I never knew the real you.

There is nothing I love more
that being in your arms
and me in yours.

Your smell making me feel
like I am at home.

Your soft snores filling
my ears.

Your tired eyes,
and the sleepy cuddling
when we wake up.

And when your smell stains
my pillow.

I'm so sick of sleeping alone.

I don’t even know myself anymore. I look myself in the mirror and I see this girl who isn’t me. That girl I see in the mirror..her eyes look dead. They look empty. She’s crying, tears falling from her dull blue eyes; her eyes used to be so radient and happy. Her wrists, shredded up, along with her thighs. What happened? A few months ago there were no scars or cuts. She made herself into a hideous monster. Oh I’m not done yet. This girl, her words cut through people like a razor; just like the ones she used, she has no sympathy. She’s lost, panicking, you can see her anxiety rising, ripping away at her second by second. In the mirror you see her family, they look upset; she did that to them. They’re yelling, threatening. Her anxiety builds up more. Her family leaves, letting her cry alone. She can’t quite say anything right, and ends up taking it out on her beloved friends. She can’t take it anymore. She wants out, but she can’t leave. This girl in the mirror isn’t me, but she won’t leave. This girl creeps up on me, and she scares me.

I dream of my soul being his.

I can't write pretty words,
let alone speak them.
Pretty words don't leave my head
now that I feel alive again.
I almost feel no pain,
I almost feel no happiness.
I'm totally okay,
and I think it's driving me insane.

all i could hear was my heart
it pounded harder than it ever has
he could probably hear
i was shaking

he wanted it
i wanted it

it was so much different
than the first time

we were sober

what is he thinking

I adore you.

I am infatuated with your being.

I sit and reminisce about
when you could've been mine.

THE DAYS PASS AND GOD I HATE MYSELF MORE EACH DAY AND I DON'T KNOW WHEN THIS WILL STOP AND I NEVER STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU AND IT'S RUINING ME AND MAN OH MAN I HATE MYSELF EVEN MORE BECAUSE OF YOU.

"The way you talk about him,
it's like you're in love with him."

The more i do it,
the more satisfied i become.

3 years later,
and im still
doing the
same **** i did
back then.

I have love on my mind,
and a body that's always next to mine.
I'm still having those thoughts
that turn into huge knot.
My scars are starting to be mended,
oh, how I thought it had ended.

I wish I had
the **** sway of her hips
and lips that sing ***** words
and ****,
those eyes,
they lust over the man of her dreams.

I just want to be hot and appealing,
is that too much to ask?

he now knows
how crazy
i actually
am
and i have
never been
so scared of
that in my life

I will always love you,
don't forget that.*

I didn't forget it,
but you did.

i sure did look cute
in between your legs.

im having a crisis,
and you're probably just fine.

I understand it,
you hate me.
But,
must you be so ******* immature about it?

I told her that every things been going smoothly,
that I'm okay.
The little red lines that run along my skin scream for another answer to give,
but I resisted.

I'm going to throw up
every feeling
I've ever had for you.

I USE TO WAKE UP WITH BLOODSTAINED SHEETS AND A SMILE ON MY FACE BECAUSE I REMEMBER THINKING "YOU DID WELL" BUT I GUESS I'VE REALIZED THERE'S MORE I SHOULD BE PROUD OF THAN SELF DESTRUCTION.

IM TRYING TO SLEEP BUT ALL I CAN THINK OF IS THAT TIME YOU SAID "I LOVE YOU" AND I GOT TINGLES IN MY FINGERTIPS AND A POUNDING IN MY CHEST BUT NOW THAT TINGLE IS GONE AND THAT POUNDING IS NO MORE.

"Where you at, my baby."

I didn't know when she would come back,
but she's at the door.

The amount of scars that line my body could never amount to the love I have for you.

She threw me away like
the day old tea bag that sat on her counter.

Did I ever mean anything to her?

She got rid of me so easily,
so quick.
      --was it easy for her to block me?

I'm sure it was.
She acted like I never meant anything,
that I was't an impact on her.

But just like that,
she blocked me out of her life.

Just.
Like.
*That.

He was in my dreams again,
some place I never wished him to be.

I woke up in a cold sweat,
tears in my eyes.

I've never met him,
but I'm terrified.

im digging the hole again.
and no one
can
stop
me.

I dyed my hair so that I do not resemble my father anymore.

i did it once

so why not again

I should be rotting 6 feet under the ground.
I should be growing into flowers.
I should be dead rather than waiting to die.

MY LUNGS ARE FILLED WITH HATRED,
BUT I'M STILL BREATHING.
I'M SUFFOCATING.
PLEASE SAVE ME.

I did what they wanted.

I've lost the dark,
which destroyed my creativity.

i can't catch my breath

It's true when they say
curiosity killed the cat,
because the curiosity of my father
almost killed me.

And I didn't realize how
unhappy I was.

And I dream of
us again.

There's still a war inside of my mind,
and it just won't subside.

And just like that,
another friend down the drain.
I did nothing to make you hate me,
but it is what it is...

right?