He asks me to communicate
To use my words and tell him how I feel
But no matter how much I say
Nothing can breach the barrier between my body and mind
Like how a map can never truly represent the world
My words cannot show my insides
Perhaps it's a penance
My name was female
My name was freedom
My name is cursed
The law of nature invalidates me
And no matter which way I plead
His promises of love fall against deaf ears
Lies
I want more
I'm greedy
I hate it here
I'm not grateful
I'm so sad
There's people who would **** to be where I am
I want to be by myself
I watch my body heal and know I was created with a power that thrums beneath this skin
I need to claw away everything from outside
And find the me I lost
At the expense of extending us
Is it so wrong
To ask the imposter I've become to be purged?
I pity none but me
I love all except myself
He asks me, what's wrong?
It's everything with me

Someone needs to tell my heart
Get it to believe
That to you I don't mean anything
Let us no more be deceived

For you act recklessly,
Not a thought to spare
To show that you care
That just isn't fair

Does a two sided pretence change reality?
Our silenced story remains
Must we continue with formality
Till either of us can no longer abstain?

Someone needs to tell my heart
Get it to believe that its over
Until then our lives are paused
On this unavailing course.

These musings of mine,
to which I spare no time
this poetry
that I do not take seriously
is my secret way to release.
Soon to be forgotten from memory when I
save poem.

It does not matter to me if your mouse doesn't click,
or you do not leave a comment
I am not here for approval,
and I'd still be content.
not expecting to be noticed,
in no delusion of being ablest.
No. I am not being modest.

Yet there is no denying
and it would be lying
to say that when I receive a notification,
It does not fill me with elation,
so this one is a Thank You
to show my appreciation.

He's a ticking time bomb
Un predictive
And volatile
That boy's had a bad mood
Far beyond recommended
It's turned into a permanent
Sour faced scowl
His sane mind is on a long vacation
He will joke at everyone
But can't be on the receiving end
A wolf in sheep clothing
Eventually the wool will be sheared
He's possessive like a boa constrictor
Suspicious without reason
Girl in the end you'll lose
She always gets defeated
Work problems will come home
Until there is no work left at all
Snide remarks
He wants respect without deserving it
Girl you will be pulling a double shift
That boy he won't ever be appreciative
Claps her cheek
And fist bumps her eye
That ain't no 'walked into a wall'
And no one believes her lies
So don't let what he should have brought to the table
Be the only thing you had to eat
Being lonely is better than being unhappy with someone and losing your self-respect and dignity

The awkward silence
When that moment froze
And those actions paused
Tension lingered in the air

Eyes met,
And consequences set,

You knew
It shall forever be ingrained,
This memory would be sustained.

I could smell your intentions a mile away
That vulnerable look
Eyes gone rogue
Invited me to take part
With a crooked step forward
You spun your story
With a tilt of your lips
Eyes captured mine
My ears captivated by your tale
My lips bound by social contraptions
To not move
Not be rude
Listen to the breakdown
The usual underlying theme
But different all the same
Loneliness
Loss
Then you get to the point
What I like to call the cliff hanger
You want me to hang on
To be the saviour
To lose yourself in me
And yes I can talk to you late night
All night long
But even two strangers will talk to eachother out of loneliness
And even if I can understand you
That's not what you need
Because even two homeless people
Can understand eachothers hunger
But they don't have the ability to feed

Love didn't end wars
It started them

I have a choice
between a rock and a hard place
a choice to leave and break a few hearts
or to stay and break mine alone
Become the hatred that eats me up inside

If my path was lucky enough to ever cross yours again, I would tell you that in one of the filed away boxes, in my heart, beneath these ribs, are the dreams that I wished would soar higher and stronger than the winds, like birds that fly between the heavens. I am a statue at the mercy of the world, standing at the shoreline facing the cliff, I've never seen a blue, as blue as the sea, it sparkled like a jewel that I longed to possess, still it failed to make me feel happy. It's all I've ever wanted. But I never knew that I would feel homesick. The dreams sank as I trudged away, on and ahead in quicksand searching for the spiders web of coloured string. It was all I imagined and more, vibrant, tantalizing and visually pleasing, the real thing was much better than the dream. But when the adrenaline burned off I had dreamless nights and during the day I looked for another Prozac, something as beautiful as the powdery soft pastel colours of these little flowers I discovered last summer. Last week on another one of my unplanned trips I returned, with a sporadic buy of thirteen woven friendship bracelets, that inspired a familiar feeling, I could not bare to leave them. As I opened the suitcase finding a pocket I could stash them in, I came across the butterfly necklace forgotten yet hidden so well. It was zipped away and wrapped in a used tissue that I wiped my tears with when you put it on for me. I wondered about the past that I had forced from my mind and examined it for clues of my carefully planned life to which I stubbornly adhered to. Waves of obsessions and phases lapped at the edges and over spilt. Echoes of songs I was addicted to, replayed again and again for months on end until I felt sick. How I got into baking, cakes and sweets all kinds of confectionery. I baked day and night, treats for everyone who knew me. That was just me. If I loved something I loved it. And if I hated something I hated it. It was always just black or white. Too much or none at all. But nothing ever stuck, it never lasted. If I wanted it, I made it happen until it lost my interest. The necklace was my own iconic bombshell. I still love that butterfly necklace, I still love you. It was my own currency, an expired ticket to the absent happiness, it was the golden treasure once the dust from my eye had been removed.

I sat on the front steps
With a little black suitcase
Waiting on a ride
To anywhere out of town

Leaving behind a trail of dust
I followed a cobbled path
Set sail
Allowed the wind to whisper in my ear

I searched for where I could disappear
A place that will hide me
Where the past can't find me
Anywhere to settle but here

Coastal towns and tea shops
Always looked so good on the screen
I once heard someone say
It's the closest to heaven they've ever been

In this story
I call you the cursed verses
Of where I learnt wicked things
And the way you corrupted my body
How you came hungrily
Eager for velvet skin
How the silk slipped off my shoulders
And hesitated at my hips
The way my breath hitched
And you plaited our fingers
Like you'd never let go
But you left me standing on the porch
Chest open wide
Swinging from its hinges
My epilogue tells of how
My spine still won't remember its wings
No matter how many times my knees kissed the pavement

I wish to greet you in peace
Hands up in surrender
Smile on my face
Leaving love to remember

Come and take me
Where my soul dwells
I've overstayed my welcome
A guest amongst travellers

Beyond what the mind can imagine
Lies more than the heart could ever believe
Nothing could make life so insignificant
As He who called me

I submit!
Glory be to Him the most high
The merciful
The supreme

I pray I plead
This world be a pleasant diary
That contains all wants and needs
To Your decree

Of how I prayed when it rained
And always put my right foot first
A hand extended in giving to the needy
In Your remembrance I breathed

Although I wandered
I was not lost in the crowd
Along my journey
I kept my true destination in mind

Armed with knowledge
I dealt in respect and tolerance
I stood in defence of Your creation
And humbly served what You asked of me

To forgive like it was the only answer
The way I hoped You would forgive me
And love for Your sake alone
Not expecting anything in return

Sunset a territorial red
They cried their faith into the ground
This be the blessed end
A symphony of death echoes around
Shells glide through tearing skin
Like a bow against a violin
The orchestra performs the percussion
Deafened by the snare drums
The sound is seen not heard
In the ricochets and trembling of the skins
Lured with horrifying compulsion
Fascinated at the destruction
Such is the production mankind has conducted
The end may be blessed
The end may it come
And look favourably upon the suffering man

The eulogist will say

She tried

And tried

And tried so hard

But promises bore her down

And people wouldn't let her fly alone

She finally had enough

And the solo mission began

Adelaide
She was a calendar
Of crossed out days
A countdown timer
Ticking on her brain
She'd tell you exactly how many months
Weeks and days left
Until her eyes would set on mine again

I was slowly roasting
A still being
I was in a surreal universe
Of floating things
Where everything sounded like echoes
And shapes blurred my vision
Then Adelaide said hours
And everything went in slow motion

There she stood
The master of my ship
The anchor for the ocean
I keep losing myself in
She had time stopping powers
When her gaze met mine
With just a smile she turned on the sunshine

To the housewife,
the unsung hero of the home,
always busy, never alone.

Your work is never done,
yet you wear a smile, not a moan.
Your love and care is second to none,
as you tend to everyone.

You juggle a million tasks,
with grace and poise, no need to ask.
You are the glue that holds it all together,
through sunny days and stormy weather.

Your worth cannot be measured,
in dollars or possessions,
for it is immeasurable,
in the love and affection you impart to all.

So here's to the housewife,
the heart of the home,
forever loved and admired,
never left alone.

There is too much oxygen in the air
too many fishes in the sea
too many normal people in the world
and then there is me

They say we are a mistake
A blot in history
A disaster waiting to happen
They say we are cursed
That we will never work
They say
They say
They say
They sa
They s
The
Th
T
.

Come so I can show you
The orchard
Where there is no sorrow
Or grief
No tears
Just love
Where love grows
The first ray of sunlight
Awakens the birth of hope
And the beam of moonlight
Chases away the darkness
As far as your eyes can see
Freedom roams
Amidst the colours
Of juicy fruits
Let's go there
And get lost
Where there are no strangers
And everyone is your own

The people as a whole
The people of unity
The people of solidarity
The people want security
We want free education
Or at least affordable fees
We want a future
Un-burdened by debt
Jobs to be created
We want equality
Diversity
Privacy
The people want
Peace
Say no to war
We want safety on the streets
The people want stability
We want prosperity
The people want honesty
From political parties
We don't need global *******
We don't want weapons of mass destruction
We the people
Want back the dream
Give us back the right to dream
Or make it so that
The dream would be inadequate
Because with eyes wide open
Dreams would be alive

You took me to a place in between
And showed me an ocean of rainbows
A river of stars
Where heavens poured golden drops

On the mountain of dreams
I forgot my fear of heights
On a carpet of smiles
We rode to the world of wonders

Beyond the hill of surprises
Was the wall of silence
And the trees of trust
With keys that danced their way down

To the doors of hope
And the place beyond
You told me about
The tornado's of love

The rainstorm of emotions
And I imagined
It would be like the feeling of being lost
In a forest of faeries

There could be unicorns
Or a flock of phoenix
Homes of chances
On a land of peace

I'll meet you in the meadow of risks
With my heart as prey
Beneath the lanterns of light
I'll stand in plain sight

I'll await for you to bring calmness
In a blanket of promises
And visions of tomorrow
To fulfil a life of prayers

Shower me not
With gifts of extravagance
Don't drip me with gold

I ask not for my closet to be filled
Or crisp notes to line my pockets
No matter the occasion

Your kindness is easy
Your giving is much
Much not needed

Give if you must
I'd rather you understand
Give me your patience

And if that were to run out
Gift me respect
And appreciation

But if those are not amongst your gifts
If it is beyond your ability
Above your reach

Then gift me time
With your absence
I will lavish with self respect

To what do I owe this grief
To whom do I point my finger
I have no solution
Or reverse spell

From whom do I collect my debt
From where do I rewrite my fate
Call it madnes
A believer becoming faithless

Tell me where will I find my heart
The cure to my blindness
I offer my blood in sacrifice
My soul for his life

Darling it took 2 years and 3 months
We've reached a complacency, where love's embers faded,
Your presence a ghost in our desolate charade.
There are no words, through empty glances we sway around eachother but never towards.
It's been a while where passion's colors grayed,
In echoes of silence, my heart yearned to speak,
But no more.
I'm held captive by routine
My soul's silent plea
In this stagnant realm of marriage
Longing to be free
I crave the warmth of a sun that once shone bright,
Yet in this dim cocoon, we faltered, lost the light.
My heart, a garden left untended,
Love's petals withered, desires suspended
No hopes to flourish

The sun plays hide and seek in the clouds
As the tide kissed then retreated from the dancing sand
The waves gloomily sang
And it felt like everything I've never had
Beckoning me
My God
What a cruel game destiny plays
In the distance
Above the weeping willow
The moon mischievously winks
Hiding secrets

I have robbed myself
And cried at your result
Oh how I feel like sobbing at your name
They told me you were sweet
They told it was like drowning in honey
But your cruelty has become a taunt for generations
Love
For me you were a false allegation
Where secrets impaled every word between us
Everything has fallen to a grinding halt
And I feel n o t h i n g -
Like a forgotten lamppost
An old rug soaked in canine ****;
An amputees stump: hollow.
My calendar still has marks for our hours to spend together
My mouth cannot bear the taste of someone else
I stare at my mugshot in the mirror
And tell myself I am the victim
But my veins hold me to account
I was a willing accomplice
I let him take all the empty spaces in my heart
And left me no room to grow
I let it feel strong and terrifying
I felt he'd loved me harder than anything I've ever known
And I swallowed it whole
Thoroughly, completely
I wanted him all
Little did I know
I'd entered a civil war
Where my thighs would bear the marks of collateral damage
My mind would spill the spoils

He walks like there is an orchestra beneath his feet
He's got a hop to his skip like step that brings the rhythm out from the music of his smile
And the smile, its like global warming
A smug smirk that should look arrogant but it suits him
It's cute and matches the confidence in his eyes
Good Lord those eyes
That you never want to look away from
They hold the world you want to live in
Show you the soul you want to live with

I spoke
The pen wrote
And the paper listened

I feel
I can feel my mind
Pleading to cooperate
To sleep and wake up
But I can't forget her
To count her flaws and hate her
But they make her look prettier
There's a fire in my chest
That could burn the city down
There's a jealousy in my heart
It spreads through my veins like a poison
My heart sews dead promises into the salted Earth
I am living in the arms of moments passed
With my eyes closed
I think of where the sea meets the river
And how it flows into an ocean
In my desire to please her and be with her
I have abandoned myself
I don't know how to be alone again
I don't know how to stop myself from flowing towards her
My torn soul is visible on my face
I cannot escape when they ask me of my pain
In those moments
I wish
I wish to be no one
Nothing
Merely the wind unreachable in all my glory
Free to howl
And be heard
Not questioned nor consoled

In this story
I want to tell you
I'm sick
there's something wrong
I just feel it
my insides hurt with phantom pains
my heart aches like it no longer fits
inside my chest
my body has abandoned its home
these limbs are not mine
they're not under my command
if only you could see
on the inside
the circuit from the heart to the brain is detached
somewhere I can't tell
there's a broken link that must be found and connected
In this story
I am the worst version of myself
Unrecognisably unhappy

You hang somewhere 
In moments spent in the past
And the wishes of tomorrow 
In the streets of hope
I search for friendship
Amongst the gloom of happiness 
I come across fates that betray 
Love that lingers as a long lost lover 
Nowhere to be seen 
Lessons scribbled in illegible writing 
Mistakes that have to be made 
Once again 
And just maybe 
This time there won't be any faults
Because we have had practice
And this time we can fix it 
Save the raw scrapes against the wounds of the soul
Follow the path engraved to the unknown 
With high expectations comes great falls 
So lets fall into the bottomless abyss 
The grave I mean 
Together forevermore 
Bound by memories 
Held by time 
Words once spoken that we can't take back 
Trapped in echoes reliving in the mind 
Relations a maze
We search for an exit 
Missing it each time  
Too caught up on each other
Not wanting a way out

This time tomorrow
I'll be looking back on yesterday
Thankful I have woken up
And got through another day

This time next month
I'll be looking back on today
It was 8 months then
Now it's 7 more to go

This time next year
I'll be where I dreamed happy would be
I won't be looking back on yesterday
I'll be in the present

I see humans but no humanity
I see a society but no unity
Happiness comes from within
But we all seem to forget

Ignorant, naïve
And judging from incompetence
Fighting for peace
Not respecting history

Searching for truth
But you've lost your way
No more believers
Forgotten how we got here

Looking for freedom
But support the oppressor
Don't accept responsibility
And hope you don't get caught

Because you're not really breaking the law
Your conscience is poisonous
Apparently your doing things the right way
Children are dying from illness
But we're complaining about immigrants

Stop following public opinion
And separating nations
Just because you're not blind
It doesn't mean you can see

Teach your future generation
Less clothes equals beautiful
And white equals superior
Money equals power

Divide between the lesser who are  inferior
***** hatred and say its dutiful
Who are you trying to fool
We're dropping like flies

She killed herself because of cyber bullying
And he's tired of acting strong
Fearing to cry and be ******
Abuse, neglect and poverty

Increasing frequently
Morality crisis
Blame the youth and teenage pregnancies
To combat it a genius says let's teach them whilst they're younger

Sounds good right?
What about censorship
Safety and protection
Young minds are susceptible

Ignore the practice and theories
Pride doesn't let you back down
Blame the rap and rock music
Its preaches violence and hatred

Rebel riots and corruption
East and west its affected us both
Greedy bankers
And terrorists or freedom fighters

A time of lost trust
And each to their own
Independent battles
No one is connecting the dots

Its like global dominoes
Inter connected problems
One leads to another
And the root cause is lost

The kind of tired even a coma could not fix
Tired of watching my reflection blink
Waking up very single morning
Tired of being in the same old place

Where nothing ever changes
And your life feels scripted
Tired of waiting
My life is wasting

You are like a viral infection
That just won't go away
My heart heaves
Like there's a bird in my ribcage
It's soaring upwards aiming to release through my throat
Forcing me to stifle the words that want to escape
I'm falling in the dark
But does it matter if I'm blind?
You're no good for me
I can feel myself fall
From God's graces
With you I am alight and it doesn't hurt
But when you're not there
I wash myself several times
The smell of guilt seeps from my pores
And I know that you're not mine
The skin which you worshipped
Burns in shame
I can feel my heart ready to burst
Out of pain
But mostly fear
Of the wrath of karma
That will surely lick the heels of my fate
The curse of a woman whose been defamed
If this is the nature of mankind
To crave the poison for ones own destruction
Then oh how I wish, you truly were poison

Today I mentioned you to God by name 
He already knew you were in my heart 
And on my brain 
I said Oh Lord this is my sister 
And I wish for her the same 
Please bless her 
And forgive all her sins

Hell hath no fury
Like the ruthless waters of motherhood
The wrath of a parent
Stands on knife's edge
She will be brutal with her mercy
And impatient with all lies
But never forget
Without her love and compassion
One could never prosper
Or rise
Seek the bearer of your happiness
Live in the blessings of her shade
A day will come where you wish
Towards her you made haste

I remember when you were there for me,
Through my many years you helped me really see,
That you always are there for me,
You stood to me like a friend,
There for me until the end.

I will never forget the things you helped me through,
I saw my inspiration,
It is you,
You were there for me when I needed you,
I now will always have great memories of you.

You are someone I want to be like,
I found out who that person is,
That person is you,
I hope you remember through your days,
You have touched my heart in so many ways.

If we say goodbye to you,
We'll just fall apart
Because you have always been in our hearts,
We don't need to lose you,
You cared about us and we cared about you too.

I remember the day we first met you and you met me,
It was like it was really meant to be,
You are someone we hold close to our hearts,
There I know we will never be apart.

From the bottom of my heart.

Tonight I'm going to write you out of my mind
I'm going to put you on paper and leave you there
You'll be just another page lost amongst all the others
Perhaps one day you'll become a reference but I hope you never will
Tonight I'm going to write you out of my life

I'm afraid one day
I'll take it too far
And hurt you
When you trust me the most

It's what I do best
I'm crazy and dumb and out of control
So don't trust me
Don't believe a word I say

Keep your distance
And we'll both be okay
You'll see I'm unreliable
One day I'll push you away

It's not because I want to see you cry
I just have a way of messing things up
Taking it too far
Until its too late to go back

And I'll want to fix it so bad
I'll want to promise your pain away
I'll want to fight your demons
But I'm the one who needs to be slayed

You see
I have never faught for myself
When it came to me
I always just bore it
Until I became immune
But for you
I will fight
For you I could ****
For you I feel
Too much
Too much emotion
Too much damage
Too much everything