Because baby I can tell
When your in that little world of yours
When your eyes glaze over
And reason just don't work no more

Logic don't make no sense
And you analyse everything
Think till you can't no more
Close the path off to before

Take your memories
and close your freedom
Let them take you
But you don't need them

Nothing should stop you dreaming

I'm gut wrenchingly sad
Soul shatteringly devastated
A silent storm drenching in abysmal
The black clouds have engulfed me
From head to toe
The depths of this despair
Pull me down
Suffocate my dreams

She sat on the side of the bed
Knees hugged close
Elbows shaking unsteadily
She watched him wary and heartsick

Her eyes roamed his skin
The longing to touch
Tangible in the static air
His gaze a caress staring at the curtain of hair hiding her eyes from his

He let his back slide down against the door
As he rested on the ground opposite her
Slowly his hands hands crept forward
Seeking permission
Is this okay? May I....

And when she did not move
Nor flinch
Or call out
He shuffled forward
Arms outstretched
Like a warm blanket of safety

Gently plucked her from the ground
Resting her against his chest
Fingers stroked her hair
And lips whispered sweet things that she did not hear
All she heard was the low lull and hum of his voice
Felt his chest rise beneath her cheek
He was here
And that was all that mattered

Her diary was a catalogue of rejected fates
When they asked she said
it wasn't meant to be
Now her diary is blank pages of regret
What if she chose to forego destiny
The one who came knocking at her door

You're so wrong and right and good at the same time mixed with an equal amount of bad
It's like you're the scar without the memory of how I got it 
The unfinished conversations
a to be continued story
because if it's not a happy ending
then how can it be over 
So I'll let you find me
drain me
and weigh me down
I'll cry myself to sleep almost every single night 
then adjust my eyes to the light 
if it shines my way 
or maybe it could blind me 
I don't mind either way
because love is there somewhere
tough 
but it's there all the same

Some things are worth dying for
Some beliefs I'd give up my life for
How else should you feel alive
If there was nothing worth fighting for

I guess in the end
She didn't have to say anything at all
I just knew
She had suffered more than she deserved

My life is a viral plague of what could have been
Of doors that were never allowed to be opened
Long eternal hallways of regret
Of window shopping alternate lives
Role playing an imaginary fashion show
Trying on different careers, hobbies and languages
But never having the courage to do anything more
I've always peaked through cracked doorways
Fascinated by what lies beyond
All the opportunities
And possibilities
Allowing the thrill of an impulsive dream to wash over me
The excitement and adventure of something new
In stories where I am
Impulsive and spontaneous
Embarking on a journey of discovery
Of incredible secret potential
Thriving and flourishing
In a world of doors easy to open
Where the shadows in the rooms
Are not the grim reaper
Waiting for me to fall
Where the consequences I faught to overcome
Are not haunting taunts
I told you so
Or pitiful whispers
I told you so
Or arrogant cries
I told you so
There are countless frames of deceased doors
All of them have my footsteps leading right to the boundary
All of them have handprints
On every silver and gold handle
Each door has been firmly slammed closed
And I've been caught red handed

His dark majestic fur demanded attention
Each muscle contracted and rippled
As he strutted across the track
Onlookers mesmerised at the power he possessed
A temptation to run
Free and wild
Owning the earth
As each hoove struck the soil
A thunderous rumble echoed beneath him
Mighty and loud
Head held tall and proud
Eyes staring straight ahead
A mission in mind
A goal in sight
Black silky hair billowing in the wind
Lashing against his skin in waves
And there I stood
Transfixed
Gazing
At the black beauty
With so much life

Hayat
She is my daydreamer
The girl that wandered far but never away
Closed her eyes and relaxed her body
"I'm so happy" she would whisper
An utterance that would appreciate the moment
Hayat
She taught me to breathe consciously
To find peace within me
I learned to be content with the sky
And it's moods
Because of Hayat
I waited for time
Hayaat
She taught me how to smile
How to loosen my shoulders
And put a skip in my steps
When it felt like things are going wrong
My life, her forehead would touch my back
She would splay her fingers across my lungs
Bir nefes yeter
She would say
One breath is enough
Yavaşça
Slowly
Yavaşça
Life taught me how to live

Failure
It's such a big word
One you'd try to avoid
If you knew how bad it was

Failure means trying
And good on you for that
Failure means losing
And it hurts so bad

Failure is not something anyone aims for
You never set out to meet
But sometimes it sweeps right in
And knocks you off your feet

Uninvited
Unplanned
You don't expect it
But fear it's presence

Lest it be forever
The defining before and after
There's no going back after this
Once you take that chance, it could really be over

The be all
And end all
Of possibilities you only dreamed of
The one where all the doors could be opened or slammed shut

With all great highs
Come great lows
Spiritual highs
Are the worst crashes

All or nothing guilt trips
Each sin
A fine line between
Good and bad

Right and wrong
Actions contradicting beliefs
And emotions against behaviour
They're all stacked up

Human turmoil
When the right things feel wrong
And the wrong things feel right
The devil is messing you up inside

It's so hard to walk away
Inner struggle everyday
When you want to give up
And not care

Do what you want
Deal with the consequences later
Until one day you sit and wonder
How did I end up so far

So distant from God
He was everything in my heart
And after chasing what I want
I let go of what I needed

Empty space
A gaping hole
Discontent
And self-loathe

It's a long climb
Trekking back down that road
With a blot on your past
Knocking on the forgiveness door

The love
For this nurture to life
Can be bent
But never broken

So you strayed
Got lost along the way
Separated
But you found your way back

On the straight path
Passed the test
And you're stronger for that
You're future is still spotless

Child don't you know
God loves you even more
His mercy is endless
And He'll welcome you back regardless

True love and acceptance
Take one step toward Him
And He takes ten toward you
Walk His way and He will run to you

I'm falling 
Falling and I can't hold on
Don't let me go 
But I'm falling 
And it feels like I'm going to fly
Fly or die falling 
Like when you're in a dream 
And feel a big drop
Worse than standing in the que 
For the coaster
At an amusement park
I'm falling 
But there are no bumps 
Just an endless tunnel
I never get to the bottom

The rays of sun
Brought a new day
But the laden skies
Blocked its way
The flag hung lifeless
The world scurried away
Not a soul to be seen
As shelter was sought that day
Finally the clouds gave out
And truly the heavens opened
Down gushed the rain
A mercy and a blessing
Lovers took advantage
And opened umbrellas
Some danced in the rain
As others held hands
And ran to seek warmth
That's how it began
A day that would be remembered
Your very own cliche moment
When you both existed and no one else

I just realised it's been a year
A year since I started
Spilling my thoughts
Onto paper
Writing for nothings sake
Not an assignment
A task
Or a grocery list
These words
That people call poetry
It became an art
Like a love
Born from afar
Yet close to my heart
A passion
Overcome
That flows letters
In writing
In a form
Some think better
And are hesitant
To speak out loud
A silent pleasure
To your eyes
Its tone is uttered
Each reader
To their own
An interpretation
To be known
For you alone

Once I had desire
I came with expectations and stars in my eyes
The second time I had hope
I'd hurt from the past and wanted to try
The third time I had nothing
No expectations, no hope, no stars in my eyes
I would take whatever you could give
Even your lies
Just keep me with you
Let my gaze fall to you from afar
My thoughts on the next surrender
I can't help but wonder
How many times can the same thing break your heart?

Your company is enchanting
Filled with enlightenment
We steer our conversations to God
And the ultimate goal of heaven

I love it when we get together
Each of us a confesssor
Tell stories and fables
That will make us better

The recipes we share
Are one size fits all
Patience
And perseverance

Gratitude
And humbleness
Empathy for others
Let love for God govern us

We meet away from the billboards
Hidden from greed
When the sun is rising
Where God summons us

Your company leaves me refreshed
A great reminder for the days to come
I leave you shining
Always a positive outcome

In the morning perhaps there will be stillness

With no waves at all

She smiles when she's sad
And laughs when it hurts
Words flood out of her mouth
But truth fails to leave the harbour
She's been through doorways of disappointments
And a life time of indecision
Ended by making the wrong decision
Always craving someone else's presence
Because she's got that sick feeling in her chest
That intensifies in people's absence
She's too soft for the world
Would never doubt a word you said
Why would she?

I wonder if by now I have filled the sky with my pleas
For my heart has emptied to barely anything
Longing for the ocean breeze
I want without shame
The impossible that is
Like the echo of songs between the mountains
Above possession and destiny
Above the claim of imagination
And the future I can't foresee
Should I be punished and die in your adoration
Then let me be where I can see you
Bring my bones to the cobbled pavements
The winding meander of the sea
To the brink of a cliff
Where my soul could be set free

How does one lose a heart
They've already lost
How does one push someone away
When everything about them pulls you right back into their arms

Listen to the silence
Of my lips
Just because
The problem lies within me
I'm only a human
Who can't let escape
What's inside of me
Take a shot in the dark
Blind aim
You can't do nothing wrong
When I'm on the outside
Looking in

I spoke
The pen wrote
And the paper listened

I think I could love you

Until my skin grows wet

And my bones grow tired of holding us up

Until it feels like my words are echoing back to me

And my breath touches my face

I think I could love you until all I hear is I love you

I love you

I love you

I love you

Somehow
Sometime
Somewhere along the way
Our relationship became sterile
And clinical
Formal and uncomfortable
I miss how we shared anything and everything
But now we hesitate to speak
Think twice before we type
And I wish I could pinpoint 
The exact moment when it all changed
I wish I had something to blame
Maybe it was time
Or it could have been distance
Perhaps it was another influence
The words seem forced and polite
From both our sides
One word answers
The conversation is over in minutes
We don't hold the same interests
I wish I could say what went wrong
Although I'm not sure even I understand
Maybe it nothing
But it feels like everything
Maybe it's the end of the road
And the rides over
It's time to get off and let go
Exit in single file along the yellow line
It's quite weird that I feel fine
No dizziness or sobbing
I see it's quite a mutual feeling
So farewell dear friend of mine
Lets part ways in convenience
Where staying together makes no sense
Let sweet things end on a bittersweet note
Yet sweet all the same

Look I have come
Forsaken the world
And left it all behind
Now I want to write poems in your skin
With my lips
Tasting the revolution
Release my veil
And gift me the sky
Bind our everlasting love into your soul

Stand in darkness 
With your back towards the light 
Chase shadows on the wall
Ignorant of the thorns

Bear the stinging ****** 
And be grateful you were born
Crooked smile
Wind at your back

Edge of nothing 
Falling in the abyss of tomorrow
Where is the treasure 
And the map to find it

Scatter and crash
But get right back to it 
Dig your own wishing well
Call the shots

But remember to fall on your knees
At least every once in a while 
Cos even the high you're on 
Is at the mercy of God 

Without which not a whisper 
Is heard or a sound created 
A leaf shall not rustle
Without the permission of it's creator

But do you see me when I'm burning out
When I'm darkened by the shadows cast
And the world drags me down
Do you love me
When I'm full of red hot rage
And hatred licks my heels
As I try not to let it climb up to my chest
Do you hear me when I bite my tongue
And let absence speak
Do you see me
Through their words
Do you see the lies they fling around
Do your eyes recognize the truth
Do your ears hear both sides
Tell me
Does your heart know mine?

We were so compatible
That even when we parted
It was honorable
We smiled, hugged and kissed goodbye
Because in it lay our happiness

I believe my happiness resides elsewhere
Not inside me but waiting to be found
I think it's overseas
Where my heart is being tugged
I can hear the ocean calling
Biting at the edges of my mind
The wind is pulling me south
From the darkness into the light

No rehearsals 
One more beat amongst billions
Of pumping hearts
Witness to the light of the stars
You say I'm crazy 
But you don't know what I've got
No wings
Or magic dust

I throw my wishes at the clouds
On my way to the top floor
Standing with my back to the crowd
Knocking on heavens door

Fire at my heels 
Fear of losing 
I'm a one man band
Still marching forward 

But I would drag you through 
Tooth and nail
No man behind
I won't let you fail 

Words with a harsh sting
I forget to sugar coat things
That's the way I am 
Take it or leave it

It was my heart
My heart betrayed me
Tugged me towards her path
To indulge in fantasy
Bring us to the edge
Of glory and shame
A sinners punishment
To live and burn bright, alive
Then die every dawn
In a cold hell
Alone within sheets that quickly lose a lovers warmth

I had a dream
I'm dying
But it felt like déjà vu
All I can remember thinking was
I've been here before
I've felt this I'm sure
It feels like that time
We said too much
And couldn't take it back
After that nothing was the same
And if felt like dying everyday
When the world became disappointing
And I abandoned it
To disappear in a world inside me
But even death had a heart
And set me free
I woke up

You don't let me move on
You don't let me sleep
How did you do it?
Merge my every living moment with yours
Perhaps if you'd taught me
I could have done the same to you

In the silence of the morning
When only the husk of the moon remained
The smell of salt dripped down my throat
As I felt the beat of your heart move away
Everything was left saturated in the thick musk of loss

Dawn came like a siren
In haste
Impatient to turn the page
It swallowed you up into yesterday

God as my witness
Whom my soul is bared to
He who sees all injustice
The heartache you cause me
I've forsaken my rights and happiness
For this relation of blood
I've searched for the problem
And the answer lies in many
But perhaps the biggest one of all
The worst one I believe
We're too much alike
In all the wrong ways
I have your hot flaring anger
A silver sword tongue
And the stubbornness you showed me
I showed back twofold

Somebody asked me
If I knew you
And a million memories
Flashed through my mind

Of who we used to be
Together and apart
And I tried to remember
If I knew you

If I knew the real you
All of who you are
Who you were
What you stood for

I just smiled
And said
I used to

Because I wasn't the same

*And neither were you