I cover my eyes
Before the blow reaches its mark
So I can't see her flesh wobble
Vibrate and see the blood pour out

I turn the music up louder
So I can't hear him shout
But they can hear it
From out of space

She adds fuel to the fire
And can't take the heat of the flame
Later sits in guilt
And both relish in the blame game

Don't let the doubt seep in
It wasn't your fault
You were provoked
It will sort itself out

He showers me with gifts
Monetary bribes
She envelops me in love
And that's why I hide

Cuss on a Monday
And pray on a Friday
I'm not even on the dance floor
But you drag me in everyday

I'd leave without looking back
But now I feel like
I owe you
I owe them to stay

Because you got us
Messed up smoking
One's drinking
And one's taking pills

Today I'm only a kid
But tomorrow I'll convince you
When I made it better
I'm on my way up

I'll never let you see me frown
I got dreams
I see them even when I don't sleep
One day this will be a distant memory

When you called saying you want to see me
I wondered if you heard
How successful and happy I was
I wondered if you knew
That I knew you got made redundant
I had flashbacks of the day you left
From then until now
You never looked back
Sadly for you that chapter of my life has been shut
So I want to say sorry
For not being sorry
Cause I tried to feel sorry
*But I don't

Sometimes I get
An enchanted hug
From
Butterflies and lightening bugs
Faeries sprinkle their magic dust
And it makes me overcome
With bursting happiness
Lighting up like fireflies
Bouncing on my feet
I flit from you
To her
To him
Wrap my arms around your waist
Squeeze you closer
Hold you tighter
And plant the softest touch of my lips
Against your cheek
I want to make you feel
This miracle
As guardian angels surround us
Laughter pours out
Through the tears in my eyes
And I can't put into words
Or explain why
Just that I feel so alive
I want to share it
Make you feel
This intense feeling
Its magical
Its special
And I want it to infect you
Fill that empty space
You never knew you had
With love as sweet as honey
Positivity that sends your mind spinning
Watch it spark the fibres of your being
Let it stay with you in a secret pocket
Like kangaroos with their young
It will change your world
With added passion
And enthusiasm
Where nothing else matters
And no time existed before
I want to hear
The gasps of wonderment
Tinkering of giggles
That escape from me
In fulfilment
Echo back from you
As we hold each other and
Bask in this glory of
Pure perfection

What if you don't want to be saved
You want to live outside the box
And you would rather the bubble be popped
Not have to claim ignorance
Living in the naïve land
Of innocence

Its tempting
And sometimes its a better option
But reality should not be an illusion
Racism and freedom
Class divided systems
To chase the dream
Or see reason

Where are the black barbie's
And who's your boss at managerial
Minority controlling normality
Scapegoats and state treason
Sacrificial lambs of the season
Corporate crimes with no repercussions

Why is black history
A month set aside
Equality or special treatment
Raising awareness or reinforcing difference?

Conform to standards
Tick box rules and regulations
Invasions of privacy
For your health and safety
Treated like guilty suspects
Looking to incriminate

Social norms and subjective realities
Powers of authority
Puppets of the same ideologies
Filtered through hierachies
And you become a product of the system

A convenient but replaceable minion

I used to care
Way too much
About everyone
And everything
But you changed me
A new outlook
A new mindset
A new soul
I gave up
I don't care at all
Because you make me want to walk out
Chase pavements
Raise my hands to the sky
Ashes shower me like confetti
And I let it burn
I want it to swallow me whole
And end it all
Because you already destroyed me
Frayed and singed
Tattered and bent
The bristled edges sting
I can tell you a story
You wish you could forget
About how there's something about a ring
That feels like handcuffs
Something about a lie
That comforts
Like a balm I welcome
I drown it out
And blur the words that I heard
Just the way you raised it louder
Up
    Up
        Up
To overcome
It seeps out and
               Keeps on coming out
Leaving a trail
     of smudges
         A ***** trail
And it doesn't matter if its behind me
It follows me
Onto the spotless path ahead
And that's why
I still want to
Follow you into oblivion
Even the hell you show me
Sounds attractive
So I take 10 steps back
Closer to the flame
Close my eyes
And let the truth I now know
Become a truth that I show
Its mine

So pure so innocent
Yet you kept him behind closed doors
Authorities don't know he existed
He cried and your head hurt
Maybe you're mad
You were meant to protect him
Like any mother with a newborn
Its like he wasn't yours
But when she cried
Your heart hurt
Ran your hand across his cheeks
Pressed your palm on his lips
Conceived in hate
Made him feel less than
And today he should have been
4 years old
Not a rotting corpse
I wish I could take his pain
And dissolve it
What if somebody noticed?
The cuts on your arms
Constant tugging down
Long sleeved tops
And the prescriptions
That you weren't fit
Mental illness
What if the health officials
Did their job properly
Visited your house
And gave him safety
Policies and practices
Intervention and prevention
Something should have been done
Somewhere
Something
Someone
Went wrong

I would be stupid
If I let you hold me down
Not letting go of the past
Burning in bitterness

I'd be naïve
To forgive and forget
Wipe the slate
Then look back in regret

Being wise is
To not forget the way you made me feel
But I'll forgive you
For your mistakes
For the tears that swam in my eyes

If one more chance is what it takes
A possibility of a new day
And even though I hate
The position it will put me in

I will let you in
Or set myself free
And let you go
Part ways and accept its over

I am writing to let you know
A reminder to myself
So that all is not lost
A moment to dwell on the past

In a genetically modified era
Its important that you remember
Gods natural creation
Of beautiful nature

Tomatoes are red
Not purple
And watermelons are round
Not square

Snow used to melt
Not disappear
You may never taste a banana
They may become extinct we fear

Selective breeding
Of Munchkin cats
And Blood Parrot Cichlids
That never existed

Hair extensions
False long lashes
Tans that never saw the sun
And talons of nails

Grass has been replicated
And flowers alike
Islands and rivers
Some man made creations

I want you to stay away
And remember
That nature is organic
Genetic and alive
Its authentic and pure
From its original source

In this competition called life
Its a dog eat dog world
And the other candidates
Strive to fight *****

Sometimes its not
What you know
But who you know
That will get you known

You're just not good enough
Next to someone who
Doesn't sleep so rough
And has the right kind of blood

His dad is an engineer
And the mom's a lecturer
Grandpa is a hotshot lawyer
And no one you know even has a career

My grandad
He parts wise words
He tells a story
Of once in a lifetime

Migration to England
Fresh off the boat
Earning at fourteen
To lend a hand he was keen

A tale
That could only be his
Of travelling to Afghanistan
Him and his car in 1966

A young wife and 3 sons
Along came a daughter
When he needed one
Got them married his job was done

He is the vision of hope
For without that
You might as well be a dead man
Work hard and live honest

My grandad always says
Do your bit
And stand tall and proud
Keep your feet firm on the ground

And now he speaks
Of friends all gone
Wrapped up in a shroud
That day will come for us all son

You'll lose your sight
Hearing
Teeth and hair too
Remember this no matter what you do

Never do anything
Which one day you will rue
And if you don't learn from your mistakes
Don't weep and expect anyone to pity you

This is how it rolls
The young one's are the first to go
Innocent
Lifted before they live

Souls destined for paradise
Beautiful
Fairies and Angels on loan
Some fly before they are born

Shadows in photographs
Linger
Limited by time
Whisper soft love

Baby scents
And the ghost warming your lap
Tiny hands
Curled around your finger

Hold on tight
You were never meant to have her
She's a gift that'll be returned
Leaving us all to mourn

But rejoice that
Even just for that moment
She was yours
You were a mother

The best that could be
And you loved her
More than anyone could see
But God needed his cherub

More than you and me
Barely there
Dreams
Of what could have been

Hold on tight
Let the light she lit
Grow
Let it spread

The bittersweet perfection
Of how she enchanted
And the goodnight kiss
You pressed against her forehead

Now she's just something
We ain't got
Our favourite person
Who's not where we are

All we want is what we had
But she's moved on
And we'd trade it all to get her back
But she's happy where she's at

A little girl cried
Softly on her own
Where was her home
And the people to call her own

Mum held a vacant look in her eye
As she held her dad and cried
Her brother bled beside them
His brains on the floor

She didn't understand
Ever since that loud bang
Everything possible went wrong
Cameras in her face

And her life became an advert
Sad music in the background
And captions asking for
Just 3 pounds a month

Camp sites
And ***** cold water
She caught a disease
Which made her heave

She didn't grow up
Like she was supposed to
Instead her skin
Moulded to her ribcage

But someone from overseas
Sent some clothes
And one day she even ate
Got moved to a better camp site

Where all the kids went to school
Friendship
And crisis bound them together
Today they are here

Tomorrow they won't

Its a free house
My parents have gone
Out for the day
Leaving me to my own devices

An entire house in which to play
So I open all the doors
And turn the music to full blast
Slide down the hallway in my socks

Doing the moon walk as I go past
Air guitar
And chugging juice straight from the carton
Eating my cereal in a cup

I'll make sandwiches with crisps
And munch with my mouth open
Jump on my bed
And laugh out loud

Spin round and round
Sneak into my brothers room
And steal back all the stuff
He stole from me

Spend the day in my pyjamas
Hours on the phone
Spray momma's expensive perfume
On my going out clothes

Hide all the chocolate biscuits
Order take-out
And settle down to a good movie
Its been a good day

Deep gut wrenching agony
Pulled from the core within me
Its hard. It hurts.
Bursts of pain
Flood over
Into a thousand tears
And there's no sign of it emptying
Automatic refills
I didn't ask for any of it
Where do I withdraw
Back out and tape caution
Do Not Enter
There is no emergency exit
And I'm drowning myself
I guess I'll just wait it out
Till the tears overflow
No more sobbing
Lying curled up on the floor
I'll be forced to sit up
Waist deep
Stand up
Then shoulder length
And I'll be forced to swim
Float in a sea of misery
Beneath me
Until the salty tears
Becomes water that flows
Under the bridge
Giving way to where
The plenty more fishes would swim

The trip to the shops
Was as interesting as buying socks
Then I saw it like it was
My rite of passage

The treasure chest
A strong wooden box
The storage of all things special
With a unique lock

My very own pandora's realm
That would contain all those secrets
No one could touch
Or look to what it contains

In went some photographs
Of my family
Pictures of our very first snow
And sand collected of the land I used to know

Poems not meant to be seen
And letters that meant a lot to me
In went my wedding gold
Souvenirs I wanted to keep

The fire breathing dragon light
I used to sleep with under my pillow
My first ever hand held game
Things that remind me of the good old days

That rare coin
No longer in use anymore
And the birthday card
I didn't expect to receive

Then I inked down memories
I never wanted to forget
Family traditions
And my favourite tales

Dreams that changed overtime
And the adventure they entailed
This time capsule
To reveal and visit back in the future

They say that the cities
Are paved with gold
That this is the land
Where dreams are made true

I'll tell you its where they are sold
Only the ruthless can afford
To rise to the top
The cities are nothing but cold

Homeless in doorways
And beggars on corners
A meagre minimum wage income
A damp house to welcome

Indirect subtle insults
Discrimination and accusation
Faulted into submission
One size fits all

Well it better fit you
Or you're just another number
Database, forms and paperwork
Lost in the system

Nine to five
Or the underworld shift
Borrow from Peter to give to Paul
Man made traps

Crime is always at an all time high
Theft, ****, fraud, ******
Delinquency
Occurring frequently

I read the news
And it starts my day off miserably
Concrete jungle
Where have you gone simple things

If you have a minute
Tell me about the other side
The place I want to go
Acres of playground fun

I want to hear about the trees
The earth beneath your feet
Do you sit by the river
And feel complete

Somebody asked me
If I knew you
And a million memories
Flashed through my mind

Of who we used to be
Together and apart
And I tried to remember
If I knew you

If I knew the real you
All of who you are
Who you were
What you stood for

I just smiled
And said
I used to

Because I wasn't the same

*And neither were you

I want to fix myself
Gather up the pieces
Work it all out
And solve my problems

Catch these butterflies
And control them
Stand up and face
These fears that constrain me

Ground the nervous shaking
Of this vessel of mine
Cut out the helplessness
And tattoo over the past

Mistakes and regrets
Faults and wrong intents
I've admitted and been shamed
But learnt lessons all the same

No one will ever forget
And forgiveness takes time
So I fell and scarred
My mind and conscious

I want peace
I want a brand new start
To run away and be
The person I aspire in my heart

I fell behind on life
Chasing society as it passed me by
Career and money
Trying to keep up, keep face

Wrong decisions
Blocked paths
Someone else kicked me down
And held my fate in their hands

I needed that job so bad
My desperation was the motivation
The reference never got written
And I never got the chance

I need peace
I want freedom
I chase the life of content
To have no guilt or worries

I got lost
Still stuck finding the way
And a little part of me
Gives up everyday

They say that we're oppressed
Suffocating behind veils
And wear un-attractive bin bags
Shapeless and nameless

They say we're not allowed to be educated
And assume we can't speak English
That we're slaves to men
And we should forsake the medieval religion

The medieval religion that gave me life
And stopped female child infanticide
The one that treats me equal with no false illusions

The one that says that I should be respected as a person not a body
The one that first gave me rights
To vote and own property

The religion that commands me to seek knowledge and educate
To travel for this duties sake
And allows me to keep my name

Islam says that I should be covered
Like all things rare and special
Pearls and diamonds
You wouldn't flash your jewels for the taking

Nuns are admired for their devotion
And respected for their piety
Also clinging on to their modesty
Our models are Maryam or Mary

Not a cent that I earn has to be spent on anyone but myself
And the best of men in Allah's eyes
Is one who treats me the best

I see humans but no humanity
I see a society but no unity
Happiness comes from within
But we all seem to forget

Ignorant, naïve
And judging from incompetence
Fighting for peace
Not respecting history

Searching for truth
But you've lost your way
No more believers
Forgotten how we got here

Looking for freedom
But support the oppressor
Don't accept responsibility
And hope you don't get caught

Because you're not really breaking the law
Your conscience is poisonous
Apparently your doing things the right way
Children are dying from illness
But we're complaining about immigrants

Stop following public opinion
And separating nations
Just because you're not blind
It doesn't mean you can see

Teach your future generation
Less clothes equals beautiful
And white equals superior
Money equals power

Divide between the lesser who are  inferior
***** hatred and say its dutiful
Who are you trying to fool
We're dropping like flies

She killed herself because of cyber bullying
And he's tired of acting strong
Fearing to cry and be ******
Abuse, neglect and poverty

Increasing frequently
Morality crisis
Blame the youth and teenage pregnancies
To combat it a genius says let's teach them whilst they're younger

Sounds good right?
What about censorship
Safety and protection
Young minds are susceptible

Ignore the practice and theories
Pride doesn't let you back down
Blame the rap and rock music
Its preaches violence and hatred

Rebel riots and corruption
East and west its affected us both
Greedy bankers
And terrorists or freedom fighters

A time of lost trust
And each to their own
Independent battles
No one is connecting the dots

Its like global dominoes
Inter connected problems
One leads to another
And the root cause is lost

There's a rough patch
That's in my way
And I can't see too far ahead
Just that its worse than grey

I don't know what I'm doing
Where I'm going
Or who its all for
I never wanted to be the brightest flame

Or even dreamed of fame
Never wanted the world to know my name
Everything is like a dream
I'm on the outside looking in

No sense or purpose
No aim beyond today
Dis-engaged
And distant

I'm stuck and confused
And don't even know what about
It like I don't know whether I'm coming or going
Useless days and pointless time

No motivation
I'm going to let myself down
Then what will I do with forever
If my life doesn't fly

*What if it doesn't work out like it's supposed to

Because baby I can tell
When your in that little world of yours
When your eyes glaze over
And reason just don't work no more

Logic don't make no sense
And you analyse everything
Think till you can't no more
Close the path off to before

Take your memories
and close your freedom
Let them take you
But you don't need them

Nothing should stop you dreaming

To offer yourself to someone for smiles
Makes life all worth the while
To share someone’s grief
And listen to relieve

To have love in your heart for someone
A home where you feel wholesome
And this without a doubt
Is what life is all about

Granted, we are poor,
by the standard of our pockets
But here is the good part
We are rich at heart

Perish for love that is Life
Upwards and onwards we strive
Crave for spring that is life
Under which all thrive

Relationship between the heart and the hearts trust
The name of love lives on because of us

Even if we die we will be one
Remembered by someone
That we will smile through a little one
A flower will tell a bud, on and on

That this is what life is all about

Back when everything
Seemed better when you were dizzy
But then that stopped working
So you sought a better thrill
Louder music
To drown it all out
But sometimes it isn't loud enough
Sometimes it doesn't work
Then you found the rush of love
Infatuation with another being
Someone to hold you
And make you peaceful
Putting truth in all the liars
Made you forget about the haters
Silent seeker
When you didn't want anyone to care
that's when they did
But nobody listened
When it mattered to you
So sometimes you don't know
What to do with yourself
And sometimes you don't know
Where to go for help
Sometimes you wish that
You could hide away
and hide away you did
Let it get you down
And life passed you by
Those dreams of
when I get older
Got older
and you stopped struggling
Waved your flag
And wasted a future
Paused on the past

Its like
A fist full of sky
Like sleeping with my eyes open
The only thing I did right
The best type of music
When you burst into
Giggles
Giddy with glee
Smile stretching wide
A tooth peeking out of pink gums
Arms held wide open
Like you are freedom
Spreading unconditional love
With eyes blinking slowly
Sincerely
Inviting peace
Blanket me in a world of truth
Like the purest of creation
Untouched
And you accept me
As I hold you
It felt like a thousand sparks of elation
Are ignited
Healing all that matters no more
Making me a better person
Because you deserve it all

He saw her in the line
Approached her changed form
And spoke those words
"I know you from somewhere"

Immediate recognition darkened her face
And she shrank away
Shivered as though a bad memory
Had walked over her grave

"I'm not like that anymore" she whispered and turned her face
But like a dog with a bone
He wouldn't let her go

Opened up a healed wound
Wanting her to lose control
Like lighting up a firework and asking it not to go off

A nervous sweat broke out
And she shook with fear
Of her past spilling over
And spoiling everything she now held dear

The lies she'd sewn to cover
Slips of the mouth submerged in a cough
Were erupting, bubbling and frothing
Like suicidal poison

"Please" her plea rang out
And he took pleasure in her weakness
Showing she was desperate
That he could make or break

And easily decide her fate

A worrier
The type that buries thoughts in silence
A warrior by your side
ever since

Those girls that we laughed at
The ones who acted like a ****
Skin caked in make-up
Dipped in powder

Umpa lumpa oranges
And Casper pale whites
Skin tight rags
Creasing into every crevice

All you know is that
He makes you smile
So you want him to stay for a while
But there's a thousand reasons to cry out

This is not a midnight stroll in paris
And I cherish you
So here is what I'll say
Hoping you would understand

I'm a worrier because of his past
And everything is moving too fast
There's a problem
And a lesson to be learnt

This is all you got
And everybody in love thinks its going well
So don't listen to a word I say
But the truth will bury this

Your changing who you are to please him
And he's after who you're not
Its a fun thing
So I'm telling you to leave it

Secret meetings
If its right then why do you have to hide it?
Looks to me like love is blinding
Flipped the switch and now you're riding

High with him
Hell bent on tainting
Turned your back to the past
I can see you changing

A regret in the making
Left you senseless
Not the worth the conversation
Can't you see why I'm anxious?

I don't want you hurting

There's a storm brewing
And don't we know it
The atmosphere's tense
But no one shows it

Hiding behind netted windows
Lights switched off
Watching them go at each other
All revved up to take a shot

What happened to moral duty
And guilty conscious
You weren't part of it
So its not your problem
See and hear all evil
No one's prepared to be a witness

So we fear the sharks
All silently thinking the same thing
Two gangs can't run one block
Out here no one's got your back

A phone call is all it would take
To calm them down or to prevent
But no one risks the trace
And everyone hates a traitor

So we watch in dismay
At the crime infested disarray
Lips sealed in fear
Praying to get out of here

Cos when the fight comes near
You don't want to be around
For your own life is dear
To be chalked upon the ground

I lie to myself everyday
But I can't trick my heart
I say that I won't cry when its over
These strings weren't meant to get attached

And I lie to you too
Saying I don't care
Left like a memory on the wall
Hands like windscreen wipers for my tears

Smiling loudly
At the moments
That are now long gone
And made me feel like I belonged

My heart dared me to believe
Gave me permission to live
To fall in love with life
So I fell blindingly fast

Painted colourful dreams
With eyes wide open
That started off with pretending
But ****** me in without realising

So what if we didn't make it together
Through every endeavour
Whatever the weather
Even though I need you now more than ever
I thought this time was forever

*you always leave and I always take you back

Its an odd world
Full of all things absurd
Most of it obscured
Unseen and unheard

The man with a degree
Has more debt and less gain
Than the drop-out dealer
How insane

3 months later

He can feel the tears in her voice
And taste the pain in her words
See the ache in that smile
Through the phone

Just like his weakness are his best mates
Morgan, Jose and Jack Daniels
He's become her weakness
And so he must wipe the slate

He almost feels ashamed
That someone could be that important
That without them you feel like nothing
Its better that he be absent

Forever seems so long,
How was I to know
Your forever
would come too soon

That till death do us part
Meant the death of our love
Love suicide or ******
Over my heart it looms

In sickness and in health
Was the sickness of your heart
Split in to
Two different places

How do you do it?
Give your love away so easily
So freely
Only a few times we met
And yet you bid me farewell
With an
I love you

I thought maybe
It had slipped out
Too late to be caught
In the heat of the moment
To be followed by distraught

But you said it everytime
Signed it like your name
At the end of every message
At a point where I think
I don't even know you yet

You don't even know me yet
But what I know is that
Love is too strong a word
To be distributed prematurely

Love is too strong a word
To be used so often
Oh my god I love this
Soon to be discarded

The special kind of love
The one where you really mean it
Is always present
It need not be announced

Love is spontaneous
And unexpected
Not necessarily repeated
Said like you mean it

*it's like the more you use something the cheaper it becomes. It sort of loses its effect and becomes common or habitual.

My prayers for you
Are forever and always
In your time of need or not
They're with you for cold days

I lift my hands
And bow my head
Wish for your success
And that your burdens become less

My creator or yours
We both believe he's ours
May you be forever happy
And good health be on your side

I wish that your needs are fulfilled
That content in your heart resides
And that the love in your life
Never makes you cry

I pray that you never have to be
Dependent on anyone
May never a moment in your life come
Where you feel lonesome

A strong will powered person you shall become
One where the past is what you've learnt from
Strength to endure
And self-belief is what I want for you

Ease from financial stress
All the chances you can get
Prosperity and no less
For you to have your own safety net

Bonds of good friendship
Softness and security
Family ties and kinship
Don't lose faith in humanity