I've walked that path
So many times
But something slows me down
When I see your eyes

A burst of light in the dark
I followed willingly
Believed in them with every ounce
Even when I felt the rigidity

Even when I found the hole in my sweater
And found your blade that held the missing yarn
Even when my heart gushed out
And I lost feeling in my arms

I believed when I felt the tape
Placed over my mouth
Cutting off my every word
Forcing my thoughts south

But still I kept them north
I kept on seeing that light
Except that was not so much a light in your eyes
As it was a glint out of spite

You turned out to be such a sadistic soul
You cut into every sweater I own
So now when I step outside
I will feel the winds harsh cold moan

I will feel that burst through that hole
Placed right on my heart
You have left a permanent reminder
I never realized you were that smart

You mastered the art of suffering
You placed it on me so well
So that we all live with your demons
And reside in our own versions of hell.

How beautiful it is when you smile. For a moment nothing in the world causes me anguish because I know that you are happy.

You kiss me as if you were never going to see the sun rise above the horizon again. As if by kissing me you were going to bring back the Beatles and drive in movies.

You give yourself so innocently, so whole-heartedly. It kills me that I can't give you all that you deserve.

You are an arid, desert piece of earth, begging for a taste of rain upon your lips. I can't be the torrential downpour you need and desire to quench your thirst.

I am merely a transient summer rain. A minute shower that allows you to flourish for a small while, but lacks the amount required to sustain. I will exit as quickly as I came. Leaving you disappointed and yearning for more.

Perhaps, if the sun is shining just right,I will leave you with a rainbow in your sky. A little reminder of my presence.

I may be doing wrong, but for these next few to many months (I haven't decided yet)I need a small discharge of immense feelings. I need to experience the emotions of love and joy, but only one of our words, emotions, and hearts will be genuinely satisfied.

It's not your fault I'm broken. You shouldn't have to fix me. It isn't your job.

It's not your fault that every time a familiar melody with lyrics expressing the joy of love creeps through the speakers his face pops into my head, not yours.

It makes no logical sense. We have so much more now than I ever had with him. He hurt me. He's gone. He thinks nothing of me. If only I could do myself the favor of forgetting him.

Sweet, pure, deceived lover, I don't want to hurt you, but I will. I inevitably will hurt my own self in the process of betraying your kind heart.

Ugh, you deserve so much better than me. If only I could be the girl who has worth for while. You've been torn apart before by the same wrecking force. I took the chance on a bruised and beaten hurt and all I can think about is what I had. How disappointingly selfish am I?

The sun only goes as fast as time. I love you the same. You can't force what isn't there.

I may be saying all of this in vain. You may, in fact, be the one to fix me. The one who finds all of my shattered glass and places it perfectly back where it belongs. I may plummet into a deep hole of love, a place of no return.  

Who am I kidding. Of course one day, sadly, I am going to fall in love with you. There is a spark in your eye that ignites my sense of wonder. I peer into the innermost chamber of your soul when you flash me your captivating green eyes. I know deep inside that I am the only one who can see this part of you. At these moments I witness something magical and enlightening, connection.

You do make make my heart jump, my knees go weak, and if only I could get you out of my head then I would have finished that series of novels by now. You hold me when I need to be surrounded with caring arms and you communicate without parting your lips to utter a noise.

Maybe I can be the long shower of water you've been waiting for. Only time can tell what I cannot.

If only I could realize now how truly perfect we fit together. Like the quiet and the night, it's you and me.

Because
I have known despair
I value hope

Because
I have tasted frustration
I value fulfillment

Because
I have been lonely
I value love

The foliage on the western shore swallows the last radiant sliver of golden sun.

The pungent scent of gasoline reaches my nose and the boat is back in gear, already idling, as he titters anxiously behind the wheel.
“The sunset’s over, are you ready to head back?”

I’m not. Not yet.

I close my eyes and exhale the last drag of my cigarette. Smoke billows out through my slightly parted lips and into the fresh air that engulfs us.

It spreads
infinitely
in front of my eyes, blending into the air around us until it has become one with the atmosphere.  
I open my eyes.

Turning my head to the right, I glance out at the open water that surrounds our tiny boat, stretching far and wide encircling us.

I know that he is ready to leave. He opens his mouth to ask me again, but before he can I reach out and press a finger to his warm lips, silencing him.
He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, clearly uncomfortable, and turns his face from mine. My hand gently drags across his skin as his head revolves on his muscular neck and he allows my fingers to rest peacefully on his flushed cheek,
skin to skin,
me to him.

I drop my hand back to my side and his handsome features reveal a brief moment of relief.

“I suppose we can go now”
I take a reluctant last look at the trees, swaying gently in the June breeze, blissfully unaware that they’ve stolen yet another day from this Indian summer.
He begins to turn the boat, heading the bow back to the eastern shore. Our small cottage peaks out through the thick trees and from this distance it looks like a shy little dollhouse, waiting for us to return and play.

We ride back in silence. Our boat splashes through the water and icy droplets leap out of the lake and sting my face. They are refreshing and rejuvenating. They are replenishing.

I stretch and smile; I look at his face. It is like stone, so focused on the shoreline ahead so that my gaze goes unnoticed.

And then there are words,
dancing in my stomach,
infesting my windpipe,
filling my mouth, tasting so sweet.
I clench my teeth together and fight to keep the truth behind them.

My hair rustles in the wind.

I want to stand on the tallest tower,
the deepest canyon and the vastest desert;
and I want to yell until everyone has heard
and understands.
But I know that he must learn for himself; though my tongue itches to share, to save.

My hand finds him again and grips his wrist tightly.
I wish my hands could teach him what they’ve know
That my memories, my understanding and my acceptance of the truth could travel out of the pores in my skin and into his.
I want the truth to infect him, to spread through him like wild fire.

Then he too will he understand
All That the World Has to Offer.

I am filled with death.
    Disease courses through my veins
        I swim deep down into depression
            Each breath feels like drowning
                Fourteen days, 1209600 seconds
                    Until I can sink down to the bottom
                        An endless drop to God knows where.
                            I'll watch the azure sky fly further away.
                                Where am I going?
                                     Where do I belong?
                                          Hold me close
                                               When I die.

one day
we will be
running fearlessly
towards the sun

until then let us frolic in the darkness
find our own way home
and we will be laughing
cause they will never fathom
the things only we know

you and i
cannot be defined

and that is what it's like when
symmetry souls
collide

if you leave
i'm afraid i will lose the light
when you go
i'll be forced to find solace
in my sorrows

rather
stay
the love here burns bright
you won't ever have to feel frightened
i'm here
always

Walking around the dead grass and up through the trees
the bell rings and they
scatter.
Not to the winds,
but to ground.
Looking around with wild in their eyes,
they want the world to end.
Then they can be kings.
Dodging a society that chained them to small strips of lands.
The map is drafted in blood and cold.
They never look up the heavens,
for fear of hope.
Hope is something to be earned,
not for everyone.
The sun forgets to shine,
waiting for the moon to die.

So old,
they have forgotten their names.
The flames of reality burn their skin,
scorched earth and flesh.

The angels look down from Heaven and
scream.
This is the chosen people.
One day,
The monsters will come out of their trees,
rise from the dead grass.
Walk this Earth as they once did.
Until then,
their eyes will pierce the ground
and their feet will float.

The fire rages
throwing shadows across
the trash.
Pepsi, Coke, Malboro
Cowboy Killers.
Lightning strikes the midnight black pavement.
Please Lord,
keep us safe.
Is this how the world ends?
A puff of smoke
tainted with a subtle hint of
Budweiser.
Oh, the humanity!

The wound has grown too large.
A bullet whispering through the air,
landing in a young mans chest.
The world ends
surrounded in yellow caution tape.
Police Line:
Do Not Cross.

Here the guardians sit
on the worlds edge,
looking over at the chaos,
coated in yellow gold and
thick black smog.
Choking on past sins,
the curtain falls on this
vaudeville show.

The world doesn't end in fire
or ice,
but both.