Stare out blankly
Focus on the dots
Violets and blues dancing across the walls
As I perfect the art
Of actually caring
Disillusionment in action
Distortion at
Its utmost perfection
As the eyes see
Only what they want to see

course fur
tangled up
matted down and
entwined with nature herself
She yawns exhuming
releasing all troubles
as they float on up
silhouette outline shades inside filling up
coloring in the lines and
all you can make out is
an incandescent glow as
twilight sky
streaked watercolor beckons
as the stars line up
take their positions
spelling out the truth
always watching
always shining bright
lighting the way home for all
who find themselves
lost and alone
looking for the answer

Colors spin and whirl around
Lines begin to blur
In the distance and
Something pushes
Against me
Pounding incessantly
I’ve had enough and
It won’t stop
Up ahead sadness washes over
And carries away colors
Diminishing
Leaving grey streaks
Bleeding
And blistering
In the evening rain
Darkening the sky
Painting it the color
Of your heart
Remember when
Happiness was reality
Not a memory from storybooks
Deceptively simple
Seemingly easy
Just out of reach
Out of range
Out of sight
Elusive
Intangible
And the harder I grab on
The more I want

Traipse towards the elven forest
Say hello to the trees
As they offer words of wisdom
Sit still and listen
They contain multitudes
Open your eyes
Watch violet stretch into
Ebony’s fingers
And wrap it all together
Giving you the gift of night
The moon guides my footsteps
Illuminating the path
Enlightening my mind
And the stars sparkle bright
Your dress glides close behind
Carrying pieces of the fairies
With you
Beauty is real here
And here everything is beautiful
While beauty there
Is trapped in a narrow looking glass
A privilege only available
For a select few
I was never a part
Of their corruption
Because their windows could not show everything
Selective at best
Where truth is a rarity
Like the so called unicorn
That only shows up for those who believe
So I traipsed here
Where the ghosts of yesterday cannot follow me
And I can flow freely into the blue
Swaying gently with the breezes blowing past
Breath is a sacred instrument
That cannot be tainted
By empty words and broken dreams
So I put the pieces together
And find I am part
Of a greater whole
Fear is not fear
Because power of love eclipses
And overshadows the dark

I see bodies
Huddled on the floor
Laying lifeless
Drained of hope
Deprived of what could be
Decorated with knives
Tattoos stained with
Resentment
And self-hatred
Does anyone care?

They fade into the shadows
And left abandoned
A beauty forgotten
Crumpled
Withering in defeat
From your words
That stab swords
Through hearts
Do you care?

Their eyes once saw
Mountains that touched infinite skies
A blue
So pure and clear
That once mirrored the innocence reflected
In their own
Mountains they planned to climb one day
And reach that place
So high  

Their eyes saw (but you never seemed to notice)
Lakes that appear shallow
But hold deep crystals beneath
Along with a whole life force
Flowing curving
Ripples of delight
Ecosystems
Families
Friendships
That harbor her treasures
All connected by watery strands
Of energy
Webs weaving passions and dreams
And touch the depths that dive into hearts
Of the matter
Dreams and passions that can be followed
Pursued with unrelenting
Mysteries to unlock

Their voices spoke words of wisdom that could
Transform into flighty doves and claim wings
That softly land into unbound books
Scrawled in personalized script
With the little curlicues
And indigo ink puddles breathing life
Into blank white pages
All of their own ideas
And opinions
You never cared about their opinions

Their hands caressed another
Their bodies hugged
And encircled
Holding on tight
And passed so much to each other
Saying everything
And nothing
By touch
Contact sizzles
And fire burns
Pressed against another
They never found love
Hearts that beat so loud
And resonate in tune with
The rhythms and patterns in that
Of another
And lost themselves piece by piece
Until their identity reflected that
Of another and became
One
Maybe so
Maybe not
But you’ll never really know
But you said you never cared
Anyway

They once sparkled
Shimmered with life
You took it all away
Their beauty
Their light
Do you care?

Your hands reaching towards the sun
They’ve conned you into thinking its fun
Grabbing fistfuls of darkness
While longing the lightness
Feel it slipping through
Almost as elusive as finding remnants of you
Before happiness was a memory you could only dream of
And frozen snapshots of her face the girl you used to love
Reaching reaching reaching reach for a hand
Anything you can hold on to
Try to lighten up find someone new
So you let down your guard
And grab mine hard
As you trust me to lift your body
Higher up than anybody
Because you know I can
And I know you can
You strive toward the feeling of lightness
Like a ghost there but not really there
Watching in the background you used to stand
Now you find out you really can’t
As more falls to the ground
The lower you sink down
Going through the motions
Mind zombified you lost your emotions
Your vitality your control
You became so focused on your goal
When will you be satisfied
When will you realize
That too less is too much
A revelation falls from the sky
Carries to your mind
In the form of a white lily
The voice whispering in your head
Lying in the hospital bed
The lighter you are
The heavier my heart becomes

Wispy angel Children embedded with
Sparkling fibers of light
Danseuses blanched
Paper doll trails honeycomb drippings
Shedding casings
Hollow cast offs coiled gaunt carapace loom
Ominously floating in sea of shadows
Byproducts of incessant motion
growing thin
Fading away with the glow of dawning
until moon wakes from its perpetual sleep
Awash in an ocean of night
and luminous constellations of
Twilight gloaming
Elysium

Do you ever feel like you’re living someone else’s life and not your own?
Aimlessly following the same path blending into the masses of thousands?
Do you feel deprived of your dreams, your heart, your soul?
Do you feel an emptiness residing deep within, that continues to grow and devour you, until there’s nothing left to live for?
Do you feel like a ghost, half in, half out, there, but not really there?
Maybe you feel as if you’ve lost yourself and the sight of your passions, wishing someone would swoop you into their loving embrace and lead you back home.
Or you’ve begun to accept that happiness is elusive, just as intangible as the feeling of completion, filling the void inside.
Maybe you’ve finally begun to understand that you’re just a pawn in the greater scheme of things; that you’re a piece of rope used in a tug of war game.
The ultimate tug of war game with the weight of society’s expectations pulling you in one direction; yet the very strings on your heart, the ones threaded through your core
subtly nudging you
                                   In a completely different direction.
It is your choice,
                            And yours alone.

I miss you so much
I wish we didn’t have to part
I’m so sorry things didn’t work out
I couldn’t heal your broken heart
I wish I could fix things up
But you can’t heal old wounds with flimsy tape or gauze
Why did you try so hard to hide your flaws?
Even stitches will unwind
If given enough time
If things worked out differently
We could have been friends
Best friends
But things didn’t work out
All the screams and the shouts
The doubts we had about
Our love
Time’s hands you can’t bend
Backward and mistakes you try to mend
I just want to let you know
I’ll always love you
It was never false, never a show
Even though you didn’t care
About the things that we both shared
The memories
The bittersweet melodies
Beautiful elegies
You created
Out of thin air
Revealing a heart so raw
And so bare
I just want to let you know
These things I’ll never forget
I’ll never regret
That indigo night when we first met
Under moonlit sky
And approving stars
So innocent and white
I’ll remember that starry night
Until the day I die

*I’ll still yearn to mend
The things we had
Everything will work out in the end
I understand it’s time to say goodbye
If only we had a second try
Another chance
And you didn’t have to die
On the inside
I wish it didn’t have to be this way

Her face trapped behind a shiny glass
Ethereal traces of humanity evaporates into gray
Smoke curls about
Resembling satin ribbons laced with ash
It all seems like
Another world parallel to mine
Surreal
Going through the motions
She paces about from point a to point b
Hair feathers across her forehead
So eyes can hide secrets behind
Comforting curtains
Her only sense of security
Obscuring the view
Drained of color
Whitewashed orbs
Stripped of emotion
Of passion
They mechanically follow you
Fixed on something you can’t
Quite make out  
Blank
Unfocused
They pull you in
Her delicate fingers curl
And you can see veins
Extruding
And flex
In and
Back
Out again
Time slows
Decreases to a halt  
And the smoke continues to grow
Filling up every last corner
Breathing becomes labored
She presses against the glass
Dreamlike
Drawing smooth fingertips across
A thin layer of condensed vapor
Covering  coating the glass
Her mouth screams out
But silence blankets
Deafening
You can’t quite hear what she has to say
Because of this boundary
That supposedly divides
Separating your reality from
What she once knew
What she thought she will always know
The glass
It’s not solid
But liquid moving molasses
Ever so slowly
Right before your eyes
Clean air gets claimed by the grasp
Of smoke
And the choking
Begins
The glass is actually
Quite fragile
In nature
Waiting to be questioned
Tested
By those brave enough
To look past
Beyond glass walls
And venture into the abyss
But it can’t be moved
Flexed or bent
Towards your point of view
Or hers
Because
You finally found the key
That unlocks doors
That could not be opened
You’re finally beginning to discover
How close you are to the outcome
Yet further than you’ve ever dreamed
And everything tangible slips into the ether
What you think you see
It’s not really there
And neither is
The girl
The glass suddenly disappears
Along with the girl
Who turned off the lights?
Blackness takes over
And it’s all just a dream
They are just figments of your
Imagination
Just mirrors
Reflecting lightness

Your words melt in my mouth
I savor them in
Drawing the flavor
******* on them  
And they dissolve
Leaving me craving more
You had me hooked
On your saccharine
Your very own heroine
Marketed specifically for
Idealists like me
Optimistic
Unaware
I turned my head away and refused to see
Refused to taste the underlying sour
The syrupy sickness surging through your veins
Travelled up to your brain
Tainting your thoughts
Your words
Your actions
And you cast off your innocence
Like a snake simply sheds their skin
Revealing the rotten core
Within you
Beneath layers
Walls you built around this tumor
Carefully guarded
Drowned in a lake of fake maple
Syrup you find in grocery stores
With empty promises
And wishy washy half truths
I didn’t realize your poison
Until it was too late

The space between your hand and mine
So vast
So empty
I feel the hiatus increasing
With every word
Every stroke across my neck
My cheek
Every move you ever made
As your fingers used to enjoy connecting dots
Tracing masterpieces along the small of my back
Leaving tingling sensations
That cry out for more
The hiatus deepens
So much left unsaid
Torment hangs heavy
Tainting the very air
We both breathe
And share
I feel so out of touch
Broken connections whisper louder than
The time you wrote love on your arms
And called me home
You are just out of reach
This touch may be your last
As I feel you slowly pulling away
Your sweat still sticking to my skin
Your last breath
Condensing sweet dew on my face
Evaporates
I will never taste again
As the hiatus consumes
The last memories
Of you
And
Me

Maybe if I look back far enough
Whip my head into the hands of oblivions
It will snap
Eyes once focused
Sharp as a camera
Now fogged over
Apertures glazed over with misty perplexions
Hazy dreams of aurora
Ghosts of starlight
White splatter paint haphazardly silhouetted against
Void
And recollections of midsummer night
Forever lost to the banks of memory

It was hungry
Starving, catatonic grin plastered on its
Countenance
Growling
Crimson lips curling back
Dripping with
Broken promisesand
Pictures flashing
Buried under years of regrets
And your lies
Random letters pieced together
Forming words
Arrangingandrearranging into
Sentences
Connected
Piece by piece
Threaded through
Forming a story
Of what once used to be
Familiar
Now strange
So you cover up
Again
And again
With another tale
Your story of the situation
Erase what happened
Replace with another lie
And another
Memories flashing in reverse
Unearthed trying to surface like
Your bones protruding through an ashen membrane
Too thin
Like a rubber band
Waiting to snap
A memory pushing
Penetrating
A soul breaking free
Breaking the metal of
stone cold cage
Scattering fragments in the air
Dispersing your negativity
And your eyes crystalize
Harden into the ice daggers of an eye
Draining all the light
Of your conscience
Gouging bullet holes through your flesh
Leaving behind scars
Staining what was once white
Red

Creatures dancing under stars gleam, shining luminescence

s t r i p p ing their bodies
d
o
w
n         to the core
revealing
hearts so bare. Boats sailing away to seas so wide
               s t  r    e   t  c  h i        n     g
                                              o   u      t
to                  infinities endless. But some stretch wider than others, eclipsing
your shallow distorted view on reality.               Shift
your telescope just a little bit to the
                                                                                                 left,
challenge the
blankness between the                       margins like

you actually care.

Liberate yourself from the shackles of love,
dream and

PRETEND

nothing is
                                          everything.

And everything is
                                                         nothing.

Welcome to life epitomizing insanity. Hands  
              guiding bodies       this                   way

until black abyss swallows whatever darkness
remains. Darkness that peels away at your flesh with its unnerving stare as it
criticizes
demonizes you. I am Satan and I build  
             friendships upon
                   silver blades               and
                    fuchsia vials
  laden with venom for
eternal sleep. Let sleeps hands gently
carry you to clouds that absolve you of past
shadows so you can float on. No one will find you
no matter how much you scream screams fall on
deaf ears whose eardrums have been perforated eons ago.  

your voice has been stolen along with your wings, lying
torn and
shattered. You h
                        a
               n      
                g

                                hovered between the
past                                           and                                          nightmares
                                                                                           yet to come. But                                you stay there, forever a ghost

while time
         m
           e
             l
              t
                 s             a w  a     y
    
a strawberry Popsicle
bleeding freely down the
                                                 s
                                                i
                                           d
                                             e         of your face.
So go out
                            fold
your aspirations into paper airplanes
let
them soar
                       f  
                           r e  
                                 e   l
                                           y
before they crash land into
your graveyard, a collection of:

broken promises
unrequited love


*Dreams of what could have been

I will wade out of these turbulent waters
Frigid waves crashing against
The backdrop of a silver skyline
Trimmed
With grey lace
Stars dot the view shooting
Luminous sparks that transcend
The shadows of your mind
Demons lurking underneath the contours of
Your body among saccharine
Poison
Coursing through blue veins
Shooting up your arms
Encircled like ivy
Tendrils
Dormant ideas waiting rebirth
Nestled in peaceful repose
Along with nascent seeds of hope
Awaiting spring’s supposed glory

The ice is thawing

I miss the way your eyes used to sparkle
Glinting with starlight and summer
Dust swirls around your auburn locks
Uplifting rosy tendrils
Dancing around your head
like fire crackling and sparking embers
Igniting the view

Leaves turn crimson
Along with your heartbeat
Pumping blood through infinitesimal connection
Of veins and arteries
Running deep along with the roots
Sleeping dormant underneath beds of leaves
Yearning to resurface
Germinate beauty

Winds blow free
Whistling through the night
Chilling what's left of our bones
Provoking
trees to shed their only cover
Castaways left abandoned
Scattered over a once fertile ground
Harvested gems ****** dry
To meet their fate of crumpled defeat

Shadows grow thick
Hanging heavy in the air
They seem to be draped over things
And follow your footsteps wherever you tread
Looming over you throughout the night
Along with taunts and cackles of phantoms
Darkness is coming

crystallized rain a washing the world with blankets of ice
Creating dreamy snowscapes
A mystical wonderland
as if everything slows to a stop
It seems so ethereal
My mind loses feeling
giving way to a perpetual numbness
As we all fall asleep
dreaming of morning dew coating meadows
before ice brought the cold along with its tears

Light continues to dim
Letting a fuzzier coat of blue paint the sky
Silhouettes block out the warmth
The last remnants of sun
Fading away with the vibrancy and laughter of autumn
Leaving a meek replacement of what could have been

And a longing to break free of this frozen apathy
That glaciates our hearts

threading through memories of your past
weaving hopes and dreams on the loom of life
in and out
under the hanging overpass
over a creaking bridge
poised to collapse beneath me
constantly testing me
asking me the question embedded in my heart
take the route of avoidance
and back again
echo patterns of yesterday
trace back to the start
follow through a silver thread
I perfect my backwards walk
Across the avenue
As I make amends
Picking up pieces of broken glass
My collection of mistakes
Trying untangling knots
That can’t be untangled
Longing for the day
When string flows freely once again

Screams ring out again
Blood seethes under opalescent flesh
Mouth mute
Choking on the hate
And profanities left unsaid
Anger running through veins
Water flows crimson
Like anger tinted rain
Creating bubbles holding
Ticking time bombs
I guess that's what I have to pay

Open wounds mark their presence
Like rusted pearls crusted over with
The buildup of lies
reminiscent of melancholy
Songs jammed into my bruised and battered head
Pounding out incessant melodies
Your voice lingers here
Invading and
It won't go away

Scar tissue blossoms into your definition of beauty Forget me knots and mauve hued contusions
Etched across peachy dreamscapes of what you Thought was yours
The darkest war ever known
Closing over
As you continue to **** me dry
As I pay you in my blood

Desiccated body bags and
Pieces of my skeletons
Left scattered over the places your feet have touched
Pushed further into the ground
The gallows of our past
Fossilized terrors of our mistakes
Until little memory remained
Of the contours of your face
Waves obscuring and obstructing the view
Words washing out like a flood

You broke me ****** again
And this time I can't forgive you

I wish I could purge myself free
Of this all this negativity
Hanging storm clouds stretch endless
They match the color of my thoughts
When I stare I see little contrails
From a lost airplane
Looking for safety
Looking for land

The night sky
Keeper of darkness
A glowing white moon looms
And a handful of stars scattered like freckles
With no silver lining
Black smoke filling my brain
Distortions at their height
As brainwaves shift their dance
Slow to a halt
There really is no silver lining

Subject my body to a cleanse
From the inside out
Bleach my bones white
And splinters shatter
All around me
They think it’s pretty
I disagree

I wish that I could unlock doors
Shut up tight
Shut out the light
Let beauty transcend
Ascend your biggest fears
I wish I held the key to your heart
I’m not skilled at picking locks
But you are

I wish I could be an angel
Fly high and set free
From endless captivity
Reclaim my innocence
Live life the way it's meant to be
Erase the images from my mind that replay
For hours on end
And your face
All scarred and beautiful
With wisps of hair blowing in the wind like a halo

I wish I could make things right
I don’t wanna have to fight
In a world where civilized is a metaphor
For refined savagery

Sleep sneaks up on her
like shadow's tendrils curling across the walls
Stretch and shrink as she recoils back into her shell
Defenses stripped clean
Huddled against a corner with mere blankets
For protection
barely suffice

Ghosts looming over
Wraiths of her former self
Superimposed against ebony horizons
Tainted a sickly shade of sulfur
A warning sign
Of worse unlived nightmares to come

Cracked blinds and tattered curtains stripped of joy
Windows translucent with fear
Eyes peer out glinting icicles
glass fragments refracting
Slivers of the last gleams of light

Bloodstones shattered ruby
Silhouettes of what she once had
Now swallowed by the knife of memory leaving
Decayed flesh gravid with
Unwanted tissue
And hauntings of nightmares past

Clouds of darkness enshroud
Creatures entombed in flesh
Craving freedom
And warm milk

I wish I could become one with the snow
Soaring freely
Pure and white
Living in a state of everlasting chill
The feeling of perpetual numbness
Beckons
Winter calls me home

I continue to flutter about
Drifting downward
Without a care
Maybe I’ll land on a soft pillow
Along with my other friends
Instead of fighting against
Whirling winds
And the threat of summer

Perhaps I’ll land on your roof
Shift into an icicle
Embrace the sharpness
As I hang over the edge
Tapering down
Melting Ever so slowly
And remind you that
Pain begets
Beauty

Watch out

I feel this breaking up
Bad connections worsen
Like static on the other side of the phone
The other perspective
Silence shouts louder than
The lies escaping your dead blue lips
Disconnection looms up ahead
Tension severs
The knife going in
And unrequited love
Counts for nothing

She's a withered flower
Frozen icicles taper from her nails
Smooth, delicate
Crystalline infrastructures
Encase her face in a sculpture
Her own glass prison of memory
Snowflakes feather her eyes
Glistening with melancholy
Tormented thoughts of a lost soul
She hangs heavy

Wing weighted with a harrowing defeat
Bones drag her body down
Under the darkest waters
Smoke fills her lungs
Choking her core
Her once graceful body
Moving  with the dance of night
Now paralyzed

Suspended in an icy grip
Her own demise
Of wanting

Now you know why
I’m afraid of flying high
How can you leave everything
So far behind
Forget your problems temporary
Then fall back down flat on your face
And have a fist fight with reality
That you tried so hard to escape
To defy
To deny
All those years
I feel trapped
Claw at the fogged up windowpane
Tempted to shatter glass
Make impact
Leaving marks
Imperfect streaks smudging
The view
Blurring the scenery
Until everything fades into
This oneness
This Monotony
And everything appears
To be the same hue of gray
Even the brightest shades of
Colors wash out over time
Years later no one will remember
Forget the history their lives
Forget the daring leaps she made
And smoky ash litters the ground
A residue of what could have been

You can’t piece people back together
With masking tape or ace bandages
Because stitches don’t hold
Time unravels faster than your own undoing
By your own hand
Bones lead back to hollow sockets
Lined with flesh
Already starting to decay
It’s not enough to patch up open wounds
Because the deeper ones hide inside
Away from prying eyes
Of people who pretend to care
Some people just don’t hold
Together
Far too broken
Bruised
Abused
Used
Forever scarred
You can’t undo the harm
You can’t erase the hurt
It lingers with you forever
Watching your every move
Until you fall again
Time after time
Coming undone all over again
Until the last time
And you don’t come back

I don’t hold up

Nails scrape against skin
Collecting dirt under translucent half moons
Tinting shade
Crisp with mint and rust
Corrodes edges
Percolating crevices
Along with bleach white bones
Straw colored hair
Products of peroxide’s touch

Inflated lips puffy
Harboring bodies of deceased
Fragments of skeletons blended smooth
Clean
Stripped of grit
Stripped of love

Plastic eyes glassy
Fixed on light emissions
From tv screens
Cheap magazines
And hours lost on internet
Never to be claimed again