Now you know why
I’m afraid of flying high
How can you leave everything
So far behind
Forget your problems temporary
Then fall back down flat on your face
And have a fist fight with reality
That you tried so hard to escape
To defy
To deny
All those years
I feel trapped
Claw at the fogged up windowpane
Tempted to shatter glass
Make impact
Leaving marks
Imperfect streaks smudging
The view
Blurring the scenery
Until everything fades into
This oneness
This Monotony
And everything appears
To be the same hue of gray
Even the brightest shades of
Colors wash out over time
Years later no one will remember
Forget the history their lives
Forget the daring leaps she made
And smoky ash litters the ground
A residue of what could have been

Your hands reaching towards the sun
They’ve conned you into thinking its fun
Grabbing fistfuls of darkness
While longing the lightness
Feel it slipping through
Almost as elusive as finding remnants of you
Before happiness was a memory you could only dream of
And frozen snapshots of her face the girl you used to love
Reaching reaching reaching reach for a hand
Anything you can hold on to
Try to lighten up find someone new
So you let down your guard
And grab mine hard
As you trust me to lift your body
Higher up than anybody
Because you know I can
And I know you can
You strive toward the feeling of lightness
Like a ghost there but not really there
Watching in the background you used to stand
Now you find out you really can’t
As more falls to the ground
The lower you sink down
Going through the motions
Mind zombified you lost your emotions
Your vitality your control
You became so focused on your goal
When will you be satisfied
When will you realize
That too less is too much
A revelation falls from the sky
Carries to your mind
In the form of a white lily
The voice whispering in your head
Lying in the hospital bed
The lighter you are
The heavier my heart becomes

threading through memories of your past
weaving hopes and dreams on the loom of life
in and out
under the hanging overpass
over a creaking bridge
poised to collapse beneath me
constantly testing me
asking me the question embedded in my heart
take the route of avoidance
and back again
echo patterns of yesterday
trace back to the start
follow through a silver thread
I perfect my backwards walk
Across the avenue
As I make amends
Picking up pieces of broken glass
My collection of mistakes
Trying untangling knots
That can’t be untangled
Longing for the day
When string flows freely once again

Colors spin and whirl around
Lines begin to blur
In the distance and
Something pushes
Against me
Pounding incessantly
I’ve had enough and
It won’t stop
Up ahead sadness washes over
And carries away colors
Diminishing
Leaving grey streaks
Bleeding
And blistering
In the evening rain
Darkening the sky
Painting it the color
Of your heart
Remember when
Happiness was reality
Not a memory from storybooks
Deceptively simple
Seemingly easy
Just out of reach
Out of range
Out of sight
Elusive
Intangible
And the harder I grab on
The more I want

i am a child of the shadows
hiding behind the trees
or whispering in your ear, the breeze

i am a child of the shadows
shifting into a lark
can you hear me cry?
fading into the dark
no, you lie

because i am a child of the shadows
who cannot be seen
how can people be so mean?
i am already gone
down in the murky pond
water flowing over me
washing me away