I've seen the way you look at me
The way you take in every bit of me
The passion in your eyes
The lust in your eyes
That hungry look in your eyes
This incredible fire that burns in your eyes
And i'm afraid that one of these days
..i might be tempted to be engulfed by your flames

No matter how many times the waves crash against the shore
They're never quite satisfied..
...they want more
They never take a break
Always on the move
Both with the sun and the moon
They really do groove
Sometimes i imagine myself to be that wave
For ages now I have been crashing against the rocks and the sand
I don't know what exactly i'm looking for
I just keep flowing
I just keep moving
Perhaps i'm trying to find a purpose for my life
A meaning
A sense of direction
But after many a to and fro journeys from the sea to the shore
I've realized that it's a futile exercise
So now i've adopted the stance of a lake
I just lay still and let life take its own course
I don't have no big goals no more
I just have one simple goal...
...i want to be happy
...i want to be free
...free from all expectations
...free from all connections
...free from my ego
...free from my anger
...i want to be closer to my inner-self
...Frankly i'm exhausted
...my soul is looking for some elusive moments of rest
...i'm dying for a healing touch
...i just want to close my eyes and go into a deep sleep
...could someone just stroke my hair and sing me a lullaby please?
...of late i'm really missing my infant years
...those were the best times man
...i would just rest my head on my mother's lap and not care about nothing else

I had always dreamed that someday you'd give me a diamond ring
Instead what you gave me were innumerable moments where i had to shed diamonds from my eyes
I had thought that with the passage of time you would change...
...that may be for once you'd be able to see the pain in my eyes and feel the emptiness in my soul
...that may be you'd leave your selfishness behind and be a little considerate towards my feelings
With time more often than not people invariably change(some for the better)
But i was wrong about you
Some people it seems are incapable of change
You were and still continue to be a selfish and inconsiderate person
I wish i had never met you

I'm lost in your thoughts and dreams
Let me remain lost
Please don't wake me up
'Coz i know i won't be able to bear reality
It's a beautiful place out here in my world of thoughts
An enchanted forest..
..a flowing river
..an abundance of flora and fauna
..and you it's empress
..Looking after everything
And resolving all disputes
At night when it gets a little chilly
And my soul seeks refuge
You emit this strong sense of warmth from your body
Creating waves of pleasure in my soul
When it rains you join the peacocks in their dance of joy and sensousness
Your every move a sight to behold
Your twists and turns simply blow my mind
In the summers you go for midnight swims in the river
The cold river caressing every inch of you(this makes me burn with envy!)
The moonlight shining upon your naked skin
Oh!...it so makes me want to sin
But i know i can't have you
I can only dream you
For you are like that forbidden fruit
Like that dream too good to be true
Like that secret best kept hidden
So please don't wake me up
Let me remain lost in my world of sweet slumber
For the night is all i have
Soon the sun will come out
And reality will bite me again
Till we meet again at night
Adios Senorita......

The heart is a weird thing..it is the one which keeps us alive and it is also the one which hurts and kills every now and then...it's incredible as to the variety of emotions it can possess...from love to hatred to jealousy to compassion to pride to humility to courage to fear to joy to grief and what not.I wish it were possible to stay alive and at the same time dissect one's own heart and see what it contains..what it goes through..what it feels..how it sees things.I wish i could experience what it felt like being a heart..being broken..being loved..being shattered..being ressurected and so on.

We began as alphabets
Two solitary letters discovering each other in a world full of vowels and consonants
Then we turned into words
And gave a meaning to the alphabets
I'm hoping that someday together we can form a sentence
'Coz that'd be quite something....wouldn't it?'

My motto in life is pretty simple...if i can't put a smile on someone's face..then i'll try and make sure that i'm not the reason for someone's tears...'coz the guilt would be too much for me to take and i don't want to go to my grave carrying that guilt.

What are words for me?
They aren't merely words
Words are like oxygen for my soul
Food for my survival
Fueled by imagination and fed by the heart
They are the only asset i possess
They are the very reason for my existence
Each and everyday they breathe fresh life into me
They stand by me through thick and thin
They inspire me
They comfort me
They console me
They help me get through the tough times
They help me enjoy the good moments
They help me experience the hidden flavours of life
They help me express myself..
...the variety of emotions that i go through
The pain..the agony..the anguish
The euphoria..the insanity..the sensuality..the hatred..the anger..the love
..i have this strong urge to express it all
Each and everyday of my life i undertake a new journey with words
Travelling to unknown places
Discovering new sides of me
There are days when they kinda' desert me
May be they get upset with me
And i must say on those days i feel so suffocated and depressed
I feel like a lost traveller
But later they return to me
Perhaps they feel sympathetic towards me
For they know that i have no one save for them
And all is well again
Dear words...what would i do without you?
You mean everything to me
You are my universe
You are my lifeline
I hope to make it with you till the end of time
Till death do us part

I have an issue with history..why does it only remember the first man and why does it celebrate only the victors? ...the men who followed the first man worked equally hard and the defeated deserve some respect as well.

I don't want to be someone's carnal need
I long to be someone's soul desire
Someone who loves and accepts every bit of me
And sets my soul on fire
Someone who genuinely cares for me
And wants to be with me
Someone who is willing to see things
The way i see
Someone who makes an effort to listen to me and understand me
Someone who makes me forget my troubles
Someone who makes me feel like i matter
Someone who is willing to walk with me till the end of time
And stand by through every thick and thin
I don't know if i ever will find such a person
But i hope to someday

Forgive me for seeming a little heldback
But please don't love me so much
At least not now
For i'm afraid i might drown
You see i'm still a beginner when it comes to swimming in the sea of love
I'm still trying to figure out it's depths
So please be a little patient with me
Let me gain a bit of confidence and belief first
And i promise you....in due course of time i will try and reciprocate to the very best of my abilities

I'm standing at the doorstep of your heart
Won't you let me in?
For many years i'd been wandering around like an aimless traveller
Please give me a chance to begin...
...something beautiful

Happiness has been alien to me
Peace has never been by my side
For the first time i feel optimistic
Please accompany me on this joyride

I can't promise you the moon or the stars
I can't promise no fancy stuff
All i can give you is an abundance of love
And truckloads of sincerity
I promise to always be by your side no matter what
My life revolves around you
It always has
It always will

There is this one particular trait of politicians that has always baffled me and it is not limited to any particular country but in general worldwide...and the trait is this:
Whenever there is an upcoming election more often than not very rarely will they talk about what they would do if they were to come into power...rather they will spend an awful amount of time pointing out the flaws and deficiences in the other candidate...they'll say things like..the other candidate has done so many wrongs and has 100 faults and i have 99..so i am the less worse one..so pick me...if a voter doesn't even know the agenda of a candidate how is he supposed to decide?....i gotta say at times it's really difficult being a voter...you wish you had the option..neither of the two!

I sometimes wonder as to what will i be remembered for?
What do i wish to be remembered for?(Mostly good things...how selfish of me!)
Will i actually ever be remembered by anyone?(i hope by a few)
Is it really that important that someone remembers me?(Hard to answer this)
Questions like these often travel through my mind
Say for instance if someone were to remember me....
I wonder how he would do that?
Would i be remembered as a sincere person?
As a decent son?
As a good friend?
Or a decent anything?
Or may be someone who identified himself more with a pen and paper rather than speaking?
Or may be someone who dreamed a lot?
Someone who bore a lot of stuff silently?
Someone who never could make friends as such 'coz he was always very quite?
I wonder how my memories would make people feel?
Would they evoke happiness?
Or may be pride?
Or would they generate sadness?
Or sympathy?
Or disappointment?
I'm no saint
I have commited my share of sins in this world
So i don't crave to be remembered as a very good person or some role model
No...i don't deserve that tag
I guess i would mostly want to be remembered as someone who was the best he could be(or at least tried) and who tried to motivate others in whatever way he could
The one thing i don't want to be ever remembered as is a quitter(i have never been one and i hope it stays that way till my death)
That would definitely put my dead soul to shame
No way can i handle that
So....Here's to the memories i have created and i hope to keep creating till my last breath(and hopefully some of them will be worth remembering.)

Having someone to share your pain with doesn't always necessarily make the pain any less...but what it does is that it helps you to deal with the pain better...i sometimes miss having such a person in my life('coz there are some kind of pains that you can't share with everyone)...so all i can do is write and i must admit it makes me feel lighter if not better...i guess it's a way of just clearing my head,refreshing my soul and letting it all out...at times it gets hard to do so but it's like this constant suffocation i seem to suffer from until and unless i write and share a part of me...and once i have shared it i feel this strong sense of relief and satisfaction...it's like my soul is at peace again.

My lover loves rock and roll
She says it's got meaning and soul
I, on the other hand love rap
My lover thinks it's absolute crap
We often fight about this
But i love these fights... 'coz they usually end up in a kiss

They have cut down a lot of trees near my house
Not only have they robbed me of my view of the greens
They've also robbed the birds of their home
I don't see them no more
And neither can i hear their songs
I've lost something i used to look forward to everyday
Oh!!...how my soul aches!!!

You say if i get involved with you
I'll be ruined
Well...let me tell you something
I'm ruined from before
You can't ruin me any further
And honestly we're both doomed anyways..
...victims of the apocalypse named 'love'
Broken and damaged beyond repair
We both have nothing to lose
So let's walk on the path of destruction together
I've lived in isolation for a long time now
I'd rather have some company during my final moment of destruction

An early morning rise, mainly clear blue skies with the odd patches of white here and there,nice sunshine and a morning dose of Benedict Cumberbatch as 'Doctor Strange' ...I must say it was a pretty good start to the day...I also must admit i'm not usually a morning person but there are certain joys attached to waking up early...the best one being just taking in all the peace and calm around you and channelizing all that positive energy into the very depths of your soul...highly rejuvenating stuff.The beauty of Nature in the wee hours of the morning is simply magical...the freshness of the air, the song sung by the birds and the sound of dewdrops falling from the leaves....it just seduces every bit of you...and to top it all off Benedict Cumberbatch arousing all of my senses!!!

The political events of today have re-iterated an important fact....figures,statistics and opinion polls are not to be blindly trusted 'coz we humans by nature are an unpredictable lot...we say something and we do something...also another thing...unless and until it's over the favourite isn't the automatic winner.

They say i look aged
My freshness is gone...i look jaded
I'm lost in oblivion..i've faded
No one gives a **** about me
And i don't have no friends
I'm a loner and a loser
But that's not the way i see it
I think i'm the person i'm today 'coz of loneliness and failures
I can't explain to you in words the amazing things i've gained because of these two beauties
And anyways what they say don't bother me no more
'Coz  i just think they're jealous that i made it this far
I know who i am
I know what i am
Look i'm not denying that there's isn't any scope for improvement...
...That is an endless scope
But the important thing is that no matter what they say about you
You should be clear about yourself
You ought to love yourself
Sure at times you have to be critical of yourself as well
But sometimes go a little easy as well
Live a life the way you want to live it
Express yourself the way you want to
Don't restrict or contain your existence to other's opinion's of you
It's damaging like hell
Believe me i've been through that and still go through it
But i'm trying...extremely hard to create my own identity and be the best i can be...
....after all isn't that what life is all about...finding yourself, creating yourself, creating memories, making your dreams and reality meet, spreading love, joy and positivity to all around you and above all when your time's up...you know that you've used it well

Your love is like the sun
It scorches me in the summers
But it's an absolute lifesaver during the winters
It's demanding, challenging, at times kinda' rude and yet it's also kind, compassionate, enriching and full of warmth

You are my hero
You are my best friend
You are my sunshine
You are my moonlight
Ever since i met you i've been in a different zone
You're the only who's considered me as his own
Now that you've given me a reason to stay
Please don't ever leave me and go away
I've suffered enough
I don't wish to suffer no more
My mind's been battered
My heart's been sore
You've rescued me from the jaws of depression
And treated me with respect and compassion
In your arms i've found true bliss
Come let's seal our fate with a kiss

Tonight there's no pen or paper
It's your body and my tongue
I wish to use your body as a canvas
And paint an exquisite picture with words
Let's see what i can come up with...
...(my mouth is really watering for you)

I might be the captain of my ship
But alas the sea don't belong to me
It behaves as it wants to
Somedays it co-operates
While there are days when it just toys with me
We share a strange relationship
Almost some kind of bond if you may
We fight and then make up and then fight again
This is an everyday happening
And to tell you truth....
....we've both kinda' gotten used to it now
....in fact we've grown fond of each other
I now truly believe that we were meant to be

How can you truly love me, when you don't even respect me?
....they both go hand in hand...don't they?

Sometimes i feel like i'm both the hero and as well as the villian of my life...i create good things out of nothing and then destroy those good things...and this cycle just keeps on going...there seems to be no end to it.

Being a sufferer of an overactive bladder and an extremely weak immune system has taught me four things in particular-
1)Patience
2)Self-control
3)Determination
4)The ability to divert and distract my mind at will(trust me...i need this one the most!!!)

Lips to lips
Tongue tasting tongue
Fingers interlocked
Hips to hips
My warm breath upon you
And a shower of kisses all over your body
Let there be no space between us tonight
So just rip off my bra and slay the last shield of decency i possess

Gham is baat ka nahi hai
Kay hum yeh raasta saath chal nahi payay
Balkay afsoas hai is baat ka kay humnay koshish bhi nahi ki
(Urdu and Hindi)

English translation

I don't feel sad that we couldn't walk this path together
Rather i regret the fact that we didn't even try

The sun will rise without you
The birds will sing without you
The winds will blow without you
The rains will fall without you
The moon will shine without you
The stars will twinkle without you
The sky will change it's colours without you
The seasons will come and go without you
From the lovely summers
To the romantic monsoons
To the awesome autumns
To the harsh and festive winters
And finally the magical springs
The world will move on without you
Life will go on without you
But.......will it actually be life???

Dimaag kehta hai kay tumhay saath lekar nahi chal sakta
Par dil kehta hai ki tumharay bugair bhi nahi chal sakta
Ajeeb Kashmakash hai!!!
Dil aur dimaag kay is jung may kiska saath doon mai?
(Urdu and Hindi)

English Translation

The mind says that i can't take you with me
But the heart says that i can't go without you
Oh!!!....what a dilemma!!!
In this war between the mind and the heart...whom do i support?

Dressed up in her wedding attire
My oh my!!! ...my girl's on fire
One look at her beauty just blows away my mind
I just wish this moment in my life could rewind
She's got the swagger...she's got the style
I just can't stop looking at her killer smile
Her lips are as red as rose
One kiss and i get my daily love dose
Her long locks tie my mind up in knots
But it is where lies my paradise of thoughts
Her aroma drives my senses crazy
I can't take it no more...just come to me baby!!!
....****!!! ...enchanted like crazy man!!!

Your love is like poison
But sometimes poison is the best medicine

So dear self...we meet again
Exactly after a year
We've survived another one
We've entered a new number series in terms of age
Happy b'day to me(actually kinda' lonely)
So let's assess my year
It's important to do this since i've moved closer to death
I've had some highs and some lows
Done things i'm proud of
Done some things i'm not proud of(and i promise myself that i will not repeat them)
I've committed my share of mistakes
Learnt from those mistakes
I've grown as a person for sure
My lovelife still hasn't taken off(Patience pays!!! ...right!!!)
But i'm not stressing about it
For by God's grace and mercy i've been blessed with a decent sense of imagination
And i use this to write various scenarios of love and relationships
And though they lack that personal touch
They do provide me with a certain sense of comfort and happiness
My biggest learning i guess has been that i've attained a wonderful sense of clarity about a lot of things in life..
...for instance who genuinely loves and respects me
...who genuinely supports me
...who is truly a friend
...how much more i need to improve as a person
And so on
And so Dearest Almighty...on this special day i just have these few wishes-
1)Please keep my parents and all my near and dear ones healthy and happy
2)I wish the above wish for myself as well
3)Help those scarred by war and let peace prevail once again
4)Help me serve my parents to the very best of my abilities
5)Help me to be on the right path

I hope i live to see another b'day
But if not then at least i want to make sure that i go to my grave with some good deeds

The more i fall
The more i learn
And the more i learn
The more i yearn

Everytime i make a mistake
I pick up something new
But i hope i don't repeat them
And i pray that they are in number a few

Mistakes enlighten me
They speak to me
Sometimes in hushed tones
While sometimes they scream their lungs out
I try to get rid of the ones i've met
And yet somehow a few sneaky ******* find a way into my mind
The longer they reside in me
They just keep messing with my head
Some haunt me like bad memories and nightmares do
But truth be told..they are a part of my existence
They've been added to my account
So i can't refuse to accept them
But on the other hand i'm also happy that i've made some of them
For that shows that i've tried
Sometimes i wonder as to whether i would be where i am today without my mistakes...
Have my mistakes made me a better person
Or have they exposed this dark monster inside of me that was for so long dormant?

Earlier your thoughts nourished me
So i had them on a regular basis
Of late though they asphyxiate me
So i've stopped
And i'm wondering why?
What's changed?
Am i getting cold vibes?
Am i sensing hatred? ...mistrust?
I still can't quite fathom as to how things've changed
What's happened to us?

You were with me at my best
I wish you were with me at my worst
That was when i needed you the most
I was lost and confused
My soul broken and bruised
My life in complete shambles
How i longed to hear your voice..that sweet reassuring voice
How i longed for your touch..that healing, loving touch
I hoped and prayed that you would come
That you would look at me and make the pain go away
That you would softly whisper in my ear-'it's gonna be okay...i'm here for you'
But you never did...
...you just never did
Night after night...
...it was just me and my tears and no one else..
...no one else

You are like the air
You are never visible
But your presence is vital for my survival
Sure there are days when you can be a bit harsh and challenging
At times you push me to the limits
But on most days you're just such a soul refresher
On those hot and humid days you're like a source of positivity
Honestly...I don't know what i'd without you

Your eyes are quite something
They say so much
And yet conceal a lot
I wonder what secrets they hold
Beneath those layers of light and love
What pain and regrets do they live with?
What do they see in me?
Do they look at with love or caution?
I wish i could read them better

The eyes i think are the most incredible physical attribute of the human body
They never lie
And say so much without saying
Almost every single emotion is revealed through this medium

I've always been fascinated by scars. The physical ones seem like little decorative items on the skin...the mental ones on the other hand are a bit complicated..'coz you can't quite figure out whether to keep them or discard them..and if you choose any one of the options...the follow-up question usually is..HOW??? Scars be it physical or mental have their own special place in our lives...some get washed away with the passage of time..some you wish would get washed away but they never quite do..they haunt you...they look at you with those ferocious eyes and taunt you...constantly reminding you of the horror and trauma you've suffered...and some are the real special ones....they become a part of your existence...they somehow get merged with your identity...they motivate you in a weird way...'coz they remind you that you've survived them...and here you are...still standing...still breathing...still fighting. You see the thing about scars is that they can either make you or break you...it's upto you as to how you combat this frightening and yet beautiful problem.

I have always been fascinated by the way women eat...how they savour every bite...take in all the flavours...be it a chocolate or a cake or an ice-cream or a flavoured yogurt...every spoonful/bite matters to them...i'm not saying that guys don't enjoy their food...but at times we eat like we've gotta a time limit...just somehow gulping it down like crazy!!! I must admit that i've inculcated this trait of women in my eating habit and i'm certainly enjoying it much more. I realize now that foodgasm isn't a myth!!!

As i'm nearing the end...I can't recall having done much good during my time here on earth, save for one thing....having loved you sincerely, whole-heartedly...at times selfishly....i could never express my feelings to you....for i was scared of the outcome...but deep in my soul....in that place where darkness and light meet...i have your image secured like a permanent tattoo...like a beautiful scar...like an everlasting thought...an immortal memory...a dangerous desire..an unfulfilled dream...often on those cold lonely nights i visit that forbidden place and just watch you...sometimes sleeping, sometimes smiling, sometimes bathing in the serenity of my troubled soul, sometimes looking at me with those compassionate eyes...sometimes you talk to me...often we tend to have these deep and meaningful conversations...i want to thank you for being a part of me...your words and ideas have constantly inspired me and i hope they continue to do so.

Red seems to be the colour of the day...while some look forward to this day..some dread it...the absence of a special one in your life hurts not 'coz you miss the physical part..it's because you can't share your moments of joy and despair, your dreams, desires, hopes and fears with anyone...sure if you're lucky you'll have some good friends and great parents...but neither your friends nor your parents can make up for the lack of love in your life...love is possibly the most beautiful emotion that there is..the best drug for the soul and yet at times it can be so harsh and inaccessible.

If i had one wish which i would love and dearly want it to be fulfilled is that my mom should outlive me.

With every passing day, my life was getting complicated...
...so i decided to make it a little simpler
...i forgave some
..and asked for forgiveness from some
And i must say things have been much better ever since

Don't leave me alone in the house
For just like me the house refuses to function without you
The TV seems uninteresting when you are not there to watch it
Food loses it's taste
The taps refuse to co-operate
The curtains tease and torment me
The cat doesn't want to eat
For just like me he seems lost without you
The fans and the air-conditioner seem useless
For only you can calm the fire that burns my soul
The lights don't seem to work
For nothing is as illuminating as your presence
The house without you seems like a graveyard
So please come back
'Coz the bed just like my heart is getting cold....

I've never quite understood the term- 'eat healthy'. I've never really been one to follow a particular diet. Personally i feel eating healthy basically means two things-
1)You should keep surprising your tongue everyday.
2)Your plate should have an array of colours.

I know i'll never get over you...
And neither will you
.....but some things are best left unfinished
There's a certain bit of charm to it
You try and complete it and it loses its charm

Hypothetically speaking if the concept of re-birth were to exist then i would love to be reborn as a woman...at times being a man seems so boring to me...i have always admired women...their traits, the sacrifices they make, their incredible personalities, their complexities...and especially the plethora of choices they have when it comes to fashion!!! ....and also i'd give anything to have a woman's amazing hair and her incredible smile!!! ....these two alone are absolute gold. Hats off to every single women on the planet...if not for you then we men would've long destroyed and devoured every single good bit of this planet.