Dear diary,

Today I let him insult me
And if this isn't love then I don't know what is

They say love is an affair of the heart
But I've lost my **** mind

A fool in love

Master of my fate
Captain of my soul
Keeper of my dreams
Reliever of my woes

Giver of health
Distributer of wealth
Bearer of all news
Grant me only good

Maker of miracles
Turner of hearts
Keep this heart steadfast
On the straight path

I have been writing out my love story for a long time
Thinking my heart was an original flame
The first of its kind to burn
The first to extinguish so terribly
I've wanted to differentiate myself
To carve out my happiness
And write my name all over it
The cult of the individual is alive
And I want to be the protagonist
I want an entire novel
A series
And I want it all to matter

I'm waiting
In the indigo darkness
To find myself
The way I used to be
How I look in the photos without the filters
The smile that came so naturally
Forget the hair and nails
The makeup on fleek
Even my posture was strong
My balance sturdy
Body a structure
Of youth and innocence
A navigation system
Of wonder and enlightenment
I was the antidote
The Messiah
Of all my problems
Once a beacon of light
Now an abandoned Lighthouse
My mind a labyrinth

I can still see our work boots lying
Exactly where we left them
Gates with padlocks unsure of what to guard
Windows gazing out for our return
The front door stiff in its opened position
Yearning to be slammed shut
But neither of us go back
To tell them it's over
In time
The bricks will grow tired of waiting and crumble
The crane will droop its neck in sorrow
The shovels will rust
Do you think the flowers will grow here
When you and I are off
Building something new
With someone else

You come to me in your time of need,
My shoulder I lend
As your heart bleeds,
To you I tend.

The advice I give,
Is wasted on you,
He holds your love captive,
And you continue to forgive.

Why didn't you listen to me?
Why couldn't you see?
I was trying to set you free.

I continued fulfilling this friendship of mine,
Tired of you paying no heed,
You obviously didn't mind.

Doing one thing and saying another,
Trapped in a web of lies
You wanted to believe,
I'm done
Listening to your cries.

I'm done
watching you burn
Only to return your hand to the flame,
I'm done
Listening to your agony,
Of self-inflicted tragedy.

Be my stubborn wish
My painful truth
The breath in my lungs
Teach me how to live without you
All I want is you alive
Let me hold you close one last time
All I want is for you to be here right now
I didn't think that you'd ever go so far
All that I'd have left was to cry for you in my prayers

To offer yourself to someone for smiles
Makes life all worth the while
To share someone’s grief
And listen to relieve

To have love in your heart for someone
A home where you feel wholesome
And this without a doubt
Is what life is all about

Granted, we are poor,
by the standard of our pockets
But here is the good part
We are rich at heart

Perish for love that is Life
Upwards and onwards we strive
Crave for spring that is life
Under which all thrive

Relationship between the heart and the hearts trust
The name of love lives on because of us

Even if we die we will be one
Remembered by someone
That we will smile through a little one
A flower will tell a bud, on and on

That this is what life is all about

He's a ticking time bomb
Un predictive
And volatile
That boy's had a bad mood
Far beyond recommended
It's turned into a permanent
Sour faced scowl
His sane mind is on a long vacation
He will joke at everyone
But can't be on the receiving end
A wolf in sheep clothing
Eventually the wool will be sheared
He's possessive like a boa constrictor
Suspicious without reason
Girl in the end you'll lose
She always gets defeated
Work problems will come home
Until there is no work left at all
Snide remarks
He wants respect without deserving it
Girl you will be pulling a double shift
That boy he won't ever be appreciative
Claps her cheek
And fist bumps her eye
That ain't no 'walked into a wall'
And no one believes her lies
So don't let what he should have brought to the table
Be the only thing you had to eat
Being lonely is better than being unhappy with someone and losing your self-respect and dignity

You still have a spark 
The magic runs through your veins 
And your mind is always on fire 
Even when pen is not put to paper 

Bigger and better 
Brighter and higher 
Your still in the game 
Even when you're not playing 

Writers block is just a fancy word
For taking a break 
Not accepting anything less 
Than perfection 

But poetry is in your laugh 
It's the inside joke 
It's in the way you dream 
The fibres of your being

What do you write when there is so much happening but nothing to say
No letters of an alphabet could come together in the way that they need to
These fingers once created poetry
Pretty and painful
Now there's nothing but a mess all jumbled
Not a word that goes from my brain to my fingers fast enough
Not a thought that stays longer than a fleeting moment
It feels like there's so much there but nothing all the same

I've never heard
Silence echo so loud
I've never ached
For something I never had

Now I dream
To fly without wings
I would steal God's stars
If that's what you wanted

The intoxication of coloured springs
Gives life a whole new perspective
If ever heaven exists
I would vouch for it's presence

Beyond what the eyes can see
Are hearts with twin beats
There flutters a breeze
That longs to be alive

I would risk being called mad
But never a scent was smelt
Never did you want or need
Never were you ever so afraid

A soul that willingly submits
A veil surrounds those it befits
A warmth; a caress
Dare you call it anything less

Never was someone to a heart
So dear
Never will you ever find a
Greater treasure

A presence that can barely be felt
As though you had never lived without
Words which can do no justice
A language that can only be breathed

I chase happiness into the depths of the night
And search for it on eBay and Amazon
I light a fire trying to find the light
But bring destruction upon myself
I spend the weekends working out why it's so simple but so complicated
That I found a home for my body in yours
And there isn't a greater anchor than that of a human
I confessed my love like a secret
That never got to be told
It wrapped around you like a rumour
You couldn't believe to be true
I stated it like a fact
A breed between a noun and a verb
Yet I am mute
And your hands were my subtitles
I can now say I have a heart because I can feel it breaking
I can now say that people are not medicine
I am able to taste history and remember things that never happened
The coldness in my heart never leaves from my tongue
I keep the worst of us close to myself

Some days I want to do nothing but write
Grab the moment
Dwell in it for life
Fingers that itch to bleed letters
So I let them fall
From a mind that buzzes with nothing but white noise until it can be seen before me
I can hear non existent conversations
Words that make new meanings
Until meaningless starts to make sense
And I wish I could feed on it
But then I remember how it will leave me
Alone and mute
Some days nothing comes to mind
And I wonder if that part of me has died
One hit wonders
It happens all the time
I'll still write
No quality
It lacks shine
Leaving discontent behind
And I long for old times
Still it's mine
It deserves a post
To those words I can't be unjust
Then like a whirlwind tornado
Something unexpected will set me off
The ball starts rolling
And I'll write words in the air with my fingers
Committing them to memory
Bringing them to life
And that is when you too
Can feel the passion

I'm afraid one day
I'll take it too far
And hurt you
When you trust me the most

It's what I do best
I'm crazy and dumb and out of control
So don't trust me
Don't believe a word I say

Keep your distance
And we'll both be okay
You'll see I'm unreliable
One day I'll push you away

It's not because I want to see you cry
I just have a way of messing things up
Taking it too far
Until its too late to go back

And I'll want to fix it so bad
I'll want to promise your pain away
I'll want to fight your demons
But I'm the one who needs to be slayed

Take this cloth
And wipe the surface 
Use it as a blanket 
Garment or accessory 

To some a disposable 
Maybe a fashionable memory 
For others it becomes 
Their identity 

A reflective
Representation 
Of meaningless 
Merged with sacred

If anyone asks don't hide my faults
Tell them I was a liar
Tell them I was selfish
In life, I always stood alone
That I made many promises
But didn't fulfill any
Tell them
If there was ever a war with your name
You'd find me, a coward, in first line of defence

I wish I could hold us both together
For as long as it takes
Whatever the weather
Through every endeavour
As your foundations shake
My arms ache
Like joints in our bridge
And heavy though they may be
It makes me happy to see
That you're still here with me
My feet firmly implanted
I am your shock absorber
Won't let you fly away
And disappear
Get crushed to the ground
Or lose yourself
As tornado winds swirl around
Let me repay the favour
Of a life you saved
I remember those rebellious days
Hell bent on self destruction
And there you were
Carefully constructing
Putting me back in place
Anchoring me down
As everything became a mess
I don't think you ever understood
The importance
Of what you did for me
You saved me from
Deliberate mistakes
I wanted to make
A revenge that would
Only bring my own end
So I want to be there
Forever and always
To pay back the repair
You did
As I despaired
Against all odds
Somehow I turned out right
From a generation of wrongs
You don't know this
Or maybe you do
Maybe you don't believe it
But it was you

Since when did love
Become a thing to fear
But the victims of love
Fear people who love
The bearers of this knowledge
Creep cautiously
Fearing opposition
They step sensitively
Each relation becomes fragile
Trust is hesitant
Its like how we fear enemies
But once we know them
We fear friends

She gave up before she lost
And entered a race
Against her conscience
Because the prize she sought after
Was not anything this world could offer

I have met bitter people with sweet faces
And rich people with poor intentions
Darling
Everything about you
Is as clear as day
Your eyes
Your face
Your lips
They all show the same
As your heart
I love that with you I never have to search for the truth
Promise me
Promise me you'll never change
I love you just the way you are

His dark majestic fur demanded attention
Each muscle contracted and rippled
As he strutted across the track
Onlookers mesmerised at the power he possessed
A temptation to run
Free and wild
Owning the earth
As each hoove struck the soil
A thunderous rumble echoed beneath him
Mighty and loud
Head held tall and proud
Eyes staring straight ahead
A mission in mind
A goal in sight
Black silky hair billowing in the wind
Lashing against his skin in waves
And there I stood
Transfixed
Gazing
At the black beauty
With so much life

My heart was mine
Then it was yours
You gave it back
But that which was given never returned intact
Will ever again be given whole

Watching her innocence fade away
Each moment a shadow
That grew darker in shades
She yearned for a light to be shone her way
But her smile deceived of the hidden kept at bay
The light she craved
Was hers to create
Dim and soft
It radiated from within
A gem amongst dust

You only realise the value of someone when they are no longer there
But he was lucky and had the chance to see it as she was leaving 
So he cared and nurtured 
Loved and cherished
With all his might he begged and pleaded 
Because a mother is one you can't live without
And suddenly you regret not spending time 
But a mother's love is quick to forgive
If only you could give her your life to live
But true as something always been 
An end must come to beautiful things

All she left him with was good wishes 
And prayers 
That turned mud to gold
A shade that sheltered 
From all troubles ahead
But as success fell right before him
All he wished was that she could see it 
And be proud 
He felt empty without her smile 
And missed the comfort 
Like a rose without fragrance

This time
I won't speak enough for the both of us
I'll snap my gaze away from the deep ocean of your eyes
I'll no longer fill mine with their waters
So what if you're no longer mine
I'll never regret when you were

'You're sad,'* he stated as though it was a sure fact. Like he had studied her happiness and measured its authenticity.

'Why would you say that?' she replied defensively.

'Because all those smiles you've given since you walked through that door...have been fake.' He said.

She froze mid turn as if she had been caught red handed, 'How could you know that?' she whispered.

'I know what you look like when you're happy', he said softly. 'You tilt your face and your smile stretches in a race towards your ears. A crinkle around your eyes appears like the stars in the night.' He told her about a person she never knew. One who had conversations between her eyebrows as she spoke, her hands danced as they spun and caressed the air. He weaved a character so familiar yet unknown.
'You're not happy Georgia,' he said sounding desperate. For what she didn't know.

He stopped speaking and the silence deafened between them. Neither of them moved and all of a sudden a chill ran down her spine as she dragged in a lungful of oxygen, her breathing jagged as it pounded and echoed in the room once creaking of the floorboards beneath them. Not a car drove by outside, nor did the wind howl as her heart drummed louder than the ticking clock. She knew that he had crept into the depth of the heart she swore she guarded so fiercely and made a home amongst the crevices unnoticed. Somehow she didn't realise that he had helped her fill in the cracks with him still in there. He was the cement that soldered her broken bits whole. She would do anything possible of her to make this man happy, just as he had made her smile with a genuineness she never knew existed. So as he awaited her reply she continued drying the dishes as if this conversation never happened.

Everything is destroyed from the outside in
A state of neither living nor surviving
Slaving away for food and needing so much more
Made to believe it's just the way life is
I'm working hard and long
Getting nowhere fast or slow
Because everytime I'm a fraction closer to my goal
The bar is raised
The goal is pushed further away
The expectations rise
It increases the hunger
The pain
The struggle
But highlights the pointlessness
Hope for a miracle

Take me to the end of forever 
Where I can hear the sound of colours fade 
Take me to the end 
Where it's all over 

Where nothing matters anymore 
And it's too late
Take me to that stage 
Where I can't change the game 

The meaning, the purpose 
It's all over
Take me to the end of forever 
Where there is nothing more of anything 

No good, no bad, no evil
No love, no hate, no devils
Take me to the end of forever 
I can no longer be bothered 

At the end of forever
Where I become no one
No sense, no waste

     *Just
gone

Don't look back
And give me false hope my beloved
Don't pity that
Which you are leaving behind
Don't leave my heart floating
Don't leave me mid air
Drown me
Bury me
Smash me to smithereens
Tell me it's over
Over for good
Be brutal
Be wild
Be merciless
So it's final
I want it solid
Don't call me when it gets lonely
Don't tell me that you miss me
How you still want us to be friends
Cut me off
And throw me far away
Somewhere where neither of us can find the other
To **** to ruins once again

Love letters in the sand
Today 
Tomorrows destiny will be written 
And I'm hoping it will be with you 
You live in my imagination 
In the lids of my eyes
You come alive in my dreams
Looking out at the pure sea
The winds bid me farewell 
But me, I have made friends
With the night 
In the absence of the moon 
Where your eyes are the only light 
Let the wind carry my words to you

I watch you stare into space
At memories I want to get my hands on
Your fingers trace whispers of
Two souls cut from the same cloth
And how one became a moon drop
Due to budget cuts
The light at the end of the tunnel was turned off
And dreams were dreamt in black and white
Time no longer moved by mood to moment
Living by the currents and planning by the tide
Following the sun
Now it moves hour by hour
Each day is something to survive
Merely exist
Trying to hold onto something that's already gone
And I can see that you will never close your eyes again
For the person whom you belonged with
No longer exists

But do you see me when I'm burning out
When I'm darkened by the shadows cast
And the world drags me down
Do you love me
When I'm full of red hot rage
And hatred licks my heels
As I try not to let it climb up to my chest
Do you hear me when I bite my tongue
And let absence speak
Do you see me
Through their words
Do you see the lies they fling around
Do your eyes recognize the truth
Do your ears hear both sides
Tell me
Does your heart know mine?

Today I mentioned you to God by name 
He already knew you were in my heart 
And on my brain 
I said Oh Lord this is my sister 
And I wish for her the same 
Please bless her 
And forgive all her sins

A guilty conscious
Eats away
Little by little
Nibbling on my brain

Now I know
What they mean
When they say
You have to live with what you've done

But I'm not living
The ground should open
And swallow me whole
Along with my pain

I made excuses
And dragged it out
Defended and refuted
But kept it secret all the same

Because my heart knew
What my brain did not
And the greatest confusion
Was the disagreement between the two

You are the one who has been stripped from your body

And had your blood burn at the touch of firm hands

The bitterness of a tongue rained acid on your soul

You have battled for a few more hours and you can scream for a few more seconds

I’ve rescued you from the darkness,

All in vain…

             Death.

You held me in your arms for much too long.

I have a way out but…I refuse to leave.

I will battle against the world.

Love it has no order.

I'll serve and strive

With the life I have left

Until you leave me bereft

Or my breath leaves me

A desolate worldly journey
To a barren land
Of echoing silence
Suffocated with peace.