I realized that
i am becoming this
attention requiring
love desperate kid

only because i am letting myself

what about those who do
love you? you are doing them an injustice

to those people
i know i am
i have messed up
so much of that
that i cannot face it
i cannot
which is why
....

I need to stop thinking in fantasy
and stop with the books
they provide an escape
to a different reality
where everything is better and good
but it's only for a short time

Then..
I come back to my own reality
and cannot face it

The problems,
my dreams, which will never come true
they just become snow
and stay there forever
and it starts to get cold
and hurtful

I cannot keep living in fantasy
it starts to hurt
but fantasy is the only true
escape,

*its the only highway
that starts where ever you want
and goes where ever you want

I love you too much
too much

head is filled with moments
i could and would
have done differently
greeted myself better

but that's the past
not to be confused with the present
I am similar to an
ever-loving-shy-boy
who you know
loves her

but is too scared to do anything
because he doesn't know how
and because he doesn't want to
hurt you

he just wants
to love faithfully
but
hahahah

faithfully.
from a teenager?!
what are we reading here?
science fiction?

but it is true
i **** at telling you
that my heart aches
at your thoughts
and when your name is uttered
tears me up

because i know
i did nothing to help
or did nothing to show my love

I just



let you sit there and cry
shame on me
for not doing anything
for ruining his moment
i cannot do much
to change the past
but i hope
that after you move
or I move

you will find someone better than me
I am not the best
cannot be
never was
I was just a re-incarnation
of my soul
who is very kind to people
and just as protective and shy
lies in my birth sign
Scorpio

Just never wanted to do anything
but love someone wholeheartedly
that's not something that will
happen so I need to let that fantasy go
but its a hard habit to break
when you are already knee deep into it

That's what I have become

If you just suddenly stop talking
and then you realize that you have hurt me
you show up to apologize profusely
yes, i understand
but I know why you left
and i know you have things to attend to
that's why i don't take it to the heart
but everyone just apologizes

I understand
I really do
I don't want to become a burden for anyone
where you have to apologize
every. time.

I feel being a burden
and i don't like that feeling

I hate being someone who is freeloading
or not contributing to the effort
I don't want to be a burden
I can carry tremendous loads
I have enough intelligence to detect
me being a burden
just
please

Don't keep apologizing profusely
I understand your reasons
It was partly my fault for not replying
which is why you left
You shouldn't apologize
I should!

I am afraid
To be told that I am not cool enough

Call it societal conformity
i thought i already told it a no
but i think it didn't hear me correctly

But those thoughts keep haunting me
not to be left behind
don't do stupid things

but..
...
...
...

its a huge mess
and can't clear it
but I just feel like a
seeker of attention

how much worse can it get?
very. much.

No. I like her
Yes. Yes, I do.
You are stupid to do so, you will break your own heart

Well.. Not much of it left anyways
I dont see a harm for it
I mean..
Loving someone wont hurt

Cool, good for you, enjoy the pain.
Sure, I will
Sure!
Its just love
Won't hurt that much