the amount of times i've written i'm fine while crying,

the amount of times i smiled while i wish i was dying,

it hurts simply because,
people underestimate the kind of pain you have to be in,
to drag a blade
across your own skin,

i hide myself  under a pile of lies so no one sees,
the secrets behind
these fake smiles,

my depression is like a current pulling me under and everytine i finally have some strength to pull myself up again it pulls me down,
it is strangling my happiness out of me,
it refuses to let me breathe,
it grabs hold of my neck and is murdeing my joy,
i can't explain the pain that went across my veins,
those nights where i wish i was sober,
where poems like this made no sense,
where i smoked my pain the **** away,
those nights where a pull of the rope could of ended my night,
i don't know anymore,


all i know is that i'm getting worse and worse by the second and i don't know what to do

~d. a

My mind is slowly beginning to collapse
As I go into a state of distress
I enter my pensive zone
Which is the only way I seem to clear my mind

I hear your offensive tone of voice
So I hinder your aggressive words
That some how always gets to my brain
And torments the remaining of my fragile ego

You have jeopardized every piece of my heart
But I let you do it just because
I can't stand the perception
Of you dismissing my existence

We provoked each other into anger
And it keeps escalating to something worse
Our dissensions are unbearable
So we need to replay our
Sunrise of desired conceptions

I escape my afflicted realm
Where you once invaded my blurred memories
Wishing you were in my presence
I reminisced on some of our happy hours
Thinking it would return
Not noticing the trickles of water
Concealing my vision

Bad times, no fun,
I've missed that last kiss,
I cry each night,
There's no getting over this,
I know I started this mess,
It's my own fault and I'm useless,
But I will try my best,

Don't hate me I,
I'm trying to make this whole thing right.

Hold it together dear Lew,
I know you will try to get through,
Been writing as I'm living
So I could build myself up for you,
I'm not sorry for hurting,
But oh god my heart is bursting,
Been confessing my oppression,
Because I want to be free,
I want to be free.

Fixation's clear,
I want to go back home,
Why am I here?
'Cause there's no better place to go.
Feels like the passion has gone,
At least it's better to be wrong,
Everything is done.

Please love me I,
I'm ****** up but I know that it's right.

Hold it together dear Lew,
I know you will try to get through,
Been writing as I'm living
So I could build myself up for you,
I'm not sorry for hurting,
But oh god my heart is bursting,
Been confessing my oppression,
Because I want to be free,
I want to be free.