When there is more
Sincerity
And honesty
In kisses at the airport
Than in wedding halls
C'est la vie
When poison
Smells like roses
And the poor
Drink it like wine
Seeing no other way out
C'est la vie
When humans hunt humans
And I'm not talking witches in the dark ages
But folk that have taken alternate
Life choices
In the 21st century
C'est la vie
When this world is not
What your heart expected
Rolling from the top
Plummeting
Into an abyss
Of old memories
When you were young
And simple things meant the world
C'est la vie
When promises are broken
And the tide gets too high
C'est la vie
When your heart sinks
And all the people you love
Can't see through your lies
Surrounded by millions
Somehow your still on your own
C'est la vie
Then you learn
That you will always keep rolling
Breathe and go through the motions
Life it keeps happening
Without permission
But your brain might be on pause
C'est la vie
You entered this world crying
And will leave to the sound of cries
*C'est la vie

How was I supposed to not pine for what I once had?
I had someone who lifted me up like a prayer
I had everything that other people dreamt of
How was I supposed to live in the present when the past was so much better?
They told me to move on
Because she had
But they don't know that I had known for a while
The way she sang had changed
She started singing like one would at a funeral
Like she was telling someone else's secrets
I knew she'd get out the front door and disappear
But I won't go to find her
I don't believe in losing ones you love
They're always just there
Not lost
Not needing to be found
People just change
And maybe that was worse than losing her

The only time he feels alive
Is when his lungs burn
And each breath is a rasping exhale
Then gulped
Fast
Vigorous
Hungry
It hurts
It feels like desperation
At least his body wants to stay
It works
It fights
For what he doesn't know
And in that striking moment of fire coursing through his veins
He is grateful for something
A feeling
A desire
An awareness of not knowing the hereafter
His chest aches from the apparent

Her diary was a catalogue of rejected fates
When they asked she said
it wasn't meant to be
Now her diary is blank pages of regret
What if she chose to forego destiny
The one who came knocking at her door

They say that the cities
Are paved with gold
That this is the land
Where dreams are made true

I'll tell you its where they are sold
Only the ruthless can afford
To rise to the top
The cities are nothing but cold

Homeless in doorways
And beggars on corners
A meagre minimum wage income
A damp house to welcome

Indirect subtle insults
Discrimination and accusation
Faulted into submission
One size fits all

Well it better fit you
Or you're just another number
Database, forms and paperwork
Lost in the system

Nine to five
Or the underworld shift
Borrow from Peter to give to Paul
Man made traps

Crime is always at an all time high
Theft, ****, fraud, ******
Delinquency
Occurring frequently

I read the news
And it starts my day off miserably
Concrete jungle
Where have you gone simple things

If you have a minute
Tell me about the other side
The place I want to go
Acres of playground fun

I want to hear about the trees
The earth beneath your feet
Do you sit by the river
And feel complete

We had everything
Then even the silence left after chaos when there was nothing left to destroy
And the only warmth I feel now is in my belly from the drinks I drown to feel alive
But they can't chase away the chill in my soul as I listen to the story of my life in 4 minutes
Of loving, crying and leaving
And I want you to know I never made any plans without you in them
So today's death of mine bleeds into tomorrow
Tell me you can't resent these good intentions

I wrote code for love,
a program to find,
the one my heart dreams of,
the love that's one of a kind.

I searched through lines of code,
for a match that was true,
and finally, I found it,
a love that was brand new.

I debugged all my errors,
and tested every line,
until my code for love,
was running just fine.

Now I have found,
the love I've been seeking,
a love that's bound,
to keep my heart beating.

So here's to the code I wrote,
for the love that I've found,
a love that will always float,
above all else, unbound.

When push came to shove
The time came for action
Life was moving forward
I held myself back

Tongue frozen
My words swallowed
Eyes closed
To the future before me

Was this what I wanted?
Would it fit who I am?
Would I go through the hardship
And find glitz and glam

Am I being blinded?
I second guessed
And over thought it
Doubts peeled away the excitement

To reveal fear
From all the changes
I hid from all the questions
Wallowed in contemplation

As I untangled from confusion
Found ration and reason
The time came and went
To make a decision

After you
I became a graveyard
Full of memories
No one else wanted to visit
In an unused plot of land
There is an unwatered flower bed
In another there is a broken headstone
That looks like a shattered mirror
Unanswered questions float around with no place to rest
And every night when the sun sets I want you to return
I want you to come and see
That without you there is nothing left
Without you
Every embrace will be bereft

I want you to come to me
Without being called
I don't want you to think of the consequences
Just follow the light you emit
Stand beside me
Proud and happy
In a bazaar full of people
Don't respond to the questions
Strike down the glares with your own deliberate gaze
It's the only way
That I would take you as mine
Give myself away so freely
Come not silently
Or secretly
I want you without embarrassment or shame

I am afraid of the defiantly disobedient
How they infiltrate with ignorance
Do not reason nor listen
Turn away and take you further with them

They openly declare war with God
Challenge his commandments
Play the devil's advocate
On the front pew they're standing

I fear the hypocrites
How they leave you in despair
Pointing fingers of judgements
Of their own sins they do not declare

I am scared of the influence
Worried about my weakness
Doubt the strength
To put distance between us

Your company is enchanting
Filled with enlightenment
We steer our conversations to God
And the ultimate goal of heaven

I love it when we get together
Each of us a confesssor
Tell stories and fables
That will make us better

The recipes we share
Are one size fits all
Patience
And perseverance

Gratitude
And humbleness
Empathy for others
Let love for God govern us

We meet away from the billboards
Hidden from greed
When the sun is rising
Where God summons us

Your company leaves me refreshed
A great reminder for the days to come
I leave you shining
Always a positive outcome

We were so compatible
That even when we parted
It was honorable
We smiled, hugged and kissed goodbye
Because in it lay our happiness

I am trying
To breathe
When it doesn't hurt
I want to forget you
And remember you at the same time
Tears have taken residence in my eyes
My heart has sent distress signals
I don my Sunday best and head to the confessional
All this grief equates to at least a drop of liquor
I still haven't figured out why I treat myself
To celebrate the passing day
How I got out of bed and made it out
Or mourn that every confession is about you
Even when it's not
And I don't want you to be gone
Yet so much a part of me anymore
My head spins
My smile remains
And I order
Pour it all in my name
The night is almost over
I must end it as the sinner
I have a confession to go to in the morning
I drink for the unjust way she left me
I drink for it's all I have left
I sit stone cold sober
And I tell the priest
That I think Icarus died
With the sun
Still clenched in his palms

Listen to the silence
Of my lips
Just because
The problem lies within me
I'm only a human
Who can't let escape
What's inside of me
Take a shot in the dark
Blind aim
You can't do nothing wrong
When I'm on the outside
Looking in

I can still see our work boots lying
Exactly where we left them
Gates with padlocks unsure of what to guard
Windows gazing out for our return
The front door stiff in its opened position
Yearning to be slammed shut
But neither of us go back
To tell them it's over
In time
The bricks will grow tired of waiting and crumble
The crane will droop its neck in sorrow
The shovels will rust
Do you think the flowers will grow here
When you and I are off
Building something new
With someone else

When does love become dangerous
When is it really crazy
At which point does one stop and think
This is not healthy

Because she's all you think about all day everyday but its okay because its just a crush. You're in love. You want to know her more. So you imagine making her smile and putting your fingers through her hair.

He's started to message you a little too often;

Where are you?

What are you doing?

Who are you with?

I'm outside.

When you rely on a person to validate your entire existence. To be the reason that you breathe. To be the be all and end all of everything you know.

When you're both sinking and foolish hands grab at eachother instead of swimming up towards the light. When you're too far gone to let go no matter what.

Honey love is a crazy thing from the moment you 'fall' into it.

A verb: to move from a higher to a lower level, typically, rapidly and without control.
To descend and plummet you dwindle and decrease individual being for that other.

Don't.

Darling don't fall in love. Believe me its not worth it. Stand in love. Stand with him, stand with her, hold hands and love shoulder to shoulder, feet to feet. Meet your love head on and make eye contact.

A little girl cried
Softly on her own
Where was her home
And the people to call her own

Mum held a vacant look in her eye
As she held her dad and cried
Her brother bled beside them
His brains on the floor

She didn't understand
Ever since that loud bang
Everything possible went wrong
Cameras in her face

And her life became an advert
Sad music in the background
And captions asking for
Just 3 pounds a month

Camp sites
And ***** cold water
She caught a disease
Which made her heave

She didn't grow up
Like she was supposed to
Instead her skin
Moulded to her ribcage

But someone from overseas
Sent some clothes
And one day she even ate
Got moved to a better camp site

Where all the kids went to school
Friendship
And crisis bound them together
Today they are here

Tomorrow they won't

I remember summertime days
We spent under the brightest
Blue skies
Watching the whitest fluffy clouds
Making shapes
On top of the hill
Right by the climbing frame
Joining daisies for chains  
That would become
Friendship bracelets
Tiaras
And anklets
Necklaces and rings

Her hopes and dreams
Always lay in
One day
The day she gets out
The day she finds salvation
So she became a runner
Every hurdle every mountain
She ran through every fire
Seeking happines
Pursuing freedom
Everytime she thought she had it
Suddenly
It would explode before her very eyes
Without reason
Without fault
Everyone and everything was always out to get her
But one day perhaps not today
I'll be strong she'd say
I'll be happy and free
Independent and me
Until time slowed her down
And running was no longer an option
One day
Not today
But perhaps a day
Where only my body remains
My mind will cease
I'll stop running
There would be nothing to flee
When she speaks of that day
Not a grimace on her face
Nor a tear in her eye
No
She awaits it like prayer to be answered
With hope
With love
Like a sure solution
To this damnation

Dare to DREAM
And go on a whim
Trust and hope
Sink or swim

Dare to FLY
And see your wings
Land on a cloud
Guarantee a win

Dare to HOPE
And take aboard
Believe in life
Struggle and strive

Dare to LOVE
Give and take
Honest and sincere
Be endeared

In the silence of the morning
When only the husk of the moon remained
The smell of salt dripped down my throat
As I felt the beat of your heart move away
Everything was left saturated in the thick musk of loss

Dawn came like a siren
In haste
Impatient to turn the page
It swallowed you up into yesterday

I thought it was supposed to get easier
The deep hunger gnawing at my insides
I was supposed to get used to it
Yet my stomach feels like a bottomless cave

Empty
       Empty
And these lips are dry and chapped I'm made more painfully aware of the thirst as I speak

Drained of energy
Tired and restless
I slump to one side
As though I can't hold myself up

And everything is irritating
The heat
Engaging in polite conversation
Pretending not to feel or hear the gurgle and growl constant twinge

Or the just about bearable contractions
As my stomach squeezes in on itself
And hiccups shake my body
I deprive myself of water for the people who don't have a choice

Comforted and secure
As the delicious smell of rice wafts to my nose
And the juicy mango melon fruit salad gets prepared for the meal at dusk
I know it's mine to eat tonight

I will eat tonight
Though not everyone does
Not everyone is as lucky

So next time I walk past someone asking for charity
I will remember that I tried to put myself in their shoes
Everyone deserves food and water
I will eat less if it means they can eat too

I am painfully aware that I have not yet lived. There is too much I have seen that is not yet real, eyelids that shield the imagination of a strange vivid reel. If you peeled them open you might be able to see, it takes me far away where my soul divides itself between the realm of daydreams and reality. Too often I find myself waking to hands waving in front of me and I don't remember where I've been. My mind is a nomadic gypsy. It wanders amongst an abstract maze to where a million things could happen - brilliant and amazing things - yet only one thing does, and that's the one I live. But in the maze I see all the unexpected where life is a lot of luck and I don't always draw the short straw. My dreams are not shackled by the steps of my feet I am a **** that rips through the layers of soil. There is no fear, there is only a new start every morning without fail. My dreams are unguarded and they have no limits nor barriers.

I'm not following you
But you are my destination
So our paths are the same

          *You're heading to a dead end
                 You'll have to turn around
                  And choose another way

Dear diary,

Today I let him insult me
And if this isn't love then I don't know what is

They say love is an affair of the heart
But I've lost my **** mind

A fool in love

I have hated you since the mention of your mere existence
Held an enimity against you in my heart like an obsessive compulsive disorder
I have despised your very being
The one who holds my future
Whom my dreams and desires shall be entrusted to
The person who holds the key to the decisions I should make
A husband
You have been tied to words like permission and submission
Not love nor admiration
You are the cage to my past and present
The prison of a future
I am destined to experience
From the moment of birth
Squeezed, suffocated into a box
And the only time of release
would be until another box would lower me down
Only now aged like wine
I think of the poison I was fed
How my brain was tied and folded
Pressed down
And made small
So that it could fit for everyone around me
I wonder if I am an anomaly
I have grown into me
Not what he would like me to be
The damage was undone
When you became part of the solution

There is this torture chamber 
They were obliged to go to 
Every 
Single 
Day
Where sitting upright was imperative 
Talked at for hours on end 
Brain washed and conditioned 
Moulded to form 
And told which way to think 
It's death by PowerPoint 
Overload of irrelevant 'information'
Dead old white guys that are not up to date 
But it's all important 
As part of the punishment
Movement is restricted
To just shut up and be spoon fed
Learning is a product not a process
Is it any wonder they choose to delete history rather than make it

The night is arrogant in its possession of the moon
I have the innocent dreams of a sinner
There's a moon of my own
With whom I met by chance
How beautiful is God's mercy
The undeserved deprived of waiting
Maybe I had faught with some past memories
And swore not to make any more
I watch from a distance
Smile for his existence
Let the light in his eyes
Carry my heart
To a future I am powerless to deny

If a portrait:
then only the kind you won't see in the mirror.
If a house: then not too warm
lest there be reluctance in leaving.
If plans:
then only those which can be changed.
If belongings:
then just so much that can be carried.
When the time comes to leave,
who told you that you are permitted to keep what you own?
To settle in?
Who told you that it would last forever?
Did no one ever tell you,
that nowhere in this world
is home?

She did it because she needed a distraction
A pain worse than the one she was feeling
Something she could see
Then control as she fixed it
Sliced her skin
And watched as her life wasted
Physical harm
Could be mended
It could be wiped
Disinfected
Plastered
And bandaged
She could at least watch it heal
Until the pain of her heart
The jumbled mess of her mind
Came forth once again
So she holds the blade
And worked on the distraction
Piercing skin demanding attention

Dear Mr. Preacher
Why are you so greedy for
Everytime I see you
You ask for a dollar to feed the poor
I just want you to
Look me in the eyes
And realise 
I don't own a cent
Let alone two to create a jingle 
Money comes money goes
In my case it just goes
I owe the landlord
Tonight he's throwing me out the door
My accounts in overdraft
Saving 
What's saving
I don't know
Why must you ask and shame me for
Announce it on the speaker
20 dollars from Mrs Sparks 
One hundred from old man Williams
Thank you for being so generous
With your donation
In God's house it's become a bidding war
For thou art the holiest
And kindest 
God loves the charitable
But forgive me if I'm wrong
Did He not also speak of the boastful
Pride is a man's downfall
And if I had a dollar or two to spare
Or maybe more
I would leave it anonymously
Like the way a breeze lifts the cat flap
In the wall
The way you would find a forgotten paper bill
In an old purse

When you went gently into the dark night
And left me stranded
Could you hear the torment you left me in
You saw the light and followed it
But left me blind
Tell me what did I gain from loving you
All you had to give was hope
And hope is a heartache
I don't want anymore

Because baby I can tell
When your in that little world of yours
When your eyes glaze over
And reason just don't work no more

Logic don't make no sense
And you analyse everything
Think till you can't no more
Close the path off to before

Take your memories
and close your freedom
Let them take you
But you don't need them

Nothing should stop you dreaming

Don't look back
And give me false hope my beloved
Don't pity that
Which you are leaving behind
Don't leave my heart floating
Don't leave me mid air
Drown me
Bury me
Smash me to smithereens
Tell me it's over
Over for good
Be brutal
Be wild
Be merciless
So it's final
I want it solid
Don't call me when it gets lonely
Don't tell me that you miss me
How you still want us to be friends
Cut me off
And throw me far away
Somewhere where neither of us can find the other
To **** to ruins once again

You're like a smooth rounded spoon
And I'm a knife with sharpened edges
You're like lego
Easily compatible with other pieces
And I'm the parts each sold separately
That too with batteries not included
You're the elegant
Turquoise, sapphire, terracotta and emerald
I'm just plain old green and blue
Running on fumes
You're full and vibrant of life
And I tarnish everything I touch
Confused and lost
You understand me
More than I understand myself
The way I don't know when to stop
And how I often pass the line of
No turning back
And I push away everyone I've got
Because I hate being needy
I hate being weak
And I don't want to have anything to lose
Yet I put on a facade
A pretty good one at that
And when you believe I want to say goodbye
I believe I can make it as an actress
A lawyer
A politician
But later when I'm by myself
You are all that I seek
And I know that I gave up my right
To ask you how you are
Or to tell you my secrets
But know that
A million time's a day
I almost fall weak and retreat
On the brink of contact
Today I typed up Ramadan Kareem
Even thought that's a week away
But I just wanted something to say
And I know it's not fair
I can feel that I'm the tide that is too high
Sending mixed signals
So I give up
I let you loose
And I tell myself I don't miss you
I don't need you

So called meritocracy
False illusions of democracy
Labelled by society
To fulfill this prophesy that it has foreseen in me,
What I see is: that I refuse to believe,
this is all I can amount up to be,
Decided on the course of my life,
Based on my colour, culture and class.
Add gender, religion and demographics.
I don't stand a chance.
Are you telling me I can't do this, can't bring myself up?
From where I am constantly belittled,
By stereotypical positions.
An anomalie I aspire to be,
This knowledge I gain will guide me,
I want that day to arrive,
Where you judge me,
Shun me,
Tell me I'm wrong.
Then to see jaws hang open,
To see those stuttering like the ignorant fools they are,
Embarrassed red tinted cheeks,
Shaking heads in disbelief,
"I... I... I'm sorry, I tthought that, it it looked like"
Allow me to bring you back to reality,
Your status and power does not give you the right to judge.
You have a right to your opinion,
But take a look on what you base it upon?

She is a creature of soft nature
Gentle and kind
So quick to give
Even quicker to forgive
She likes peace and solitude
She likes calm and quiet
So she never complains
Or argues
Existing in the plain
She is agreeable
Malleable
Mellow
Mild
She smiles all the time
But this smile is nothing special
She is miserable
But turns the other cheek
Not able to raise her voice
Not loud enough
Not defiant
Not persistent
She dreams
Not of rebellion
Or deviance
No
Even her dreams are of harmony
Of being understood
Through the look in her eyes
The dreams they hold
Her dreams are of tranquility
Silly girl
With her head in the clouds
Dewy eyed and trustful
This world will chew you up and spit you out

What does it feel like
To go grocery shopping
And having to check your budget
Just pick up the cheapest brand

I'd imagine it truly must be
Living on the edge
The fringe of society
Barely making a living

No savings
And expenditure increasing
More out going
Than incoming

Survive for today
We can't plan for tomorrow
God forbid an unexpected
D
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