Be like a firefly which glows in the dark
And not a cloud which hides the sun
Be like a rainbow after a downpour
And not a season of drought
Be like a cherry on the cake
And not the excess salt in the curry
Be like the anchor of a ship
And not the broken oar of a tattered boat
Be the best you can
And not the worst you could

I twist and turn in my bed
I change the sheets
I change the pillows
I close the windows
I glance at the moon
I try listening to some soothing music
I close my eyes and start counting
I even try dreaming
I finally pop a pill
But no matter what I do tonight...
...It simply won't work
I've finally surrendered and awoken to this cruel realization that sleep is determined to desert me Tonite and by the looks of it(well it's around 4am)..I'd say it's been an absolute beat down for me...
Sleep it seems is upset with me at the moment
And truth be told...i have mistreated her on many occasions
So...Looks like its gonna take a fair amount of apologising and persuading to pacify her

Greed and ambition are not bad...but they should act as a positive
motivating force and not as a negative consuming force...think of it like this...Water under a boat is necessary and helpful but when the same water rises above the boat it becomes threatening and dangerous.

Take me with you
Take me into your being... Your existence
Drown me in your love
Bathe me with your rage
Submerge me in your depths
Take me to that sweet spot.. Down at the very bottom of the sea bed
Where it's all dark and calm.
Where the mind is at peace
And the soul in a state of trance
All my worries and troubles going into oblivion
Take me to that place where no light reaches
Take me to those glaciers
Where the ice melts and the droplets of cold water tease the **** outta my senses
Take me to that place where the river meets the sea and they amalgamate into a different being
Take me to those dense dangerous forests
Where I can hear it all.. The sounds of life and death both at the same time
Take me to those desolate and harsh deserts..where I can experience both the warmth and coldness of Nature at its best
Take me to those graveyards.. Where I just sit among the dead and try and listen to their stories
Take me to those ruins.. Those desolate places of destruction.. Where I  keep realizing that one day I too shall crumble and perish.. So I better make the most of whatever little time I've left
Take me to those Rocky Mountains where I can greet the clouds up close
Take me to those Rocky arches.. Those magnificent pieces of architecture.. I just wanna witness their beauty one last time
Take me to the darkness outside the planet.. Where I float in zero gravity
Floating around without a care in the world... dying a most beautiful death

Sometimes I feel so out of place in this world
A world which passes quick judgements and labels everything... Its so ******* annoying.

Sometimes when a relationship outgrows itself...its better to let go of it.  The first few days will hurt a lot but in time you realize that it was for the best. There are a lot of actions you will take in life that might not be pleasant but you still need to take them 'coz its the right thing to do.

Of late i think there's something wrong with my heart..
...i'm starting to wonder if it's functioning properly
..'Coz the emotions i'm supposed to perceive, feel and convey seem to get lost in translation
I think perhaps the fact that it's remained idle for such a long time seems to have impaired it in some manner
I've got to stop listening to my **** brain all the time
And start paying some much deserved attention to my heart
F*...how could i've been so selfish???

Can you hear the sound of my heartbeat?
Can you recognize the sound?
Can you identify the noise?
It's your name which my heart is screaming.
Every second my heart beats for you and deeply yearns for you.
I hope you listen to it someday

Of late the mind is disturbed
Sometimes I feel a bit perturbed
The heart is in pain
What's going on right now is truly insane
The threshold for injustice has been crossed a long time ago
It's alarming now.. It's no more a watchable show
If one can't question or debate
Then I guess from now on we have to address democracy as 'LATE'
The constant labelling and trolling
The abuses and the name calling
This hasn't and will not deter the fight
It may seem dark now but after darkness there's always light
And I'm still hopeful that amid all the barbarism, the violence and the clashes
Someday.. Democracy shall rise once again.. Like a Phoenix from the ashes
Dear Mr Fascist...you can threaten and impose a ban
But please don't underestimate the power of a common man

My dear love...
When I'm breathing my last
I want to be locked in your embrace
I want to feel your nourishing touch
...your breath filled with warmth and passion
I want to take in the aroma of your existence one last time
Then as my eyes begin to close gradually
Gently lay me on the bed
With a pillow under my head and sing me a soft lullaby
The sweetness of your voice and your illuminating presence will make even death seem beautiful

He hides his true self under the garb of non-violence
He is in reality a predator
He waits quietly
He waits patiently
Then as soon as he spots someone passing by
He pounces on him
Shreds him to pieces
And gobbles him up
Leaving no trace
Then very silently goes back under the garb of non-violence...
....pretending as if nothing has happened
...no wrong has been done
....no life has been murdered
I'm not sure as to what we call people like these
Nowadays we mostly know them as politicians

Music helps me live
Writing helps me breathe
Praying helps me survive

I don't hate home
I just want to know what it feels like to be a million miles away from home

My bond with Sadness is so strong now that I don't even need tears to communicate with it anymore
I don't have to cry to express or convey my feelings to it
It just senses and knows when I need it
And with every passing day our love only seems to be getting stronger

For the first time in my life I'm able to hear the songs of birds on an everyday basis...its so relaxing...the silence in general is so surreal and beautiful..and yet it's so scary and haunting...compared to the cacophony of a regular day....the past few days have been quite a contrast..One used to experience this kind of silence only during the post midnight phase...i've always looked for inspiration in isolation.. and it's genuinely helped me think better, get in touch with myself and get to know myself..the streets are just so empty...The Dogs seems to be the only wanderers now...at the grocery stores people look at one another with a strange sense of suspicion..frankly though it does feel weird...i don't blame them...masked up and gloves on their hands...They are taking all the precautions.. Though sometimes there's a whole a lot of pushing and panic and social distancing does take a backseat..The terraces of houses have of late become the new hangout spots for families.. i also must say that words don't suffice in expressing my gratitude to all the essential service providers in this time of crisis..all the medical people in particular...this World has been through many tough times.. This is probably one of the most challenging ones...
In lockdown mode
The world is fighting hard to be on the recovery road
It needs our support
Let's try and help it via our co-operation
It's looking towards us for inspiration
This is our chance to serve the World  
Let's make the most of it
Let's try and stay indoors as much as possible and fight the war
It'll be a tough battle
Our will and resolve will be tested
But if we do this then the reward will be soul satisfying

Dear Almighty.. Give us the strength and courage to fight this battle..Please guide us through this difficult phase.. The trauma and suffering all around just breaks my heart.. Please Dear God...help us.

It started outta curiosity
I started with one
Then doubled to 2
Then further doubled to 4
Then tripled to 12
Before I knew it I was puffing 20 a day
A drag here
A drag there
Waking up
Before going to bed
Before going to work
When taking a break during work
After coming home from work
After ***
When frustrated angry happy or high
Sometimes with alcohol and drugs
Sometimes in isolation
Sometimes with colleagues
Till I had felt a cigarette on my lips
I felt as if my day wasn't complete
But gradually the smoking started to take it's toll
My lips turned black
My lungs literally gave up
I was coughing
I was panting all the time
Couldn't think clearly
I would be irritated all the time
I lost friends 'coz of my rude behavior
My family isolated me
I was a nuisance at home
My hands would tremble
My body in a constant state of confusion
I had to visit visit the hospital several times
That's when I finally woke up
and realized that I needed to cut back a bit
It wasn't easy... Trust me
From chewing nicotine flavoured gums
To attending seminars on addiction
Joining rehab groups to yoga and then Finally to writing...
Today I'm down to 0 cigarettes a day.. Writing.. This is where I got my refuge... My sense of comfort and safety... Writing became a therapuetic process for me
It dragged me outta the abyss and showed me a light of hope and ressurection
Today after years of being a non smoker I appreciate writing even more

You never even said hello properly..
...and now you're bidding me and my heart goodbye forever..
...That hurts
I'm at a loss for words
The anguish is something I can't quite express in words
I just don't understand what went wrong....
I loved you(still do)...
...and I thought you did too
God.. I feel like I'm losing faith in love...

You're the best thing I had ever dreamed
And then you became a reality and ruined it all

He hasn't changed a bit
He was content even when he didn't have much
He never complained
Today he has almost everything
And yet he's so humble and polite
I wish I could be more like him...

The silence amidst the pandemic and lockdown..though haunting seems more and more eerie now
The fields and playgrounds are empty
The streets virtually deserted
My ears are now longing to hear the cacophony of a pre-pandemic regular day
I love the silence and Nature and all
But boy... What a feeling it would be to meet and hear people again!!!

I love your eyes
'Coz when I look into them...
...I forget all about my problems and worries
And I see the most beautiful of images
I feel this incredible rush of inspiration coursing through my veins
I feel this incredible strength...
....and this amazing sense of happiness
Your eyes truly are quite something
I don't know what it is in particular
But I just feel at peace when I look at them
They're like an oasis in the desert
I always feel glad when I look at them

I've known life for many years now
And yet she doesn't quite get me
She still treats me like some stranger
She always messes up all my plans
With death on the other hand...
...it's a completely different story
She seems to understand me
She visits me regularly
She always plants a kiss on my cheeks and embraces me warmly
But she never takes me with her
I beg her...
...she just keeps telling me that it isn't my time yet
I hope someday she'll hear my prayers and take me with her to that place of oblivion

My mind is like a forest of dreams...
...But mostly nightmares though

In your eyes i've seen the reflection of love
And the traces of my future
And my word....
....it is beautiful!
I have never anything quite so spectacular

We live in a world filled with bitterness and unjust
If war or a pandemic doesn't **** you
Then intolerance must
If you belong to a particular community.. You're labelled a terrorist
And if you are a liberal and have strong views about the government and it's policies then you're termed an extremist

We live in a world where fake news and whatsapp university rule the roost
Where most of the media propogates hate to make it's trp boost
Where good and affordable healthcare is still a dream
Where women's safety still makes us scream(in anger and concern)

We live in a world where the big pharmas mint money by playing with people's lives
And politicians try and capitalize on people's fears
Where we are still waiting for a true leader to guide us
If the government can't provide for us..
..then I wonder what did they get elected for?

So what is the way forward?
Is there a solution to all of this?
Of course there is... For starters.. Governments must work with their citizens and not against them
They should take criticism in their stride and learn from it
Question is... Are governments across the world ready to hear what their citizens have to say?
Are they even concerned about them?
Or do they only care about power..
I have serious doubts about intentions of most Govts worldwide...
I know not what the future of most democracies holds...
But a part of me... Even though that part is miniscule.. Is still hopeful of true and sincere democracy rising again...

You can have everything
But just grant me a place in your heart
Even if it's a small one

There are so many secrets I've buried inside of me...
...I'm now starting to feel suffocated
The frustration of not being able to share
Is driving me insane
This agony.. This relentless pain..
...It's like a constant headache rendering me powerless
But I gotta stick to my resolve
Come what may.. I'm taking those secrets to the grave

Despite all the negativity that exists in this world
It still has a lot of beauty to offer
One just needs to open up to see and experience it

Kabhi kabar khudko ek bezubaan jaanwar ki tarah mehsoos karta hoon
Dil may taqleef hoti hai par kisiko woh taqleef bayaan nahi kar pata hoon
(Urdu and Hindi)

English translation-
I sometimes feel like a speechless animal
I feel hurt in my heart but can't quite convey it to anyone

I don't know much about the world
All I know is that you're my world

I want to hold you in my arms, look into your eyes and touch your lips with mine in such a manner so that we both reach our destination only when we've reached each other's hearts.

It's a new day.. a new show
Once again my dear self.. here we go
Another day of concealing pain behind a smile
It's only been a few hours since I last did that...yet it feels like quite a while
Another day of staring at the vast sky
And wondering why did my close ones leave and give up on me.. Why???
Another day of loneliness and depression
Happiness in constant suppression
Another day of suicidal thoughts
My mind and my soul ******* in knots
Another day of trying to find a reason to live
I never was heard or understood..i had so much love to give
Will I ever find love... probably no
Alone I was...Alone I am...Alone i shall go
Life and I.. We took a chance
We held hands and tried to dance
But it just didn't work out
Death is the one I'm not complete without
And so now I very well know...
Alone I was.. Alone I am.. and Alone I shall go...

Whatever tomorrow has in store for me
I shall wait for it with a sense of hope
Whatever be the scenario...good or bad...
..I'll deal with it accordingly

Storms..floods..earthquakes..bushfires...Global warming..
Leaving devastation and destruction in its wake
We can't treat this planet like **** no more
It's high time we awake
We are robbing birds and animals of their natural habitat
I guess most of the natural disasters that mankind has been facing over the years is Nature's way of saying.. *** for tat
Cutting trees.. Building concrete jungles..Pouring wastes into the rivers and seas and oceans
We really are hellbent on destruction
We are creating a dangerous future
When will we realize it?
It's not too late for us to mend our ways
Coz if we don't then I'm afraid we'll be staring at darker days
For once we should try and abandon our arrogance and ego
Let's give Mother Nature the respect she deserves and watch her put on a show

Sharing my life with you has been like a dream
And i never want this dream to end!

Clear skies
Beautiful moonlight night
Sitting on the beach with my lover
An army of stars watching us
A cool breeze blowing across
Holding hands and kissing
Sometimes she runs her fingers through my hair
Sometimes her gorgeous hair falls across my face
Her aroma is enticing
And then as the waves keep crashing against the shore
My heart can't help but want more...

You were there when the grass was green
Where were you when it was pouring and the grass had become muddy?
You were there when I was doing well in life
Where were you when I was near broke and struggling to make ends meet?
You were there when the sun was shining
Where were you when it was setting and darkness was creeping in?
You were there when the wounds were healed
Where were you when they needed healing?
You were there when the painting was beautiful
Where were you when the colours were all smudged?
You were there when I could give
Where were you when I needed?
You were there during the celebratory events of my life
Where were you during my funeral?
My deceased eyes kept looking for you in the gathering..
..hoping against hope that at least here you wouldn't abandon me
..but I was a fool from the very beginning
Too blind in love
Too blind to see the truth...
...the harsh and unfortunate truth that I was a loner when I was born
And I would be a loner when I'm gone

A month of fasting from dawn till dusk
A month of tons of praying
A month of seeking forgiveness  
A month of giving as much as possible to the needy
A month of sacrificing hunger and desires
A month of expressing gratitude to the Almighty
A month of controlling anger and lust
A month of curbing desires
A month of inculcating good habits
A month of changing oneself for the better
A month of building character
A month of introspection and reflection
A month of curing bitterness and differences
A month of building bonds with family and relatives


Its EID tomorrow in my country.. It's celebrated upon the completion of Ramadan observed by Muslims all across the globe..a month of total fasting(no food and water) from dawn till dusk..its like a month of physical mental and spiritual cleansing....After a month of intense fasting..EID is a day of joy and happiness...It will be a very different EID this time around amidst the lockdown.

You say that you love me
But I've seen your eyes
And they tell a completely different story
They don't seem to like me..not one bit

I love you not because I find some deep connect with you(Which I do)
I love you not because you make me happy(Which you do)
I love you not because you're my friend or confidante(You're both)
I love you for a very specific reason...
...when I'm with you.. I feel 'SAFE'
And as far as I recall I've never felt that feeling ever before in my life

Sometimes words aren't needed
A look or a gesture or an action says it all

Sometimes you apologize not because you're wrong and the other person is right...it's because you value your relationship with that person more than you value your ego.

The other night I forgot to wish the stars before going to bed
It seems they're upset with me
Since they haven't shown up tonight
I'm looking and searching all across the sky
But all I see is the lonely moon
And all I feel is my lonely heart

Everytime you kiss me
I go weak at the knees
My insides scream with joy and say more please...

I fell for you
I lost myself for you
I crashed for you
I burnt for you
I self-destructed for you
I cried for you
I changed for you
And not even once did you notice!

I left my old house with a heavy heart
A new house... A new start
The house where I reside now is good
But sometimes I sit in silence and recall how my old house used to talk to me
I badly miss those conversations
I miss the trees
I miss the walls
I miss the smell
I miss the neighborhood
I miss the noises
I miss that vibe
I miss those memories
My friends keep telling me that I'll create new memories in my new house
And I don't disagree with that
It's just that it just doesn't feel the same
I sometimes miss my old house so very badly...

I fell for her at the first sight
In my dark and gloomy life she was like a bright ray of light
She came in my life and stood by me
Save for her nothing or no one mattered to me
She stood by me when stars were bad
And I was lonesome, depressed  and sad
She breathed love into me
The beauty of life now I could truly feel and see
She's kind, humble and wise
Sometimes I think she's an angel in disguise
It's hard to describe in words what joy she brings to my heart
My life was stuck in pause.. She came and held my hand and made my life restart
She means the world to me and I love her with all my heart
Till death do us part...

I was supposed to wake up in the early hours of morning
But I slept on...lost in wonderful dreams
I dreamt of a life I wish to live...
I dreamt of faces I wanna see
I dreamt of places I wanna be
I dreamt of things I wanna do
I dreamt of a love I want to feel
I dreamt of hope
I dreamt of peace
I dreamt of equality
I dreamt of justice
I dreamt of acceptance
I dreamt of so much more...
I wanted to continue dreaming
But then as the morning rays of the sun hit my eyes..
...i was rudely woken up to the harsh reality around me
Now it's a long and arduous wait for the night to set in again
For that is when I shall go back to my land of dreams and feel at ease again