my face
Burns ditches in lines
I wonder if karma is real
How do you continue to get away with this

I am the rabbit
You are the carrot
Dangling on a string
Is that all we are doomed to be?

I love him so much

Today I miss you
Tomorrow I might not think of you again
It’s been on and off lately
Which is much better than always on
I love you
I miss you
I miss the way you were always there
Small moments are the ones I never reveled in enough
Even though I thought I was soaking them up
I find myself staring in the mirror
I hope we meet in another life Bryce
And I hope we get to do it right in that one
The love I have for you is enough to bring me to my knees when I close my eyes

Waiting for the day
I look back on my own words
With disdain
Instead of longing

An ache so deep that
There are no more words
You begin to feel like
You’ll never meet anyone again
Constantly comparing everyone
To all of the good in you

Sometimes
Sometimes I miss you so much
That I think I’m not gonna make it
I don’t know how I’m gonna
Get through that day without talking to you
But then I do
And the sun rises
And the sun falls
Somehow I keep doing it all

So you say
I have the moon
Well I simply dont believe

I don’t
Want to
Be close
To you
Anymore

Will I ever
See you again?
I whispered in my dream
After death,
And another life
But not until then,
You sighed

I hope it all makes it’s way to you
Some way
Some how

Press on

Even when you are walking through

A field of razor blades barefoot

You just

Press on, baby

Press the **** on

You can hold something empty
But it’s still empty

I loved you
It took the air out of my lungs
When she looked at you
Looked at you
Like sweet ripe fruit
Juicy for the taking
I loved you
I loved you
I loved you
But it didn’t ******* matter
“I hope it works out, I’m glad you had a good time”
Can I tell you
Lies eat me open
From the inside out

Oh to be waiting around
On another boy
Another boy
Who didn’t see me right there

I wanted to be the falling star,
In someones pocket,
Never to fade away.

Have you ever
Laid in bed next to
someone you love

And prayed for
Your true love to
Fall out of the sky

So it goes
The same song
Repeating
Repeating
Repeating
In my head

I forget it
I forget you
White noise

I’d be lying if I said I was doing anything
Other than
Trying to forget you

I'd think of the times i'd often have something imperative to say
Not often
And so was it imperative?
imperative to speak?
"sometimes, people just want to know you love them"
it's exhausting keeping up
At this point in life,
I value the people who understand me and
understand my lapses of silence
I have nothing to say

String me along
Like little fine white pearls
Clacking against each other
Each impactful time your
Fingers slide me down the thread

I am mourning
Mourning that I won’t lay down
For you anymore

I say
I will miss you
And every single time
You look away
Check out that picture
You say
But I will miss you

I am not supposed to be here
I am supposed to be with you
So please make it quick
Take me with you

Do you think I’ll be better
Better ever?
I am afraid of death
and dying.
Nothing, is a deep leap to hop into.
Nothing.
I’ve never been fond of heights.
Will I make it to 30?
Do you think I’ll ever be better?
Can I be better ever?
I want to be normal
I’m tired
I could use a rest
I want to be like the rest
I am afraid of death
And dying.
Do you think I will ever get better?

I know things
I’m not stupid
I know that,
Two plus two is four,
The sky is blue,
I have two feet,
Ten fingers,
Ten toes,
I know that you,
You tell lies,
More than you tell the truth,
I know that about you,
So when you sit here and say,
It’s different this time,
Why would it change,
Something I know.
The sky is not purple.
I do not have fifteen fingers
And two toes
And you,
Hardly tell the truth,
I know that.

I can’t decide if
Everyone was right
About us being crazy
Or if we really
Loved each other
I sometimes remember that first night with you
Things were good for just me and you

If you were my girlfriend
I would have treated you better
That’s what he said
It’s a good thing I’m not
And we just live together
And sleep together
And eat dinner together

I think if you just go
Things would be a lot better
For us both
If you just
Forgot about me
Forgot about this place
Not us
Because that
That never was

Have you ever been in love?
It eats you
It consumes your body
Toes to head
Wildfire takes over
And it burns you up
How did you exist without
That’s what you will ask yourself
Have you ever been in love?

I’d rather live
Than die
I’d rather die
Than live
You can’t ask
The egg
How much he enjoyed
Being the chicken

How dare the day keep going on
How rude
Don’t the sun and the moon
Know you died
Can’t the earth hear me cry
Why is it still spinning
Why does every day still
Go on

You ask me how I’m doing.
Everyone asks how are you doing?
Can you smell death on me?
I skate over this, like an Olympic champion trained since 3.
I don’t answer.
I refuse to submit and say that I am fine anymore.
I am not fine.