It was normal
My head on your chest
and your arms clutching mine
your smell staining my pillows and
how you lay so close to me

It was normal
You touching me
in ways I loved so much
me touching you in ways
that made u groan

It was normal

It's not normal that we
hold each other so close
and your breath on my neck
you sleeping in ny arms
and your head buried in my neck

It's not normal
that your other friends think you're
prudish and unlike you for me to be that close
and that you are nothing like how you are
with them around me

It's not normal
that you are the single person I feel
most comfortable with in this world
and you are the first person that has made me
feel so alive

It's not normal,
it never was normal,
but it's so right.

I can't write pretty words,
let alone speak them.
Pretty words don't leave my head
now that I feel alive again.
I almost feel no pain,
I almost feel no happiness.
I'm totally okay,
and I think it's driving me insane.

They'll be lucky
if I don't **** myself
after the month is over.

all i could hear was my heart
it pounded harder than it ever has
he could probably hear
i was shaking

he wanted it
i wanted it

it was so much different
than the first time

we were sober

what is he thinking

Would it be too much to ask for
if I asked just to drop dead?
Would it be selfish for me to say
"I don't want to live anymore?"
Would it be bad if I took a knife to my
throat and ended it all?
Would anyone even be sad
at all?

I dream of my soul being his.

I am infatuated with your being.

I sit and reminisce about
when you could've been mine.

I adore you.

"The way you talk about him,
it's like you're in love with him."

THE DAYS PASS AND GOD I HATE MYSELF MORE EACH DAY AND I DON'T KNOW WHEN THIS WILL STOP AND I NEVER STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU AND IT'S RUINING ME AND MAN OH MAN I HATE MYSELF EVEN MORE BECAUSE OF YOU.

I wish I had
the **** sway of her hips
and lips that sing ***** words
and ****,
those eyes,
they lust over the man of her dreams.

I just want to be hot and appealing,
is that too much to ask?

The more i do it,
the more satisfied i become.

I will always love you,
don't forget that.*

I didn't forget it,
but you did.

he now knows
how crazy
i actually
am
and i have
never been
so scared of
that in my life

3 years later,
and im still
doing the
same **** i did
back then.

I have love on my mind,
and a body that's always next to mine.
I'm still having those thoughts
that turn into huge knot.
My scars are starting to be mended,
oh, how I thought it had ended.

I dyed my hair so that I do not resemble my father anymore.

I understand it,
you hate me.
But,
must you be so ******* immature about it?

She threw me away like
the day old tea bag that sat on her counter.

Did I ever mean anything to her?

She got rid of me so easily,
so quick.
      --was it easy for her to block me?

I'm sure it was.
She acted like I never meant anything,
that I was't an impact on her.

But just like that,
she blocked me out of her life.

Just.
Like.
*That.

I didn't know when she would come back,
but she's at the door.

IM TRYING TO SLEEP BUT ALL I CAN THINK OF IS THAT TIME YOU SAID "I LOVE YOU" AND I GOT TINGLES IN MY FINGERTIPS AND A POUNDING IN MY CHEST BUT NOW THAT TINGLE IS GONE AND THAT POUNDING IS NO MORE.

im having a crisis,
and you're probably just fine.

I told her that every things been going smoothly,
that I'm okay.
The little red lines that run along my skin scream for another answer to give,
but I resisted.

I'm going to throw up
every feeling
I've ever had for you.

I should be rotting 6 feet under the ground.
I should be growing into flowers.
I should be dead rather than waiting to die.

The amount of scars that line my body could never amount to the love I have for you.

I USE TO WAKE UP WITH BLOODSTAINED SHEETS AND A SMILE ON MY FACE BECAUSE I REMEMBER THINKING "YOU DID WELL" BUT I GUESS I'VE REALIZED THERE'S MORE I SHOULD BE PROUD OF THAN SELF DESTRUCTION.

"Where you at, my baby."

im digging the hole again.
and no one
can
stop
me.

i did it once

so why not again

i sure did look cute
in between your legs.

MY LUNGS ARE FILLED WITH HATRED,
BUT I'M STILL BREATHING.
I'M SUFFOCATING.
PLEASE SAVE ME.

i can't catch my breath

He was in my dreams again,
some place I never wished him to be.

I woke up in a cold sweat,
tears in my eyes.

I've never met him,
but I'm terrified.

It's true when they say
curiosity killed the cat,
because the curiosity of my father
almost killed me.

I've lost the dark,
which destroyed my creativity.

I did what they wanted.

And I didn't realize how
unhappy I was.

And I dream of
us again.

I don't have a father,
can I at least have a mother?

Who is she?

--You know, the girl that showed you love. The girl that touched you in ways hands couldn't. The girl who showed you that you have a life to live.

Who?

--The girl with the brown eyes and brown hair. The one with the smile that could end wars.

I have no idea who you're talking about.

--I can't believe you've forgotten.

Tell me about her.

--She was the one who showed you the light. She showed you that you were worth nothing but all the love in the world. She had these brown eyes. They were like tiny universes. Her hair, oh, it was wavy like the water at the beach. Oh, and she had this voice that even the Muses envied. Her smile…it was etched in your mind for so long, how have you forgotten?

She seems so lovely. I don't know I could have possibly forgotten her.

--Oh, how lovely she was. Do you want to know how you forgot her?

Yes, of course.

--She was erased, just like that, over one stupid thing. You lost her oh so long ago, but now she's gone. She ceases to exist..as far as you're concerned.

Is there anyway to get her back?
       
--Probably not.