I don't know what the day was like
But I want to believe that it was glorious
Cold
Clear
With the sting of February on the face of a doctor
A father to be
Hurrying his wife
Probably in labor
Down the steps to the car
For the trip to the hospital
Actually the sanitarium in Clifton Springs

Then, after awhile in the waiting room
The news
And the promise of a baby girl
His first child
The first of five

The child who won't die at the hands of a drunk driver
The only one who won't be a doctor
Who will marry
Have three children of her own
Loose a husband
Gain daughters and a son in law
Grandchildren
And who
Sometime later
After the roar of a hurricane passes
Will pass herself
Hiding the pain that ravages her small body
And tells her that she's still alive

But for now
In the sanitarium
In Clifton Springs
Only the promise
Of a baby girl
In the arms of a new mom
His wife

The first enchilada was created in the summer of 1968
In a small house near Seal Beach
In Southern California.

The house was owned by a friend of my dad's
Or my mom's
And we had gone over for dinner

I was eight

I would like to say that it was a cool beach pad
With wood paneling, all the rage back then
And an Eames recliner in the corner of the living room

I only remember the paneling
but since I am writing this
The Eames piece stays

We had gone for dinner
And the owner of the house had made enchiladas
Beef ones as I recall with sauce from a series of Old El Paso cans

I can still smell and taste them
They were the first world food I had ever had
Besides canned Chinese food from the supermarket which doesn't count

And because I loved them with their ground beef and sauce
Their hot oil softened corn tortillas, sour cream, cheese and green onion
And little tiny bits of black olive

They became the prison guards
Throwing open the gates of my suburban Connecticut upbringing
Letting me leave the confines and walk freely in the sunshine for the first time

They were followed by many other firsts
Sushi, Crepes, haggis,  tiki masala and sea urchin to name a few
All of which owe their very existence in my life

To that first enchilada.

Often I wonder about just what it is that I am doing
with what I say
with what I write
with my family and work and health
with everything I do

I don't wonder about the all at once
but in the quiet on a summer afternoon
my wife still at work
my daughter off at camp
I wonder

It is not the wonder of how
of fireworks
of Starry Night
of a successful Aioli
of an airplane heavier than I can lift gliding silently overhead through cloudless blue

It is the wonder that bares the burden of wrong
of blindness towards others
of their fears and needs and beliefs
of reaction without thought
of articulation for it's own sake

And in the quiet
on a summer afternoon
I am
saddened
and truly sorry
for the blindness

Rage
is back
is all the rage
is the talk of the town

Rage
is a bully
is everywhere
is roaring down main street

Rage
is the wrong way
is a beast that kills the spirit
is never free

bloodshed
in the name of religion
against color
because of differences
due to gender

hate
due to religion
in the name of color
against differences
because of gender

intolerance
because of religion
due to color
in the name of differences
against a gender

prejudice
against a religion
because of color
due to differences
in the name of gender

senseless

pill bug
no insect

small crustacean spends entire life
on land

pregnant
carry young in a pouch in her belly

rolling herself into a ball for protection
from the likes of a harvestman

Truth
The non surgical
treatment
to rumor