It can end so quickly,
so easily.
While we are all trapped in this miserable place,
teaching ourselves some valuable and grotesque lesson before we can move on to something better,
it is really very simple to escape.
But I'm curious.
I want to know what happens next.
But I don't.
I don't want to feel anymore of the terrible feelings associated with this life.
I want to feel joy,
not vast,
deep sorrow.
I want to be understood,
not misjudged.
I need to feel unconditional love,
affection,
not have to burden someone with wanting to.
I know that when I decided this life I was to learn a valuable lesson,
but I don't understand why I must feel so much pain.

Remember when you were a little kid running down a big hill?
And you weren't really sure every single step that your feet wouldn't just collapse out from under you,
leaving you flat on your face,
with the smile still permanently glued there,
laughing into the soil,
inhaling its sweet aroma...
but you kept going because,
the rush was so much that even IF SO,
you would have ran right back to the top and did it again?
Remember when the fear was SO worth it because the way down was EXHILIRATING,
every terrifying adrenaline-packed second,
and the entire time you thought,
"This is it,
THIS is when I'm gonna fall,"
but you didn't,
and you conquered your power,
again and again?
And every time you did feel the least bit unstable in your footing,
you snapped back to bliss,
how much fun you were having,
why you were doing it,
and what you were getting out of it,
and the high was more than the fall anyway,
the journey was the destination,
because in reality,
a mouthful of dirt and grass was a tiny price to pay,
to FEEL something outside of yourself?

Yeah well,
there's someone out there,
they're going to make you feel like that,
infinitely,
without conditions.

Wait for them.

creature of the night
hell is just in sight
the phantom is within
will I gladly die of sin?

what people really know
their actions never show
it's a complicating case
when it's staring in your face

your enigma is
draped over every part of me
as if the perception through your lens
a handbook to my darkness
prose installed into the mainframe
applying solace and wisdom to
the futility of existence

so how curious it is
how suddenly
that reality ceases to exist
i am adequate when i am not enough
i am whole when i am incomplete
i am valuable when i am worthless
i am complex when i am nothing

walking on a silted riverbed
the sun comes up
flowers push through
[whispering, 'go, go']

the rain falls down
in straight sheets of black
the colours,
[though broken],
shine through
[purity]
[innocence]

no harm or foul
no tears or pain
no hate or waste

the white noise rings
let's cut it all down
from the web in the sky
that tells us all how

our lives will all end
the damage will ensue
everything will fall
[everything but me & you]

Let not my eyes close for truly resting;
I shall not sleep until I return home.
Until I am aware of your presence
Before me, then I shall cease to exist.

In future, come clarity upon me,
That it may give me the strength to go on
With life and hope, as I wander, endless,
Until the day I shall return to love.

Though my insides quake with fearful hoping,
I shall not falter, for you lie waiting.
True to my word I’ll remain undying
And honest, until the day our eyes meet.

A lips’ sweetest kiss doth long awaits me,
A promise to never part as we have.

She's so cold.  So, so cold.  So ******* cold.  
He's afraid. So, so afraid. So ******* afraid of her.
She's his methamphetamine.  Shoot, drug, high.  So terribly comfortable.
He's withdrawn.  Sick, sober, low.  So horribly real.
A shiver down his spine.  Chills, fear, shock.  It will never end.
And she just lays in her box.  Her ******* box.  ******* black box.