Maybe my mistake
Wasn't keeping everything inside
Maybe it wasn't sleeping all day
   or drinking by night
Maybe it wasn't caused by the blade
   or the puking or the 85 pills

I think it was the "I love yous" that became
   said (and heard) too often
Simply because people were told that they
   needed to make up for the first 16 years
I think it was the heart-to-hearts often taking
   place at 2am
And being taught to have faith in others  
I think it was the hugs that were the worst
   since they were given so that they would no longer
   feel foreign as they once had

For I am not supposed to be as  fragile as I
   was reshaped to be
I am not supposed to be filled with false
   hope or urgent voices saying "it gets better"
Pain isn't always temporary
Although joy often is
Maybe if I had been enlightened with these truths
   instead of taught ignorance through those lies
Then things would be different

(But my only fear
is would they?)

I
listened
     as the
conversation
       carefully

f
   e
        l

            l

to silence

You're blind
        to the things
     between us
but they
   affect me
in
e
        v
    e
             r
                  y
a
    s
   p
        e
c
     t