That old guy I know
That's you
I've watched you
Grow old and age
I always wondered
When your black hair
Would turn gray
It did eventually.
Why couldn't I have black hair?

Now you take
A whole arsenal of medication
And your kideys gave up
I bet your liver
Functions on pure anger
And you're only still here
Because you're too scared to die

I think I'd miss you.
Even though we share
A wide range of genetic information
You have never been around
Never reached out
Even though you could hear me cry
Never looked up
While I basically hung up side down.

I still love you
The only person I ever trusted
To never let me fall.
Granted you never saw me fall
Because you never
Wanted to look
That's ok
I never missed having a dad
I'm not even sure I know
What that means

I'm not resentfull
I know you enjoy my antics
That you love the crazy **** I pull
That I could tell you anything
Because you are probably worse
That I can make fun of you
Pins and needles
And that you know
That that's just me saying
I love you

Without ever really saying it
Because I know
That it would make you cry.
I know how hard it is for you
When I hug you
When I kiss you
When I curl up against you.
It makes you cry
Because it reminds you
Of  a time when you knew
You were worthy of such affection.

I just wish you hadn't
Changed your last name.
Now it's different from mine.

Saturday, to work for an hour
It's surgery day
I know you don't care
But I'm sure
We can find other things to do
In the weekend

Regardless here we are
I watch you cut open the gums
And start drilling a whole
Piece by piece
You open up the gap
I know the principal from
My days in mechanics

Each time I see you here
In the operation room
You do something
To affirm your dominance
Last time you threw
A carpule, needle included
At the non-sterile assistant

This time you invade the space
Of the sterile assistant
Making her have to assume
The most unergonomic position
I could possibly imagine.
Yeah who cares
We're just assistants
No high degree

In a flash I hear it again
As I watch you
Do things that the technician
Within me, does not agree with
the first thing mechanics do
With a plan from the ingeneer
Is tear it down

Here I'll be the mechanic:
One does not put
Two implants to support
A bridge of four elements!
But hey you're the boss
Have it your way.

I keep hearing...
It's like a voice...
It keeps telling me
All these negative things

My dear sister
I know you don't believe it
But you could actually
Talk to those voices
I know you don't believe it
But you are hearing
The very same
Spiritual messages as I do.

We'll just call it insecurity
Which is where this comes from.
you know when it happens to me
I just argue it untill it stops
Or smile and ignore it
She smiled, case closed.
I wish I could tell you
But you are not open for this.
And that's ok.

I did take your advise though
You know when you said
To ask myself everyday
"What can I do to make myself happy now?"

some people don't know that they are controlling

Would I? Myself
Want to controll another?
Only if I needed to controll myself.
Only if I didn't trust
That my life was safe and secure.
Only if I had something
Left to lose.
What's the harm right?

Right!
The harm is
That you become responsible
For another's happiness
Do not change others
Let them be who they are
Let them be what they are
If it doesn't serve you
Keep them at bay
For you are the only one
Responsible for your own happiness.

Accept others in to your life
And only ever ask them
To make themselves happy.
And never forget
To make yourself happy too.
Because that's where
Consistent joy lies
You have the power
To choose your own path
To some extend
And then comes the soul.
the soul is the boss*

Do not stop
To ask others to suit your needs
You have to suit your needs
What others do for you
Is their own choice
And when it's good
It's the deepest expression
Of how much they love you.
That is true love
And it is as vast as time.
Allow it in to your life
And you will see
Miracles manifest.