**** my parents and all they stand for.
**** my mom and the way she acts.
**** her for being who she truly is.
**** her for not being a real mother.
**** her.

**** my dad for who he is.
**** him for leaving.
**** him for choosing crack over me.
**** him for leaving scars on my arms.
**** him

Just for 72 hours
I want you gone.

I want to not feel my
legs,
and I don't want to feel my
heavy heart.

For just three
*******
days I want you gone.

I want you to be
dead to me.

The constant jealousy game
is getting old.

Me hanging out with people
you don't like me to
hang out with,
(especially boys).

You talking to
boys I do not
approve of,
and telling me about
every detail.

I'm sick of
all of this.

I'm asking,
just 72 hours,
I want you
*gone.

He apologized multiple times because
he was my first,
but
that's all I've ever wanted.

I know I should hate you,
despise you,
loathe you.




…but I don't.
I love you and always will.
This is a good thing,
you blocking me and everything.

I can take a weight off my shoulders,
make it feel like I never knew you.

The burns from where you touched me are gone.
The scar you left on my heart has faded.
The impression that you left in my mind has vanished.

I've moved on and showed myself there's more to live for.
So, I think this is my last goodbye to you.
Not a proper one,
and probably one you will forget.
But as you said, we're on separate journeys,
and I guess it's time I live mine.

She's been there since
the 4th grade.
The years where there were no scars
on my arm,
when our smiles shone through the stars,
where out friendship was new with years to come.

I don't know how it is
that I can love someone so much without actually being
in love with her.

She is my best friend.

She's always been there,
even when it was tough.
We worked things out,
it's a new start.

She showed me how to be happy,
how to cry because I'm the one who made the
hugest impact on her,
how to love someone unconditionally,
without having a relationship.

She is the sun that my lightens my day,
and the stars that lighten my night.

She is the intelligence that I feed off of
on those nights.

That day I told her I had harmed,
oh how she hated herself for not being there.
And I hated myself for the pain I had caused my better half.

That night that we opened and looked out my window,
let the cold breeze hit our faces.
Listened to music.
We did not speak a word.  

When she hates herself it pains me,
because she has no idea what she really is.
She is perfect to me.

She is my best friend,
a rare one at that.

I've found a home
in a new pair of
eyes.

Do you remember when you liked me?"
Ha, yeah..
I still can't believe you did.
Yeah..it happens often.

that's a lie
i loved you
i loved you more than anything in this ****** world
it pains me, still, after 5 months
its gotten a whole lot easier being around you
but theres always this feeling, heavily holding my heart down
a feeling you will never find out

You okay? You haven't said anything in a few minutes.
*Yeah, I'm fine. Just got lost in thought.

I never thought I would forget that night that we
gazed at the stars on the trampoline.
I showed you where my favorite star,
Orion
and Mars
is in the night sky.
We laughed and laughed
because you could not see it.
It was cold,
but our body heat kept us warm...
or was it our body heat that kept us warm in the cold night?
Was it the love from our veins bursting through our skin?

you are a scar that never fades away.

I can never catch
a break.

It's a constant struggle of
words thrown like daggers
and others putting me down
like their least favorite book.

When will I ever be
good enough?

If god was real,
he would not be this cruel.

From the abuse of my mother
to the shrugging shoulders of my friends,
and a broken heart that will never be
repaired.

A daughter with no
mother
and no
father.

A friend with no
will
and no
way.

A burn on flesh
and the scars in between.

A love that no one else
will return.

A death wish
wished upon a shooting star.

Don't you see?
I'm begging for help.

The thought of her is like a boomerang,
it always comes back.

You will stain my skin
with that memory
that I will never be able to forget.

A pain that will remind me of
you for the rest of my life.

And this is the only
way you actually
wanted to hurt me.

I wonder if it is bothering you at all.

Handcuffed and I thought of you
I made love and I thought of you
My Daddy died, I just thought of you
My Sister cried and my Mama too
I got a place and I thought of you
I tried to decorate and I thought of you
I'm seeing red but I'm singing blue
I never knew what black and white would bring you too

I have a wave of nostalgia over me.
I'm finally remembering.

When we first became friends. You walked into english class and sat right next to me.

The first time I slept at your house, and you convinced me to wear a dress, but I didn't know how to put it on. You helped me in with no problem.

And that time I spent the night at your house. We read in bed together, and fell asleep. I woke up really thirsty and went to your kitchen to get some water, and you walked in very confused. We both laughed and went back to bed.

All those nights I spent in your arms.

How I loved when you would write poems about me,
and how I waited for them.

I pretended to not like you, because liking Zoe was so much easier.

I remember thinking I couldn't kiss you, because I didn't want to treat you the way your step-brother did.

When you bought me the infinity ring (which I still wear) and the ring that says "I refuse to sink."

When my wrist was filled with ****** cuts, you pulled me into the bathroom and kissed them. I held back tears.

I'm remembering,
but you're forgetting.

Now that I know how it feels to be in a different mindset,
not think the way I normally would
and do and say what I'm usually afraid to say,
I never want to be sober again.

Being drunk makes me feel numb.
All my feelings finally go away,
and I can barely think.

I don't have the mindset to think
she said this
or
he did that.

I wish I could stay like that forever,
I'd never feel pain again.

and when i saw him
he didnt know
of the burn
in my flesh.

It's terrifying how one flick of the wrist,
with the razor in between fingers,
doesn't hurt one bit.
No sting,
no burn,
just relief.

He left his heart in my chest,
and that is the only thing I have left.

You hate me for all the wrong reasons.
You don't even know the real story.
You're a puppet on a string,
and you can't think.

Just listen to me when I say this:
you've got the wrong information.
I didn't cause any harm.
I wasn't the source of the poems.
She found them on her own.
I do take the fault for the one poem that was about her,
but that was the only one.

Keep believing the lies that you have been told.
It's not a big deal.
I don't have to prove myself to you,
or make you believe me.

This is just a bump in the road for me,
losing you and all.

I won't be visiting your high school this year,
or years to come.
The last time you saw me is the last you'll ever see of me again.

I'm on a journey that I wish you could be apart of,
but things don't always work out that way.
I'm trying to find peace and happiness,
but that cannot be acheived just yet.

So this is a second goodbye.
I hope you get your facts straight,
realize I'm not as horrible as you think I am.
I'm the same me.

you're not capable of being in love with me,
but as long as you love me,
i'm okay.

what everyone doesn't know is that
I've been doing this on purpose.

You sat there with a pistol in your hand.
The bullets were the words.
They were shot,
and you never checked to see if my wounds were okay.

it's going to work out
it's going to work out
it's going to work out*

and nothing has hurt more.

She knows the feeling.
She knows what it's like to kiss razors.
Little red lines dance across her arm.
Her eyes dream of tomorrow.
I can tell how badly she wants the pain to wear away.
I can tell how scared she is.


Don't worry darling,
I can hear you scream.

im a galaxy
and youre
a million
miles
away

youre everywhere
your smell is clouding my room
stained into my pillows
youre in my favorite song
and our song especially
my skin burns where you touched me
i can still feel your arms around me
i can taste you in my mouth
i can feel your stare melting into my flesh
and your moans ringing in my ears

am i everywhere
what do you think
are you ok
how did you feel about it
did it feel good
would you do it again
were u trembling
was your heart beating faster than the speed of light
will you leave me
did i **** up
was it my fault
how bad did you want it
do you feel bad
were you using me
was it actual feelings
will it happen again
would you let it happen again

when did this happen

I really hope people don't think that things I say
are a call for help.
I don't need help,
because I'm perfectly fine.
I have a damaged soul,
and I don't think I can repair it.
I think I'll be okay,
I just need some reassurance sometimes.
I'm sad,
and I don't know why.

I remember that day i wept into your arms.
im not sure why i did,
but i cried and cried.
i think it was because i wanted to **** myself.

a reason why i didn't go through with it is because i didn't want to have to live in a world without you.
well, i have to now.
i live in a separate wold than you,
and that was one of my biggest fears,
and now i have to face it.

I tell myself on a daily basis that I love myself,
how I look.

I've started to hate myself as the days go on.
My hair.
My eyes.
My cheeks.
My eyebrows.
My flawed skin.
My big hips.
My huge thighs.
My fat stomach.

I keep telling myself,
"you're gorgeous!!"

I can't do it.
I hate myself.

I'm ugly as can be.
Pictures show it.

My face is too oily,
my lips are too dry.

When will I become pretty?
I fear it to be never.

The hatred is back,
and I'm hating it.

Generations from now,
I will be a pile of bones,
a name that use to be,
a mind that use to think,
a mouth that use to speak.
I will be a story that people will think was a personality.
I will be a poet that no one speaks of,
a song that no one sings,
a picture that will burn.

I will be nothing but bones and a memory.

Would you rather his hand in your pants,
or my heart in your hands?

It must feel like
heaven in your arms.

How clichè,
the rain
falling down on the grass we were sitting in.
You leaned in,
as did I.
"Can I kiss you?"
That one question lead to one peck.
My first kiss,
her's too.

In the bed,
we cuddled and held hands,
that's when your lips once again met mine.

Oh,
how I can get use to the feel of your
soft lips on mine.
I could do it for a lifetime.

I simply cannot speak to you.
Maybe it's not so simple, actually.
It's the thought of your smell.
I'm trying not to recall your smile.
I might have to ****** myself so I don't ponder over those things.
Your voice.
Your eyes.
My thoughts are cramped,
killing me by the second.
Tick, tock.
Tick, tock.
Soon I'll be dead.

What was going on in your head in that moment?

Oh,
how you walked by me,
gave me that smile,
held my hand.

You made me choke on my words,
you made me forget how to breath.
I couldn't swallow.

And when you kissed me,
I swear I floated in midair.
And that night you cuddled into the curves of my back,
I smiled.

Nothing quite makes sense when you're by my side,
you ******* alive.

Day by day you remind me how to
breathe,
swallow,
and forget.

And for that,
you are mine.

I haven't thought about cutting myself in a while.
Watching the blood pour,
and feeling the sting.
Watch as my troubles bleed out of me,
and forget that anything mattered.

No words were said,
but I knew.

I knew when you held my hand
as we walked through the crowd of people.

I knew when you layed your head
on my shoulder and swayed to the music.

I knew when I almost fell,
you sat me down and cooled me off.

I knew when she couldn't move,
you calmed me down.

If that's not love,
I don't know what is.

I never knew the real you.

i got caught
trying to rid
the thought of
you.

I don’t even know myself anymore. I look myself in the mirror and I see this girl who isn’t me. That girl I see in the mirror..her eyes look dead. They look empty. She’s crying, tears falling from her dull blue eyes; her eyes used to be so radient and happy. Her wrists, shredded up, along with her thighs. What happened? A few months ago there were no scars or cuts. She made herself into a hideous monster. Oh I’m not done yet. This girl, her words cut through people like a razor; just like the ones she used, she has no sympathy. She’s lost, panicking, you can see her anxiety rising, ripping away at her second by second. In the mirror you see her family, they look upset; she did that to them. They’re yelling, threatening. Her anxiety builds up more. Her family leaves, letting her cry alone. She can’t quite say anything right, and ends up taking it out on her beloved friends. She can’t take it anymore. She wants out, but she can’t leave. This girl in the mirror isn’t me, but she won’t leave. This girl creeps up on me, and she scares me.

Too many things are happening
for it to be a coincidence.

And what if you did love me?
What would you think about those random texts
where I simply say, I love you?
Or when I hug you for a few minutes?
Or when I say I would date you?

It's funny because I always say,
"I'm just playing around"
or
"I don't love you like that."

Do you ever know that I'm kidding when I say those things?

Maybe you know there's truth to my words,
and you just don't say anything.

What if you did love me though?
What if your words meant exactly what I say?

What if you loved me?

There is nothing I love more
that being in your arms
and me in yours.

Your smell making me feel
like I am at home.

Your soft snores filling
my ears.

Your tired eyes,
and the sleepy cuddling
when we wake up.

And when your smell stains
my pillow.

I'm so sick of sleeping alone.

The date has become nothing,
and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing