There is nothing I love more
that being in your arms
and me in yours.

Your smell making me feel
like I am at home.

Your soft snores filling
my ears.

Your tired eyes,
and the sleepy cuddling
when we wake up.

And when your smell stains
my pillow.

I'm so sick of sleeping alone.

all i could hear was my heart
it pounded harder than it ever has
he could probably hear
i was shaking

he wanted it
i wanted it

it was so much different
than the first time

we were sober

what is he thinking

Too many things are happening
for it to be a coincidence.

Would it be too much to ask for
if I asked just to drop dead?
Would it be selfish for me to say
"I don't want to live anymore?"
Would it be bad if I took a knife to my
throat and ended it all?
Would anyone even be sad
at all?

I dream of my soul being his.

I adore you.

I am infatuated with your being.

I sit and reminisce about
when you could've been mine.

THE DAYS PASS AND GOD I HATE MYSELF MORE EACH DAY AND I DON'T KNOW WHEN THIS WILL STOP AND I NEVER STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU AND IT'S RUINING ME AND MAN OH MAN I HATE MYSELF EVEN MORE BECAUSE OF YOU.

"The way you talk about him,
it's like you're in love with him."

he now knows
how crazy
i actually
am
and i have
never been
so scared of
that in my life

The more i do it,
the more satisfied i become.

3 years later,
and im still
doing the
same **** i did
back then.

I wish I had
the **** sway of her hips
and lips that sing ***** words
and ****,
those eyes,
they lust over the man of her dreams.

I just want to be hot and appealing,
is that too much to ask?

I will always love you,
don't forget that.*

I didn't forget it,
but you did.

im having a crisis,
and you're probably just fine.

I dyed my hair so that I do not resemble my father anymore.

im digging the hole again.
and no one
can
stop
me.

I have love on my mind,
and a body that's always next to mine.
I'm still having those thoughts
that turn into huge knot.
My scars are starting to be mended,
oh, how I thought it had ended.

I understand it,
you hate me.
But,
must you be so ******* immature about it?

I didn't know when she would come back,
but she's at the door.

She threw me away like
the day old tea bag that sat on her counter.

Did I ever mean anything to her?

She got rid of me so easily,
so quick.
      --was it easy for her to block me?

I'm sure it was.
She acted like I never meant anything,
that I was't an impact on her.

But just like that,
she blocked me out of her life.

Just.
Like.
*That.

i sure did look cute
in between your legs.

IM TRYING TO SLEEP BUT ALL I CAN THINK OF IS THAT TIME YOU SAID "I LOVE YOU" AND I GOT TINGLES IN MY FINGERTIPS AND A POUNDING IN MY CHEST BUT NOW THAT TINGLE IS GONE AND THAT POUNDING IS NO MORE.

i did it once

so why not again

I should be rotting 6 feet under the ground.
I should be growing into flowers.
I should be dead rather than waiting to die.

I'm going to throw up
every feeling
I've ever had for you.

I told her that every things been going smoothly,
that I'm okay.
The little red lines that run along my skin scream for another answer to give,
but I resisted.

The amount of scars that line my body could never amount to the love I have for you.

I USE TO WAKE UP WITH BLOODSTAINED SHEETS AND A SMILE ON MY FACE BECAUSE I REMEMBER THINKING "YOU DID WELL" BUT I GUESS I'VE REALIZED THERE'S MORE I SHOULD BE PROUD OF THAN SELF DESTRUCTION.

"Where you at, my baby."

i can't catch my breath

MY LUNGS ARE FILLED WITH HATRED,
BUT I'M STILL BREATHING.
I'M SUFFOCATING.
PLEASE SAVE ME.

He was in my dreams again,
some place I never wished him to be.

I woke up in a cold sweat,
tears in my eyes.

I've never met him,
but I'm terrified.

I've lost the dark,
which destroyed my creativity.

I did what they wanted.

It's true when they say
curiosity killed the cat,
because the curiosity of my father
almost killed me.

And I didn't realize how
unhappy I was.

I've dreamed of you every night
since then.

I'M BEGINNING TO LIKE THE FACT I'M DRAGGING MYSELF INTO ANOTHER BLACK HOLE WITH NEW WAYS OF DESTROYING MYSELF.


I THINK I'M SICK.

There's still a war inside of my mind,
and it just won't subside.