I wake up now and I forget
But sometimes, in the early hours
I wake up and I can’t understand how you are miles away laying next to her
I roll over and stare at the ceiling
The whir of the fan in the background
The popcorn of the ceiling being kissed by the dimmed lamp from the 90s that has a turn dial on it
I sigh and I think to myself
“Why do I have these miserable thoughts and he gets to be so happy”
And then I think
Maybe this is why I have these miserable thoughts
I cared far too much
And he never cared enough
It’s been a year now-
So it’s easier
The mornings and hours I spend on them now
Are few and far between

I keep your shirt on the back of the couch
It smells like your house
You’d think I’d have kissed you before
I don’t even know what you taste like
But I wish I did

I wish so badly,
To not know small things about you,
Give me something that makes me dislike you

I met a boy who smelled like sunshine
He liked to make things with his hands like me
I asked him what is his last name
And by the end of the conversation
It wasn’t until two days later
I realized
He never asked once for mine
He didn’t ask anything about me at all
But now I couldn’t stop thinking
About him

Hey dear
I just came here to say
I still love you
And I don’t know if it’s ever gonna get better
But I’m so glad
You are happy without me

Somedays I miss you so much
It feels like there is no one else in this world
To talk to
It’s been almost a year
I still think about you every day
I’ve forced my thoughts to be farther between
Because I know the amount of good
It does me
I wish I could stop putting you in the front
Of this in invisible line
I love you so much
Sometimes I close my eyes and I pretend
If I think it hard enough
You will feel that moment too

If I take it day by day
And no one mentions the word longing
I don’t ache for you
Anymore