God as my witness
Whom my soul is bared to
He who sees all injustice
The heartache you cause me
I've forsaken my rights and happiness
For this relation of blood
I've searched for the problem
And the answer lies in many
But perhaps the biggest one of all
The worst one I believe
We're too much alike
In all the wrong ways
I have your hot flaring anger
A silver sword tongue
And the stubbornness you showed me
I showed back twofold

There she goes
Without a care in the world
Like a charming tornado
Causing adrenaline
Then havoc and destruction
I am mesmerised by her ways
Torn between wanting to see her magic again
And cursing the ****** aftermath
The way she peeled back my skin
And laid ownership on my insides
Touched where no one dared to go
I danced with her the tune she sang
Curled my body around her torso
She twirled with me
Lifted my heart off the ground
Then just like she arrived
She left in a whirlwind
Not even waiting around
To hear the heartbreaking sound

Take me to the end of forever 
Where I can hear the sound of colours fade 
Take me to the end 
Where it's all over 

Where nothing matters anymore 
And it's too late
Take me to that stage 
Where I can't change the game 

The meaning, the purpose 
It's all over
Take me to the end of forever 
Where there is nothing more of anything 

No good, no bad, no evil
No love, no hate, no devils
Take me to the end of forever 
I can no longer be bothered 

At the end of forever
Where I become no one
No sense, no waste

     *Just
gone

Take this metal car and plane
And give me a camel or a horse
Take these four walls
I want to trade them
In for a tent
I will pitch it at the bottom of the Mountains
On the banks of Barada
That runs through Damascus
Or the shores of Tigris
That binds Turkey and Iraq
In the suburbs of Amman
Amongst the unique contrast
Of old and new
Or the deserts of Arabia
The unknown regions of Yemen
Maybe on the slopes of the pyramids
In the oasis of Libya
The valleys of Kashmir
On the beaches of Zanzibar
I'll trade in the can of pop
For coconut water
Or thirst quenching
Organic blends of fruit juice
That I will hand pick
Straight from the trees
Sleep to the lullaby
Of rain and birds
In a tree house
In Kuala Lumpur
Awake to the
**** a doodle doo
Of a rooster
In Bangladesh
Then go and collect
The eggs from the hens
I'll trade these windows
For a panoramic view
Technology and social networks
For loyalty and love
Go back to simple living
Be friends with the earth

**** good intentions
All I see is bottles spilling at the seams
Grey and purple fumes
Lies that speak of truth
Swear by your mother
Bad habits have no conditions
Call upon your maker
Even He would not take you
Traitor
Look me in the eye and tell me your narrative
Make yourself the tragic victim
And life the vile villain
If you think I am the kind hearted heroine
I swear to tell you I don't care
One tomorrow I'll turn my back and walk away
I'll write to you my story
Of the protagonist who was on a quest
She searched for the antidote against her guilty conscious
Cut down the excess baggage
And was rewarded her peace with freedom

No darling its not fear
I stick around because the heart is a bigger trap than your threats

This world is too pretty to make a home
To stay in one place
Live your life tucked away
What a shame, what a waste

There's a planet to see
Awe and grace to be said
What a beautiful creation
The Lord's artwork should be praisen

Go and leave your trace
A smile, a hug
An idea, a prayer
Here or there

There's lessons to be learnt
Fear and judgements to be fought
Love to be shared
Knowledge to receive

Language is no barrier
Colour is no issue
Humans deal in hearts
And actions too

So go and meet the people
Eat the food of the soil
Listen to the song of their tongues
A life at home pales

The trip to the shops
Was as interesting as buying socks
Then I saw it like it was
My rite of passage

The treasure chest
A strong wooden box
The storage of all things special
With a unique lock

My very own pandora's realm
That would contain all those secrets
No one could touch
Or look to what it contains

In went some photographs
Of my family
Pictures of our very first snow
And sand collected of the land I used to know

Poems not meant to be seen
And letters that meant a lot to me
In went my wedding gold
Souvenirs I wanted to keep

The fire breathing dragon light
I used to sleep with under my pillow
My first ever hand held game
Things that remind me of the good old days

That rare coin
No longer in use anymore
And the birthday card
I didn't expect to receive

Then I inked down memories
I never wanted to forget
Family traditions
And my favourite tales

Dreams that changed overtime
And the adventure they entailed
This time capsule
To reveal and visit back in the future

There's a storm brewing
And don't we know it
The atmosphere's tense
But no one shows it

Hiding behind netted windows
Lights switched off
Watching them go at each other
All revved up to take a shot

What happened to moral duty
And guilty conscious
You weren't part of it
So its not your problem
See and hear all evil
No one's prepared to be a witness

So we fear the sharks
All silently thinking the same thing
Two gangs can't run one block
Out here no one's got your back

A phone call is all it would take
To calm them down or to prevent
But no one risks the trace
And everyone hates a traitor

So we watch in dismay
At the crime infested disarray
Lips sealed in fear
Praying to get out of here

Cos when the fight comes near
You don't want to be around
For your own life is dear
To be chalked upon the ground

Take your loyalty
And take your trust
I don't need it

May you be blessed with
The honour
Of respecting yourself
And being honest
Trust your actions
And be loyal
To what you want

There is no need to lie
No purpose in deception
You hold your own life
In your own hands
As I do mine
Because cheaters are liars
Who live a lie themselves
To cover another lie they created

So whenever temptation comes knocking
Or should you fall at it's feet
Take your loyalty
And your trust
And keep it to hold yourself for yourself

My breath
Breathes in a lie
Of true love
A darkness
Wrapped in light
A song sang
In sleep
Beneath the real moonlight
In a dream

I live
In the separation of my life
From that which I could not live without
And when I pray to forget you
I recite your name
Like a mantra
When one tries to remember
In the company of my loneliness
I am alive

If I was meant to cry
Why did you make me laugh
Why did I lose
Hope in trust
And since when did love
Begin feeling like a sin
If she was meant to leave
Why did we meet
Why does he treat me like a stranger
Not a few moments to spare
When last month we moved in together
If you had to break my heart
Why did you make it yours

These eyes
Search for you
What used to be
It still is
I'm still standing here
You're not where you should be
And I realise that you
Always intended to leave
Just made excuses
And now so far away
You've made a home to stay

When I was six
I knew I did not belong
Because only animals could sense
The shroud of discomfort
That followed me wherever I went
When I was nine
I walked away from my house
And let my feet do the thinking
But only the sun knew of how my shadow cowered into the earth
Almost as if to say...right here
I never understood
If it meant here beneath the mud
Or here on earth, everywhere on this layer
But it felt like both
Like the mud could swallow me whole and it would feel like a hug
That it too could provide comfort
It told me how the thing I didn't know I was looking for
Would be found in the open
But since then I've always found shelter under the naked sky
Like it could conceal me and free me at the same time

If you come back
I won't let you
It won't be to open arms
And nothing will ever be the same again
Because I don't want us to be normal anymore
I don't want everything to be how it used to be
I want you to regret it
Not what you did
That was your choice and you always had that
No matter how much it would always hurt me
I want you to be sorry
I want you to be ashamed
Because of your heartless way
The cruelty in which you dug into my mind
And planted seeds of self doubt
The needless guilt you left me with
Without explanation
I want you to stay up thinking about
How you lead me on
It was unquestionable that anything could be wrong
We never even argued
I want you to have nightmares
About the last time we met
How it was you who made plans for our next date
Held me close to your heart
And said see you again
Eighty six minutes later you sent me a text
Fifteen years
And everything I had with you went down the drain
You told me about suppressed feelings
And things that didn't sit right
Vaguely you aimed your words at me
And hit the bull's-eye in my chest
I want your everyday
To be filled with recoil
I want everytime you look in the mirror
To see the shrapnel you lodged in my life
How difficult you made it for me to move on
And everytime you look at the sky
I want you to think about
How you loved me to the moon and back
Then suddenly had none left at all
I want you to have an overwhelming moment of loneliness overcome you each time you meet someone new
And remember how you judged me to not be good enough for you
Because you were progressing faster than I
And we were no longer on the same level
I want you to reach whatever it is you left me for
I pray you achieve your goal
But I want your success to stink of the remnants of the bleeding heart you waded through and know that you could have taken the stairs all along

You are the one who has been stripped from your body

And had your blood burn at the touch of firm hands

The bitterness of a tongue rained acid on your soul

You have battled for a few more hours and you can scream for a few more seconds

I’ve rescued you from the darkness,

All in vain…

             Death.

You held me in your arms for much too long.

I have a way out but…I refuse to leave.

I will battle against the world.

Love it has no order.

I'll serve and strive

With the life I have left

Until you leave me bereft

Or my breath leaves me

Today I left you at the pier
I watched your city become a matchbox
Then shadows, then clouds
The seagulls flocked
And screeched in dismay
The water, it carried me away
I tried to keep with me the birds that were from your shores
I threw bread so they followed me all the way home
When the boat docked
And I walked off
Even the birds left
And took my heart back

In another universe the sky is always pink
A sleek back car takes a left turn up ahead
And everything slows down as a white one drives toward me
I'm walking beneath the shade of the trees as they make an arching umbrella above
I have seen gentle monsters quiet in the backseats of luxury cars
They are like church for me
A reflective moment as the world whizzes by

I'm gut wrenchingly sad
Soul shatteringly devastated
A silent storm drenching in abysmal
The black clouds have engulfed me
From head to toe
The depths of this despair
Pull me down
Suffocate my dreams

I feel sick thinking about the time I opened up to you
Cut my chest open
Set my organs on display
You synchronised your tears with mine
My mind your art gallery
A museum of history
Shaking fists and trembling teeth
You collected me like an artefact
And my body took you as an external *****
But it's hard to keep someone on the outside
Once they begin to eat you on the inside

It was funny before I over thought it
Then completely annihilated it
I killed the joke
In the early hours of the morning
When my brain wouldn't shut up and shut down
I imagined every scenario
And giggled in an empty room to myself
Vivid it was
Because that's the brain of a poet
Blessed with the ability to paint pictures
And each sense will trigger a memory
Of the countless smiles she has
Yet I'm cursed with forgetting the rituals of mundane chores
I ruin things until I can't think straight anymore
All the wires criss cross
And get jumbled
Until the fuse eventually blows out
The silence
I like it
But it haunts me too
The emptiness
And off I go again
A complex combustion
Of how I can't even make my mind up
So I reason with it out loud
Stop thinking so much
You know you're not normal
Who does that?
But seriously I will sit and wonder
If it's unfaithful of people who have chickens as pets
To buy store brought eggs?
And between me and you
A thousand scenarios ensue

Every once in a while
Will you make sure I'm alive
That I'm going to college
And not wasting my life

I'll never tell you how
Every once in an hour
I want to quit
More than once a day my life is sh*t

But I miss you
I miss life a year ago
And a year before that
And all the years I lived

Counting.
I'm counting
Days and weeks
When this will be over

And a fresh start will begin
The doors will open
And lead to somewhere
Across the oceans

I wont miss the past
I wont miss anything
Life will be good
In the moment

The weight of your hands
Stopped the blood in its tracks
It's not like you
To ***** your hands whilst you sin
Usually you light a flame and watch it grow
A shoulder bump in a corridor
The crowd gathers around like weak moths
They're the ones whose tongues I am familiar with
It's their imprints on my stomach
You just glare and gloat
I watch your eyes
A flickering cinema of emotions
Remorse
                 Sympathy
     Anger
                                Frustration
The questions push against the bile in my throat
You don't know what hell you've put me through
By showing me this side of you

I have heard the wound is the place where light enters you
And the smallest things can hold the entire universe
It's all semantics from a philosophical viewpoint
Where galaxies can be tasted on the edge of lips
We all have the desire to be lamps, lifeboats and ladders
To save lives and be heroes
I'm telling you to it's okay
To save just one
And to let that be your own
It's allowed and everything else does not matter
From the inside I cannot explain it
And from the outside you will never understand
I have searched for answers holding the refrigerator door open
But what I really want to know is how far Gods house is
I want to take refuge at the scapegoats residents
There I want to overstay my welcome

In the morning perhaps there will be stillness

With no waves at all

Like shadows that glow in the faded night sky

You bring out the darkness

With whispers of verses unknown
carrying unyielding hope

Reeling in the emotions, which were once lost….long ago

Slowly

            Slowly

I find my way

An awakening deep within

Stirring the senses of the forgotten heart

Pumping the elixir of life, within

The shadows of the unseen are fading away…

Replaced by soft skin a body now finally on display

I want to make you fit
In my poems
With perfect rhymes
Short and sweet
But there's nothing poetic about
Haunted eyes
That pierce the soul
Cold and calculating
I could tell
They had seen things
Not meant to be seen
I know I was there
I remember it all too well
So tell me about your past
And I'll tell you about my scars
We'll tell each-other like the future is ours
And make poetry out of silence
Atmospheres that can't be explained
A comfortable presence
That does not need to be over-complicated with words

I waited for tingles down my spine
Colours to shine
Breath to seize
But all I got was a brain freeze

I waited for your voice to sound like angels
All the so called changes
A smile that would melt glaciers
But all I had was the remainders

Of a life tainted
Once knighted and sainted
By butterflies and stolen kisses
Then slayed and exchanged

She ate him up and went away
So I'll take the betrayed glares
And nightmares
Mistrust and unjust

And hope that one day
Your heart knows the tune
To the melody mine plays
That you're nobody's fool

Look I have come
Forsaken the world
And left it all behind
Now I want to write poems in your skin
With my lips
Tasting the revolution
Release my veil
And gift me the sky
Bind our everlasting love into your soul

She smiles when she's sad
And laughs when it hurts
Words flood out of her mouth
But truth fails to leave the harbour
She's been through doorways of disappointments
And a life time of indecision
Ended by making the wrong decision
Always craving someone else's presence
Because she's got that sick feeling in her chest
That intensifies in people's absence
She's too soft for the world
Would never doubt a word you said
Why would she?

It was my fault
I waited for you on the porch
With the lights off
And hoped you would find your way home

With your eyes glowing gold
Reach for me like I'm a fast fading light
Hold onto me like we are on a lifeboat and a really strong current would slam us over
Happiness is contagious
And it seeps into my bones as deeply as the warmth on a sunny day
Chasing away the chills in my soul
Pick me up like I'm a fallen star who has seen how majestic the skies are
Show me the way back to where I once shone so bright from

How does one lose a heart
They've already lost
How does one push someone away
When everything about them pulls you right back into their arms

I don't know what I'm doing with my life
Just that I need to fix it
I wonder if you could help
Show me where to start and how to do it

Where do I need to be?
What am I supposed to be doing?
They say every life has its calling
I think I've lost direction

You came into my life temporarily
And I still gave you pieces of myself
Knowing that when you'd leave
You would take me with you

Tonight I'm lost
Somewhere in my memories
His face flashes by
Fabricated by nostalgia
And romanticised by my heart
I see coffee meeting cigarette
I feel a different kind of happiness
I see a beautiful creature
With a bright life force
And everything to offer the world
All pure promises
It's not in everyone's capacity
To understand such a complex being
But he's a man not an angel
Could one complain of the thorns
And still enjoy the rose?
The world is all but an accident

It's was like you smoked a cigarette
On the front porch of my heart
As though you never meant to stay
You put it out with your foot
And my heart howled like an animal
Constricting like it would be able to keep you here
But with that the light was gone
So I lay in a dark corner
After that every hand I reached out to
Felt cold
And the light never came back

You crawled into my chest
And took residence
Like a squatter
An unwanted guest

There you found space
Beneath my ribs
In a heart
That's been left a mess

You thought it could be fixed
With a goodnight kiss
But made it worse
When morning came

You turned around and left
I lay with a shortness of breath
As though you had punctured a lung
And felt it hiss whilst I slept

Mama I have my head in the clouds
And colours on my mind
A paintbrush in my hand
And tomorrow to call mine

Mama it's 3am and I am a poet
I pen my letter goodbye
I'll be gone before you know it
To see the world with my eyes

I've tasted foreign names
That swirled with ease on my tongue
I've talked with my eyes
And a smile that has never gone to waste

I've seen so many differences
But I've found us all the same
I've been welcomed into the small homes
Of people with plenty of room in their hearts

I have a tornado on my heels
I go, I go, I go
With no signs of staying
I've made the earth my home now